helper's holidays

O

odm_post

Registered User
Just want to know what others think/will do in our situation....

Our helper has been working with us for 3 years. We always take her with us when we go on long holidays (twice a year) as we have 3 small children.

Now again, we're going away for summer holiday taking her along. But this time while we're in Europe, we'll send her to see her sister in another country (also in Europe) for about 1 week. We pay for all her plane tickets.

Now, my question is: are we being too nice to her?
Not that I don't want to... she's been a great helper so far.
It's just that whenever I tell my friends/other people about our plan (re. her trip), they think we're being to nice to her and that we're spoiling her. According to them: she already gets to see the world "free" while working with us and now she even gets a "free" holiday. So now I'm starting to doubt if we make the right decision to send her to see her sister.

And it gets me thinking:
Would it be ok and legal if I consider those days as her day-offs that'll be "paid back" on other days when we're back in HK. Sometimes we do need her to stay on Sundays or PHs (as my husband travels a lot). Usually we'll exchange that Sunday with another day during the week.

Any comments/suggestions on this? :confused: :confused:

Thanks!
 
do what you think is right...

how would you feel if you are told by your employer one thing, then a few weeks before they say...."well you know, everyone i talk to says i'm crazy for doing this for you, so we've decided to revoke what we already promised you..."

i'm guessing you wouldn't be too happy with it...

if she is a great helper, and you were happy to do this for her, and you can afford it, why not?

if i was her, i would love to know that i am so appreciated
it would make me want to please you even more!
 
Helpers are as good to you as you are to them. Not doubt, one never knows when they become greedy but chances are she is and will be a good person.

I don't think there is anything wrong with letting your helper go on a mini vacation to see her sister...you are the judge...is she abusing your goodness to her? Probably not. Now, whether it's ok to tell her that her week off to her sisters is considered her 7 days paid leave, I think that's between you and her. As long as she's ok with it, but I would just get it in writing...you never know when they turn on you.

My mom has a helper that has been working with her for over 20 years. Her two children were born in our house and treated like our own. We take the children on holidays with us, we buy them anything they want...My parents treat them like their own children. The mother has never abused the power.

You should be good to your helper, after all, life here is difficult withouth them and they are very hard working for the measley salary they earn...just know when to tdraw the line when they are ungrateful for your generosity.
 
I think you're the only person who knows whether she's worth the holiday. No one else is in your shoe & if you think she deserves it, she sure does. I believe that people treat you nice when you treat them nice.
 
Hi....

Thanks for your replies. I feel a lot better now :tongue: after reading all you comments.
You're right! I'm the one who knows if she deserves all this or not.... I know that she really apprecites this.

Actually by the time I wrote the first post, we already bought her plane + train tickets, so turning back anyway.... :smile: I just want to know if it's something right/common to do or are just being too nice....

Thanks!
 
Just want to let you know....

She disappeared on us :mad:

She's supposed to return on the 16th, she called to say she missed the flight. How could she miss a 1.30PM flight? On the 17th she never showed up, nor a single call from her. We tried to call her sister's no, it's always a voicemail.

Then 4 days later she called us and said she'd gone back to her home country because she didn't want to work with us anymore. I can't believe she did this to us!!!!..... after all we've done for her. She just left us just like that!

We reported her as "missing" but the police here can't do much 'cause she entered the country legally and still within her visa period (of 6 months). The only thing we can do here is simply to send the NORMAL termination letter to Immigration Dept in HK. Seems sooo... powerless! Is there anything else we should or could do in this case?

Help! and thanks.... :frown:
 
OMG! you wouldn't think that a person working with you for the few years would do that to you! that is so horrible! especially as you've been extra nice to her.
i feel bad for you...
i would think that is termination on her part of the contract without notice? but since she's not in Hong Kong, i don't think there's much you can do... maybe, is there anyway to make sure that record stays with immigration?
 
