Helper arriving - what to prepare

J

jaetee

Registered User
Hopefully our helper is arriving from the Philippines this weekend. I have a bed for her but what else should I have ready?? Sheets, towels, toiletries?

And is it bad form to give her extra guest sheets and towels we already have?

I have never had a helper so advice is gratefully appreciated.

Thanks in advance for suggestions.
 
i think it's nice to have the basics, blankets, toothbrush, toiletries, slippers. most of them eventually get their own toiletries once they settle in. i guess just the basics you need to get through a few days, until she can go out on her first day off to get her own stuff.

it's not bad form to give her your guest sheets and towels, they won't be expecting new stuff.

we get them comfy 'work clothes', just nice/cheap comfy tshirts and pants. it's not formal and they're not forced to wear it, but they're happy when they get it, as it's comfortable for them too, and they don't have to make their own clothes 'dirty' when working.

oh, sometimes, it's nice to write down a list of things/chores they're supposed to do, on which day etc. i think this helps with breifing them in the beginning. somebody also mentioned ground rules, better lay them down early, than argue about them later.
 
i don't think that it's nice to give them a list...it's NECESSARY!
also, don't just give them a list. take them through the house and physically show them how you like stuff done.

show them how you like the toilet cleaned, what you expect for making the bed, etc.

you'll find that what you may consider to be common sense is not necessarily translatable and common sense for others.

good luck! enjoy the extra time with your new addition that having a helper gives you!
 
You definitely need to give her some ground rules - perhaps you have friends who can give you a sample? - it will avoid tears later.

Spare sheets is fine. The idea of work clothes is a good one, but not essential. If the job will be mainly cooking/cleaning then she might appreciate work clothes, but if it's mainly childcare she might not.

I would provide only very basic toiletries (does she have a separate bathroom or will you share?) - my helper buy her own, and uses our shopping money for toilet paper and soap only (I put this in my long list of guidelines).

If you are particular about how you like things cleaned then you MUST show her (not tell her), and buy the products that you want her to use. I may have mentioned this before...CIF....evil product. Bleach also will cause tears.
 
In addition to writing down expected jobs and scheduling (e.g. dust daily? Vacuum daily? every other day?, etc.) I would also recommend.

1) Make a list of your emergency contacts and her emergency contacts. Who should she call in Hong Kong and/or overseas in an emergency? Who should you notify in case she has an accident or something?
Make sure she knows 999 for police and fire.

2) Going through recipe books with her and list the recipes that you like. Maybe even write down a fortnighht's menus for her w/ name of cook book
and page number

3) Go shopping w/ her & explain how you like things or expect. For example one thing I just discovered about my present helper is that she never opened a box of eggs to check for cracks or broken eggs before purchase (maybe because she did not buy eggs at a supermarket in her home town?). This is something my parents taught me at a young age - so I never thought this was something I needed to ask for.

4) Explain very clearly what you expect.

For example, I don't care what towels she uses - everyone in our family uses the same bunch and when they are dirty they get washed. But some people might have a thing where "brother uses the striped; sister uses the solid blue; mother uses the yellow; father uses the green..." so then you would want her to use only a particular set.

5) After a week or so, sit down (after the kids are asleep) and do a review of things that are going well and things that need reminding.

6) Make sure she understands your instructions. Some helpers will say "yes ma'am" because that is the easiest thing. So ask her (as nicely as possible) "do you understand; can you tell me in your own words what I've asked you to do" (e.g. pick up son from A and take him B and return home at such and such a time).
 
I have written a daily schedule for our helper as per the 'helper's helper ' book. What I was wondering though is what sort of rules everyone sets for their helper. Also, how do they address you? Is it inappropriate for them to call you by your first name?
 
it is what you are comfortable with.

my helper tried calling me ma'am, but i was VERY uncomfortable with this, so she has called us by our first names ever since.

as for rules, i never really set any. i told her that i didn't care what she did on her day off, but she was NOT allowed to work part-time. i also told her there was no curfew, but i would expect that she'd be ready for work the next day. also that she not wake everyone in the house up on her return. we've NEVER had a problem with this.

if she wants to go out after dinner, she always asks if it's ok with us. so far, it hasn't been a problem. (we've just renewed her contract.)
 
