Helper Caught Drugging Baby to Sleep
- Thread starter striker
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I'm not sure what she's done warrants jail time. She might not have known it was wrong per se, given her educational background. Termination, definitely in order, file at Immigration, definitely. Jailing her - well I don't know if she has intentionally tried to hurt the child. Not follow an instruction yes! Out to intentionally harm/maim no!
Look from a practical viewpoint, I agree with Thanka2, you need to look inside your home and work out why this happened. It appears that your helper has to work during the day and sleep at night with your child, she needs to be able to sleep too and was just sorting out a way in which is was workable for her and may not understand the consequences. The sleeping with the child and working during the day time needs to be looked at.
MacauMum, I think your comment is a little harsh. As mums none of us are perfect but to attack the OP for asking for advice/ some perspective and telling people 'it's awful to think some children grow up with such parents.' or to imply her children should be taken away from her is unkind at the very least. Haven't you ever done something you weren't proud of when you were parenting your child, made a bad decision? Lost your temper? Who are you to judge that her parental rights should be removed? I'm hoping your post was just a very visceral reaction and that you didn't really mean it.
Look from a practical viewpoint, I agree with Thanka2, you need to look inside your home and work out why this happened. It appears that your helper has to work during the day and sleep at night with your child, she needs to be able to sleep too and was just sorting out a way in which is was workable for her and may not understand the consequences. The sleeping with the child and working during the day time needs to be looked at.
MacauMum, I think your comment is a little harsh. As mums none of us are perfect but to attack the OP for asking for advice/ some perspective and telling people 'it's awful to think some children grow up with such parents.' or to imply her children should be taken away from her is unkind at the very least. Haven't you ever done something you weren't proud of when you were parenting your child, made a bad decision? Lost your temper? Who are you to judge that her parental rights should be removed? I'm hoping your post was just a very visceral reaction and that you didn't really mean it.
Striker, the second helper needs to go too. Get her to sign something confirming the first maids actions about the medicine so you can release immediately and can make a report to immigration. Then let the second one go once you've sourced a replacement, your second helper sounds very similar to some helpers I see at playgroups and playgrounds who are busy chatting away and not looking after their charges. Not a keeper.
JoyousBaby
Registered User
I will fire both helpers... They are there to help out not cause more problems. How can they be caring like you mentioned, when one of them is drugging your baby!
JoyousBaby
Registered User
Yes Mummymoo, there are too many such helpers around. Seen a few scolding and yelling at the kids. I believe most parents don't do that in public and why helpers are granted to do so? Wonder if employers know how their maid behave when they are at work and poor kids are too young to tell parents about how they were treated.. Hmmm
Drugging a child and disciplining a child, in public or not (after discussing how it should be done with the parents) are two totally different things. I have no problem with a helper or nanny scolding a misbehaving child (uncontrolled yelling / anger should of course be distinguished). We have the exact opposite problem most of the time, children who don't mind their caregivers when they are out in public acting inappropriately. I often feel sorry for the maids taking abuse from kids.
Many years back, my friend also fired a helper for over dosing her child. She specifically told the helper to wake her up when its time to give medicine. The helper thought she could handle it. The result was the child ended up in A and E. My friend never trust helper from then on as this helper even had a degree or diploma in nursing.
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Two years ago, they jailed a helper for adding her urine to formula and then feeding the infant. http://www.mid-day.com/news/2010/sep/080910-Indonesian-maid-jailed-mixing-urine-in-baby-milk.htm I wonder what the sentence would be in this case..
Honestly we don't know all the details of what happened. Would I fire someone who gave unnecessary medication to my child - yes. But would I necessarily report it to the police - no, particularly if I thought it was a terrible lapse of judgment rather than an intentional act to harm my baby. For all we know the helper could have been overworked, overtired and in desparate need of a break so she did something that while very bad and inexcusable may in no way have been intended to intentionally harm the baby. It certainly isn't inconceivable that she did not understand how dangerous what she did could be if she overmedicated the child (and there is no indication that she did).
