Help! Working mum leaving baby with helper...

S

sherwes

Registered User
Hi,

I hope someone will be able to give me some guidance on an issue that is causing me heaps of anxiety.

I work part time (in the office for 3 days, 1 day from home with Fridays off). At the moment I have got a New Zealand nanny who looks after my 8 month old from 8am to 6pm on the days I work. She has another job to go to in mid August and after that my helper will look after my baby when I am at work.

I am getting very anxious about leaving my baby with the helper all day for 3 days per week. I am happy with the helper that I have employed (although she hasn't started yet!) but what will she do all day with my baby? The nanny can take him swimming, drive him places or take him in a taxi to Gymboree/Panda Junction. The helper can't swim and can't drive in HK. Also, I would be really worried about letting her take my baby places in a taxi because I am worried that, firstly, she might not be as strict about putting the car seat in correctly as someone from a Western background and, secondly, she might not be as assertive with the driver if he was speeding or did something dangerous. Further, I live at the beginning of Conduit Rd and there are heaps of steps to go anywhere (except along Conduit Rd) so you really do need to take a taxi to playgroups etc.

Therefore I think my options are:
1. stay at home with my baby myself - but I love my job and have only just returned to work.
2. hire another NZ/UK/Aust nanny - at a cost of around HK$7,000 per week part time - gulp.
3. hire another helper on a live out basis. The other helper could assist my live in helper to take the pram down the 100 or so steps to get to Gymboree/Panda Junction and generally help her to get out and about with the baby.
4. stop being so anxious and just see how it works out!

I'd really be interested in how other people deal with this issue. Am I just making a big issue out of nothing??

Thanks very much.
 
for much less than that amount of money ($7000 per week?!!) you can hire a driver and have him drive the helper and your baby safely anywhere they want to go.
 
Thanks AndreaY. Do you know how much drivers cost? Do they charge by he hour or do you need to pay them a monthly salary? Around 7,000 per week was not a misprint!!! Western nannies cost a fortune in HK which is probably why people use their helpers to do the nannying instead....
 
why dont u give it try and see how the helper manages, u can take her once or twice and tell her how u want things to be done. Being anxious is normal. But I would say give it a try and see what happens

Best of luck
 
Thanks Neha. I do wonder whether I am just being too anxious. Part of the guilt of being a working mum I suppose....
 
Help! Working mum leaving baby with helper

I am a working mother and have two helpers, a driver, a Chinese nanny and still worry! But the more you worry, the more you are going to stress yourself out.

Helpers need to be trained and you have to be patient with them. Why don't you take a week off work and train her to take your son to places, fastern the seat belt, feeding, going to Gymboree, etc.

You have to remember, helpers definitely cheaper, but they come from provinces in The Philippines that are like 8 hours out from Manila. They haven't seen most things and experienced a lot in their lives. So you have to lower your expectations and work around it.

Hiring a second helper is a great idea, because they can share the household duties, and escort your first helper around. I definitely recommend that!

Do PM me if you feel you need to chat...
 
hi! i had the same fears as you, but in the end found that our helper was extremely safety conscious and had no hesitation telling the taxi driver to go slow. that said, i did ensure that baby's taxi trips with helper were far and few between. this is what i would do if i were you -- save the swimming for weekends & panda/gymboree class for the day you are off work so that you can take your baby yourself. if the class is twice weekly then could the other day be the one where you work from home so that at least you can keep a general eye on safety for the first few times. also a baby less than a year old does not need the constant stimulation that an older toddler might - watching the helper do the housework, banging pots and pans in the kitchen, all these things are equally interesting to them and as long as the helper is kind and talks and sings often to the baby things should be fine for 3 days a week. I also sorted out the toys carefully so that the helper could use some for more stimulating times (say morning hours) and then wind down toys for before bedtime etc. Babies also love water play - if you have a good seat for the baby in the bath tub, a mid-day bath in this hot and humid weather would be quite fun for helper and baby to do together at home. also, how about a sling for the baby and helper to go out together - that way the escalator will be more manageable and the baby can accompany helper on shopping trips etc - or even come to your office once a week for a coffee break or something if that is feasible (sorry if this sounds impossible it is just a suggestion as you are feeling anxious and sometimes it is very nice to see your baby even for 20 minutes at a nearby starbucks or whatever). My other suggestion would be to find playdates along conduit road/robinson road or wherever helper and baby can go in the sling or with the stroller- you could have another helper and baby come to your place one of the three days that you are out at work - and your helper take the baby out to a playdate on another of the days. This would again avoid the anxiety of the taxi issue. Hope some of this is helpful..
 
Hi Sherwes,

I am in the same situation as yourself. I will soon be going back to work and will have my helper look after my baby until I can afford to hire a western nanny. It's a compromise I had to make after enquiring and finding out that a full time nanny is 50,000-60,000 hkd per month. Does any one out there know if this is even correct, I only asked one nanny who was recommended by mother-in law's friend.

We have a driver and he costs 12,000 per month full time so you could well afford that when you give up your nanny. If you would like to meet up and chat you could PM me and we could muddle our way through this together.
 
Thanks Mummymoo. I will PM you re meeting up for a strategy session!
Regarding the cost of a western nanny - my experience is that they charge between HK160-250 per hour. Full time nannies are around HK24-40k per month according to the Annerley website.
 
