Helper gone missing

K

kathyh

Registered User
My helper Emma just simply went missing as she did not return from renewing her passport yesterday!! She has left only the old clothes in the bags. How can she do this to an employer who cooks and cares for her and her children in Philippines?
What should I beware of that I don't know? Help.
 
Rani thanks.
You're an angel - you've even attached the link !!

Should I be expecting the loan sharks visit as I've asked around my neighbor and found out that she owes some people some money- now, she's gone!
I'm not really afraid of the loan sharks but just very worry about her safety.
 
Our previous helper borrowed some money before she left. The collection agency asked us to fax them a copy of the acknowledgment letter from Immigration confirming her termination. You should receive this a couple weeks after you complete the online form. After we faxed over the letter the telephone calls stopped.

If she's borrowed a large amount of money, I've heard the loansharks may pressure her family in the Philippines to pay off the loan.
 
i would also file a missing persons report at the police station... just in case something terrible has happened. also, you'll have a report number from the police that you can provide to any collection agents that may come calling.
 
Make sure nothing is missing from your home...valuables that it. If so you need to make a police report and possibly change the locks on your doors.
 
What a bad situation. We have been through this (somehow she racked up almost HK$60k worth of debt!) and all the above advice is good:
1. Contact immigration via the link posted by Rani and terminate her contract
2. Hold on to the acknowledgement letter Immigration sends you
3. Contact police to file a missing persons report, just in case
4. Change your locks
5. She may get in touch with you saying that she really needs help (crying and all the rest) - think about how you will handle if if this does happen

Unfortunately, if she has fled due to debt issues and the debt collectors come calling it can be a real pain (it happened to us). If they do call you, ask for the name of the agency, their license number and a contact phone and fax number. Fax them the termination letter from immigration and tell them to never contact you again (this usually works). If the same agency contacts you again, then lodge a harassment complaint with the police.

If a debt collector shows up at your home, don't let them in, don't talk to them, if you have building security, call them and also make a harassment complaint with the police immediately. We had what I would consider a couple thugs show up at just before 10pm a few years ago and try to come in to look for her. One of the guys shoved his foot in the door when I tried to close it. It was a really frightening experience. If you live in a building with security/ a doorman it is a good idea to let them know that your helper has gone and to not let any dodgy looking men come up to your place (I believe they told Parkview security that they were contractors come to repair some appliance or something to get up to our place).

Anyway, I hope none of this happens and you are able to move past her departure quickly.
 
Heartful appreciation to Rani, Carang, Mummymoo and Elle - thanks for all of your suggestions. So far, I have
1. changed the locks,
2. notified the guard about her disappearance
3. trying to get the Head of Security to change the password of the front door
4. Wrote the letter to Immigration - will post/fax tmw morning
5. Done the police report (yesterday) but will file for 'missing person' tomorrow
5. Valuables - nothing missing so far !

What I still find difficult and struggling inside me is that, somehow I still care very much for her - she had only worked for me for about 9 months and we had shared a lot during this time. I even gave her a free ticket to Cebu as a X'mas gift so that she was able to spend her X'mas with her children after being away for 4 years. I am also a mother and I feel very sorry for her being away to work and having to support her cheating husband.

I gave her a laptop to use so that she was able to communicate with her kids - I've been restoring the items in the Recycle Bin - there is no proof so far of her planning to leave or pictures of her with 'guys', but there are some googling on 'love and kisses' and also Indian songs and Nepali stuff - I wonder if she had fallen in love with an Indian/Nepali and 'eloped'!

It's strange as there was no need for her to do so - if she had found someone really nice, I would be very happy for her and want only what is best for her.

Btw - she owed me over HK$8,000 for buying a laptop for her kids. She also owed neighbor's helper HK1,400 and few hundred from the guard - all based on lies. The ironic thing is that, we shared a lot about Christianity and God !
I wouldn't have guessed in a million that she would do such a thing.
Somehow, I still worry about her, even at this moment.

However, the laptop is somewhat helpful in tracking her and a useful tool to discover more things about her.

Thank you all for listening and offering your advices.
 
A lot of helpers love listening to Bollywood songs and watching Hindi movies including mine who is Indonesian. If you can somehow get the phone or email of the people she was in touch with here, friends or family, you may get a clue. Try contacting the mobile company she was using and ask for bills to find phone numbers.
I would also say you were a bit too generous with her considering she only had been working for you for 9 months. But then you seem like a very loving and caring person so that can be excused.
 
call the police and immigration - you don't want to be liable for anything that happens.

you will probably get phone calls, but they will die down in a month or so...sucks, but that's what happened with us when our helper left (she didn't run away) and had lots of unpaid loans.

make sure your next helper has her own phone though and doesn't give away your phone number for ANY reason whatsoever.
 
