I need help

adahc

adahc

Registered User
Ok I have to confess, I rock and arry my baby to sleep both day and night since birth, sometime nurse him to sleep.
He begins to be too heavy to carry now as he is 8kg. and just turn 7 months.
I put him to sleep by just put him down and left thr room with his usual nursery songs on. He started to sit up and cry as in scream. I waited for half a minute then went in. Even when I picked him up he still cries like hell for a very long time, cried as in scream which he never done before.
Now what do you do? should I wait for him to be a little older and talk him out of it? I can not bare to hear him cry like that again though, please don't tell me to tough it out.
What tips or tricks do you use?
 
Hi - maybe I can help

Hi adahc,

I totally understand your situation. We went through the same kind of problems. We were in Ireland at the time, I think my baby was 4 months old, when she started sleep in her own room. We would hold her and then eventually she would fall asleep on our arms, and then we would put her into the cot, but the minute we did that, she would cried and sit up. So it could take hours before she goes to bed. I went to my community nurse for serious help because at that stage, I was too tired and of course "no life" at all.
The nurse gave out to me for being a typical first time mother, and said "you have to leave her in the cot, let her cry, initially let her cry for 25 minutes, and then go in and sothe her, but do not take her out of the cot, then she will quiet down a bit, and then leave her again, and of course, she will do it again, cried and cried, and at this stage, she is totally wet with tears and sweats." Unless they are totally persistance, after the second time, they will fall asleep themselves. You will have to do it for 3 days, after the third day, they won't really bother with the crying, maybe a few minutes, and then they won't even bother, cause they know you won't bent the rules. It is tough initially but life is much better after. It is better for you and her/him in the long run.

My daughter is 16 months old, she is still a little bit like that but it doesn't help when the grandparents are around spoiling her, and because both my husband and I are working, we do hold her to bed a little longer than we supposed to. But usually she goes to bed within 25 minutes. I usually give her some milk, her dummy, and massages her arm to her tummy gently, she usually falls asleep then.

I have friends who didn't do that, and they are now 3 years old, they are still sleeping in the same room as the parents and required soothing!

I know it is very stressful, I am not sure do you have any maid or relations to help out, but if you want to just talk to someone, pm me, I will give you a ring.
You are not the other one in that boat, but you have to do something about it.

Take care
Cecilia
 
My daughter is 5 months old and weighs 9+ kgs. I have always rocked her to sleep since birth. I cherish watching her go to sleep slowly, cuddled in my arms. Many a times during her short naps (15- 20 mins) I hold her the entire time only because I want to. I would NEVER have the heart to see/ hear my baby cry her heart out just because life will be easier for me. I suggest:
Keep changing positions while rocking him so that his weight keeps getting shifted.
Decrease the rocking time by a few minutes every week.
Don't leave the room once your baby goes to sleep, lie next time him for a while untill he goes into deep sleep.
Before his night time sleep give him a warm shower, he will sleep more easily.
As for me I will rock my daughter to sleep untill she is old enough so that I can talk her out of it.
 
Thank you you all. I need to decide what I will do. ckchan2000, thank you for understanding and your kind offer. i just moved to Shanghai (but still using this site as the site in Shanghai is not as good) so I'm not sure if it is because of the strange place and I don't want to put her through a tough and lonely time but I do realise things need to be done...just don't know how to do it smoothly.
Geomum and MayC, Thank you It's really reassuring that there's someone out there doing the same. I was with him when I pu him down to sleep and pat him but he got up!!! what do I do then?
 
hi adahc

HUGZ. Dont be disheartened. Personally i also dont ever wish to let my gal CIO. Trust your maternal instincts. Have u read the Pantley's book i recommended? M gal now can be pat to sleep even aft i remove my breast. She will turn her head left & right and goes to sleep. Sometimes, when she startled herself awake at night and cry, we'd rush in, hush her, pat her thigh (in a rhythmic way), hold her tiny hands and she'd go back to sleep. Sometimes this wont work, and i'd pick her up and nurse her again cos i reckon she needs more comforting. But now, for us, when i nurse her to sleep at 7-ish, i'd still put her into the cot for her sleep. For her first waking in the night, we'd pick her up and bring her to our bed and i'd nurse her lying down. After much active sucking and she slows down, i'd remove my breast and she would go to sleep with no prob. Have u tried co-sleeping? Maybe ur boy getting hit by early separation anxiety (which i read is worse at night) which is common for BF babies. Hope this helps.
 
Thanks I ordered the book and awiting for it.
I justed try to nurse him lying down too yesterday which works, don't kow for how long though. Good that you can put your baby down and just pad her. I need to read that book soon.
Does she still sleep through the night?
 
nah...chk out my thread tat I've jus posted. I'm actually ok with it...jus tat I'm worried im doing smething wrong ie shud be feedng more or let her take shorter naps. Anyway, its good ur trying co sleeping as long as ur hubby is also agreeable to the arrangement. But do be consistent. Do not hesitate and then when u hear some mommies hv success in CIO methods, u suddenly decide to chg and let him cry...cos my fren did tat...she was very indecisive and kept changing her mind. She'd listen to some and follow. Cannot makeup her mind if she wans to CIO or co sleep. Her poor baby ends up cant settle down cos two weeks of loving cosy feelings in mommy's arms then the next week being "abandoned" in the cot in a room of his own becos the mommy scared he will never be sleep trained as cautioned by her colleagues!
 
