Home remodeling... yes or no?

Gataloca

Gataloca

Registered User
So I have been living in the same 3 bedroom apartment for almost 8 years (since I arrived to HK). My hubby never did any remodeling, and we just have some simple furnitures, like 2 small closets.. One in our main bedroom, and another one in what was initially the guess room. Now our personal stuff has grown so much, that the guess room is our storage room. The other room (which we use as studio) is another mess.

I really need to do some home remodeling. We need to lot of customized furniture (specially closets for storing our stuff). Although I am planning to place the baby cot in my room for now. I need to redo the guess room to make it a room for the helper and the baby to sleep when he or her get older.

So the point is that my parents called last night, saying that I should not do anything on my apartment while I am pregnant, and should wait at least till the baby is 1 month old before I can move any furniture. They said that I had been living like this for so many years, so why don't wait few months more. They don't understand that I haven't bought anything for the baby because I don't have room to put it, specially since I will have to clean up the "storage room" so that the helper can sleep while the baby sleeps on my room. And another big issue is that they are planning to come to HK to "help me" when I deliver. They don't understand that we don't have the space to accommodate 3 more people and one baby. It is easy for them to say now "we can sleep on the living room", but I am afraid that later, this will bring a lot of stress to me, and specially to my husband, when he comes home every night to find a crying baby, 2 old folks camping in the living room, and stuff placed everywhere.

So I told my parents that I wasn't going to move anything. That we will probably just moved to somewhere else, and the workers will take care of the apartment. But then they said that it is the same thing... cause the baby (probably its spirit) may be naughty and may be playing around on the apartment already??? That when people do moving and stuff doing pregnancy can hurt the baby, and then the baby will come out with problems and deformity??? So I was quite annoyed, and they said that I don't have to listen to them, but I should ask any "old folk" about this issue, and see what they say... So I decided to ask "young folks" instead.

Sorry for the long post and the rant, but I really would like some opinion in this matter. I know there is no relation between "moving furniture" and deformity of fetal death, but I am sure that if I go ahead with our plan, IF anything bad happens, I would be totally blamed. Anyone dealt with a similar situation with you parents or MIL?
 
We had just bought a new apartment when we found out that I was pregnant and the apartment definitely needed renovation. Situation is a little different from yours but like your parents, my MIL was very concerned and had me promise her that I would not go to the construction site. Like your parents, she's very traditional and believes that when ones pregnant, you should move furnture, there should be no hammering or nailing as this will cause harm to the "soul" of the baby. I don't believe in any of this but like you said there is that lingering thought of "what if ...". Anyways, in the end we compromised. My contractor knew of my situation and made a deal with me that whenever I entered the site, they would stop any kind of work for me to look around and for us to discuss issues. They would resume work only after I left. Also, any kind of hammering or nailing was done before we moved and anything that wasn't taken care of before we moved it was done 2 months after the baby was born. On the day of the move, I was told to stay away so my husband had to take care of everything. I showed up at our new apartment after the movers had moved all of our boxes in.

BTW, not to give you even more of a headache but my MIL had gone to ask her fengsui master and was told that when you move, the "gods" don't follow you immediately to your new place. So there can also be no hammering or nailing at the old apartment immediately after moving as this could still effect the baby. We had to pay an extra month of rent on the old apartment after moving to ensure that no one was going to go in and move furniture, hammer or nail anything.

I'm not sure how to help you. What does your husband say? In my situation I knew I had to do whatever it took to please my MIL since I was pregnant with their first ever grand child so it was a HUGE deal for them. And also, my husband is actually more traditional than me so I knew would definitely side with my MIL. As long as he didn't make a big deal out of the extra money that we had to spend in order to do things the way my MIL wanted, that's all that mattered. Good luck on whatever you decide! There really is no right or wrong.
 
i renovated my house when i was pregnant. i moved to my mil house to stay for 2 months and after staying for 1 week, i found out that i was pregnant. but the renovation has already started. i had to go and check on the house and deal with the renovation guys on and off. my mil and my mum, well the old folks were worried, but they keep it to themselves, because there is nothing to be done. the renovation has started.
my daughter was born healthy , but with a scar under her chin. i am not sure whether it is due to the renovation or.. just coincidence though.
if i knew i was pregnant, i would have waited.
 
I am pregnant and just moved to a new house too. Just like Wenyinshu, I compromised with MIL and visited the house after the worker's gone ... e.g. after 6 pm and discussed the house's matter with the contractor. I moved to the new house after all the redecoration done and my maid opened all the boxes. However, the house was so smelly that my hubby worried that it would be poisonous to the baby (many relatives said so) that I defferred the moving few more days. It depends on what you are doing to the house though. And all the redecoration process including choosing materials was so tiring that I would suggest that you delay your plan IF THAT IS POSSIBLE.
 
