HELP!!!!! 4-month old not sleeping on his own.

E

Eve12

Registered User
I'm in desperate need of some help!!!

First of all, I'm completely guilty of creating this terrible sleeping habit.

Let me explain, my baby was a bit colicky and in turn needed to be held alot. His cot is in our room and most nights I would need to rock or cuddle him to sleep because he was so fussy, that eventually turned into EVERY night. He would be very fussy and I would hold him in my arms tightly in our bed and he would fall asleep, if I move him to his bed, he would wake (i thought you couldn't spoil babies under 6 months).
Anyway, I have tried swaddling him....putting him to bed when I see a yawn, putting him to bed when his eyes are getting heavy. I have started a routine with bath, read a book and bed. I should also add that this issue is during the day also, I have to lay with him and cuddle him into my arms for him to sleep (I'm guilty of also really liking the bond, but now I'm clearly sleep deprived because obviously he's not getting a good sleep and at night , and clearly I'm not. I'm not sure if because he wakes every 3 hours to still feed (im BF), and thought he was not getting enough on the breast so added formula once or sometimes twice a day. I have given him 5ozs of formula at the "dream feed..10:30), and he still wakes at 1:30ish.

The issue is since he's no longer colicky (he was 4 months on Friday), I have created a sleeping monster. I have read that I need to let him sleep on his own, doing 5, 7 then 11 minutes. I just can't bear to hear him cry more than 2 minutes (I know..I know...).

Any suggestions? Pls HELP!!!!
 
Hi

Just my opinion but sounds like you need to give the controlled crying a bit more of a try. If he is clean, fed, burped and tired then he should be able to go to sleep on his own. Can totally understand the sleep props that you have used as we were very strict with our baby and I still broke our own rules a few times as it is so nice to cuddle them to sleep when they are little. But as they say, you then create a rod for your own back!

I used a book called "Oh Baby" which was pro-controlled crying and said that babies need between 2 and 20 mins of crying to calm themselves for sleep. Not that I necessarily agree with all of that book, it did mean that our baby soothed himself to sleep from the get go. We did a 10 min/10 min/10 min routine with controlled crying. 10 mins of crying then check that he was not sick on himself etc, another 10 mins of crying then do something like a cuddle or "shush pat" (see below), another 10 mins of crying and then basically give in and do something more interventional - eg: get him up, more milk etc. Worked for us but it is very hard on the mother especially!

I didn't like much from the Baby Whisperer book as to me it had too many sleep props (especially the pick up/put down method) but you may like it if you find you cannot stand to leave your baby crying. What I did like from that book was the shush pat method. Apparently, according to the book, babies of that age are unable to concentrate on more than 2 things at once so if you hold him or lean over the cot and gently pat them on the back and shush past their ear (not in their ears) then they will stop crying. I liked this as a compromise between controlled crying and what I saw as sleep props - like rocking or cuddling to sleep.

We are expecting baby #2 and I do worry that the sleep props will be even harder to ignore this time around since we will worry about the baby waking baby #1 and may be more inclined to keep the peace and get the baby off to sleep however possible! But I'll try and remind myself that babies get into a routine of needing rocking or cuddling to sleep VERY quickly :)

Everyone is different on what they can handle and I expect that you will get a lot of different views but the above worked for us. Not easy but it worked.

Good luck

SB2
 
i second SB2's post. pick up / put down method infuriated my son, shh pat worked wonders. but was about the only thing from the Baby Whisperer booked that worked for me.

another good book is Save Our Sleep. it gives various methods and suggested times for leaving you baby to self settle. (it is a very routine focused book but I chose to take the sleeping advice rather than try to adhere to the routines specifically - you can take what works for you and ignore the rest).

Baby Sleeping Bags, Baby Books, Baby Blankets - Save Our Sleep?

Good luck.
 
sleeping habit

piper said:
I'm in desperate need of some help!!!

First of all, I'm completely guilty of creating this terrible sleeping habit.