Hi- at seven months my son wouldn't go to sleep by himself and had to be rocked and rocked to sleep.

So many people told me to leave him to cry himself to sleep- we tried it once or twice but he would just cry, and cry for hours and be no closer to sleeping at the end of it.
In the end we just couldn't do it anymore, it wasn't working and it was heartbreaking to do.

What eventually helped our son sleep on his own was a dummy and a blankie and by 12 months old it was possible to put him to sleep in his cot with his dummy and blankie and he would fall asleep my himself. This also coincided with him weaning himself from breastfeeding, which is also when he started sleeping through the night! Something he never did until he wasn't breastfed anymore.

However now he's 21 months old and has a new baby sister and since she was born he has to have myself or my husband lie with him until he sleeps!
 
my baby was in the same situation, I'm training her to fall asleep by herself lately. I was helding her to sleep before, but lately, it's getting harder, it takes a lot longer, she would twist her body and when i put her down, she would wake up and cry again. I'm getting tired of it so decided to do something about it.

I stay in the room with her very briefly, sing a bit to her. Then I leave the room. 1st night, she cried for 15 mins; 2nd night, 5 minutes...

I also found that one night when she woke up and cried; she cried a few seconds, then stopped for a second or 2, then cried another few seconds, then stop again. I think she just wanted to be picked up. At these night wakes, it's also getting harder and harder to put her back to sleep, so that night I didn't pick her up, she cried for 5 minutes, and went back to sleep; after that night she never wakes up at night.

She is 10 months. My thinking is that babies are smart, if you teach them a lesson, they will learn from it.
 
I don't know which book was recommended because I didn't spot it in the replies above but I recommend "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg if you haven't read it already. I wish I had read that book prior to giving birth--it's definitely not a "cure-all" but it really helped my husband and I develop a plan--we read it when my son was about 4 months-old.

Personally, I found that the total CIO method only backfired on us and set us up for more trouble getting our son to sleep. It terrified him to be left to cry for long periods of time and he got panicky. So, gradually we have helped him develop more independence when it comes to sleep times. My son is eight-months-old now and he is at least 30 pounds (he was already 7 kilos when he was 4 months old!)--he's a very strong and tall baby--he is already starting to walk (started about a month ago) and can say a few words and phrases in both English and Cantonese (my husband is Chinese and I'm white). So, for us, packing him around and rocking him (especially since I have a herniated disc in my back) was not an option beyond 3 or 4 months.

I found that by establishing a routine for sleep times it has helped--at night, my son gets a bath from his dad when he comes home from work. Then after that he gets a bit of free time to play in the living room--usually his dad is tossing him up and catching him--then I take him into his room and we sit in a chair with a little lamp on and I read books to him--he is pretty wiggly so something he's not that interested but some books he really likes. After that I have a bottle ready for him and I feed him and sing to him and usually he falls asleep. But now that he is getting so big and tall, I just lay a pillow across my lap and let him lay on the pillow with his feet propped up against my stomach and I feed him--and then if he's still not asleep, I sway him back and forth using the motion of my knees. Sometimes just before he falls asleep, I put him in his crib and let him nod off. Recently he has started initiating naptimes more on his own which is good. We rarely deviate from this routine so our son is secure because he already knows what's coming next in his day.

I think that the book I recommended is good because it helps you kind of pinpoint what personality type your baby has and from there it's easier to come up with a strategy. Routine and strategy are really lifesavers, though.
 
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I really feel that though it's lovely to rock your child to sleep and even lovelier to sleep with them it's really not good for the child. We're talking about setting up good sleeping habits for them for life, not just for a year or two.

What I would suggest, and it's something I did with both my boys is when they are babies let them sleep on your chest during the day. That way you have lots of extra cuddle time. They will get too big to sleep that way so enjoy it while you can. Nights however there should be few exceptions, baby in cot. This way you can differentiate between night and day with the days sleeps being a treat for both of you. Perhaps rocking your child to sleep every night for years is ok for you now but what about if you have more children, are you going to do it for all of them and when are you going to rest yourself? And what is it doing to your child? Is he/she going to become an adult that needs the tv on to sleep or sleeping tablets or someone holding their hand forever because they can't fall asleep on their own?

My two year old is a great sleeper. We've just started to have him share a room with his 1 year old brother. During the day I will let him sleep in my bed so he doesn't wake his brother who will be grumpy without enough sleep. If i'm home i will often hop in with him (i'm pregnant and exhausted!) but at night my bed is a no go zone. He tried to hop in once but was told that day time naps in mummy's bed are special treats.

So you can have special extra cuddles even when they are older but you have to do it in a way that they don't come to depend on it.
 
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