if your LO is punched....

[littlemisshk]

This morning at playarea, my LO (18 m/o) got punched on the forehead really hard by a boy (2 yr+), fighting over some play equipment.
It's still reddish at night, how hard he hit my LO you can imagine.
But okay, this happens between kids. I'm not particularly upset with this incident itself.
Sure enough my LO burst into tears then and the boy's mom jumped in and said 'sorry' to me. I could only say it was ok.
Then his mom was telling him something (hopefully not to punch others, especially someone a lot smaller than him) in Chinese. I don't understand what was told in her soft tone Chinese, but the boy apologized to my LO in English anyway.

In a situation like this, what would you do?
I wanna know if I should have said something to the boy first, instead of creating an "ok" atmosphere? Was it right to leave this to his mom? (I still believe it was)
Then, what if his mom wasn't around? What/how could I have told him?
I'm interested in how other moms handle this kind of moments.
Because I'm sure this will happen again with any kid (maybe mine) and I know I won't have time to think what to say...
Appreciate any suggestions/experiences for my future smooth mommyhood.

 

[barbwong_130]

It sounds to me as if both you and the other mother handled this situation very well. Getting cross and punishing small children tends to make then forget what they did wrong and only focus on how mean you are being. This doesn?t help the child reflect on his own behaviour and modify it in the future. The mother of the boy stayed clam and helped the little boy realize this actions were wrong and encouraged an apology.

I find that when my children have been hurt, especially deliberately the mother bear comes out in me. I want to protect my children and so tend to over react towards the other child. I think it is always best to let the other mother handle the situation if you can. And if she isn?t there the best thing is to just remove from child from being attacked again.

 

[carang]

if it is my son doing the hitting, which he has been known to do in the past, i ask him to apologise immediately. if he refuses, i remove him from the situation. i calmly explain that hitting is not allowed. i ask him to apologise again. before he could talk, i asked him to give the child a hug. now that he is starting to talk i want to hear "sorry" and then a hug.

i insist on the hug for now as it shows a nice way to interact. i won't keep this up for too long though, as i think a child should be able to choose who he hugs. he's actually better with the hug than with the "sorry".

i make sure that if i see him start to get upset that i intervene as quickly as possible. if it's because the two kids dont' want to share, i show them a way that they can both play with the toy in question. either by taking turns or if it's a push car, one can push and one can sit, then show them how to switch.

at 2y4m, he's starting to get the hang of it. my 5 year old nephew still has problems sometimes. he doesn't get physical but he screams at the other child. this usually scares the living daylights out of the other child(my son) and ends in tears. i was happy to see that my brother and his partner deal with it in exactly the same way.

if after a little explaining, your child still doesn't want to atone for his behaviour and you have threatened to go home... then you MUST go home. if they think they can get away with not doing as you request and apologising, they won't.

 

[Arwen]

My LO was hit close to 5 times by the same boy around her age i.e 2 yrs old at a new playgp we that attended yesterday.The mother of the boy was very apologetic about those sudden burst of violence from her boy, unprovoked by anything or anybody.. definitely not fighting over toys.
I told the mum that it is o.k as my Lo is not hurt at all. Infact, I emphatise with the mum as I was in those situations not so long ago i.e where my LO hits others. I remembered I was always very tensed when I brought her to playgp. I have to watch her like a hawk especially when she is playing with much younger kids.. nobody knows when she will hit. It is also recently that I knew that one other friend had avoided coming to a small playgp gathering at my place then as she thinks my girl will pick on her much bigger and older boy. I cant blame her for her action cos she is only protecting her child.
I dont have a remedy for this situation but hopes that mums with angel and textbook type babies will bear with mums of spirited and touchy babies.
My spirited Lo at 2 now understands that she should not hit and that if she did, there will be consequences that she wont like i.e stand in corner or go home!
The boy that hit my girl is also 2 but still I dont blame him cos all kids mature and understand things differently and at their own pace.

To all the mummies out there whose kids had been a victim of my LO sudden burst of violence then, a big sorry. As a first time mum, I am still learning and teaching.

 

[joannek]

i think you did well.

i usually also take this opportunity to tell my child why it's not nice to hit. being a victim hopefully helps her undertsand hitting hurts & not one likes people who are not nice. she's only 2 plus a little but she seems to understand. i want my child to learn that she shouldn't hit not only because she'll be punished, it's also because it's not nice.

 

[capital]

Yes, I think this was managed well. I like to get my child (3) to also ask the preson he hurt (usually his little brother) if he is hurt and if he is okay, because I don't know that he really understands the concept of sorry. I make him say sorry too, and he will, but have noticed lately he will hurt on purpose and then quickly says sorry, as though it absolves everything, yet seem entirely unsorry in attitude. So that is why I am getting him to ask if the person is hurt. Also if he hurts someone on purpose he also gets a time out. If by accident I don't give him a time out.