How to wean toddler ?

S

scr

Registered User
My 2yr 8mth old is still nursing and while I still appreciate how easily I can calm him down I'm ready to stop. I have absolutely no clue how to do it. He needs to nurse before his afternoon nap, bedtime and any other time that he is feeling bored or tired or upset. I keep telling him when he's in a good mood that he's grown up now and it's time to stop nursing to which he always agrees. Sometimes I can negotiate with him that he can nurse only for a min or two or after a little while. I don't have a helper who can take over bed times and my husband travels too frequently to take up the bedtime routine consistently. How can I do this alone ?

And yes he knows how to drink from a cup..eats a balanced meal, drinks 2 cups of milk a day. I don't enjoy nursing anymore and begining to get real depressed, I want to stop but have no idea how to do it gently.

Any tips and ideas to get me started ? Thanks
 
Hi SCR

I don't have any personal experience (my daughter self-weaned at 11 months) but thought as no one else had replied, I'd share what I saw on TV a couple of weeks ago.

On the show, mum just went cold-turkey. She had a few cranky days on her hands, but bub had forgotten about it within a short space of time. The trickiest bit was breaking the feed to sleep association. It seemed sort of easy during the day because the mum just distracted the child.

Of course everything seems easy on television. I bet it is much harder in real life.

Best of luck and sorry to hear that it is upsetting out. You've kept at it for a long time and your son has done very well. I completely agree that if you don't feel good about it anymore, you should stop.
 
Thanks Jane

I really wonder how "soon" my son will forget..he seems to have an excellent memory and remembers things that happened just once even months later. If I do go cold turkey ..how long before the milk dries up ? If I stop producing milk then even if my son insists on nursing, on finding that there is no milk he will surely lose interest ? But if nursing after just a week or so of stopping, the milk starts again then the whole purpose is defeated. I give in too easily..can't bear to see him howl :(

Thanks a lot for sharing
 
Hi SCR,
I have to disagree with the advice given in the show mentioned (was it "The Baby Whisperer"?). According to <http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_weaning_happens.html> sudden weaning is bad for both mum & baby. It can cause blocked ducts & other breast problems, mood swings in mom, and emotional distress to the baby. The general consensus seems to be (from articles/posts I've read on the web & the Usenet) is that it's best if the weaning is gradual & ,if possible, led by the child. Some general tips on how to wean can be found at <http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/t026400.asp>. Good luck SCR & please let us know how it goes. I will be facing the same situation soon too (i.e. trying to wean a toddler).
 
The show I referred to was the Baby Whisperer. Personally I really like her approach, but perhaps it is not for everyone. I like that it takes into account the needs and feelings of both the baby and the mother. It is not hard line let them cry it out nor is it attachment parenting. It just seems more mainstream and sensible than a lot of the other advice you read.

On the milk drying up - the mum had to express just until she was comfortable for a few days, but then was fine.

On the emotional distress, I'm not with you on this one jwang. SCR has said that she is depressed by the feeding and the baby is not leading the weaning. Sure, babies will eventually wean sometime before they become teenagers. But for SCR that could be in a week or in a year. She has said that it is upsetting her and she wants to do something now.

Just my opinion, but if the nursing is causing mum problems, one cranky week (or so) where a toddler doesn't get what they want is not going to hurt them. Sometimes I think sites like kellymom and Dr Sears are helpful, and sometimes I just think that they help mums feel guilty where they shouldn't. These sites seem to be about 25% good medical advice and 75% ideology. I really object to them selling their idea of perfect parenting as being the only medically sound way to go. As I said, just my opinion

SCR - of course speak to your Dr about the medical effects of what you are doing. But don't let anyone else tell you what is best for you and your baby. Only you know that.

Good luck.
 
Thanks.

I have read whatever I can about weaning and just feel that the advice isn't helping my particular situation. One thing is definite...attachment parenting advocates mother-led weaning if mother is not happy about nursing. So in my case I don't want to wait for child-led weaning. It could be at the age of 4 for all I know. I'm not really looking forward to another 2 years of nursing !

Went through what Dr.Sears says about weaning jwang. Not much different from what I've already read. Here are the points mentioned
1.skip the least favourite meal first : My son has no fixed timings for nursing except for at sleeping time..now that's his favourite so has to be the last to go and will be the most difficult as jane pointed out.
2.Minimise situations that induce breastfeeding: In my case sitting down reminds him. So I try to avoid that. When we are outdoors he doesn't ask to nurse but I couldn't possibly stay out all day !
3.Use the don't offer, don't refuse : I obviously don't offer but if I don't refuse I could very well be nursing all day !
4. Become a moving target : I am doing that but it is exhausting.
5. Keep baby busy : His day is quite full..he even goes to school and loves to go. When he wants to nurse he just wants to.
6.Set limits: I mentioned before..I do negotiate with him "just 2 mins, after a while" etc it works sometimes.
7. Don't wean from you to object..ideally father should take on a bigger role : Daddy spends a lot of time with him. But frequent travel means he can't be consistent with bedtime routines. He knows daddy travels a lot so tends to cling on to me for security..understandable. he knows I'm always there for him.
8.Expect breastfeeding to increase in times of illness : I've been very flexible that way. When he started school in august...nursing increased..as I knew it would. But now he's settled down in school. When he's ill I expect him to nurse more but he's rarely ill so that hasn't been much of a problem.

so another question..how long before milk stops coming completely once child stops nursing ? One week or longer ? I've had my fair share of blocked ducts in the past 2 years and know how hellish that can be. So a little apprehensive about going cold turkey ! At the same time wondering if that's the only way for me.