We told her she has to be up by 7:30 am because my husband goes to work at 8 am and DD wakes up around that time. She can go to bed anytime she wants as long as the chores for the day are done. I give her a curfew on her rest days at 10:15 pm. She can leave anytime she wants in the morning.

I told her that if she ever wants to borrow money, come to us first and not borrow it from any outside source. My mother's previous maid borrowed a huge amount from a so-called financial company they ended up calling me everyday (I was single and living with them at that time) to get her to pay back, but she had left already because we didn't renew her contract.

I also asked her to limit the use of our house phone. She has her own mobile phone anyway. My mother's DH's friends call her house all the time, DH receives more phone calls there than my parents. Also the previous DH (mentioned in the last paragraph) used my parents' driver's mobile phone in the middle of the night and racked up more than $1000 in phone bill per month.

I also gave her a list of chores broken down by day, week and month. I agree that to make sure they understand what you want, you must demonstrate because they will say "yes, ma'am" even if they do not understand.
 
sophwillsmum said:
I have written a daily schedule for our helper as per the 'helper's helper ' book. What I was wondering though is what sort of rules everyone sets for their helper. Also, how do they address you? Is it inappropriate for them to call you by your first name?
Click to expand...

I always tell them to call us by our names - but they always ended up calling us "ma'am" and "sir". Although our first helper started to call me by name after her second contract (I think). I don't want to make a big deal of it - so whatever they want to do is fine. I call them by their names (after asking their permission).

The children call our helpers "Auntie" X. I did this partially because from what I understand of Filipino culture, it is the polite way for children to address women who they interact w/ intimately (e.g. not Miss. Y, like at school). Also because in Chinese it's also the polite way ('though one has to be careful and now that I am a "certain age" I call any woman who appears to be under the age of 65, "JieJie").

When I refer to the helper in the third person to the kids, I'll call her "Auntie X".

When starting our helpers off, I explain very seriously that I expect our kids to be polite and obedient. That when she is there and I am not, she is my substitute and the kids must treat her and her requests and instructions w/ the same respect that they would my own. Infractions should be reported to me or my husband and we will discipline the children.

I also explain to them that if our household is a ship: Husband and I are the captains - she is the First Mate; the kids are the crew.

The kids carry their own back packs, put their own clothes in the hamper; wipe up their own spills; carry their plates to the kitchen, etc.

If you have an infant, of course many of these things are beside the point (for the time being) but I think it's good to think about these things right from the beginning and also consider how the children will be soothed and disciplined.

For example, I've heard some helpers threatening kids w/ a "policeman" if they do not obey. I believe very strongly in only giving threats that will happen. I prefered that my helpers threatened my kids w/ tell *me* ;)

Other rules:
No hitting the kids
Don't buy junk-food for the kids (even if they BEG)
Report all breakage & ruined things immediately
Generally no sleeping out (except for special holidays with our agreement)
Don't borrow $
 
I have a list of house rule and job schedule for our maid when on board. As I am a working mom, I have to brief her and make sure she is fully understand my instruction and requirement to take care my baby. Different culture and background will cause simple things or common sense complicated.

Just my two cents... We all treat the maid as family member but sometimes they won't in return. If this is the case, don't be upset. I was disappointed to my first maid, as she finally break the contract (her reason is homesick) and borrow $ just before she left (no intention to repay), drunk in her rest day and etc. But thanks God, our second maid is a good one.

Good luck!!
 
mintycat is right i have similar instructions re: borrowing money, home phone, etc. i try to lend them one fo my extra cell phones & ask her whether she needs a cell phone. if yes, before they save up the money to buy one, i lend her mine, and get her a PCCW card form 7-11 so that she can call home.

you definitely need a list of chores you wish to be done & ask her to check them every time she did it, at least for the 1st mth. and revise with her after every week. i try to be nice & talk to her at the end of the mth to ask her how she's doing & settling in, missing home, etc.

you might want to give her guideline as to when to talk on the fone. some chat on the phone while feeding the baby, and while they're "playing" w/ the children. i cannot accept that as when i was at the office i was expected not to chat on the phone while at work. maybe talk for a few mins to make plans for after work (for them it's their day off). so better set these rules before they go overboard.

good luck!
 
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