How to tell the grandparents?

J

justineg

Registered User
Hello,

Firstly - this is a great site and lots of fantastic helpful information - thankyou!
My husband has been offered a job in Hong Kong (from Sydney) and our biggest hurdle now is how to break it to the grandparents of our 2 year old son. Particularly my mother in law - he is her only grandchild that she currently sees almost once a week. Could anyone who moved with children and had to do the same thing share their experiences?
Thanks!
 
We moved before we had kids - but we'd already been married for 2 years and it was somewhat "obvious" when we moved that we would be having kids in Hong Kong, not in Australia... it's hard to tell the parents when in some ways you're telling them that you're not going to be around for important milestones like (for us), the birth of our babies, first birthday parties, etc... But there's no easy way to tell them - particularly when you're close. The best thing, I think, is just spit it out, explain that it's for the best for you guys - you'll probably be getting paid much better over here, you'll be able to afford to go back and visit... the world's not as small as it used to be!!

We've been in Hong Kong for nearly 2 years now and we're currently expecting our first. It hasn't always been easy for be being away from my parents - I'm very close to my mother... and it hasn't always been easy for her either... but we talk all the time, we see each other a couple of times a year... and I do think overall, it's good for us being over here :)
 
First think about the strategies you have for keeping in touch... buy them a webcam if they don't have one and make plans for regular trips home (whatever regular can be for you, annual, biannual, a certain event, etc.) While they will miss them, they will likely recognize that the experience will be so good for him that they will understand. We just had our first and I am "home" visiting the family now. While they wish they could be with her more, we talk on skype/webcam often and they get to see her and talk to her all the time, the world is really much smaller than if someone had done this 20 years ago.
 
We moved to HK and had our first baby here, not exactly what you are asking sorry, but I can say it's even harder now, as the grand parents always make remarks about the fact we are living far away etc....
We all have webcams and we send pictures everyweek, and also call them all everyweek... still they tell us it's not the same and ask when we are coming back.
If you know it's good for you and your kids, that you really want this to happen, then don't try to fight, or explain, or give too many reasons why... because nothing will be convincing enough, and you won't be able to please everybody anyway, so at least be happy with your move !
Good luck, and welcome to HK !
 
We came here with a 6 month old, but not the only grandchild. We just told the grandparents. No beating around the bush, no special event, no playing games, just a fact.
It's your life. This is a wonderful experience for you and your child and it (I am assuming) isn't forever. They are your parents and should, eventually, realize this is best for you; just like leaving for college and getting married. They are adults and will adjust to the new reality. Frenchy's seem to have some issues, but I guess you run that risk.
One set took it better than the other, but we knew that before telling.
The Skype/webcam thing helps. And so does going home.
 
Skype, msn, AIM...

Hello,
We came to HK 3 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with our first baby.
We announced it to our parents as a great carrer opportunity and organized many many gatherings with the whole family during the months/weeks before our departure.
We also (I read someone else advised you that, it's indeed excellent) offered to each "appartment" of our family a good webcam and learnt my parents & my in-laws how to use msn and skype. We also planned there first trip for the birth and continue to plan some as often as possible.
It's difficult, that's sure but new technologies help a lot the grand parents to see their grand children grow in their everyday life, it's really great.
Good luck...
Alexandra
 
"we've had a terrific opportunity offered to us and we've decided that we'd be crazy to turn it down. we will be moving to hong kong. think how wonderful it will be for XXX to be exposed to such a different culture! we are so excited about it and are looking forward to it so much! and it will be great that you can come and visit us and experience a new place too!

it's only X hours flight and we'll, of course, be back on holidays. see, we've even bought you a laptop and video camera so that you don't miss too much!"
 
Thanks everyone - especially to Cara for your 'script' which I will rehearse right away!

We'll be in Sydney for about 9 months before we move to HK, so it will either be a living hell with a major guilt trip from the mother-in-law, or she can suck it up and make the most of those 9 months with her grandson.
:thanks
Wish me luck!

J.
 
Our in-laws were both thrilled and disappointed when we decided to move here. They understand the amazing opportunity it is for us as a family, but they (obviously) miss their grandkids. The couple of months before we moved, they took every chance they could to be with the kids, and have already planned a trip here, and we are going to surprise both sets of parents by offering to buy them airline tickets to come see the kids once a year (on top of any flights they want to pay for themselves), and of course, we will be going back to Sydney and Auckland to see both sets of parents as well.
At the moment, we send emails almost every day with photos of the kids, and a phonecall home once a week. Once we're settled, we'll be setting up a weekly session for the grandparents to watch/interact with the kids over the internet.
I think as long as you explore all the options, it can work. I know my in-laws miss having the kids just down the road in Sydney, but I also know they'll make the most of it when they do see them in real life, and we will make sure they share as much of the kids experiences here as we can offer them.
Good luck with everything... I am sure it will work out.

*hugs*

Lisamaree
 
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