having a 3rd child?
- Thread starter pooch
- Start date
I went from 1 to 3, very different experience. I would have been happy with 2, would have never tried for a 3rd. We had no problems conceiving (on the contrary you would say 
), but I just felt 2 is so much more manageable. I still feel that way. With 3 you (as parents) are always outnumbered. You can more easily do things with 2 kids by yourself, with 3 a lot of things get more tricky, especially when they're small of course. Going to the supermarket is something I try to avoid with 3, but would have been fairly easy with a 4 yo and an almost 2 yo. Travelling by yourself, fine with 2, not so easy with 3 (especially twins in my case). A lot of people I know say going from 2 to 3 is just adding one more to the routine, but I feel (or at least think) that 3 tie your hands a lot more than 2.
Having said all that, 3 kids are a joy of course, and even though I only planned for 2, and got "one for free" I couldn't live without either one of them. However, sometimes I can't help myself but thinking that 2 would have been easy ... compared to this.
), but I just felt 2 is so much more manageable. I still feel that way. With 3 you (as parents) are always outnumbered. You can more easily do things with 2 kids by yourself, with 3 a lot of things get more tricky, especially when they're small of course. Going to the supermarket is something I try to avoid with 3, but would have been fairly easy with a 4 yo and an almost 2 yo. Travelling by yourself, fine with 2, not so easy with 3 (especially twins in my case). A lot of people I know say going from 2 to 3 is just adding one more to the routine, but I feel (or at least think) that 3 tie your hands a lot more than 2.Having said all that, 3 kids are a joy of course, and even though I only planned for 2, and got "one for free" I couldn't live without either one of them. However, sometimes I can't help myself but thinking that 2 would have been easy ... compared to this.
barbwong_130
Registered User
Mad as this sounds I actually think going from two to three is easy compared with going from one to two.
When I had my first baby everything was new and the learning curve was very steep. It definitely took me at least six weeks to feel comfortable in my new role. But as a family we were still adult centred and the baby/child tagged along with our events.
When I had my second child there was another adjustment period and I had to learn to juggle the needs of two children. I think this took much longer than the adjustment of becoming a mother but it wasn't so much of a shock because I knew how to handle a baby - just not the needs of a child and baby at the same time. Every time my older daughter was upset she wanted me but often I had the baby in my arms and ended up with both sitting on my knees. As the baby grew our family become much more child focused.
When the third baby came along I seemed to know how to handle a baby and at the same time the demands of the older children. I won't kid you there were times when all three needed me at the same time and that was tough. But generally the older two entertained each other and I believe I had much more special baby time with my third than I did with my second. And because the family life was already child centred there was no change.
And for me having the fourth was a piece of cake.
When I had my first baby everything was new and the learning curve was very steep. It definitely took me at least six weeks to feel comfortable in my new role. But as a family we were still adult centred and the baby/child tagged along with our events.
When I had my second child there was another adjustment period and I had to learn to juggle the needs of two children. I think this took much longer than the adjustment of becoming a mother but it wasn't so much of a shock because I knew how to handle a baby - just not the needs of a child and baby at the same time. Every time my older daughter was upset she wanted me but often I had the baby in my arms and ended up with both sitting on my knees. As the baby grew our family become much more child focused.
When the third baby came along I seemed to know how to handle a baby and at the same time the demands of the older children. I won't kid you there were times when all three needed me at the same time and that was tough. But generally the older two entertained each other and I believe I had much more special baby time with my third than I did with my second. And because the family life was already child centred there was no change.
And for me having the fourth was a piece of cake.
I can't talk as a mum of 3 as I have only one baby at the moment, and hoping for the 2nd one, but as a sister of 2 brothers.
As my brothers are very close in age, and I arrived 4 years later, there were very close to each others and I was kind of left alone. We didn't really developped a relationship before we were teenagers.