Sites like kellymom and dr.sears encourage child-led weaning but they assume you are trying to wean a child under the age of 1. There really isn't much out there for those trying to wean a toddler who is over 2 ! It may be just me but I think weaning an older child is harder. He doesn't forget as easily...has more tantrums for longer period consequently.

Thought I might get some tips from someone who has been there. But anyway it feels good to talk about it on this forum
 
SCR - Yeah I'm not a Dr Sears fan either. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. This link to the Aust. B/F Assocn has some more tips for weaning toddlers, but not much more than you are already doing:

http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/weaning.html

I find them very helpful because their philosophy seems to be more about giving mum all the information they need, but supporting their decision.

Other b/f organisations (and Dr Sears) can be quite dogmatic and try to sell you their ideology. Ugggghh I hate that. I think that more mums end up giving up because they can't live up to their lofty expectations of parenting that often just don't fit with mainstream parents. If they just gave a bit of sensible advice then supported mum's decision, I think more people would continue nursing for longer. Just my opinion.

As I said, I'm certainly no expert. My daughter self weaned by cutting down gradually on the no. of feeds per day. She just refused to feed. When she cut out the final feed, I just felt a little full. I stopped producing milk completely within a couple of weeks.

I would check this part out with your Dr. Good on you for nursing for so long. I would certainly be wanting to wean too, it's a personal choice.

What is better for your son - a depressed mum or a cranky week or so whilst he gives up? I think you've already made the sensible choice.
 
Thanks Jane

That link did give me a little more insight than other books/links I've seen. It does address weaning toddlers seperately. I'm already doing some of what they have mentioned but there are still some more things I can try. I am being realistic about how soon it should happen. I don't expect it to be all over in one week...I'm prepared to give it a couple of months. Let's see how things go. If all else fails when I go home on my next vacation..will enlist the help of family and go cold turkey !!
 
Dear SCR,

The book I would recommend is called ?The Nursing Mother?s Guide to Wean? by Kathleen Huggins and Linda Ziedrich.

I like this book because it is split by age group ? weaning a two month old is very different from weaning a two year old. Every chapter is the same. They start with telling you why breastfeeding at this age is good for both mother and baby, it addresses pressure from outside to wean at this age and then finally it gives suggestions about how to wean that age group.

If you are happy with your decision to wean then just turn to the end of the chapter. I think they need to address the pressure accept because so many mothers are uncomfortable about weaning but doing so because everyone else is advising it.

These books are available in the libraries of the La Leche League groups in Hong Kong. Call Maggie on 2817-7475 or Sarah on 2548-7636 to borrow it.

There is no research on how long mothers have milk for when they have been breastfeeding long team. The only research I?ve read is in mothers who breastfed for less than one year. The average time to completely loose their milk was 42 day (6 weeks). It is estimated that the longer you breastfeed the long it will be to loose your milk completely.

Occasionally you hear of a grandmother who manages to restart her milk to feed a grandchild when the real mother can?t. So once you have breastfed and got a milk supply established it is difficult to get rid of it completely.

Best wishes,
Barb
 
Thanks Barb,

I will certainly try to get hold of that book. I was going through a couple of links yesterday on weaning after doing a search on google. One link now I can't remember which said that if you are breastfeeding an older child and reducing the no. of feeds gradually then you won't have milk earlier compared to mothers who are weaning a younger baby.

Well I guess since there isn't much research on this ..it must be pretty individual and every person has a different experience.
 
I did a search on LACTNET with the words ?milk after weaning? and got lots of stories about people having milk for months/years after weaning. Also some mothers who had never been pregnant but wanting to breastfeed adopted babies getting milk the first time they tried to pump. I don?t think it is rare to have some milk in your breasts at any time ? even baby girls have it sometimes.

LACTNET archives address is http://peach.ease.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html

Best wishes,
Barb
 
Wow, I don't know that it's so hard to wean toddlers. My baby just turned 1, and he also needs to nurse before his nap/s and bedtime. I plan to breastfeed tll he's 2 because now it's still convenience for me to do so. But I'd like to know your result, just in case mine is difficult too. My e-mail is [email protected]. Thanks.
 
It's a long shot, but have you tried creating the end of your nursing relationship as a milestone for your son. My elder daughter self-weaned (sadly at 9 months), but for getting her off the milk bottle and later nappies (2 1/2) I spent some time before telling her about the "bottle fairy" and the "nappy fairy".

