Helper viewing porn at night...

K

KCKMelb

Registered User
This is an awkward one. Our helper has worked for almost 12 months, we have a 15 month old son, who she takes care of 2 days p/week.

I gave her an old laptop of ours to use whilst she is employed with us, so she could Skype her young family each day and watch DVDs in her small room at night - it made me feel better that a) she saw her children often and b) had entertainment with movies.

A couple of weeks ago my helper commented that the computer was running very sluggishly and could I take a look at it. In process of cleaning it up I went to remove the temp Internet files and cookies and discovered a detailed array of porn sites which it appears she has been visiting.... I'm not talking about one or two (which I would have called simple curiosity), but dozens!! This is someone who spends all day at church on Sunday's and what I least expected!!

I cleared the temp Internet files, gave her the benefit of doubt and didnt say anything about it other than 1- be careful that you only visit reputable non dodgy sites as bad sites can put viruses on your computer that cause damage.

Ive taken a sneaky look at the temp files again today (1 week later) and its filled with visits to porn sites!!

What to do!?

Please help... I'm after a range of different views on this issue.....
Posted via Mobile Device
 
KCKMelb, to be quite honest, I don't think its any of your business. I agree it probably doesn't sit well with you, as you'd (and I) would prefer our children to be looked after by a Mother Teresa, Florence Nightingale type - but this is real life. She's probably a young woman, with a libido, if the sites she's visiting aren't harmful, may be she's just finding some outlet? This is much better than wandering down to Wanchai to discharge her pent up urges.

Same sort of thing, if you happen to have found that she had sex toys to satisfy herself with after hours. She's woman first and foremost, so long as she does her job well, washes her hands before handling the little one and food, what she does in her own time is her private business as long as it wasn't illegal.

I would be frank with her however, tell her the reason why her computer is so slow is that the 'sexy' sites she's been visiting have clogged up the computer, and that if she only visited good sites like facebook, or skype then it wouldn't be a problem. Then she can take it from there as to what she will do next time her computer doesn't work any more.

Good Luck
 
You've said that you have given her the laptop to use while she is employed with you so you have every right to say something to her. The laptop is your property not hers, every company I've worked for you aren't allowed to go on to porn sites so why would this be any different. But if you have given her the laptop to keep then it wouldn't be any of your business what sites she visits after hours.
 
I would be honest with her and tell ther that it seems that she's been visiting porn sites. In the case of our helper who is a Christian (as are we) I would have no problem keeping her accountable on that. I would simply say that she'll need to use the computer in the public areas of the house from now on. She can still chat with family and she can still watch movies but not in her room. That's how I would handle it with our specific situation but my helper and I are also pretty close.
 
Hi there, thank you for the replies so far, much appreciated. It is our laptop and remains our property for her to use whilst she is employed with us. Any virus that found its way onto our computer as a result of her Internet surfing would damage our property. But that's not what I'm worried about.

I am more worried that she is very innocent and naive (although mid forties with young children). The types of websites she has visited are obscene and i believe pose a risk to her and to my family. There could be undesirable people lurking that could ask questions about her family, financial situation, my family, financial situation, our address.... She's quite simple minded and so the fact that she is chatting on porn websites with strangers worries me greatly. I gave her the laptop to use with good intention - Skype, email and Facebook so she could see and speak with her family. Its not a morale issue of whether I believe she should view those sites or not, it's more to do with the risk she is imposing on us, and herself - particularly as that relates to her living at the same location as us....
Posted via Mobile Device
 
I think one thing you should check is whether these are real visits or possible a spam (or a popup window) type visit. For example, take a look at the homepage. Is it something like

Site 1
Site 2
Site 3
Site 4

or is it

Site 1
Site 1, picture 1
Site 1, picture 2
Site 1, picture 3
etc. etc

If it is the former, it is entirely possible she got hit with a pop-up bomb--one of those annoying windows that opens another window each time you try to close it. If the latter, she probably is visiting sites and perusing stuff.
 
KCKMelb, I'm quite surprised that she is visiting these obscene (what does that mean?) sites and chatting to strangers esp as she is married with children, and am equally not sure how she could afford it, from my understanding these sites are really expensive and you have to pay (but am not sure). I still don't believe visiting a site where there are sexy stories (equivalent of mills and boon novels) or ladies articles telling you how to satisfy your man is not a problem - but that is MY definition of porn, but am troubled by your later post. Seems not as innocent now.

I would simply say that she'll need to use the computer in the public areas of the house from now on.....
My only problem with this solution is that I don't want my helper or my husband for that matter to be on the phone/pc chatting away for ages as it seems kind of anti-social to me and a bit of a nuisance.

Not sure what the solution is. If it were just related to erotic love stories, I still say leave her alone, but once she is viewing obscene material and chatting with strangers than it s a larger problem.
 
i was thinking the same as penguinsix. it HAS happened to me before. every time i tried to x out of the pop up, it'd open 5 more.... i had to scrub my computer once because of it.
 
on a separate note, is the computer always in her room and non-accessible by either your husband or your 15y old son? you might want to consider this so as not to accuse the wrong person.

the second question i would have is what an 'obscene' website is that could do so much harm to your family as your describe. any website with a chat function could do the same harm, so you might want to prohibit her from using facebook too.
 