Try and wait, I was relocated into another office space (can't do anything about it) when I was pregnant and also visited a my husband's office when it was being renovated. My darling son nearly came at 34 weeks.. Traditional Chinese culture is a culture of blame, avoid all stress if possible, things happen, but don't let the old folks have anything against you for the rest of your life. Many people remembered that i relocated my office (it was just across the corridor....) and blamed that event for many many things. Perhaps you can consider going to a hotel for a mini break during the weekend and get professional cleaners to chean up and pack your house and move unnecessary stuff to to a storage facility.
 
Do whatever you wanna do, they are not physically here so they can't physically stop you. Unless you trust that BS they were saying.
 
Thanks everyone for sharing your experience. My dad was really mad. He said "think of your child", as if I was being selfish and just doing everything for myself. Actually I was just thinking of my child, and wanted to make it a nice place for she or he to grow.

And it really sucks, cause we have been wanting to renovate our apartment for long long time, but we always got some obstacles.... Mainly because I have 2 cats, and most people would not rent their place to us because of that. People that don't have cats, don't know that cats are very clean animals. They do their business in the litter box, and they are constantly cleaning themselves.... My apartment doesn't smell.. but my neighbor, a couple + 4 kids living in a 1 bedroom apartment, their place smell like hell. Young kids can be actually more messy than pets.

Well, back to the topic... Probably will talk with my husband. I know he will be pissed off. Probably will follow Louisouis advice, and do a whole cleaning of the place to see how it look first....
 
Sorry can't help you with advice on the parents or in-laws as mine would regard such beliefs as superstition. However, on a practical level, it takes ages to get rid of the smell of new paint so I would want to finish renovations as soon as possible before the baby is born and not subject a newborn to paint fumes. Also, it is quite impractical to move out when your baby is 1 month old so that you can renovate. You will have enough on your plate dealing with a newborn without the added stress of living elsewhere and dealing with contractors.
 
Portia said:
Sorry can't help you with advice on the parents or in-laws as mine would regard such beliefs as superstition. However, on a practical level, it takes ages to get rid of the smell of new paint so I would want to finish renovations as soon as possible before the baby is born and not subject a newborn to paint fumes. Also, it is quite impractical to move out when your baby is 1 month old so that you can renovate. You will have enough on your plate dealing with a newborn without the added stress of living elsewhere and dealing with contractors.
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Yes, I also thought about that. It would be more difficult to moved out and do the renovation when the baby is here... so it was kind of Now or Never.
 
personally, i think it's a load of rubbish and old superstition. i don't hold with such beliefs and luckily my husband was able to explain to my in-laws that i'm not chinese and therefore i don't follow such beliefs. it alleviated some of the "concern" but not all of it and i still had to put up with some (to me) strange suggestions and questions from them.

what you are experiencing is called the "nesting" instinct. and it's just that... an INSTINCT. some women have it show up as an urge to clean the cupboard under the sink, some want to re-arrange furniture, some want to renovate their home. every woman experiences it differently, but i would hazzard a guess that most, if not all, women experience it to some degree.

practically speaking, doing it now is MUCH easier! once the baby arrives, there is NOTHING more inconvenient than home renovations.

as for the parents & in-laws, i would simply say, 'thank you for your opinion and your advice. however, my husband and i are now the parents and we will do what we think is needed and necessary for our family.'

i hope i haven't offended anyone with my belief, but truly... this is YOUR family now. YOU are the parents. your parents' job is done.... they are now supposed sit back and enjoy being GRANDPARENTS. if they didn't want that kind of thing around when you were a baby, fine... but you are an adult who can make your own RATIONAL decisions. (a VERY western outlook, i know.)
 
Thanks a lot, Carang. I do agreed with you, but those superstition things are really hard to deal with.... If something bad happens, then you will be blamed for the rest of your life... This is really driving me crazy :tantrum:
 
but you could just as easily blame it on that orange you ate... or the cat that you looked at or the crack in the pavement you stepped on or the shampoo that you used.... the list goes on and on.

like i said, I think it is total and utter rubbish. for ME there would be NO lingering doubt. I would not look to blame my child's character on the fact that i moved the sofa when i was pregnant. i believe that a child's character is a mixure of nature AND nurture and that the two work together to form the whole child.

children with a tough time in-utero or during birth CAN thrive just as much as those that are carried to full-term without problem.

my two pregnancies were hell, to say the least. hospitalised 13 times for a total period of over 3 months. both kids born early, my daughter technically pre-mature. BOTH of my kids are now happy & healthy. my daughter is a robust girl with lots of energy (even though i was wheelchair bound for 1/2 of my 8 month pregnancy). she walked early, and was speaking full sentences well before 2 years of age.

all of that has NOTHING to do with what i did or did not do/eat/look at/smile at/think about when i was pregnant.

the question is not should you remodel your house or not....the questions REALLY are:

do i have the guts/courage/belief enough to stand up to my parents & in-laws and do what I want to do?

if i give into this, will they then try to force their beliefs on me again in the future raising of my child?

i KNOW that what i'm saying is VERY western and NOT the chinese way of going about things AT ALL. so, again, sorry if i've offended anyone... no offence was intended.

i can TOTALLY sympathise with you... i just wouldn't have the patience to put up with it... i'd laugh it off and probably say, "aiya! chee-seen!"
 
