helpers/nannies - full time working parents

A

ania8888

Registered User
I am wondering what experiences other working parents have with their helpers/nannies. Just want to double check if my expectations are too high or totally unrealistic. For example, does your helper cook for you in the evening, does she do shopping and all household chores AND takes care of your baby during the day? Or do you give up/compromise cleaning and cooking vs baby care? Perhaps I am naive but I was expecting my helper to do all of the above. I am currently on maternity leave which means I take care of my newborn 100% of the time with the helper occasionally changing nappies, and holding my baby when I am in the shower or have something to eat. But the helper already complained that she is overworked! And that is just doing cleaning and food shopping for a 3 bed smallish flat and 2 grown ups. My friend told me that she totally gave up on the cleaning side, and just lets the helper be a nanny for her two toddlers. She was going to get some other part time helper to do just the cleaning.

My problem is that I was expecting my helper to do all three parts, baby care, cleaning and cooking, paying her well above the market. But it seems I am headed for a big disappointment when I go back to work. The cleaning schedule is already very geneous ie hoover just twice a week, dust every other day, iron once a week, wash clothes perhaps twice a week, plus baby clothes when needed and full load. I am not expecting a perfect house at any time. But for example, my helper takes 3 hours to cook simple meals which should take 30-40 mins max. She has currently no spare capacity to take on baby care!

I am considering getting another helper. But I just want a reality check that I am perhaps too demanding. I had a helper before, addmitedly before the baby arrived, but never had any issues with her. All householdwork was finished before lunch, and she had plenty of time for other things. This makes me think that it is possible to get everything done. I have invested already 4 months of training, detailed discussions and written instructions, constant feedback both positive and not so positive etc. And it is not getting any better, no sign of impovement...

Any views, anyone has had same situation?

Ania
 
Hi, doesn't sound like your helper is currently that overworked, like you I looked after my baby 100% when on mat leave and my helper had plenty of time to cook, clean and even walk the dog!

That said, when I went back to work I got a part timer to assist her. I'm sure it's humanly possible to do all three parts, but personally I would find it difficult! You can downgrade your expectations around cleaning, but now my baby is crawling it's actually become a much more important factor.

Also, I wanted my helper to have the time to play with and stimulate my baby during the day. If there were a lot of chores that needed doing, I worried the baby would spend time in front of the TV.

My part-timer comes 3 hours a day, Mon to Fri - but she walks the dog as well which takes a good hour.

Hope that helps
 
Ania, I've PMed you.
Working parents have very different needs from families with one stay at home parent. Any helper who has worked for a working family local or not will know that it is expected of them to do everything - taking care of baby, cook and clean. Don't expect the house to be sparkling though on daily basis, just neatly maintained. Once a week, on the day the parents have the day off, that's when the helper is expected to spring clean the home. From what you've written, you've been VERY generous! She's probably just dragging her feet i.e. not wanting to care for the baby or clean... 3 hours to cook a simple meal!
 
Well, many mothers all over the world manage 1 or more children, and to keep their homes at least semi-clean, and to cook dinner for themselves and for their partners.
I don't think it's unrealistic to ask someone to shop 3 - 4 times a week, laudry 2-3 times a week, plus baby care, plus cooking.
Yes - it's hard work. Yes - it's difficult. But at least the helpers get their days off.
I'm not unsympathetic - and the first few months are the hardest for everyone. I would say if your baby hits 3 months and the helper is still complaing, then it's time to start looking.
 
helper/nannies - full time working parents

Put yourself into your helper's shoes? Could you possibly do all that and sleep 6-7 hours? Is your newborn sleeping through the night yet?

I personally think its exhausting and if you do not give your helper enough time to rest, she will fall ill, then its a vicious cycle. Your kids will get sick and then you will get sick. Or worst case scenario is that something will happen to the newborn, because your helper is too tired, and it'll be accidental. Imagine that?

If you can afford the extra help, you should consider a part timer. The part timer can come in three times a week to take care of the cleaning/washing/ironing, so your helper has some time off.

My two cents...:gl:
 
josoo said:
Put yourself into your helper's shoes? Could you possibly do all that and sleep 6-7 hours? Is your newborn sleeping through the night yet?
Click to expand...

I'm going to agree with Josoo as far as her above remarks go... everyday, when I came home from work, I took the baby off the helper's hand i.e. no more baby work. Helper NEVER did anything with bub after 6:00PM. It means either hubby or I woke up if there was a need to during the night. She was off at 8:00PM at the very latest except for occasions like Christmas when we baked cookies. Even then, we gave her extra days off e.g. New Year's Eve, Boxing Day. So everyday, from 8:00 PM to 6:30AM she had plenty of time to rest.

