Wow - people here are so sympathetic to these unreasonable in-laws. If my MIL came and lived with me and then started bullying my helper then she would be straight back on the next plane to the UK. I think also if a MIL has been through 8 helpers then really the problem is clear, and it is not the maid who should go. I fully understand the problems of parental/filial responsibility etc, but really, these old women are not helping your children grow up to respect other people. If a child spends all day hearing about how these overseas helpers are all lazy thieves then how are they going to think themsleves when they are older? Bad bad bad. I agree with whoever suggested rehoming the MIL (be honest - what would you do if you had a pet that bit everyone that came to the house? Stop the visitors coming?).
I've sent my maid away because of my in-law.
- Thread starter yunyun
- Start date
geiboyi, it's a chinese cultural thing to put up w/ MIL. CHinese people believe that we should ALL stay under one roof even if we get married & have grandchildren. it's also a hong kong chinese thing for the mothers of our generation to hate helpers, especially overseas helpers. if they've never had helpers, they all think they can do a better job, more efficient, more cost-effective than the helpers. my own mom complained about the 3 helpers whom she's hired from indonesia. and finally decided she'd rather manage a 4000sq ft house by herself & 1 part time chinese maid who only comes in 6 hrs/wk & she's turning 60 soon. i wish there was sth i could do but that's how stubborn they are.
then w/ MIL, i really sympathize with all of you. I live with my ILs, and i've never had problems w/ them until my baby came along. really not as big a problem as what you guys are going thru cos she's used to having helpers in the house since the day she was born & she was actually afraid of the chinese amahs who took care of her sons.
now, lucky me i found a helper who takes REALLY good care of my kids but don't get along with the other helper in the house. now i have to terminate my helper cos the other helper is making up stories about mine, and accusing her of a lot of things. i am sorry to see my helper go, but in order to have peace in the house, this is what i have to do. but frankly, my MIL is very nice in all other aspects, this is the only time when i see that she has a stand. what i'm trying to say is, even when i really get a long with my MIL, she's very understanding, I still have problems like this.
sometimes when so many people live under a roof, there will be a lot of sacrifice.
hazmom, i am very happy with my emplyment agency. it's in causeway bay, tel 28773511, look for Margaret or Winnie. the owner goes to filipines every month to interview the helpers herself.
then w/ MIL, i really sympathize with all of you. I live with my ILs, and i've never had problems w/ them until my baby came along. really not as big a problem as what you guys are going thru cos she's used to having helpers in the house since the day she was born & she was actually afraid of the chinese amahs who took care of her sons.
now, lucky me i found a helper who takes REALLY good care of my kids but don't get along with the other helper in the house. now i have to terminate my helper cos the other helper is making up stories about mine, and accusing her of a lot of things. i am sorry to see my helper go, but in order to have peace in the house, this is what i have to do. but frankly, my MIL is very nice in all other aspects, this is the only time when i see that she has a stand. what i'm trying to say is, even when i really get a long with my MIL, she's very understanding, I still have problems like this.
sometimes when so many people live under a roof, there will be a lot of sacrifice.
hazmom, i am very happy with my emplyment agency. it's in causeway bay, tel 28773511, look for Margaret or Winnie. the owner goes to filipines every month to interview the helpers herself.
yuenyuen1126
New member
Joannek, my mom is alike yours. She really thinks that no one can do better than HER. When a maid finishes a job faster than her, my mom is picking at her "not tidy at all". So next time the maid spends little longer time to finish a job, my mom complains her inefficiency...
She even doesn't allow maids to wear gloves to clean toilet.
When a maid forgot about switching off the light after using it, mom scolds her "Absent-minded! Your are wasting my money". But when I tell her that she've made the same mistake sometimes, too. My mom said : "Don't challenge me! I'm old (so she has the right to forget?!). If you challenge me again, I don't help you to look after your kids!"
I'm speechless...
My mom is now very satisfied that no maid stays in the house. When I go to work, my daughter stays with her. She would rather carry my daughter on her back and cooks in the kitchen. You know, the kitchen is hot and full of smoke, and my daughter has less chance to explore the world...I've told that it isn't good for her grand-daughter. Pleas spend more time in playing with her and let her learn more.
But she said "Genius is in-born. No need to learn! You've been raised by me by the same method. Now you are quite good."