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Agree with elle. I'm not sure how the putting urine into a baby's formula fits in, you would have to know putting urine, faeces ect into a baby's food is not on and is a malicious act, whilst giving a baby medicine so 'they can sleep better' may just be poor judgement and lack of insight.
Original Post Followup
First, thank you all for your detailed and impassioned comments. You helped us confirm a lot of what we had already been thinking, but also gave some good advice and added a few issues we hadn't thought of specifically.
Second, my apologies for not responding sooner. Getting caught up in all the issues above, while trying to manage a few viruses with us and our kids, settling our new born, and getting work done too were pretty taxing on our bandwidth. although i know in this day and age, most people expect instant replies, so thanks for your patience.
Third, to clarify, i am the husband, so perhaps my more rational over emotional side is manifest in my post here. Like Elle, Cara and others, my wife wanted to fire both of them on the spot. I knew this was serious, but as mummymoo, Gracey, and others also expressed, i was not convinced she had done this maliciously or even realized the potential danger to what she did. I think I believe as Elle wrote -- "For all we know the helper could have been overworked, overtired and in desperate need of a break so she did something that while very bad and inexcusable may in no way have been intended to intentionally harm the baby." And I do know quite a few parents who would have no issue of giving sleeping aids (e.g. benedryl) to kids to help them sleep on a plane or in certain circumstances.
Our bottom line was that despite the good work she had done for us in the past, and despite my view that she was caring and our baby boy was attached to her, she should have known that this was not an acceptable thing to do, and even if the medicine was not harmful, it was the principle of what she did that would make it very difficult for us, and especially my wife, to trust her again. We fired her the next day.
That next morning however, we did give her one last chance to change our minds as we discussed the whole issue with her again in depth, and gave her opportunities to explain and commit that she realized the magnitude of her error. But although she expressed some regret and apologies, we didn't feel sufficiently moved to change our minds. We noted on her release form what she had done, to make her next potential employer aware of the issue. [That being said, and a credit to how she can present herself well, she was able to get a new job with an expat couple within a few days after our release.]
Our second helper, we were thinking of letting go as well. But as she had just started working with us, had shown a willingness to follow our instructions, and as we knew it could take some time to find replacements, we had a talk with her as well, and will see how it goes for the time being.
Again thanks to you all for your comments. We've learned a lot over this incident, and hopefully we can be more careful and discerning for our next picks, and the training and supervision required to not let things get out of control.
[need to do more research on this, but a few interesting links]
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090713081023AAhvO84
http://voices.yahoo.com/why-its-not-safe-give-young-child-sleeping-9052257.html
http://www.childrenscolorado.org/wellness/info/news/51505.aspx
http://www.consumerreports.org/health/free-highlights/manage-your-health/benadryl_babies_sleep.htm
First, thank you all for your detailed and impassioned comments. You helped us confirm a lot of what we had already been thinking, but also gave some good advice and added a few issues we hadn't thought of specifically.
Second, my apologies for not responding sooner. Getting caught up in all the issues above, while trying to manage a few viruses with us and our kids, settling our new born, and getting work done too were pretty taxing on our bandwidth. although i know in this day and age, most people expect instant replies, so thanks for your patience.
Third, to clarify, i am the husband, so perhaps my more rational over emotional side is manifest in my post here. Like Elle, Cara and others, my wife wanted to fire both of them on the spot. I knew this was serious, but as mummymoo, Gracey, and others also expressed, i was not convinced she had done this maliciously or even realized the potential danger to what she did. I think I believe as Elle wrote -- "For all we know the helper could have been overworked, overtired and in desperate need of a break so she did something that while very bad and inexcusable may in no way have been intended to intentionally harm the baby." And I do know quite a few parents who would have no issue of giving sleeping aids (e.g. benedryl) to kids to help them sleep on a plane or in certain circumstances.
Our bottom line was that despite the good work she had done for us in the past, and despite my view that she was caring and our baby boy was attached to her, she should have known that this was not an acceptable thing to do, and even if the medicine was not harmful, it was the principle of what she did that would make it very difficult for us, and especially my wife, to trust her again. We fired her the next day.
