I don't understand why......

Kondradsmum I didn't say that one culture was better than the other. Cultures are different, expectations are different. That's life.

But I'm not sure how you can deny that it is more the Chinese culture that values things like being quiet, obedient, not talking back, following the status quo. These are all qualities that have been held in high esteem in China for 100's of years and it seems that very young children are expected to behave in such a way.

This notwithstanding, my last comment was not an attack on any culture, it was a genuine question. I was surprised that you seemed to disregard all previous comments and agree with Milkmonstersmum approach of continually taking your child out until they get used to it when everyone else had said give them time. My western friends are far more relaxed about such matters than my chinese friends.

Neha in my opinion this is not a question of discipline but of development. I studied child psychology at university and a 14 month old cannot be reasoned with. If you are trying to raise a compliant child then by all means go ahead and insist they learn to sit still. I'm sure if you force a child to do something enough eventually it will do it. I on the other hand am happy to wait until my child understands that they are in a restaurant and that certain behaviour is expected of them.

I would expect my 3 year old to behave in a restaurant but not my 16 month old no matter how frustrating I might find it.
 
My 2 year 9 month toddler boy is like this, it drives me crazy. Eating out is utterly ridiculous, like with the ohter moms, I eat my meal alone whilst hubbie runs around like a lunatic outside with the toddler, then we switch. It is embarrassing and all the locals stare at us, and I look over in envy as their toddlers are eating their dim sum......with chopsticks. It makes me feel inadequate and like a failure.

So now he doens't come with us at all, we made a decision, too stressful. The only time it works is in big groups, when there is a buffet because then the food is instant, no waiting after ordering, and buffets are always held in large areas with places to run around. So whilst I am entertaining the toddler outside the buffet area, my husband can at least have company with other friends around. It becomes too lonely if it is just mum, dad, and toddler.

Good luck. I am told that by the age of 4 they calm down. We all just have to be patient. :)
 
hey mommies :)
i am 1/2 chinese 1/2 japanese, hubby is chinese - both of us are Canadian born and raised and english is our first language. i guess we fall into the asian parent category because we're not Caucasian, but we are really Canadian...

We don't have a helper so in our case, bringing the kids around everywhere we go and requiring them to sit while we have a meal out was really important to us. I agree we must pick out battles and this was one that hubby and i both agreed is important for our family. our main goal actually was just a 30min stretch - no one gets up. in most cases eating out took longer than that, around 45mins.

i also agree that all kids are different and are capable of different things but this great forum allows moms to get a different perspective and creative ideas that have worked for other parents. i don't think it's about getting everyone to agree on a right way.

i also would like to clarify that it's not like our son would be screaming and crying while we would be eating and ignoring him and no, we don't watch tv or offer video games to pacify our kids. we would talk to him and read him a book but like everyone has said, it definitely is a challenge for a 14mth old to sit and stay entertained. our main objective was to get him to sit through a 30min meal. we took the challenge and our son gradually learned that eating out with the family could be fun and that once we were all sitting, we would all stay there until the meal was done. once he was ok with 45mins, we wouldn't be rushing out of the restaurant anymore and would stay longer, 1hr, 1.25hrs, 1.5hrs i mean if he was happy, we were happy and we would enjoy the meal together.

Some parents enforce sitting, while other let their children leave the table when they are done. i don't think it's a racial thing, (i am mostly inspired by super nanny jo frost and she is quite strict I think ;) I got the idea to eat out more after watching her program and a family with a 16mth old was having the same problems as we were so we followed her suggestions. In any case, it's a choice we've made as parents and should respect each other for the choices we've made as well as support other parents who want to find ways to make life with kids a little easier even if that means challenging kids to go beyond what the books say is their developmental ability at a given age.

Thanks for sharing everyone and if things do calm down by age 4, then all of us will be very happy parents eating out as happy families in just a few more years ;)
 
Sorry left something out...

there definitely would be moments of crying and screaming but we would just firmly say, it's dinner time and you have to sit, then offer a different toy. i would bring a bag of toys out, crayons, books, and only give him one at a time to make them last longer.

once he started getting really cranky and no toy would work, we would start to pack up and get ready to leave. we definitely weren't torturing him and the entire meal was very child-centric and still is.
 
MayC, don't feel bad. Everyone does the best job they can and in the end, just because one child sits through a meal and another one doesn't, has no impact on who they grow up to be :)
 
we've been 'blessed' to have twin girls who will sit for an hour and eat - since they've been 10 months but then since they were 6 months, they were put in a high chair to eat at all mealtimes. We let them play with toys til they were nearly 1 year old but now no toys at mealtimes although we've had books.

