ingrate!!!

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1stimemum

Registered User
just need to say before i go crazy. i've started letting my helper take more care of my son (now 4mths old) about 6 wks ago so he was about 2.5mths then...

and I have mixed feelings. She's great with him. Too great. He's started smiling at around 3mths and lately he only smiles at her (wide, toothy grins) and merely glances at me, Why? Is he confused as to who mum is?

I'm a stay home mum but i have to run errands, go banking etc and i dont like taking him out as he does not nap at all in the stroller, go figure.

Is this just a phase? Will he outgrow it? How do other mums who have helpers deal with this issue? He has no problem with daddy, always has big smiles for him. its just me...

I currently give him all his baths, do 3 out of 5 feeds, however she is very good at getting him to take his naps so almost all his naps are done by her now. He was nursing alot on me prev but we have weaned that off with the bottle. is this revenge?

what else can i do? play him an iphone or playstation???:tantrum: u can see i'm going slightly MAD!!!
 
I think it's just a phase....

I am a full-time working mum and my baby is looked after by my mum & dad during the day. I spend an hour with my bub in the morning before I go to work and about 1.5 hours before he goes to bed. My son is very attached to me since he was very small (I was a bit surprised as I thought he would be attached to his grandma who is his daytime carer, 5 days a week!).

I think, if I were you I would: spend as much time with my son as possible, play with him, talk to him, sing to him, massage him (just do anything you think will make him feel warm and cosy!!) Take time to put him to bed every night, or even co-sleep with him for the first week. And, take him out for an hour every day or once every two days (if you think he is too young to go out), just for a stroll or go to supermarket. Just spend time with him as much as you can and make him feel, "being with mum is both comfy and fun!" I am sure, very soon, he will get attached to you and smile to you. Don't be despair!!!!

My son was intially not attached to my dad (his grandpa) but once my dad took him down to a playground, he follows my dad everywhere now!!
 
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first off:

children have an immeasurable ability to love. they don't parcel it out as they see fit (as adults do). they can love everyone and they will not "run out of it".

secondly:

be happy that your helper is so good with your son! it is something to be thankful of, not jealous of...

thirdly:

children DO know who their parents are. just because he smiles at someone else does NOT mean he doesn't love YOU.

lastly:

you are putting adult feelings and expressions onto a child who has just newly arrived in this world! your child doesn't know what REVENGE is! my goodness, he's only been in this world for 16 weeks!


you need to relax, calm down and be thankful that your helper takes good care of him! all of what you are feeling is just that... YOUR feelings. don't put them onto your little one. you need to begin to let others have feelings for your child and your child to have feelings for others.
 
I am a working mum and my baby is taken care of by my MIL. He stays weekdays at my MIL's home, weekend with me & my husband. Everyday after work I go to visit him for an hour or so before going home.

In my experience, putting him to sleep is a valuable moment. He is now 4 months old and starting about 2 weeks ago, he refuses to let other ppl (my husband, my mother or sister) put him to sleep. When I hold him, he would smile at me for 1-2 mins then sweetly sleep in my arms. I think he recognises me. The moment is precious and I treasure every bits of it.
 
Yes, agree with Fisona. Putting your little one to sleep is a very precious and intimate moment. If your son sometimes wakes up during the night, make sure you are the one he sees and you shall give him a cuddle if you suspect he has a nightmare or he cries hard for no reason! Then, try to be the first face he sees in the morning. Very soon, he will realise Mummy is the one who comforts him when he wakes in the middle of the night and the first smiling face he sees in the morning.... I do all these and I think it is probably the reason why he is attached to me. And, as your son is only 4 months old now... better develop this closeness with him than later.