Hi Sherwes,

The guilt of going back to work is bad enough, let alone fear of what will happen to the baby down those steps. But you know what? Helpers are seriously strong. I have seen some tiny petite little women holding these toddlers and marching faster than I walk, I mean, these women are mentally and physically very strong and have the patience of saints. So don't worry about those steps. Your helper could probably arm wrestle you to the ground. My helper can hold my toddler and baby longer than I can, I swear she takes protein supplements or something, and I work out every day but I swear she's stronger than me.

And as for speeding taxi's, dont' worry about it, if your helper gets scared, she will say something or possibly swear at them in Tagalog, either way they will slow down. I have seen my helper give people hell when they piss her off, its hilarious.

I really envy you for going back to work, thats great. I worked in the UK after having my first, I loved it. Since moving here and having my second, I can't get work, been hunting for 6 months, absolute nightmare. So depressed about it. So enjoy going back, don't worry about the baby, and as for guilt, it gets better. The worst for me with guilt is when I go out for a drink and both of my babies are howling, its awful!

Best of luck,
Sophie
 
I think many people in HK are in the same situation as you are.

I had to leave my 6 month old with my helper and was really worried for the first few weeks. However, I gave her training whilst I was still at home and gradually let her take over the care of the baby under my eye so I felt confident leaving her.

There are some helper training courses available that specialise in all aspects of child care. Annerley run a first aid and baby care course and Ladybird Lessons run child development and activity ideas courses. Perhaps you could send her on some of those so she has some more ideas for appropriate activities. My helper goes shopping and does the routine things on a Saturday when I am home to look after the baby.

I think if you have hired a good helper and trained her properly she should be equally as good as a hired nanny and much cheaper !

Also helpers are very resourceful and get to know the other helpers around them very quickly - much quicker than a western nanny would. I am sure your helper will be arranging play dates for your child in no time with other children in the building.
 
just a question...
why can't your helper take the baby on the bus???

we live WAY out in sai kung country park and my helper manages to take BOTH of my kids (3.5 yrs, very well behaved son and 1.5 years, rambuncious daughter). it takes minimum 20 minutes by public transport, but it would cost almost $80 just to go to the supermarket by taxi, so that isn't an option.

you DO need to train your helper and make her understand that safety is your first priority when it comes to your child. tell her straight that if you find she hasn't attached the seat properly etc, you will fire her immediately for gross negligence.

you need to let her know how YOU want things done.

EVERY mother worries about their child and feels the guilt when they work. that is PERFECTLY NORMAL! we are programmed with a maternal instinct and it is this instinct to protect your young that is kicking in.

you do need to relax. just because she is from the philippines doesn't mean she won't take excellent care of your child. what it DOES mean is that there are very different cultures at work in your home and you need to let her know, in no uncertain terms, how you want your child raised. you cannot assume "common sense" as this differs from person to person, culture to culture. you need to spell it out for her.

the best thing to do would be to take some time off to train her. also, take her out with you when you go out, so she sees how you do things and explain, explain, explain.

PS> although hiring a driver would in and of itself be cheaper than having a western nanny, remember, you also need to buy a vehicle, rent a parking space, pay for upkeep (petrol is outrageously expensive) etc. it might not work out to be much cheaper in the long run.
 
hi as said there are a lot of Filipinas with great education who are doctors and reg.nurses or reg.teachers and u can hire them cheaper than a european nanny, directly from philippines mainly in manila so they are more educated and you may choose from young ages that have graduated in good colleges in manila and have worked abroad but coudnt find jobs in Manila. pls email me and i will be very happy to send resumes for you in different variations. my email is [email protected]. i have refered a reg.nurse to one family and she used to work in UAE and had gone back to Manila and coudnt find a decent job and single/26/ and she has been working for 2yrs now for 25,000hkd per month only and the family is very happy. hope to hear from you soon. take care.
 
there is one advertised on geoexpat asking $8000/month. she's got a degree in education...

search governess...

she sounds very good.
 
Update

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all of your positive words in response to my post. I am happy to report that things are working out really well with my helper. My son loves her and she is so kind, patient and gentle with me. I think she is actually more patient than mummy!
She finds lots of things to do with him and has taught him lots. She has met other helpers with babies my sons ages and they have playdates which is great activity for my son.
Anyway, I thought I should share this good outcome as it might help calm other mums who are about to return to work. As I think one of the posters said - it's all about quality of care. If you find the right helper then you don't feel stressed walking out the door in the morinng (although obviously I still miss my baby).
 
I was super paranoid and anxious when I first returned to work. Now my baby is almost 5 months and I am less worried now. I just have to keep telling myself to be nice to my DH and to trust her, then she will be OK to my daughter.

However sometimes I wonder what they (the DH and my daughter) do during the day. Does she try to put her to sleep all the time so she can get on with her things such as house hold chores? Well not to mention talking on the phone.... I have to say that my DH has been with us for only 5 months and she is 'fresh' from the Philippines. She is quite young (mid twenties) so it needs a lot of training. In general she is fine for now, at least she listens to our instructions, but two things I am not sure, 1. if she likes babies / kids 'coz she does not have a lot of patience; 2. she flahses sour face sometimes....
 
Just a suggestion but have you thought of looking for another helper? In my view patience is very, very high on the list of qualities you need in a helper if they have sole care of a baby while you work. This is particularly the case as your baby gets older and enters the toddler years. An energetic, opinionated toddler can test the patience of the most loving parent let alone a helper.....

Regarding what your helper gets up to during the day...why not get your helper to keep a diary showing what times your baby slept, what activities he/she did, what he/she ate and drank, how many dirty nappies etc etc. I asked my helper to keep a diary like this and it was really helpful.
 
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