Mealtime of a toddler - Need advice!!!

O

OX Jess

Registered User
I need advice from other Moms as I'm getting a bit nuts over my son's mealtime.

My son is 14 months old and he is walking pretty well. He is healthy, putting on weight, weighs 11kgs now. I am not worrying about his health at all.

But, since he's able to crawl, rarely does he sit down to finish his breakfast/lunch/dinner. He may sit in his high chair for 5-10 minutes then demands to be let go and walk & play in the apartment or else he cries/whines/arches his back/twist his body and refuses to eat! Before he turned one I allowed him to play freely and me to chase him after to feed him. I am however very reluctant to build up this feeding habit/pattern (chasing after him to feed him) and I really want to put a stop to it completely. I tried to insist him to sit in his chair until he finishes his meal but 9 out of 10 times I gave up and let him go without finishing his meal (as he struggled like mad in his chair!!) I really hate the idea of chasing after him, if you know what I mean! But I don't want him to forgo his meals completely or eat lunch at 3:30pm instead of at noon time. I know some Moms out there will say, "why not feeding him lunch at 3pm if he feels hungry at 3pm?" Well, I want to try to set up 'routines' for his daily life, like I put him to bed every night at 9pm. I don't want to give him an impression that lunch is served sometimes at 11:00am, sometimes at 3pm!

So, my questions are:
(1) Is it too early to train/discipline a 14-month-old to sit and finish a meal?
(2) What should I do if a 14-month-old demands to walk around and play and show no interests in eating his meals? Shall I chase after him, if yes, until when? If not, then what can I do to get him eat his meal properly?
I personally think 14-month-old is the right time to be disciplined because he can understand lot of things we say... Am I wrong?!

Awhile ago I tried: feed him when he sits in his high-chair, when he demands to get down to play, I let him; then about 20 minutes later, I put him back on his high-chair and feed him... after 10 minutes he wants to get down to play.. round-and-round, it normally takes about 1.5 ~ 2 hours to finish a bowl of meal.

Just this morning, I lost my temper when he refused to drink his milk, eat one bite of bread and constantly demanded to let go of his chair to play! I know shouldn't lose my temper and that's why I am coming here and see if someone can offer me a piece of advice?!? What method of discipline would work?! Perhaps, I am just a bit too over-reacted!!! Thanks.
 
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14 months is a little too young to be told to sit and eat. It is a struggle at this age because there are so many things that are far more interesting to him at the moment. The highchair is really not very fun and stimulating...... Try it in small goes. When he has reached his threshold, let him out.... You can leave the rest of his lunch (as long as it is not messy!) around the house/on the coffee table, etc. He will help himself when he is hungry.

remember ... their attention span is a lot shorter than yours. They have the whole world to learn about :)
 
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welcome to having a boy! my son since around the same time hated his high chair and sitting for meals. we basically fed him where ever he was. we always started every meal in the high chair, but ended up feeding him while he played blocks, on the couch or drawing. we put away the high chair at around 18 months since it was useless and just took up room. it's been like this ever since. he's now 2 and we recently bought a feeding chair that you can just put on the chair so he's part of our meal and we can strap him in b/c he's always running around, but i think that it's just the nature of boys. personally, as long as he's putting on weight etc. ..i would not be too worried about it unless it interferes with your life.
 
My girl is the same.... she is 19 months and doesn't sit still if she eats at home and if I am around. She behaves better when I am not there or when we eat out during weekends.

What I do is to give her something else to eat if she has finished about half of her food, so that she won't be hungry. I usually give some bread or yoghurt.
 
i disagree. although i dont have a son, i have worked in schools where ALL children sat down to eat a cooked meal together from the ages of 12 months to 4 years. And my daughter has always sat to eat too.
i think you kind of shot yourself in the foot by letting him run around before, but if you are consistent he will soon learn.
If he really cant sit for long, try giving him smaller meals, but more often. eg piece ot toast for breakfast, and then at 10.30 fruit, and then at 12 a small bowl of something, and then a healthy snack at 3, then small dinner at 5.
some kids find it daunting if they are given a big plate of food. also, have you tried him giving finger food so he can feed himself? you can then increase the meals and make the snacks smaller over time as he gets used to it.
i definitely think you should stop the chasing around though, otherwise it will be difficult for you to go to restaurants and the longer you leave it the harder it will be for him to change.
 
