Helper Caught Drugging Baby to Sleep
we have had our helper for about a year and a half. overall, she has been good -- honest, cleans well, mostly seems to really care for our babies, attentive and mostly takes instruction. however, we recently caught her, and she admitted herself, drugging our 1.5 year old baby to sleep on at least two occassions when we were not at home. would you consider this a serious issue worthy of termination, or do u think many or most helpers might already be doing things like this without their employer's knowledge? Which percentile (top 10%, bottom 10%, etc) do you think this helper would be in the universe of HK helpers out there? Would you hire this helper yourself?
good points
- seems attentive and responsible for our babies
- over 1.5yrs, our baby boy does have some attachment to the helper
- plays well and seems able to teach our baby
- cleans and organizes well
- can mostly cook well when trying
- neat clean appearance and manner
- excellent english
- mostly takes instruction
- doesn't endlessly chat on her mobile like some other helpers
negative points
- occasionally ignores, and sometimes directly disobeys instruction
- occasional bad attitude, and can talk back at times
- occasionally ruins clothes by improperly laundering or ironing
- often moody, especially when criticized
- sometimes absent minded and forgetful
more background on the incidents
as we recently had a second baby, we hired a second helper, who was less experienced, and had an effectively lower standard of cleanliness than our first helper (which we learned later). We knew going in that many helpers are very leary of working with another helper, especially when both are from the Phillipines, and had heard the negative gossip from 3rd hand experiences. So we tried extra hard to make sure that both helpers would be able to get along, and allowed our 1st helper to make comments on our new prospectives, even eliminating one top prospect who she had objected to, and stressed that having two helpers could make their life a lot easier if they could work well together, and better than either of them might have if they had to handle a complete household on their own.
from the beginning, the two seemed to get along well, however in a few weeks, the two seemed to be having a barely concealed conflict between the two -- with the first helper trying to order around the new helper, criticizing her work, and the second helper, alledgedly not being able to keep up to the standards of the first helper (which was true, albeit she had just started), and making it a little difficult for her, always asking her what and how she was supposed to do something.
after a period of our babies not being able to sleep, and having a run of viruses, the first helper on at least two occasions gave some medicine to our baby mixed in with his formula, to get him to sleep. we were not there on both occassions, but the second helper later told us she had caught her doing it, and the first helper admitted to us that she had done it. the second helper told on the first, because the first helper had (rightly) complained to us that she had heard from her friends that the second helper was talking on the phone too much, and not paying attention to our baby, when taking him out for a walk or for play, even letting him run off unsupervised. so the second helper attacked the first by saying, at least she was not drugging the baby. the medicine given was a medicine that had already been prescribed for our baby for use against excessive vomiting (if needed), but after the first few days as he was not vomiting, we had told them both specifically to stop giving this medicine.
we had an initial talk, where the first helper had admitted she had done it, and where she had threatened to quit, or at least serve out her contract (which she quickly added making the threat), because she said she had difficulty with the second helper, and with sleeping with the baby. however we need to have a more detailed talk after the emotions of the event first happened. her first admission was somewhat defiant, and we didn't hear any impassioned apology at the time.
in our minds, the intention of the helper's action, her willingness to accept fault, her defiance of our instruction or inability to obey, and our abilities to continue to trust this helper, will be foremost in our minds deciding whether these actions are curable or not, and whether she deserves a second chance. in addition, we have no idea what other actions she might have done, or if she has been giving him sleeping aids or any other medicines, without our knowing.
we live in an 1100sf apartment, and have rented an additional 2BR 800sf apartment for our high school age son, and one of the helpers in a neighboring building. both helpers alternate duties and sleeping in the 2nd apartment every other week. when the first helper's sister died, we immediately arranged and paid for a round trip ticket for her to return for the funeral, and allowed her a week and a half vacation days even though she had just started to work for us.
we have had our helper for about a year and a half. overall, she has been good -- honest, cleans well, mostly seems to really care for our babies, attentive and mostly takes instruction. however, we recently caught her, and she admitted herself, drugging our 1.5 year old baby to sleep on at least two occassions when we were not at home. would you consider this a serious issue worthy of termination, or do u think many or most helpers might already be doing things like this without their employer's knowledge? Which percentile (top 10%, bottom 10%, etc) do you think this helper would be in the universe of HK helpers out there? Would you hire this helper yourself?
good points
- seems attentive and responsible for our babies
- over 1.5yrs, our baby boy does have some attachment to the helper
- plays well and seems able to teach our baby
- cleans and organizes well
- can mostly cook well when trying
- neat clean appearance and manner
- excellent english
- mostly takes instruction
- doesn't endlessly chat on her mobile like some other helpers
negative points
- occasionally ignores, and sometimes directly disobeys instruction
- occasional bad attitude, and can talk back at times
- occasionally ruins clothes by improperly laundering or ironing
- often moody, especially when criticized
- sometimes absent minded and forgetful
more background on the incidents
as we recently had a second baby, we hired a second helper, who was less experienced, and had an effectively lower standard of cleanliness than our first helper (which we learned later). We knew going in that many helpers are very leary of working with another helper, especially when both are from the Phillipines, and had heard the negative gossip from 3rd hand experiences. So we tried extra hard to make sure that both helpers would be able to get along, and allowed our 1st helper to make comments on our new prospectives, even eliminating one top prospect who she had objected to, and stressed that having two helpers could make their life a lot easier if they could work well together, and better than either of them might have if they had to handle a complete household on their own.
from the beginning, the two seemed to get along well, however in a few weeks, the two seemed to be having a barely concealed conflict between the two -- with the first helper trying to order around the new helper, criticizing her work, and the second helper, alledgedly not being able to keep up to the standards of the first helper (which was true, albeit she had just started), and making it a little difficult for her, always asking her what and how she was supposed to do something.
after a period of our babies not being able to sleep, and having a run of viruses, the first helper on at least two occasions gave some medicine to our baby mixed in with his formula, to get him to sleep. we were not there on both occassions, but the second helper later told us she had caught her doing it, and the first helper admitted to us that she had done it. the second helper told on the first, because the first helper had (rightly) complained to us that she had heard from her friends that the second helper was talking on the phone too much, and not paying attention to our baby, when taking him out for a walk or for play, even letting him run off unsupervised. so the second helper attacked the first by saying, at least she was not drugging the baby. the medicine given was a medicine that had already been prescribed for our baby for use against excessive vomiting (if needed), but after the first few days as he was not vomiting, we had told them both specifically to stop giving this medicine.
we had an initial talk, where the first helper had admitted she had done it, and where she had threatened to quit, or at least serve out her contract (which she quickly added making the threat), because she said she had difficulty with the second helper, and with sleeping with the baby. however we need to have a more detailed talk after the emotions of the event first happened. her first admission was somewhat defiant, and we didn't hear any impassioned apology at the time.
in our minds, the intention of the helper's action, her willingness to accept fault, her defiance of our instruction or inability to obey, and our abilities to continue to trust this helper, will be foremost in our minds deciding whether these actions are curable or not, and whether she deserves a second chance. in addition, we have no idea what other actions she might have done, or if she has been giving him sleeping aids or any other medicines, without our knowing.
we live in an 1100sf apartment, and have rented an additional 2BR 800sf apartment for our high school age son, and one of the helpers in a neighboring building. both helpers alternate duties and sleeping in the 2nd apartment every other week. when the first helper's sister died, we immediately arranged and paid for a round trip ticket for her to return for the funeral, and allowed her a week and a half vacation days even though she had just started to work for us.
