Help - unhappy toddler at new nursery

F

FishMama

Registered User
Hi all, I need some advice please. Bit of a long story but here goes:

We have a almost 3yr old (3 in January),So we recently moved from London to Bangkok, we waited for her to get adjusted into the time zone and have started her at a new nursery.
She's been going for 2 weeks now and it's getting worse - she would cry for 5-10 min then be fine, but now it's taking 45min - 1 hr for her to be calm. They keep saying that it'll take time - like 1-2 months for her to settle. She's started waking at night crying that she doesn't want to go to school and as soon as she goes into her pram she starts crying - even if we're not going to school.
But we are not sure we are staying here indefinitely so do I take her out and start again when we know where we will be or do we stick with it? I'm starting to feel like it's all a bit too much for her, new house, new 'friends', new city/surroundings, new school....she even flipped out as i've had to change her nappy brand :(
Please help its breaking my heart.
 
Yes, it is fairly common to have some tears for the first few weeks, no matter which nursery you choose, especially with a lot of other change going on. But you need to feel comfortable with where you are sending your daughter. How do you feel about the current nursery yourself? What are your gut feelings about it, and can you observe your daughter while she is there? It might be a good idea to make an unannounced visit (if permitted) to observe her there without her seeing you. I had the same problem with my daughter several years ago, and my instincts told me the kindergarten was not a friendly, welcoming place so after a few weeks of trauma I withdrew my daughter and enrolled her at a much better kindergarten. I never regretted doing so. Incidentally, the new one does not have a problem with parents observing their children/visits to the kindergarten, which I think is a good sign. Also, the staff are much friendlier there. Admittedly, it is a more relaxed western-style kindergarten, less regimented than some of the international and local kindergartens.
Are you in Bangkok then, or Hong Kong?
 
Thank you Lillibet, I was totally prepared for tears - we had a few to start with in UK but she settled very quickly and loved going. They don't mind observing and I spent an 1hr there this morning - my gut is it's a good nursery but dunno if it's just too much for her. I trust the staff and they seem friendly - I have a friend who works there who checks in on my daughter every now and then. I'm concerned that she's not handeling all the changes well and if we aren't staying in bangkok indefinitely are we just going to have to upset her again getting her used to another 'school' in a couple months time. Her nursery is structured and they say she's having a hard time going from one activity to another - they get 30min - 1 hr on each activity..... I hate seeing her so upset and she starts crying as soon as she knows where she's going and grabs my neck and clothes when they take her from me... :(
 
Hi...
Are you a working mom or stay at home? Sorry for asking this..
Can't your daughter spend more time playing and adjusting at home? give her activities, art craft or just
Play gross motor skill activities... . Pinterest provides a lot of play idea...Until she's back to normal (I do not know your situation whether this is possible or not, I.e if you're working and daughter has to go to nursery)..

If you're afraid that she will not socialise enough... Just bring her for play date once a week... I do not see that 3 years old has to go to nursery (in my opinion)

hope your daughter feel better soon
 
Given that your stay in BKK may be short anyway, and if you don't absolutely have to put your daughter in nursery, it may well be best to pull her out and just spend plenty of time reassuring her that everything is OK. At the very least, if you don't want to/can't go down that path, you could consider scaling back the number of days/hours she spends there, and having a little visual chart for her to know whatis happening and when (at nursery) in very simple pictures/words, so she can be pprepared for changeovers in activities. Just some suggestions, of course ultimately it is up to you...
 
Take her out. No point in children going to pre-school at that age IF they don't enjoy it. If they do, then it is fine and all well and good. If not, some things just can't be forced. It sounds like you have given her a good crack at it and things aren't getting better for whatever reason.

Have another go when you are settled in back in HK or Singapore.
 
Thanks all. We've just been told that we are here till March... So we may try again. Her school is closed for half term now so she'll have 1 1/2 weeks off. When I picked her up so was so excited about the day she'd had and talked about it all the way home.
Feeling a bit calmer now but we are going to give it one more go when she goes back off half term and if she's still not settling then we will take her out.
 
Would it be possible to organize a couple of playdates over half term with some of her classmates over the holidays? She may just need a bit of help to get some friendships going.
 
It is quite common with kids. In the beginning we have found that toddlers are feeling uncomfortable in nursery and off course tears come out as they are spending their maximum time in nursery instead of spending time with their parents. It ultimately increases the separation anxiety on them.
 
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