Certainly sounds like a good theory, however, in practice, for some, our little ones are a little too inquisitive and just want to explore. I would prefer them to explore their environment than be stuck in a high chair and be unhappy.
 
I give mine (18 mth) lots of small toys to play with and ultimately my iPhone. It's not the greatest trick either. But at least it keeps him in his chair to eat most of his food. I come to the conclusion that some kids just aren't that interested in food.
 
I would have to ask the question, why should he finish his meal? The amount that each baby needs to eat varies hugely - just ask around on here. He's healthy, he has energy. He's obviously getting plenty of nutrition. The amount he has at each meal is just an amount chosen by you - perhaps it is too much for him. Think how much you'd hate someone insisting you finish your food when you're full.

Why not try offering him food at mealtimes in the high chair and letting him down when he's had enough. Offer him healthy snacks in between meals.

Don't chase him, don't stress and I bet he'll be just fine, he'll eat as much as he needs and learn that he needs to eat at meal and snack times if he's hungry.
 
sorry, bumps, being inquisitive is great, but your child should now be starting to learn that there is a timea nd place for everything.

a couple of suggestions:
1) if he is telling you he's done. then he's done. don't offer him anything else for at least 3 hours. that way, he will associate sitting in the highchair with eating a meal. don't argue with him. don't chase him. follow his lead.
2) do NOT offer anything else for 3 hours. then make it something substantial, fruit, a slice of toast etc.
3) relax about it. he's getting a lot of attention from you over this. that may be what he's looking for! you are either getting cross with him or chasing him! instead, do the exact opposite. turn off the attention. let him go play, take the food away and do not make a big deal of it. do it for a week a nd see what his reaction is...
4) whatever you decide to do, do it for a week, minimum. otherwise, neither of you can see how it's working.

good luck!
ps> it has NOTHING to do with having a boy or a girl.
 
Wow, Cara..... you sound like my MIL! Personally, as I have had anorexia throughout my life - I never EVER - make a big deal about meal times. Yes, there is a time and place for everything. But don't stress each other silly.
 
my whole point is that running around after a child trying to get them to eat IS making a big deal of it.

all i'm saying is: put the child into the highchair and feed/give food. when they CHILD has decided they've had enough, then STOP. don't force them. don't run around after them. don't do silly dances to distract them. don't play with them. simply let them go. they've given you the signal that they're done, so LISTEN to it. HOWEVER, they DO need to learn that there is a time for meals and a time for playing. SO, if they are showing signs of hunger later on (around 3 hours later) THEN let them eat.

i don't see how that is making a big deal?

i've just come back from a dentist's appt. my son has always been a grazer, so i'm not new to the problems of feeding kids. due to genetics and my son's pre-disposition to grazing, he has 9 cavities. all in spite of the fact that he's brushed religiously since he was about 14 months old. a BIG part of the problem is that he grazes... his body is always producing the acid needed to break down the food and so his teeth never get a chance to "neutralise" the acid.

i really don't see how you interpretted what i said to mean "make a big deal of it"...as a matter of fact, i said explicitly the opposite!

" ...turn off the attention. let him go play, take the food away and do not make a big deal of it."
 
Cara, think we are trying to explain similar advice, but in a different manner? I did not interpret what you said as 'make a big deal out of it'. I said "I personally don't make a big deal of meal time."
 
Bumps, I think it might have been the reference to your MIL - being likened to one is usually interpreted as a negative thing ;-)
 
gor, if anyone EVER said i'm like my MIL, i'd die...only problem? secretly, i know i AM! argh!

shhhhhh! don't tell anyone! it's a secret!
 
sounds like your baby is healthy and fine so I won't worry if he were to miss a meal or two here and there during the process of training him to sit down and eat rather than being chased around. it will take a lot of consistency on your part, but keep at it, it will work! my daughter ONLY eats sitting down - high chair, normal chair, stool whatever, as long as she is sitting down and not moving. once she moves she doesn't get any food - she knows...threw fits for the LONGEST time, but as long as everyone dealing with her is consistent and uses the same method, it will work! keep at it! :)
 
Thanks for all your advice and encouragement! I think I should, the very first thing, just RELAX!!!!
I understand a 14-month kiddo has very short attention span;
I understand he won't be starved by missing out one or two meals;
And I know he is healthy & energetic and I should be worry-free!

BUT, as a mom I still WISH my kid eat 3 healthy meals a day!!! I guess I am expecting too much of him at this stage, hahaha....