That next morning however, we did give her one last chance to change our minds as we discussed the whole issue with her again in depth, and gave her opportunities to explain and commit that she realized the magnitude of her error. But although she expressed some regret and apologies, we didn't feel sufficiently moved to change our minds. We noted on her release form what she had done, to make her next potential employer aware of the issue. [That being said, and a credit to how she can present herself well, she was able to get a new job with an expat couple within a few days after our release.]
Our second helper, we were thinking of letting go as well. But as she had just started working with us, had shown a willingness to follow our instructions, and as we knew it could take some time to find replacements, we had a talk with her as well, and will see how it goes for the time being.
Again thanks to you all for your comments. We've learned a lot over this incident, and hopefully we can be more careful and discerning for our next picks, and the training and supervision required to not let things get out of control.
[need to do more research on this, but a few interesting links]
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090713081023AAhvO84
http://voices.yahoo.com/why-its-not-safe-give-young-child-sleeping-9052257.html
http://www.childrenscolorado.org/wellness/info/news/51505.aspx
http://www.consumerreports.org/health/free-highlights/manage-your-health/benadryl_babies_sleep.htm
We noted on her release form what she had done, to make her next potential employer aware of the issue. [That being said, and a credit to how she can present herself well, she was able to get a new job with an expat couple within a few days after our release.]
More than likely she didn't use your reference letter - if she can read English and understand what you have wrote and some employers don't do their due diligence. I can't imagine anyone hiring her if they knew unless they had no children or pets.
Our second helper, we were thinking of letting go as well. But as she had just started working with us, had shown a willingness to follow our instructions, and as we knew it could take some time to find replacements, we had a talk with her as well, and will see how it goes for the time being.
The second helper......I would be making arrangements to get rid of her too. For two reasons, firstly, the types of helpers that chat on the phone ALL the TIME are unlikely to change and now you have no way of detecting this. So long as she gives you lip service i.e. says yes to your requests then you will be none the wiser.
Secondly, she knew they first helper had done a very bad thing and dangerous thing, yet decided to keep it under wraps until she needed ammunition against the first helper......doesn't make her entirely trustworthy protoplasm.
More than likely she didn't use your reference letter - if she can read English and understand what you have wrote and some employers don't do their due diligence. I can't imagine anyone hiring her if they knew unless they had no children or pets.
Our second helper, we were thinking of letting go as well. But as she had just started working with us, had shown a willingness to follow our instructions, and as we knew it could take some time to find replacements, we had a talk with her as well, and will see how it goes for the time being.
The second helper......I would be making arrangements to get rid of her too. For two reasons, firstly, the types of helpers that chat on the phone ALL the TIME are unlikely to change and now you have no way of detecting this. So long as she gives you lip service i.e. says yes to your requests then you will be none the wiser.
Secondly, she knew they first helper had done a very bad thing and dangerous thing, yet decided to keep it under wraps until she needed ammunition against the first helper......doesn't make her entirely trustworthy protoplasm.
the release form goes to the government and the agency. and we were told the new hiring agency should be able to see the reason for why she was terminated. we didn't write her a letter of recommendation.
the second helper is not always on the phone like some others we've seen. we already told her it would be cause for termination, so she hasn't been using her phone as we or our friends in the area have seen. the fact that she didn't immediately tell us, makes us agree with mummymoo, but we haven't entirely decided yet.
the second helper is not always on the phone like some others we've seen. we already told her it would be cause for termination, so she hasn't been using her phone as we or our friends in the area have seen. the fact that she didn't immediately tell us, makes us agree with mummymoo, but we haven't entirely decided yet.
Isn't this also a case of careless parenting ?? BTW how much time did parents spend with child ?? if you don't own up, you need to go by someone else.
I didn't see poll earlier, Not sure why do someone poll on this matter. it is very private matter. decide on your own.
I didn't see poll earlier, Not sure why do someone poll on this matter. it is very private matter. decide on your own.
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