And, of course, just like Cara said, you should be glad to have such a good helper; but in the same time I fully understand why you feel bad... Make some efforts and you will get there very soon :))
 
believe me, i understand why she feels jealous. i think EVERY mother has felt it at some point or another.

my point is that it is NOT the baby's fault that the mum feels jealous. the jealousy is going to have to be dealt with sooner or later....
 
sorry, my weak attempt at humour didnt translate. I know he's not plotting revenge on me.

i am the first person he sees all morning but its true that i am not giving him any naps. I do try to get him to sleep at night but its an epic 1hr every night of rocking/ holding to sleep (an issue i shall tackle another day) and he cries the whole time fighting sleep so i do take turns with her just so that i can get a break.

i completely cant fault my helper, i just need to manage my own feelings. and try not to project (as carang rightly puts it) my own expectations/ adult emotions onto him.
 
I went through something similar to your situation when my bud was around 5 month old. He would cry and arch his back when I tried to put him to sleep but would calm down and go to sleep quickly when the helper took over him.

I was quiet upset but knew that I could not have it all. Without a helper, I couldn't take breaks and do my errands.

Anyway, this helper left suddenly when he was around 7 month old. I was not sure if he would go to sleep without her. But he did just fine. I looked after him for close to 2 month on my own. He is very attached to me now but likes the new helper too.

So, it's just a phrase. You need not to worry.
 
if you're a SAHM, i'm not sure why you're not giving him any naps... it's not rocket science - you say your helper is better at it than yourself but you're the mommy, right? bet you're not giving yourself enough credit here.

and the bedtime routine is CRITICAL to ensuring intimacy is sealed between baby and mommy/parent. i'd simply handle bedtime all on your own (we've also found that if one person handles bedtime instead of 2, it's much less distracting and much easier for baby to get to sleep - more than one adults taking turns would probably stimulate him more than necessary). bedtime is sacred in our household (as it is for most households) and i would never let anyone other than myself or my husband do it with either of our babies (unless of course we are not at home, for whatever reason, which is rare).
 
for us, bedtime is not "sacred"....sometimes it's my helper that puts the kids to sleep and sometimes it's me. my husband has to walk upto 20 dogs at that time, so it is never him.

i like that both of us share the time (helper and i) as it means that when i'm not at home, she knows the routine and the kids are used to having her sometimes put them to bed. it's meant that the one time i was out of hk, i knew my kids would be ok for a few nights without me.

even when my helper has put my two to bed, i often go in and have a cuddle with each of them and a small chat about the day past or the next day...we sometimes sing a lullaby together before we say goodnight to each other.
 
I understand that every mother who has a carer goes through this at one point or another. Try some mummy and baby time by going out for a stroll in the park or just downstairs without the helper. I used to take my son to Starbucks with me - he'd just lie in his pram while I have my tall latte and I'd talk to him whether he understood me or not.

Don't worry, kids know who their mothers are.
 
Dun worry..it will go. My helper used to take of my gal almost 24/7. She I now 3 years old. She only wants me!! The child knows who his/her mummy is. And they know who the helper is and what her role is. Now my girl look for me when in distress or just wants a hug. But she will hand her emptied drink packet to the helper.
 
zac08,
at birth, we would have to hold him for 3hrs just walking/rocking him NON stop till he fell asleep. The whole entire time, he would be crying and screaming!!!..

it only got better at 2 mths done to 1hr of crying and when she took over, it dropped to 15mins! it still takes me twice as long to get him to sleep.

whilst i would love to do all the naps, i feel that him getting his much needed sleep is more impt than my ego/ pride.
 
I have the same feelings sometimes I know how lucky am I to have a) a helper and b) such a fantastic helper that The Boy loves, but I do wonder if he prefers her to me!

If bedtime is stressful I'm not sure how bonding you would both find it - there's plenty of other ways to bond! On the other hand it is nice to have the flexibility of them not minding who puts them to bed but I'm sure you realise that every Sunday ;-)

I'm sure the bedtime thing will work itself out so make some mummy and baby time you both enjoy and try not to worry about it - what works for one family doesn't always work for another.
 
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