What works is that they have PHYSICAL activity before we go to the restaurant - running around a park, climbing up and down the slide, even running around a shopping mall screaming their heads off, as long as they've released some of that energy and are hungry, they are happy to sit in a highchair and eat - plus they like looking at people walking in and out so we prefer busier restaurants and putting the girls facing a lot of activity (for example Fat Angelos in Elgin Street - we always ask for the table right by the window, so they can watch people on the escalator, cars, bikes etc.) We've found 1 hour is enough to order eat and pay and go. The embarrassing part for us is the amount of mess they leave (on table, highchair, floor..) plus neither will wear a bib anymore so their clothes are dirty......

Interesting thread btw.
 
We don't give our nearly 3 year old any juice at home and he thinks it is available only at restaurants, parties and on an airplane. ..So as long as he is hungry he is happy to sit in a restaurant on his high chair or booster until his meal comes (we obviously ask for it the moment we get in!) -he generally enjoys his food but creates a LOT of mess (yes we too are embarrased by the amount of mess and feel sorry for the staff and end up giving them a bigger tip than we otherwise would!) ..then while we eat our food, we order a glass of juice for him and then he sips it slowly till we finish, pay the bill and make a run for it! We've taken him out to restaurants since he was about 10 months old and all of us enjoy it, he is so thrilled with his 'special drink' and knows that if he doesn't eat his meal that he isn't hungry enough for 'special drink' :haha:
Anyway I know it might not work for everyone, but I think promising something a little special at the end of the meal is not a bad idea if it keeps everyone happy..
 
I also tire my child out before we go to a restaurant, to get all his energy out. I think that every child has needs to have time where he needs to sit and unwind, and we try to coordinate this with our meals. And for the actual meals, we also introduce things to keep him happy. We start with the most boring (e.g. puffs) then proceed on with books, toys, and finally when we are busy with our main course, we give him the most new and interesting things, e.g. a favorite toy or a new food. We also save juice for meal times. We enjoy our family meals, and I think our child has now learnt to enjoy sitting at the table with us, playing with her various foods, listening to our chatter and watching our faces.

I think that being able to take a child out to a restaurant is especially important in cases where the mom doesn’t have a helper. My friend avoided eating out for the 1st two years of her first born’s life because he would not sit still and threw tantrums. She ended up feeling isolated and very depressed, and her son became scared of everyone other than his mom. He son only learnt to eat out when the mom decided with her 2nd born that she would not let her children run the show anymore. So she taught both kids to have meals at the table. Of course there were some problems, but it turned out fine, and all kids happily eat with their parents at the table and most importantly, the parents are so much happier overall.

My friend said, and I think this is true, that as parents you have to set rules for children, and I think that sitting down for a dinner is one of the things.
 
Thanks Somebodyfamous. We tried it yesterday took him to the park he ran and had fun and then took him for early dinner. Not only did he sit in the highchair for an hour( must be record for him) he also ate.
 
I think the super high noise level in HK is a blessing in disguise. My daughter is 13 months old and we always make it a point for her to sit down during our meals, since we have no helper. Initially she got cranky but we just kinda ignored her and now she has outgrown it. We make sure to bring along/bribe her with a bit of snacks and toys.
 
wow Neha, glad to hear I could help you guys - you're always giving me great advice!

I reread what I wrote and realise, you now know I'm that mum that has the girls running in a shopping mall screaming ahahahahahahah
 
well somebodyfamous this weekend is elements mall where there will be lot of running and screaming as last weekend the escalator was a bit too risky for me

Thanks
 
lol Neha - we've done Elements - its a great mall for running & screaming for kids lol - in fact C ran away and we kept chasing her, bringing her back to only have her run away again lol Let me know where you guys eat after the running & screaming, we tried a Thai food place in Elements and they were good with giving us plastic plates etc. for the girls but took AGES to make pad thai which was really tasteless when it arrived and then halfway through our main course, our starter arrived..... (!) lol

Neha - this is what our kids look like at shopping malls:

:yeah2 :yeah2
:yeah2
 
hahaha running all over. we did elements earlier this year and we ran outside the area where there all the rest. K used to go up the stairs then run all the way on the slope and then again. Italian place was ok.

Will see if someone can suggest a more child friendly place

Take care
 
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