But on the flip side, LOTS of families in Hong Kong expect it all from their helpers and it works with little investment in training as you have undertaken. It's just a matter of setting expectations and if can't see eye to eye with the expectations then, find someone else who can because there's LOTs of helpers out there who have done it and will do it again.

On the question of her being overworked, I work from 7:50 to 5:30 Mon-Fri, come home to care for my son til he goes to bed between 7:30-8:00PM, then start marking my student's work or preparing for my lessons the next day til late or I'm studying. Essentially I get up at 6:30AM and don't stop functioning as a mother, student and professional til at least 11PM. It's quite normal in Hong Kong to expect helpers to put in the hours especially if the employers themselves are putting in the hours. I don't get the luxury of a two hour mid-day break as our helper had. In your case Ania, the helper is probably undermotivated and is still functioning under 'island time'.

And to get back to Josoo's point, Yes, I agree, can you complete your daily demands as a mother and professional on 6 or 7 hours work. I can but I don't expect my helper to. If you can, then find a helper who can meet your needs because they are out there. Or if you can't then there is a need for a second helper.
 
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Thank you everyone for sharing your views and opinions.

Yes, I can function and I did function on 6-7 hours sleep before I had the baby (I work for an investment bank so no choice). And I can function on the same amount of sleep now with the baby. My helper works from 8.30am to 7pm at the latest with 1 hour break during the day. I get up at night now and will later when I return to work. In the end of the day I am expecting a baby care during daytime, and not a replacement mother. My helper currently does NOTHING around the baby, perhaps 10%. And she complains of her work load. I know when I go back to work I will have to relax my expectations even further... Baby is my priority no 1.

My point is, that if I can, and a lot of people, including back in Europe, can do it and do it all the time, surely the helper should be able to do the same. I am not expecting a wonder woman here, just some reasonable speed in dong the household chores, independece, initiative and self reliance.

On reflection, I think I have made a recruitment mistake (well this happens even in my professional environment). I have recruited a helper who worked for a household with a stay at home mum. This is totally different, I realise now. This really hit home when my helper, when questioned how exactly she dealt previously with different matters, used the expression 'WE' did this and the other etc. In reality she never did anything independently. Always there was the stay at home mum who told her what to do, how etc, with close supervision at most times. The WE comes almost every other day, whenever I have a question. I really get upset when my helper ignores my baby crying , now that I am at home, and contently rearranging the flowers. I wonder how it will be when I am not at home... I will give it another month or two and then if no improvement, start looking for a new one.

Thanks everyone again.

Ania
 
If that's the case, time to look for another helper. Unless you don't mind paying for another helper for the incompetency. And if you do relax your expectations, to what extent are you willing to relax them?
 
Ania, I would second that - best to look for another helper right away because otherwise it can be v stressful going back to work and worrying about whether your baby is ok/happy etc and the last thing you want is to come home and have a helper telling you how difficult each day has been with the baby. Ensure that you look for a helper who has previous experience with newborns/young children, and has worked for working parents. Unless the helper is an exceptional cook, then I'd cut out that area completely as it seems to take the longest time - get her to do prep stuff for you instead (chop/cut etc) and then maybe it will be quite quick for you to put together a meal yourself - or batch cook on weekends and freeze/heat up. I am a working mum and that's what I do - I also do all the shopping twice a week. Let her focus on keeping the house clean, laundry and baby care during the day for the time being but I would definitely look for another helper as it sounds like the vibes aren't quite right and when that happens it will get worse when you are back at work and having other pressures etc. :gl:
 
I agree - get another helper and set your expectations out very clearly from the strart so there are no issues once she moves in with you.

I do not think you are asking too much at all - in fact I think it sounds like your helper is a bit of a diva - if she can get a better job then good luck to her!!
 
I do not have a helper now but will be hiring one in a couple of months. I had a helper when I was growing up and the helper that my mum currently has, has been with her for about 8 yrs or so.

One thing I learnt from my mum when interviewing the helper was basically to ask her what did she do in her ex-employer's home. And also to present her a list of what you want her to do on a daily basis. Present the list to her at the interview and ask her if it is 'do able' in her point of view. If it is, then, good. But if not, it can be a warning sign to you.

Personally, I do not believe in hiring another helper to help your helper. Correct me if I'm wrong, a baby takes naps and this will free her from baby and she can do chores during that time. On top of that, she has to learn how to manage her time and manage her chores. There is a possibility that she's pulling a fast one on you. Give her a chance, tell her your expectations clearly and if she says it can't be done, then have a think through. If I were you, I'll look for another helper before returning to work.
 
