My husband definitely took some time to adjust to our first. He still wanted to play video games and watch movies late into the night, go for late-night movies and supper, have lots of company over during the weekends, and do all the things we did together when we were pre-baby when it was post-baby! To tell you the truth, I did feel very sorry for him that I didn't have the energy nor the inclination to leave the baby at home anymore. Poor guy, he just lost his "girlfriend" to "motherhood"! He was traveling 5 days a week for work at the time, so he also didn't have a chance to see what it was like at home for me or the baby. I found that it helped to give him a brief download of your day to help him understand your own adjustments to better prepare him. It also helps him think in advance of ways to help you during the weekends, even if it's playing with baby for an hour so that you can get a haircut. As a "reward", we would try to go on a date every month or so - maybe a short dinner at a nearby restaurant, where I would also take the opportunity explain to him or to tell him how much I appreciated his support for things that may be really important but unfamiliar to him, such as breastfeeding. This went a long way to smoothing over all the other new rules on which I had to be firm in order to survive the first six months - early mornings/breakfast and dinners/bedtime for me, rescheduling our social gatherings from the evenings to the mornings/afternoons, etc. If you want him to be a hands-on parent, it's so important to build up his confidence, especially during this time when clearly you're the expert. Believe me, he'll be grateful for your support, especially when in public. It pains me when I see some women put down their husbands in public with respect to their children - not only would it discourage the husbands, but it would only reinforce to the children out-dated gender roles. It might help to hang out with more families with not-only similar-age children, but fathers whose parenting style and involvement you admire, but try not to compare them with your husband - even if you think it's not within hearing.
Also, your husband must be a pretty great guy if you married him, so don't worry about making any wholesale changes to him. He'll be much more excited to parent a toddler than a newborn. In fact, I'm sure you'll appreciate him even more when no. 2 comes along - I definitely needed him to help give my elder one more attention, especially during those times when I'm trying to nurse the younger one or put him down for a nap. Nowadays, with two boisterous boys, there are often times I think he's the more energetic and creative parent as he's better able to keep up with them! You'll be living with your husband far longer than your children, so please remember to enjoy him as well as the children during this time. I definitely love and respect my husband now more than before the kids came along. Just last night, my husband and his male friends were all sharing with each other how wonderful their wives were, both as wives and mothers, keeping them level-headed. After 2 university degrees and 12 years in the corporate world, this compliment warmed me more than any "achievement" I had received. Good luck, keep communicating, and enjoy!!