Let me explain, my baby was a bit colicky and in turn needed to be held alot. His cot is in our room and most nights I would need to rock or cuddle him to sleep because he was so fussy, that eventually turned into EVERY night. He would be very fussy and I would hold him in my arms tightly in our bed and he would fall asleep, if I move him to his bed, he would wake (i thought you couldn't spoil babies under 6 months).
Anyway, I have tried swaddling him....putting him to bed when I see a yawn, putting him to bed when his eyes are getting heavy. I have started a routine with bath, read a book and bed. I should also add that this issue is during the day also, I have to lay with him and cuddle him into my arms for him to sleep (I'm guilty of also really liking the bond, but now I'm clearly sleep deprived because obviously he's not getting a good sleep and at night , and clearly I'm not. I'm not sure if because he wakes every 3 hours to still feed (im BF), and thought he was not getting enough on the breast so added formula once or sometimes twice a day. I have given him 5ozs of formula at the "dream feed..10:30), and he still wakes at 1:30ish.

The issue is since he's no longer colicky (he was 4 months on Friday), I have created a sleeping monster. I have read that I need to let him sleep on his own, doing 5, 7 then 11 minutes. I just can't bear to hear him cry more than 2 minutes (I know..I know...).

Any suggestions? Pls HELP!!!!
Click to expand...

hi,ms.piper,
i'm a helper here and already experience that kind of problem about babies,i understand that all mums really like to be with your babies/kids but babies knows that mum's always there for them so they can do whatever they like(specially a clever one)just like spoiled them and you give them what they like at once,if you heard him cry,,,let him cry and you will observe that he will stop when nobody attend him(i know mums are soft hearted but you should strong enought so that you can handle like this problem),when you already put him to bed,leave him alone so he will used to be alone when it's his sleeping time,try to avoid sleeping with him because he can smell that somebody is with him.hope this can help you:flower:
 
Hi

I wrote a long response to your question this morning but seems to have disappeared! I don't have the will to write it all again so the succinct version (from memory) below...

We used controlled crying which is hard but it works. I used a book called "Oh Baby" which said that it takes between 2 and 20 mins of crying for a baby to settle themselves. While I don't agree with all in that book, it was a good guide and meant that our baby was self soothing from the get go. We used a 10 mins/10 mins/10 mins routine. 10 mins of crying - go check on him and see that he hasn't been sick on himself, another 10 mins and give a cuddle or shush pat (see below) and then if he was still crying after another 10 mins then we would get him up and feed him more milk etc. As long as your baby is clean, fed, burped and tired, then he should be able to go to sleep himself (colic and reflux issues aside). My baby did not get upset just because he had a wet or dirty nappy but if yours does then it means you do have to check that early on (meaning unswaddling him etc).

It is very hard to do at first but when you see how well they sleep afterwards and how well you sleep - it is worth it. The shush pat is from the Baby Whisperer book and I liked the technique (although I found some of the other methods in that book too close to sleep props for me - especially the "pick up/put down" method). Apparently, according to that book, babies of that age cannot concentrate on more than 2 things at once so if you gently pat them on the back (either while holding them or leaning over the cot) and "shush" passed their ear (but not into it) then they stop crying. I liked to have a combination of controlled crying and the shush pat method.

Everyone is different and controlled crying is not for everyone. If you are finding it too hard and don't want to keep trying it then maybe the Baby Whisperer book is for you. I can totally understand how you have got to where you have got to as they are so gorgeous to cuddle up with. I am pregnant with #2 and worry that the sleep props will be harder to ignore this time as we will be worried that the baby will wake #1 and may be keener to keep the peace by all means necessary!

Good luck!
SB2
 
Thank you SB2.....and thank you for your advise and response.:crib

I agree, I need sleep and so does he. I saw Annerly offers a sleep clinic for 2400K. Has anyone tried it?

Thanks for all your help.
 
Haven't done the sleep school but did my antenatal classes and had home visits from the midwives from Annerley. Lovely ladies. Maybe give them a call and see what it involves.
 