I join Carang on the western outlook... even tough I don't know much about Chinese superstitions etc, that I respect, but would never follow.
I have never moved and renovated as much as when I was pregnant, but just avoiding caring heavy stuff and having enough rest to save my back.
Apart from that, it depends what you think is the most annoying, living in your house and deal with the stuff, have your parents in law camping in your living room and have no time to do anything else for a few months, or renovate now as you want to (it's YOUR house) and listen to them blaming you for whaterer will happen to your baby (even falling from the slide will probably be because of your renovations anyway !!)...
My mum has asked me if I needed her to come to help me with the arrival of my second baby (at least she asked!), I just said No, thanks. No excuse... so you don't leave the door opened to any other proposition.
Good luck !!
 
LOL! Thanks ladies. I'll really take your comments into consideration. Let's see what my hubby think about this also (by the way, he doesn't like my parents, although it seems that my parents don't know that). We will probably have to wait till the Chinese New Year festival finishes before we can do anything anyway.
 
Another western voice here...
Do what you want. I`m not sure how pregnant you are, but I would definitely want to have my home all sorted out by the time the baby comes. You will NOT want to deal with all the details, disruption, noise, etc after the baby comes as you will be too busy feeding, burping, changing, sleeping, eating. At the same time, I would do it asap so it could be over by the time you are REALLY pregnant. That might be uncomfortable for you, and annoying.
Not sure if it would apply or not...but when I was pregnant the apartment upstairs was remodelling BIG TIME. It was pretty much the entire time I was pregnant and it sounded like there was a jackhammer going on all day every day, I kid you not. I thought I would go crazy. Anyway, my baby was fine, more than perfect. You can tell your folks that.
And about them coming to visit you after you have a baby... well, that`s also up to you, but I now wish I had the courage to tell my mother in law that it would have been better for her to wait a while before coming to `help` with our new baby. And she HAD a room to sleep in.
Tell your parents your doctor recommended that you do all your renovating before the baby comes:)
 
i will ALWAYS be grateful to my mother for saying, "i'm not coming to visit after the baby is born. the LAST thing you need is me standing over your shoulder telling you... that's not how i would have done it. besides, you have been a couple for the past 7 years, now you need to learn how to be a family. you do NOT need me there for that!"
 
Shenzhennifer said:
Tell your parents your doctor recommended that you do all your renovating before the baby comes:)
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Oh, this is a good one, lol!
I am currently 16 weeks pregnant. EDD July 10th 2010. We should be able to really start looking into this by March 1st, when the renovation stores open after Chinese New Year Holiday. That leaves us like 4 months, before baby arrives.... unless he or she decides to arrive earlier.
 
As a Singaporean, who had received western education and lived inthe U.K. for many years and had been brought up with a mixture of chinese and western influences. I will still choose to wait simply because it will be YOU who will have to answer to their never-ending questions after the birth. You may have a western rational but the older generation and the majority of Chinese relatives do not. Of course the more rational side of you will think that it is superstition but you will have to deal with whatever is around you. Just as we should not go around imposing our personal cultural values on others, many older folks cannot help it simply because they only want you and the baby to be safe. And since Asian cultures believe more in the 'good of the family' rather than the 'individual', if you can do other arrangements it will be good to wait. Perhaps you may even end up moving to a different apartment after the baby is born!
It will be very stressful when they keep blaming tiny details on the mother when you have just given birth, feel insecure due to post baby hormones andstuck in the house due to confinement.
I am sure your parents will not be too harsh on you, it will be the relatives wagging their fingers. Of course if you are strong, you can simply ignore them and think that it is all rubbish but frankly speaking, after giving birth all I want is peace and quiet and some time to rest, and I must confess, due to the hormones I was extremely gullible and insecure, if anyone blamed anything about the baby on me, i would have believed them.
 
By the way you are very lucky to have your parents to come and stay, I was lucky enough to have my mum. Because you know what, you are their little girl, they are here to take care of you even though they may let you think that they are only here for the baby. It was during my confinement that I realised how much my parents loved me.
 
Yes...... My aunt (my dad's older sister) kind of insinuated that I had my miscarriage at week 7, 3 years ago because of my cat... "Cats are bad!..they jump around, and may step on your belly and harm the baby... You have to get rid of your cats!".... crazy!

My dad also keeps saying that I should get rid of the cats because of the baby. Their idea of pets is that they are just some disposable items.
 
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