Don't know how receptive a boy will be to talks about fairies, but the gist was that one night she would put her bottles, or nappies into a basket at the end of her bed and the fairy would come and take them for a younger baby. In return she'd leave some presents. It only took a few weeks of talking about this and discussing what sort of presents the fairy might leave before she came to the decision to give it a go. And it worked. No more bottles and she never asked about them again either.
 
Thanks Armstroe,

Actually I have started talking about it..just 2 weeks ago though. Haven't used the fairy thing..but "big boy" talk. And since there is no elder sibling to show as not nursing..I'm using all of sesame street characters :) Elmo doesn't nurse..he is a big boy. I think it's slowly sinking in. I have to hang in there and keep talking about it I suppose. I can't physically give some closure to it though..can't put my breasts into a basket ;). Any ideas ?

Lynn,
The last thing I want to do is discourage any mother from nursing into toddlerhood because it seems so hard to wean ! I think weaning is hard at any age..for both mother and child. But every child is different. You may find that weaning is a breeze when the time comes. Or you may have lots of support from family. I'm trying to do it alone..without help from a helper of hubby - because I have no helper and like I said hubby travels a lot. So I'm trying to do it by myself. With my son I thought potty training is going to be really tough and he'll never get trained before 3 since he was terrified of sitting on the potty. But I found that when he was ready to sit by himself he took to it like a fish to water and within 2 weeks was completely trained. I was amazed how easily it happened. With nursing I think I should talk more to him about ending it and see how it goes. I will send you an email too later. Good luck and happy breastfeeding. There are lots of benefits of breastfeeding as you already know. My son now 2.8 years old has only fallen ill twice so far..and I like to think bfeeding him has given him that immunity. Also whenever I was ill he didn't fall sick inspite of close contact..again I like to think that since my body is fighting the infection he gets protection and is not affected by my germs. No studies to prove it just my feeling.

There are lots of books for little kids to prepare them for arrival of new baby or for potty training..anyone know of one that talks about weaning ?
 
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When I was weaning my first child I discovered that it came in stages. At first she couldn?t even understand the concept of not having mummy?s milk. Then she could talk about it but not manage it, next she could talk about it realistically and ultimately take the idea and put it into practice.

As we help child grow up we explain what life will be like and I believe that weaning is no different. No changes in life happen without talking to children and explaining our expectations of them.

The only book I?ve ever come across about weaning is called MAGGIE'S WEANING. The story is a child's eye view of the nursing experience. As Maggie reflects on the time she once spent at her mother's breast, she offers her thoughts on the joys and challenges of slowly leaving breastfeeding behind.

I borrowed this book from the La Leche League library when I was introducing the idea of weaning to my daughter.

Best wishes,
Barb
 
Super :) Thanks Barb you are a ton of information.

I know my son responds well to books..he loves to read and the potty training book helped him a lot. I should have started talking to him about weaning a long time ago. But better late than never. The thought of that book "maggie's weaning" has got me excited. I don't expect the weaning process to be quick but this is a step forward.
Thank you again Barb. I have to get in touch with LLL
 
Breastfeeding Toddler Meeting

La Leche League Hong Kong is holding a special meeting for mothers who are breastfeeding beyond the one year mark. We hope that during this meeting we can provide information for mothers who are practicing extended breastfeeding - as well as support and encouragement.

Here's the details:

DATE: Wednesday 3rd November

TIME: 11.00am til 2.00pm

PLACE: Flat 2, 2nd Flr, Tower A, Villa Lotto, 18 Broadwood Rd,
Happy Valley. Tel: 2817 7475

Some parking is available.

We will have a coffee and chat for one hour or so and then you are welcome to stay for a pot luck lunch. So please bring one dish with you. If that's not possible - don't worry, just give me a call and let me know.

If you are bringing a toddler with you, who will want to eat something simple like fish fingers and pasta, then please give me a call and I'll make sure I've got enough for everyone.

Babies and children are welcome - of course!

We do want to focus on the needs of mothers breastfeeding older babes of more than one year... so this meeting is probably not suitable for pregnant mums or mothers of newborns.

Best wishes,
SARAH and MAGGIE
 
HI Everyone,

I thought I would update this thread so it might help anyone in the same position. I took it really slowly. From nursing at all odd times of the day I've now officially weaned my son :) Wasn't too bad. One of the links on this thread mentioned about shortening the feeds. My son loves to count so I started counting to help him shorten the feeds. He pretty soon started coming to me to "nurse upto 5/10/30 counts" 30 is the maximum he can count upto :D We went home in december and he was so excited that he didn't ask to nurse except at naptime and bedtime. Once we came back he just gave up napping so naptime nursing stopped. Two weeks ago DH took up bed time so that stopped too. The only time he got cranky was when he woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to nurse. I comforted him but refused to nurse. Now he sleeps through the night and though he remembers nursing and occasionally asks to nurse he doesn't really expect to be nursed. I've really enjoyed nursing him but I was ready to stop. Had no discomfort, no feeling of fullness either ! I'm now sleeping through the night for the first time in 3 years !!! Yipee
 
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