How to cope with a miscarriage??

D

Dianeb

Registered User
Hi all,

I am 7 weeks pregnant today. Went for an ultrasound two days ago and baby seemed to develop fine with a heartbeat seen. Suddenly I suffered heavy bleeding last night and when I went for scan today no more HB was seen. I felt absolutely shocked and could not accept what has happened. I have been told by the doctor to wait a few days to see if I can naturally pass the baby out or to get a D&C done. I am currently experiencing bleeding and cramps but no sight of the embryo....

May I know whether d&c would affect my chances of future fertility? How many days should I take off from work? I am feeling very sad and could not forget my baby especially always recalling how his heartbeat was beating strong just two days ago. I also felt guilty in some ways that i didnt take full care of myself and the baby enough. The whole thing happened so suddenly that it felt like a dream. Could you please let me know how to best cope with this? I am scared it would happen again in the future.....Thanks for listening and any advice would be much appreciated!!
 
Hi Dianeb,
Sorry to hear your loss and please don't blame yourself.
I had complications in the early stages and had to be monitored weekly. I was always worried and thinking what I can do to make things better. My OB knew I was emotional and told me that in many cases there's nothing I can do or could do, sometimes is nature and unexplained. Whether or not a D&C would affect your future fertility, is best to speak to your OB. They should be the person you can trust and get the best professional advice.
Take care
 
Dianeb,

I will echo what Loveisgood said - please don't blame yourself. At such an early stage in the pregnancy there are loads of complicated things going on and it just takes one of them to go wrong for the embryo to fail (as I understand it). I had a miscarriage last year at 10 weeks, it's a very upsetting thing to happen but it's really common. Unfortunately things go wrong all the time. There's nothing you could have done.

I don't know anything about a D&C - I started cramping and bleeding a lot and went into hospital where they found that the embryo was being ejected so the doctors could remove it with forceps. It doesn't seem to have affected my fertility at all as I am now at 26 weeks expecting twins! I only say this to encourage you that there is life after miscarriage.

How much time you should take off work is up to you - every woman is different. Physically, I got over it in a few days and went back to work but I was only working part time. Mentally, it takes longer but it does get better with time.

I hope that this is useful to you, and I hope that you are coping ok with such a tragic loss.

Rachel
 
Thank you all so much!!! It meant a lot to have your support and to know that i am not alone

I am so glad that I went to visit another doctor for a second opinion and this doctor seemed to show more sympathy and instead advised me to go through the natural miscarriage route by taking cytotec. DC would only be needed if not all issues have been cleared. I am praying all goes well. I heard that some people may become more fertile after a MC - I hope this is true and definitely try TTC again in a few months

The first doctor I went to see I am sure is a very experienced doctor but he showed absolutely no sympathy whatever to my miscarriage. He just bluntly said miscarriage is extremely common happens in 1/4 of all pregnancies. He sounded like a machine. I mean I know miscarriage is common but I am still upset after all it was still a baby who once had a heartbeat and someone who knew what my heartbeat sounded like from the inside. it was really not a pleasant experience with this doctor. When doing the scan trying to find the HB, I asked if it is possible that the HB may come back a few days later (I know it's a stupid question but I didn't want to lose faith) he just bluntly said "the chance is zero". Okay maybe he is being factual but I guess putting the words in a nicer way would certainly have been more appreciated.
 
Hi Dianeb, I am sorry for your lost. I had 2 miscarriages myself (both around 6/7 weeks) so I understand the pain. The first time I let the baby passed naturally (I know it may be obvious but expect a fair bit of pain eventhough the embryo is tiny at this stage) and the 2nd time I had a D&C mainly as I wanted tests done on the embryo. I stupidly went back to work the next day after my first but for the second one, I took 2 weeks off.
The good news is, based on my experience and discussion with my OBGYN, D&C does not and did not affect my fertility. In fact, I was pregnant 2 months after and announced it when i went it to my see by OBGYN to go through the results from the D&C. I now have a healthy and cheeky 8mos.
As for the reactions from your doctor, I have to say that's pretty normal, and you'll be hearing a lot more of that from people. Most of the time people just don't know what to say so try not to take it too personally. I think back to my pre-pregnancy days and I'm sure I would have said something similiar.
Finally, all the best with your recovery. Do take better care of yourself after the baby is out. Eat well and rest up.
 
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