Well, the underlying cause of my "worry" is that my son refused all sort of "milk" since he's turned one. He was never a big fan of formula (changing brands of formula didn't help as he simply dislikes MILK!) Two months ago I started giving him fresh milk & soy milk but he is willing to take very little, I.e 10ml each time!!! But he can finish a bottle of 250ml of diluted orange juice in one go! On the back of my mind I always worry if a 1-year-old is in lack of some kind of nutrition by not taking any formula/milk. To replace milk, I ensure he has one cube of cheese and some yoghart down to his stomach every day and I hope he will get what he should have got from milk. It's sound all peculiar to me a baby dislikes milk???!!! None of my friends have experienced this with their child. Is my son a bit odd?

Anyway, I will do what Carang suggested for a week and see how it goes. What I did before, in order to make him sit in his high-chair I used all possible ways to get his attention, e.g. threw different toys/things on his table (all toys/things available at home have been used and he lately lost his interest in them all), dance&jump around to distract him from wanting to get down (I always felt like a clown that way). I am tired and that's why I lost a bit yesterday morning~~~~

RELAX RELAX RELAX. I must admit he does eat pretty well, he just doesn't want to sit still to finish a meal.

What he is fed on daily basis are:
Breakfast: a half bowl (sometime a whole bowl) of cereal/oatmeal mixed in fresh milk / a slice of bread+a cube of cheese / a slice of bread+a small jar of yoghurt
Lunch: half to one bowl of rice/pasta mixed with fish/chicken + vegetable. Sometmes go with an egg yoke
Tea/Snack: Fruit or cheese or some bread
Dinner: similar to lunch
If he eats small dinner, i will give him 30ml of milk or yoghurt (if he hasn't had one that day) before putting him to bed.

Take a look at what he eats a day I know I should relax... Thanks all mamas!
 
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Wow, looking at what your son is eating and comparing with my 14 month old, your bud is definitely eating a lot more solid than mine. Mine takes about 700ml of formula in 24 hours still though. I guess that is why I am not worried that he is not eating enough.

We all noticed that he is eating less solid at lunch and supper when he was around 13 month old. But I wasn't worried because I read that they will eat less at this age and if they do, just make sure that they get lot snacks in between. Many mothers have mentioned this in their reply. Like Cara say, toddlers are more of a grazer because they have a smaller stomach. I learn not to expect they eat three meals a day like we adults do. Knowing it helps me to relax about that fact that he is eating less although my helper (a Chinese lady) makes a big fuss about it. She would really try to get food in his mouth even though I told her many times that when he is done, he is.

We are also cautious about not running after him to feed. But sometimes we just have to bend that eating at the high chair rule. Other mothers suggested in another post to have a ?TV dinner? sometimes or a picnic in the living room. These have all work for us. But the key is he would have to sit still in the coach or at a spot in the living room when eating.

Many parents worry about their kids eating. I?ve seen so many Chinese families have helper chases their little ones in the play area live to feed them. One family even moved back to their old home because they think that their 2 year old is not eating well at the new home.

Good luck.
 
I used to be such a stress case about my son (who is almost 17 months old) not eating. But my husband kept telling me that he'll eat when he's hungry and I am starting to relax a bit more considering that he is a healthy and super active boy. He does weigh less than your boy - at one year old he was only around 22 pounds, but he's always been on the lighter side since birth so I'm not worried. When we feed him meals in his high chair, luckily he doesn't always complain to get out after a short while. But sometimes it does require all sorts of little toys and ultimately my iphone to get him to sit through a meal. Sometimes he eats a lot during a meal and sometimes he barely eat anything - but that only proves to me that he does eat when he is hungry. We have a rule in our house that we won't chase him around to feed him because we don't want to make that a habit for him or make him think that is acceptable. The only sort of exception that is made is sometimes, after he finishes (and by finishing sometimes it just means he's stopped eating and won't continue) and we start eating, if he is playing in the living room and then runs over to the dinner table to take a bite of what we are eating as he is curious, we will give it to him. So it's always him coming to us and never us going to him. We just think that would set such a bad precedent to let him know that he can just run around during dinner time and we will chase after him with the food.
 
PS: About babies disliking milk - my son dislikes fresh milk and will only drink soy milk if it has sugar in it. But he drinks formula....I have heard of plenty of babies who don't like formula - so it's not that odd to me that he doesn't like fresh milk or formula.
 
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