Help baby thinks I'm her bed!!

J

jules_is_cute

New member
Hi I'm new to this board and have been going to the baby whisperer web site for help with this issue. The BW does not promote letting your baby cry, she suggests staying with her and picking her up to calm her when she becomes very upset. My problem is that my 3.5 month old is hip to the game and now will cry in my arms and will only calm down when I put her in the 'cradle hold' and let her fall asleep, wouldn't be a problem except she wakes up as soon as I try to put her down, no matter how long I wait...if I do get her down successfully, she wakes after only 20-30 minutes crying and we start over.

I also had her in my bed all night, this has been reduced to after 3 am, I'm just too tired to sit up and nurse her...she's still waking 2-4 times a night to eat. Shared bed is the reason for this I know...and I'm not helping it by continuing this practice. I don't mind really. I just NEED her to nap and she won't do it now unless I hold her.

I have tried letting her cry and she will go for an hour no problem, I feel like she may be to young to let cry. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to especcially since her cry has evolved into more of a 'hey' type yell with no tears.

I am tempted to just let me use me for a bed for the time being and request that my caregiver start putting her down and letting her fuss a bit, but not for more than 20 minutes...then when she turns 4 months old (the supposed magic self soothing age) let her cry it out.

Any suggestions??
 
Perhaps you can read the Healthy Sleep Habit, Happy Child book by March Weissbluth. Using his "let cry" method, I trained both my children to sleep on their own when they were around 6 months. It took a few nights of crying, but now my kids both sleeps before 7 pm (the 3 yr old on her own, the one year old with minimal rocking) and start their day at 6 am.

Just hang in there and be persistent. They can be trained and both of you will enjoy the results - better rested mom and baby.

Good luck!
 
Hi,

I used to have the same problem with my daughter. She used to sleep on me for the first 6 months of her life (except for at night). It meant I was very rested, but it left very little time for a life.
After 6 months I couldn't take it any longer so I got the "Ferber" book on sleep which changed my life. The longer you leave the situation the way it is, the longer it will take to change old habits. Once your baby has developed more of a routine nothing speaks against "sleep-training" him or her (so I am told). I think it is just hard for the parent. That is why it is so important to read the book in full as it will stop you from caving in.
I still rock my 15 month old to sleep when she is sick, but apart from that she does well on her own. I think it is important to do what you are comfortable with, whether it be the Weissbluth method or the Ferber method, but I think you should do it sooner rather than later.

Hope this helps.
 
Patty, does your daughter use a pacifier/dummy?

Between my friends that use one and those that don't there is a vast difference between who gets to sleep at night and who doesn't - even now with children 12 months old or more.

If she does then I'm sorry to not be able to give more advice than to say you are going to need to leave her to cry and don't give in to the temptation to bring her into bed with you at night. I really believe it's the worst thing. My son slept in his own room in a cot from day one and we never had any issues. We also tried our hardest not to ever rock him to sleep as I've heard that once you start doing it they want it all the time. He slept on my chest a lot during the day the first few months because I made that our special time but never at night.

If you try the cry method I think you are supposed to only leave them cry for 2 minutes, go in, pick them up, pat them etc, put them down then leave them 5 minutes, repeat increasing the time each time. A friend did this and after 3 nights the problem was resolved.

Good luck. No sleep is so tough.
 
Have you tired getting her to sleep next to you ad then rolling away from her? I used this method to get all my babies to have naps and it usually worked well. I think it worked because I wasn?t disturbing them by trying to put them down as they were already down. I never had much luck with getting a baby sleeping in my arms down on the bed.

There is also the arm test to see if they are really in a deep sleep or just in a light sleep. Lift the baby?s arm and if there is no resistance then they are in a deep sleep. But if there is resistance they are only in a light sleep and likely to wake up as soon as you put them down.

One book that I like because of its gentle approach is The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley. I believe that it is for sale on this web site.
 
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Be careful doing contolled crying before 6 months, as most babies don't yet understand cause and effect, and just end up falling asleep from exhaustion rather than learning a new way to get to sleep.

I had to break my 3 mth old's dependence on a dummy for sleeping (I know some people have great success with them, but my husband and I were getting up 10 times a night to replace it if it fell out, as my baby would wake up everytime).

We used the Baby Whisperer method, and left him in his cot to cry, but stayed with him the whole time, reassuring him, though I would never pick him up.
He would only cry for 10 - 15 mins ,( very distressed and it seemed more like an hour, so my heart goes out to those who have had to do hour after hour!). Each time he woke, I would go into him and do the same thing.
It would definatley have been easier to walk out close the door and leave him to it, but I think it would have confused him more and taken longer.
I guess it might not work for every problem, but for us it was fixed in 2 days.

He is now 5 mths old, has every sleep in his cot ( unless we are out and he'll sleep in his pram, which is the only time i'll let him have the dummy). He has 3 naps in the day and has been sleeping 11 to 7 since 3.5mths and from 7pm to 7am since introducing solids 3 weeks ago.

Don't let people make you feel bad if you let your baby cry, at the end of the day, you can't be a good mum if you aren't getting any sleep.
 
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Dummies

I've heard some people have the same problem as you Matty with the dummy, i.e. they have to get up to replace it all the time, but we always made sure at the beginning that once our son was asleep we took the dummy out of his mouth. This way he uses it to fall asleep but doesn't cry if he wakes to find it not there anymore.

I agree, listening to young babies in particular cry is really really hard. It breaks your heart. Whenever ours would start crying in the night, for a feed etc I would literally run to him! I didn't want him to cry for a minute even. Fortunately for us we've been lucky enough to have a non-cry baby you could quickly console and put back to sleep. Some babies just cry however. One of my friends cannot get her baby to sleep without putting in the car and driving it around for half an hour. Imagine that. She goes out for dinner and will have to disappear for awhile while she drives the baby!
 
...and some babies have "belly ache" ! Sorry I don't know how to say it ! I tried everything with our daughter, she was crying night and day ! It was better when she was in our arms, so I thought she understood that being with us was better !!
The pediatrician told me, before 6 months they are not whimming. In fact she had problem with digestion ! It was painful ! We tried a medicine, it changed our life !
I really felt guilty to let her cry or not knowing what was going on, but it's true it's so hard to know, especially with the first one !!!
 
If for new born below three months, does it mean that there is no sleep training at all? we have to hold our baby all the time....
 
No, you can still put routines in place, and repeat things so that they learn that certain habits mean sleep time.
Bath, sleeping in the same place everytime, being swaddled, music etc.
This is exactly how bad habits are formed too, dummy, patting, rocking, sleeping in your arms etc.
But leaving them to cry and cry alone doesn't work in children under 6 mths.
 
IMHO, I think that babies should be at least three months before they can be 'trained.' Having said that, it's prudent to keep the bad habits such as rocking to sleep and sleeping in your arms, etc. to the minimum.
I tried following Gina Ford's Contented Baby routine on my baby in the first few months and failed miserably. So, I just stick to the Baby Whisperer's three hourly routine. Then, slowly, as she reached four to five months, it all fell into place by itself. Now at six months, she's following Gina Ford's routine almost to a T!

I believe that the most important thing when trying to train baby/toddler for anything is that we are serious about doing it - whether it's sleeping independently, bedtime, weaning or following a routine. Once we made up our minds that it should be the case, things just fall into place. Somehow, babies can sense if we are vacillating!
 
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