Speechless again
She even doesn't allow maids to wear gloves to clean toilet.
When a maid forgot about switching off the light after using it, mom scolds her "Absent-minded! Your are wasting my money". But when I tell her that she've made the same mistake sometimes, too. My mom said : "Don't challenge me! I'm old (so she has the right to forget?!). If you challenge me again, I don't help you to look after your kids!"
I'm speechless...
My mom is now very satisfied that no maid stays in the house. When I go to work, my daughter stays with her. She would rather carry my daughter on her back and cooks in the kitchen. You know, the kitchen is hot and full of smoke, and my daughter has less chance to explore the world...I've told that it isn't good for her grand-daughter. Pleas spend more time in playing with her and let her learn more.
But she said "Genius is in-born. No need to learn! You've been raised by me by the same method. Now you are quite good."
Speechless again
Ay, yay, yay. These stories are scary! I also believe that if the ILs--Chinese or not--are causing problems they'll be on the next flight OUT. I would rethink their next visit, if they're lucky enough to get a 2nd chance. I would be happier and more comfortable with PEACE at home!
By sending away the helpers, rather than dealing with the ILs, you validate their petty, selfish, arrogant behaviour.
Filial piety and respect for your elders is one thing - but to have them disrupt the houseold you are paying for is nonsensical. The needs of a baby should come before the needs of a tyranical old biddy.
Filial piety and respect for your elders is one thing - but to have them disrupt the houseold you are paying for is nonsensical. The needs of a baby should come before the needs of a tyranical old biddy.
I am so surprised that many of us are having the same problems with our MIL.
Now, my MIL asked me to find the helper back after she handled loads of houseworks and the baby. Seriously speaking, she coudn't handle all the works in the house with the baby. On the first few days, she asked one of her friends to help her with the baby, then after, she asked one of her relatives in mainland to come back and helped her~!!!!!! One week after her relative gone back to mainland, she asked me if I can find my helper and asks her to come back.
I am so angry about what she've done, she's the one who insists to send my helpers away because she said she can handle all the works. OK now, everything in the house was stuffed up and she wants me to find my helper back.
I am trying to contact with my old helper but she seems a bit scared of coming back as she said it might ruin up the relationship between me and MIL.
I've talked to my husband about this issue and he also try to convince MIL not to be so "aggressive" in front of the helper and baby.
I don't know if my helper is willing to come back or not and I am still waiting for her reply.
Yuenyuen, my MIL just act exactly like yours. When she lost something in her room, she will ask the Buddha "Did my maid steal my stuff?".
In the Chinese New Year, she lost $6000 in her jacket and she asked the Buddha if my helper took it. (WTF??) This is very unreasonable and unfair to my helper. After that, she found the money in another jacket then she accused it was me and my husband to put the money in her jacket. She loves to store her money in some "unreasonable place", 2 years ago, she lost $5000 dollars in her old place and she accused that my father in law took it and guess where she found her money at last............. IN HER SHOES!!!!!!!
Now, my MIL asked me to find the helper back after she handled loads of houseworks and the baby. Seriously speaking, she coudn't handle all the works in the house with the baby. On the first few days, she asked one of her friends to help her with the baby, then after, she asked one of her relatives in mainland to come back and helped her~!!!!!! One week after her relative gone back to mainland, she asked me if I can find my helper and asks her to come back.
I am so angry about what she've done, she's the one who insists to send my helpers away because she said she can handle all the works. OK now, everything in the house was stuffed up and she wants me to find my helper back.
I am trying to contact with my old helper but she seems a bit scared of coming back as she said it might ruin up the relationship between me and MIL.
I've talked to my husband about this issue and he also try to convince MIL not to be so "aggressive" in front of the helper and baby.
I don't know if my helper is willing to come back or not and I am still waiting for her reply.
Yuenyuen, my MIL just act exactly like yours. When she lost something in her room, she will ask the Buddha "Did my maid steal my stuff?".
In the Chinese New Year, she lost $6000 in her jacket and she asked the Buddha if my helper took it. (WTF??) This is very unreasonable and unfair to my helper. After that, she found the money in another jacket then she accused it was me and my husband to put the money in her jacket. She loves to store her money in some "unreasonable place", 2 years ago, she lost $5000 dollars in her old place and she accused that my father in law took it and guess where she found her money at last............. IN HER SHOES!!!!!!!