Honestly, I think that if it's your house and your property you can feel completely free to stipulate what it can be used for. The argument could be made that if she's allowed to watch television that pay-per-view porn rented via that source is okay too. If you feel uncomfortable about it you don't need to justify your reason--either here or to her--you just tell her you don't like it and you don't want her to do it. Honestly, I think that's disrespectful use of someone's property--if it is the case that that's what she's using it for. If she really wants to view porn she probably should find her own personal source to do it through (own computer or DVD player). But, I think it depends on what your own standards for your home are. If you're okay with other members in your home doing so then it would be a double standard to not be okay with her doing so. In our home none of us view porn and I think that if our helper was it would be super disrespectful to us. But again, it's what you're comfortable with because it's your home. And that pretty much goes for most things along these lines.
 
just to clarify, porn pop ups don't only happen when viewing a porn site. it has happened to me once, when i was on a totally non-porn site that a porn pop up came up and when i clicked it out, it had a cascade effect.

it isn't necessarily that she is viewing porn, it might be a totally unrelated site and then the pop up cascade happens.
 
carang said:
just to clarify, porn pop ups don't only happen when viewing a porn site. it has happened to me once, when i was on a totally non-porn site that a porn pop up came up and when i clicked it out, it had a cascade effect.

it isn't necessarily that she is viewing porn, it might be a totally unrelated site and then the pop up cascade happens.
Click to expand...

Thankfully using a Mac means that I don't deal with viruses and pop-ups generally. But...my advice is that if you suspect that's what's going on with your PC--install some super-heavy-duty anti-spyware/spamware software and set your security settings really high on your computer. There is also other software that you can get to block such sites on your computer. I know for sure I'll be installing it sometime soon on mine just so my kids don't at some point stumble across things like that. This article at eHow may be helpful.

If the issue is unintentional exposure to these sites this is the logical way to combat it. It's just a good idea to do that to your computers anyway, I think.
 
it was years ago and hasn't happened since (i did install anti spy-ware etc). my point was only that it MAY be unintentional on the helper's part. my advice to the OP is not to jump to conclusions, but by all means broach the subject and say that now that the software is installed, if you find it again, you will have to either limit her computer time to public areas or remove the computer all together.
 
penguinsix said:
I think one thing you should check is whether these are real visits or possible a spam (or a popup window) type visit. For example, take a look at the homepage. Is it something like

Site 1
Site 2
Site 3
Site 4

or is it

Site 1
Site 1, picture 1
Site 1, picture 2
Site 1, picture 3
etc. etc

If it is the former, it is entirely possible she got hit with a pop-up bomb--one of those annoying windows that opens another window each time you try to close it. If the latter, she probably is visiting sites and perusing stuff.
Click to expand...

Install an ad blocker on the computer and you won't have to deal with pop ups.
 
Thanks again for responses.

To clarify with one poster, our son is 15 months, not years and the laptop is used solely by the helper - any sites visited on the pc is by her.

We are very conscious not to jump to conclusions and the last thing we want to do is humiliate and embarrass her. We have definitely confirmed google searches for 2 porn searches/sites and we think some of the more obscene site names dirtypriest.com may be pop ups. We don't view this type of material and prefer she doesn't either as I think it can degenerate and I don't believe she has the skills to know when it crosses the line.

As a total side issue - she could damage our property with harmful viruses - i gave her hints on both the issues and she didn't pick up on it.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
I would not have a problem with my helper viewing porn in the privacy of her own room in her off time on her own computer as long as it is not affecting her work. However, if this is a computer you might want back and since she herself complained it's not working, you could just frankly point out to her the reason is the porn website which are notorious for causing viruses and if she is frequenting these websites, the computer is never going to work properly. Since she brought the problem to you, there's no reason to mince around the issue.
 
agree with charade completely. the only problem i would have is that she is using my computer. if it was her own, you would have no idea and it wouldn't be any of your business.
 
carang said:
agree with charade completely. the only problem i would have is that she is using my computer. if it was her own, you would have no idea and it wouldn't be any of your business.
Click to expand...

I kind of have to disagree on this one. No, we don't (and shouldn't) intentionally try to pry into the private lives of our helpers--that's just common respect. But, when people leave their "laundry" lying around and especially if it's in one's own home one has the absolute right to make clear what one wants and doesn't want in one's home and those reasons are totally personal and totally justified no matter what they are because, afterall, it is one's home. This is a non-issue (as far as internet stuff goes) for us because our helper doesn't use the internet at our house. I have moral objections to pornography and it's my house and my rules. Yes, it's where the helper lives but above all it's my place and my property first so she'll just have to deal with it. There are other rules we have about our house that may not make sense to anyone else but that's just how it is and as long as I'm upfront about it with her I don't think it's unreasonable to require or not allow certain things. Okay, end soapbox. :)
 
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