The other posters have given you great advice and it sounds like you have executed on most, if not all, of it.*

It is kind of you to be so concerned for your helper's welfare. However, if she has cleaned out her room and taken everything but a few old clothes, then *she is very likely safe and you shouldn't be concerned.*

Don't fault yourself for being generous and don't worry about feeling taken advantage of. *It was the caring thing to do and even if she was less than honest, you helped someone who probably needed the help.*

Don't let it stop you from being generous with your next helper. I would say, maybe don't give a loan next time, either give as a gift or don't give it at all.*
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Dear Zyxwv,
Thanks for your comforting comments- I feel better now and learned to look on the bright side that, perhaps in some way, I may have helped her.
If she had cleared most of the stuff and leaving few old clothes behind for me to throw away, I would have felt less worrying but because she had also left behind her 4 year old daughter's new and pretty pair of shoes (Kirarin) that's why it made me wonder and worry.
I put myself in her shoes - if I had to run away.... I would bring that shoes with me bec it seems costly and the shoes would made her daughter very happy. Some Hello Kitty clips are left in the shoe box too.

Funny that I was telling a friend this afternoon - since I'm burnt by being nice, I think it's a lesson learnt to be tougher than be too generous to helper, especially. But I guess you are right that I shouldn't let this person influence me. Wow, this is so therapeutic!! Thanks.
 
Tangentially related to this thread, I wonder how many people have a secondary number to contact for their helper? For example we have the number of our helper's sister-in-law who also lives in HK, and the number of her family back in the Philippines to call if there is a problem.

Might be a good thing to ask for if you don't have it already.
 
Hi - how do you know something horrible has not happened to her - could she have been involved in an accident or something? I know the money thing looks bad but she may be hurt somewhere?
 
nikkig said:
Hi - how do you know something horrible has not happened to her - could she have been involved in an accident or something? I know the money thing looks bad but she may be hurt somewhere?
Click to expand...

the OP really seems to have taken this into account and filing a missing person report with the police, which it seems she has done, is just about all you can do. But if you read the OP's account of what happened, her helper cleared out almost all of her things from her room, which would indicate that she left voluntarily...

Kathyh:
More people should treat their helpers with as much kindness as you do. I hope your helper is alright and that you find new help and can move on soon.
 
I have contacted the Philippines Consulate the very next day (even though I don't need to as the police would have done it anyway but not soon enough, in my opinion) and they will do the contacting with her family/kids in Philippines as they have the contact details in the Consulate.
I've tried contacting the friends - they too were shocked to know that she had just left and that Emma owes them money too.
 
HI Nikkig - No I don't know if something had happened to her and that's why I am having a pretty hard time wondering about her safety. Precisely the question I asked the Police when I reported her disappearance on the same night, they said 'If something eg accident had happened to her, the hospital would have contacted the Police and they would have contacted me within the very few hours soonafter.'
So, when Emma had left at 2pm on Monday and I made the report to the Police at 11pm, I would have been informed by then.
I was told that, since Emma is not a minor (she's 34 year old) she is big enough to take care of herself.
Emma was supposedly going to the Philippines Consulate to renew her passport on that day.
It's been few days now, and the Philippines Consulate are still checking on her whereabouts - I did ask if she had left the country? with someone possibly????
 
HI elle - Emma did NOT clear most of her belongings, in fact I think, she had only brought a few things with her (eg documents, photos of her 4 kids, her extra handbags and few personal stuff) she have left behind 2 suitcases of clothes in the room.
What I find this whole thing odd is that, she had left behind a beautiful walking shoes for her daughter (upon daughter's request) and some Hello Kitty's hair clips together in it, of which she was so proud and couldn't wait to send it to her daughter later - she didn't bring it with her!
It's as if - she didn't intend to leave but the fact that, the important personal stuff are gone and she had gone.
She even left behind her leather jacket and leather shoes that she loves. She didn't wear much that day when she left- the usual - just a handbag.
So my guess is that, when I was out of the country for few days during the Chinese New Year, she had already taken out the important stuff to a friend .... but also, she could have taken out all the clothes during that time but she didn't. Anyway, I wouldn't know it until I checked her room as I don't usually go to her room.
Still a mystery to me!
Like the Ph Consulates said - she's an adult and she should be responsible for her ownself. Yes I know that, but I've treated her like a family and I like to know that she is safe.
 
Gracey, very kind of you for saying that but I am not perfect either.
Treating her nice was merely to show my gratitude for her service and hoped that she would put her heart onto her job. You see - Emma was molested by her father at a very young age and then sent away to the countryside. Later, at a very young age, she married a bump and had four kids. She probably had never felt love before - so, I feel very sorry for her childhood. I gave her extra money on top of her salary just as a 'motivation gesture' but I guessed, she didn't know how to be thankful. On top of that, she still owes me HKD 8,518 because she bought a laptop for her kids so that they can communicate on a daily basis - that was partly my fault too bec I encouraged it.
I really think that she had met a guy few months ago (after observing many things about her) and had ran away with him, knowing that I wouldn't approved of it given her circumstances - it's not unusual apparently after having shared this with many people.

However, this has taught me to be more cautious with helpers from now on - after all, we let them in into our home and they can 'ransack' our things when we are out. Thing is, I've had employed many helpers during my 24 years in
HK and I've never felt so insecure and violated as I have experienced this time. She knows so much about my family but I don't even have her contact in Phillipines!
Feeling stupid this time round but certainly not next.
I hope my experience will also help others to know and be vigilant as to whom we hire into our HOME.! Scary!!
 
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