How about reading the Baby Whisperer? Sleep clinic sounds great but books are cheaper - maybe you can exhaust your options a bit first. 4 months is still young - there`s enough time to change bad habits and for your baby to learn to sleep on his own.
I have also created a monster in some respects with my own - I think as parents this is inevitable at some point about something.
I might try to separate the napping and nighttime sleeping issue. I think it is harder to change the latter, so maybe starting with napping can help with the night time sleeping. I learned that nap time routines are just as important as night time routines - they are essentially mini versions of the night time routine, without the bath and hopefully without the breastfeed.
I agree that you can`t spoil babies under 6 months (and over I think) but like all human, they are especially creatures of habit, and when they get the same thing over and over they come to expect it. So in order to change what they expect, you have to change what you do. easier said than done, I know, but start by doing small things differently. I am also against CIO (but with my baby nearly 8 months sometimes it doesn`t pain me anymore to hear him cry for a while) and I don`t think you necessarily have to resort to that (also at that young age), but there are other methods. I still want to read the No Cry Sleep Solution for ideas. I think the Baby Whisperer has some good ideas (i would go with the 2nd book), some of which I employed though not at a really gung-ho level. The main idea there is the `pick up put down` method, where you don`t ignore the baby, you pick it up when it cries, but when it stops you immediately put it down again, and so on and so forth. It might result in dozens and dozens of times but it`s supposed to help. I have done a very weak version of that, and I have gotten some results, though weaker results:)
I would just want to check more into the Annerly course. If they do like the Baby Whisperer did and take control and essentially do your dirty work for you and leave you to enforce it afterwards, it might be worth it. But $2400 is a pretty penny to spend if they`re just lecturing on the same methods that we can all read in the books. My friend in Aus took her then 6-7 month old to a sleep school for a few nights and said it was awesome and totally worked - but I have no idea about Annerley.
The frustrating thing with babies and sleep is just when your situation changes and you think you have it under control, another variable comes into play and throws you for a loop. I`m going through this now with my little honey.
By the way, I also breastfeed, no formula, and at 4 months, and even til I started solids, he was still breastfeeding like a newborn at nighttime. I felt like you do, and still do most days. I started drinking coffee again. The real stuff, with caffeine, yum.
 
Don't blame yourself too much. You've made your baby feel very safe and secure in his first few months...the most important job you could have done. Congratulations!
 
Hi Starbucks2,

Here's ur response from yesterday. Hmm, it seems to have been lost?

THnaks for your tips,

Aussie mum,

Thanks you for ur tips too and also link.

Cheers,
Piper
 
Hi Shenzhennifer,

Thanks for the detailed response. I have order the recommended books and hopefully have some "sleep on your own" results!!! Yeah!!!!

Thanks again everyone for your advise, suggestions and like tutor1 did... kind words.

THANKS A BUNCH AGAIN!!!!!
 
Hi piper

I worked out what the problem was. You have 2 threads with the same question :) and same title. I have now successfully posted on both - with a remarkably similiar response - my memory can't be too shot after having a baby!

SB2
 
Hi - I also created a sleep monster and basically I let her cry. I knew that she was fed, clean and burped and safe in her cot and let her cry. Of course it was hard listening to her cry but it was worthwhile. The first time she cried for 10 minutes and then 7 minutes and then 5 minutes etc etc. Overall, it took 3 days before she would sleep without crying. I do the same routinue with her before every sleep. I get her favourite blanket and sing a lullaby and then put her in her cot.
Be strong - my friend said that the best thing that you can teach them is to fall asleep by themselves.
 
Hey there - I personally could never do controlled crying but thankfully haven't had to because I used the shush pat as mentioned above from a very young age so my baby always went down awake in her own bed and fell asleep that way. It was VERY time consuming, I would have to sit doing this maybe 30 minutes at a time for every nap, after every feed at night etc. which for a newborn is a lot!! However I am sooooo glad I did it because now she just goes off to sleep like a dream, can really recommend it if you have the patience. Not 100% sure how easily will work for a 4 month old though, maybe he's a bit big for this now?
 
