MilkMonster
Registered User
Cara, I agree with you. The emotional scars are MUCH worse than the physical abuse.
How do other mums cope with this stuff?
- Thread starter mumto2
- Start date
Hi I am new here, a father.
Pardon me for replying this (old) thread, but really like to hear your thoughts on a 'similar' : ) question -
"What do you do when your partner do things with their (= your) babies/children that you don't do? Or differently?"
wow this is a really interesting thread!
I never smack my kids. As a teacher, I can control 18 pre-schoolers without being physical, so I see no reason to smack my own! I agree that parents are role models, and need to teach through their own actions.
However, I do believe that some children do just need a smack, and verbal 'telling off' is not enough. kind of like in movies, when someone is being hysterical and then someone slaps them just to shock them out of it!
As for the partner doing things you don't agree with, that is difficult. My husband is chinese and i am english so we had very different upbringings. Normally if he does something i dont agree with, i ask him the reasons why he did it that way. If it sounds reasonable, I let it go, if not I will explain my thoughts and can usually talk him round to my way of thinking! (the fact that i have studied child development often works in my favour!) I would never do this in front of the kids though, as i think it is important that they see mummy and daddy as a unit who support each other, otherwise they will end up playing us off against each other!
I never smack my kids. As a teacher, I can control 18 pre-schoolers without being physical, so I see no reason to smack my own! I agree that parents are role models, and need to teach through their own actions.
However, I do believe that some children do just need a smack, and verbal 'telling off' is not enough. kind of like in movies, when someone is being hysterical and then someone slaps them just to shock them out of it!
As for the partner doing things you don't agree with, that is difficult. My husband is chinese and i am english so we had very different upbringings. Normally if he does something i dont agree with, i ask him the reasons why he did it that way. If it sounds reasonable, I let it go, if not I will explain my thoughts and can usually talk him round to my way of thinking! (the fact that i have studied child development often works in my favour!) I would never do this in front of the kids though, as i think it is important that they see mummy and daddy as a unit who support each other, otherwise they will end up playing us off against each other!
Thanks. Just finished reading another thread I thought relevant to my question.
Yes, it's difficult. There are times where my wife just cannot be persuaded, and I stand by my beliefs. Then there continue to be TWO units, or ways of thinking, hence a divided front!
It seems like my wife and I are doing works of building up and tearing down. One is telling our children xxx is not optional, another optional.
Yes, it's difficult. There are times where my wife just cannot be persuaded, and I stand by my beliefs. Then there continue to be TWO units, or ways of thinking, hence a divided front!
It seems like my wife and I are doing works of building up and tearing down. One is telling our children xxx is not optional, another optional.
carang
Registered User
yeah, if that is happening, then it will take about 5 minutes for the kids, even if they are as young as 1.5-2 years to figure out who is the "softie" and try to only deal with that one, then play you off against each other even more.
kids can be master manipulators. you NEED to sort it out, without the kids around and do it NOW.
kids can be master manipulators. you NEED to sort it out, without the kids around and do it NOW.