Both my husband and I work FT and have our helper look after my daughter from when I returned to work after mat leave to now (she is nearly one year old) whilst we are at work. I think whether your helper can manage ALL the housework, cooking dinner and look after the baby depends alot on your baby and her naptimes during the day.

We decided to hire PT help to do the ironing and the cleaning of the house after I returned to work after maternity leave. The reason is that my daughter is a light napper, only about one hours max each time (about 2-3 times a day) and is constantly waking up during her naps - so my helper was always interrupted during her work to put her to sleep again. She cries each time she is left alone to play so needs constant companionship - she will cry even if she can see my helper in the kitchen preparing her lunch. My helper simply could not find the time to take care of her and do all the housework and cook our dinner. I think it depends on your baby whether your helper will be able to manage her work aroudn the house. With mine, she was a real handful 24/7 so I preferred to pay that bit extra to ensure that all the ironing got done and the house is clean.

If your baby naps alot and can play by herself, then sure a helper can probably do everything. But if not, then you probably should expect lesser of your helper in terms of the household chores to be done or get extra help.

Just my experience and hope it will help you.
 
Agree with Query that it depends on the baby. I currently have 2 helpers for the same reason most do - wanting more attention for bub and more stimulation instead of him being in front of the TV. Bub sleeps longer in the afternoon now , maybe 1.5 hours average, and helper can then get some free time to do the hosuehold chores, and some rest herself; if the baby is more demanding, like bub was when he was younger,then I can't really see much of a window for her to do other things.

A second helper will give you a lot more freedom and comfort, but from experience, I can say its not no work at all either - you probably have to manage both of them a bit more to avoid disputes. Lucky if both of them get along real well.
 
I got extra help for housechores

I'm a stay-at-home mom and I have a full-time helper. She babysits when I am out of the house and occasionally, in the evenings too (when I have date-nights with the husband, functions, etc.) I hired a part-time local lady from Sparkle Maids to do all the cleaning in the house. We also have a retired gardener to wash the car (most of my neighbors go to him for this chore - he is very good.) It works out very well for me.

I used to have a full-time helper pre-baby days and I rationalized that a helper can't be doing everything my previous helper was doing PLUS babysitting duties. For me, it's either get extra help or get a babysitter for those days I need to go out.

:Butbut I do, however, heard of super-helpers who do everything, including taking care of three children, cleaning two cars and walking the dog each day. I just don't know who they are and how they do it! Their employers must be very lucky people.
 
'Super helpers' who do everything? - "including taking care of three children, cleaning two cars and walking the dog each day." ??????
In most cultures, this would just be called "Mum."
 
HappyV - hahahaha !!!

have to say that there ARE helpers like that, my helper at her previous employer took care of 2 flats, plus old granny at an elderly home, and took the toddler to school etc etc. it was tough work for her and she managed, but I just felt that I'd still rather have someone give more attention to bub.
 
I've seen helpers in our block washing cars at 10-11 pm at night. Of course, there are 24 hours in a day, but is it really humane to work your helper that hard??? They don't really get paid much.....much much less than what an i-banker would..........
 
here is my experience - we hired a helper to look after a 18 mo and 3.5 yo (who is in school 8:30-3:30); she managesd to clean and care for 2 kids...she wasnt a great cook so she only makes meals for the kids (i eat at work or make myself dinner);
we just had #3 and i got a 2nd helper FT so she cook look after the baby when i return to work; the household cleaning could be divided a bit and cooking for kids still is done by #1.....
i def reviewed their previous work histories to see how hard they were working before to ensure they werent shocked by what they needed to do
 
I was talking to my helper about this earlier in the week. She said that most families hire helpers who have had their own children, and so understand the demands of caring for a newborn and young children.
She said that many helpers come from families where there are several children to take care of, plus a house...........however do they manage? Well, it's called real life.

It's quite a crazy idea to suggest that to take care of a baby and a flat is 'too much' for one person.
 
Happy V, everyone acknowleges it is physically possible for one person to 'do it all', that doesn't mean it is desirable - working conditions in all forms of employment (should) naturally improve over time - DHs are no different to those working in other industries where work/life balance is becoming increasingly important.

Doing it all might have been the norm back in the day, but the vast majority of stay at home mums I know in Europe and Aust/NZ have cleaners, babysitters, family who help out etc. etc.

Some hire additional FT or PT help to free up time for more attention/stimulation for the children, others may have demanding babies that require constant attention - or it could be that people prefer to treat their employees at home as they do their employees in the workplace i.e. if you are able to, why not create optimum working conditions.

It is all of the above for me.
 
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