I was in the same situation as you, Piper. My baby would not sleep unless she is sleeping in my arms. I have read both the books 'no cry sleep solution' and 'no cry nap solution', but none of that 'solutions' work. Finally I trained her to sleep on her own by 'controlled crying/crying out loud', it works. If you wanna read the books I mentioned to see if the 'solutons' work for you, you can PM me I can lend them to you, so you don't have to waste money to buy in case it doesn't work.
 
Hi Piper, I was completely against controlled crying till I started falling sick from the lack of sleep and a terrible back- I realised I was not being a good mum during the day. We used another lady's book called The Sleep Sense manual. I have a pdf version. It is a very compassionate book and talks you through the crying bit. She has 2 methods- one is to stay in the room while the baby is trying to sleep and the other is to leave the room. Whatever works for you. If you can only hear the baby cry for 2 min (is this by the watch or by guess work?) try 3 min next time. So every 3 min you go and say some key words and reassure the baby that you are there. I would go in every 5 min (she recommends 5 min and it took me 47 min first day) to cuddle him, kiss him and reassuring him. Key words are also very important.

This is a great age to train him- he does not have as much stamina as a 8 month ols might have. I trained my baby around the same age till then he had always been rocked to sleep. Now it is so easy for him to sleep and I love the fact that I am free almost as soon as he is tucked in his bed. Hope this helps.
 
I'm onto baby number 3 and we have done different things with each one and they've all worked out ok. Our now 5 month old was very coddled, he still co-sleeps but hey he's our last so I don't really care!
The good news is that until 3 weeks ago he absolutely had to be rocked or fed to sleep. At about 4 1/2 weeks we just started doing a more serious bedtime routine, bath, play and story time on the bed and then we leave him to fall asleep by himself. He does it fine now and only cries if he's teething. He did a few protest cries at first but they were nothing serious.

Sometimes babies just need a bit of time. All babies are different so why not give him another month or so trying to develop a good routine (include lots of cuddles and a few books in his room) before getting into the controlled cry method which can be hard on everyone. You never know, you might not need it.
 
Hi Shenzhennifer,

You mentioned that your little one was feeding like a NB before you introduced solids. My little guy (4months old) is still waking every 3-4 hours, during the night. I tried giving him 5ozs of formula at that "dream" feed time (10:30pm) and he was up at 1:45am..needing to feed again.

Was this how it was for you? Were you waking every couple of hrs at night? If so, how is it now that you have introduced solids.

Really curious to know when I will get 5hrs of sleep again. Actually, Im not greedy, I would settle for 4.5hrs. hahha

Thanks.
 
Hi Piper,
My son would have a longer stretch of sleep at the beginning of the night, of varying lengths, but from that first wake up it was every 3 hrs, sometimes even less. if you`re giving him that much formula during his dreamfeed, you wouldn`t think he`d be up 3 hrs later again - maybe it`s the habit. I used to try to dreamfeed my baby but then he started to wake for it and expect it, still waking up 3 hours later.
So, yes, I was up every few hours at night. I`m still up a lot, sometimes for milk, sometimes just because he`s woken up and can`t get himself back to sleep(he got used to the breast but now sometimes doesn`t even want it yet cannot sleep without it. angry baby at 3am:( ).
I introduced solids at a week before his 5th month because he turned into a serious milk monster and stopped gaining weight. I was feeding him round the clock nearly every hour - I couldn`t keep up, nor did I want to. Nothing happened overnight, but he does sleep better than before. Then again, we are really hit or miss on the sleep thing. Sometimes he still wakes up a lot (not always for milk but at least once a night), sometimes he doesn`t. He`s on 3 full meals a day (at nearly 8 months) and it`s helped but it`s more of a habit now. Or it`s teething. Or separation anxiety. Or learning a new skill. It`s always something, it seems:(
I kept counting the occasionally increasing stretches of sleep -4 hrs, 4.5, 5,6,7 -yes even a 7!
But, you know what, it doesn`t matter. You are probably so programmed to waking up so frequently that even if your baby doesn`t wake up, you will, and wonder what`s happening and check his breathing, etc. And after that nearly full night`s sleep I once had (about 2 weeks ago), I felt no better in the morning.
 
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