I think you are toooo nice to the helper. Im not surprised with your story. My first helper theft my money,cosmetics even wet tissue. My second one went back to her home country for new year and had the same story with your helper. So from my previous experienced, dont be tooo nice to them. Give them what they deserves as a helper and obey the immigration law. Just in case if one day they might be sue us.Because we dont know this kind of person...what will she do later.
 
That's awful what your helper did, and even more so because you obviously respected her and the job she did for you.
But that doesn't mean that there aren't helpers out there who can't be trusted- it is too easy to lump all helpers together and to say that because some can not be trusted, then no helper can be trusted.
I think what you did for your helper was extremely nice, and it is a shame you were taken advantage of this time- but I don't think that should stop anyone from being 'too nice' to their helper.
My parents had have the same helper for thirteen years and have found that the more she was treated and accepted as one of the family, and the more she was appreciated the better it was for everyone.
 
Hi all....

Back in HK now. We survived the 11-hours-flight with 3 kids :cheerlead It's not as bad as I thought it would've been. The children really behaved....

Yeahhh....I still can't believe she did this to us!
After we got home, I checked her room..... NOTHING left! Only a few old clothes and some toiletries in her bathroom. She'd removed all the pictures she hung on the wall. That confirmed my suspicion that she had planned this all along.
You think you know someone after 3 years? Sigh....

I knew something was not quite right. She's always gloomy and quiet when we're in Europe. Probably she's just counting the days she'd actually leave. She called to tell me she missed the flight only to make me angry so that she'd have an EXCUSE to "run away".

Now I have to write the termination letter to the ID. Which date should I use as her last working day? 16 (when she called to say she missed the flight) or 17 (when she didn't show up) or 20 (when she called again to say she decided to return home) or 26 (the day I actually type out the letter)?
Sorry.... I'm so confused at the moment.
 
Hi odm post,

I feel so bad for you as your helper did not appreciate for what you've done, instead she lied to you!
Just curious, what number did u call her when you said she had returned to her home country? I am just thinking she might be still in Europe looking for a "fake" husband??
I also fired my son's nanny in April whom she has been with us when my son was 3 weeks old. At first she was very good to us and my son likes him very much. But when time went by, I guess that she got some personal and love life problems and I suspected that she was hiting my son when my son was not listening. I fired her immediately with no questions asked.
Well, I hope that you will find a better one very soon.

Good luck!
 
No csy, we didn't call her. She's the one who called us, claiming to be back in her country already. But who knows..... It's a lot CLOSER to fly from HK if she really wanted to go back, rather then fly home from Europe, isn't it?

Since we came back a few days ago, there's so many things to take care of: report her case to the ID and her Consulate, looking for a new helper, getting the children ready for school, etc, etc.... sigh.....
 
odm_post said:
No csy, we didn't call her. She's the one who called us, claiming to be back in her country already. But who knows..... It's a lot CLOSER to fly from HK if she really wanted to go back, rather then fly home from Europe, isn't it?

Since we came back a few days ago, there's so many things to take care of: report her case to the ID and her Consulate, looking for a new helper, getting the children ready for school, etc, etc.... sigh.....
Click to expand...

Dear ODM,

I'm sorry for what happened to you. It's really awful. In the end, you tried to be kind, but ended up helping another illegal immigrant to enter Europe. If I were you, I would make sure with consulate and police wherever you were in Europe knew that she disappeared on you. Some countries (such as Switzerland) estipulate high fines for this and she obviously has all your addresses and contacts and could always invent another story if caught by the police. If she actually has a sister in Europe, that probably won't happen... she's probably well connected by now.

I see all the threads of people saying you should not be nice, or should be nice to helpers, etc. I am a human rights defender and am also used to having helpers in Brazil, and think the best way is to act as professionally as possible. After all, it is an employment contract like any other.

If you treat people with respect, and draw the line of what is admissable, and what is not (in writing - even better) it is easier to look back and see whose fault it was. As you're know now... it's not nice when you're taken to court or messed up with police reports for trusting someone too much!

But don't feel too disappointed, you offered her what was probably the chance of her life of getting to a country with more opportunities and better pay.

Good luck with finding a new helper!
 
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