Also, my "middle" brother suffered a lot of his situation, complaining and looking for more attention than us, as we were having a "real" position in the family, the eldest, and the youngest, he was just the middle one, and was very jealous of his 2 other siblings.
My brother also has 3 kids, and the middle one always bring it back to her "middle position" when she is upset, and is developping a very strong character in order to show herself off.
I'm not saying it's like that in every family, it's just my personal experience.
Also, even if Mom2Sofie&Twins has to go through a very special situation with having twins after the first one, I assume her kids won't have the same feelings as they will all have a strong position, the eldest, and the twins.
If I was young enough to have more children, I would have loved to have a big family... and if I had to go for more than 2, I would even go for 4 !
As my brothers are very close in age, and I arrived 4 years later, there were very close to each others and I was kind of left alone. We didn't really developped a relationship before we were teenagers.
Also, my "middle" brother suffered a lot of his situation, complaining and looking for more attention than us, as we were having a "real" position in the family, the eldest, and the youngest, he was just the middle one, and was very jealous of his 2 other siblings.
My brother also has 3 kids, and the middle one always bring it back to her "middle position" when she is upset, and is developping a very strong character in order to show herself off.
I'm not saying it's like that in every family, it's just my personal experience.
Also, even if Mom2Sofie&Twins has to go through a very special situation with having twins after the first one, I assume her kids won't have the same feelings as they will all have a strong position, the eldest, and the twins.
If I was young enough to have more children, I would have loved to have a big family... and if I had to go for more than 2, I would even go for 4 !
I'm from a family of three siblings. My brother who was the eldest always thought we should show him more respect as he was the eldest! My sister who was in the middle always felt hard done by...the typical 'middle child' syndrome. I was the youngest so always assumed I was the favourite!! In a group of 3 we used to change alliances fairly often, my brother and I against my sister, my sister and I against my brother etc etc.
I'm not sure if the number of children would really change various relationships I think it is more dependant on the individual personalities.
I'm pretty sure the biggest change is for the parents (it starts to become crowd control issues!), I just remember it being a lot of fun with a brother and sister!
The biggest thing I did notice growing up is why 'family size tickets' for the cinema, zoo, holidays etc etc are only ever for a family of 4 and not 5...
I'm not sure if the number of children would really change various relationships I think it is more dependant on the individual personalities.
I'm pretty sure the biggest change is for the parents (it starts to become crowd control issues!), I just remember it being a lot of fun with a brother and sister!
The biggest thing I did notice growing up is why 'family size tickets' for the cinema, zoo, holidays etc etc are only ever for a family of 4 and not 5...
Last edited:
So true. Travelling with 3 kids is a nightmare. Everything is set for 2 kids max. And with our very special family situation, I can never get anything done online, always need to ask, double check and request special situations.
momofthree
Registered User
I have three kids and am expecting my fourth in Dec(a surprise!) I found going from 2 to 3 much more challenging than from 1 to 2 but then that could be the age gap-4.5 years between 1 and 2 and 22months between 2 and 3.As yet I have not seen the downside of my bigger age gap-as a side thought.
I always wanted three and while it is challenging at times I love how my kids interact with one another.I also am very lucky to have an extremely hands on dad for a husband.
I am only just getting excited about number 4,but the concensus from people who have been there is the same as barbwong-its a piece of cake!
Here is hoping you are all right!
I always wanted three and while it is challenging at times I love how my kids interact with one another.I also am very lucky to have an extremely hands on dad for a husband.
I am only just getting excited about number 4,but the concensus from people who have been there is the same as barbwong-its a piece of cake!
Here is hoping you are all right!
carang
Registered User
i find this thread REALLY interesting!
i would LOVE to have 3. have always thought i'd have 3...but after two terrible pregnancies, don't know if i could do it again.
however, i feel like part of our family is missing. i think i'm the only one that feels that way. our two kids get along wonderfully well. hardly ever fight and when they do it's because the youngest doesn't want to hold hands with the oldest (i kid you not!). after my last wheelchair-bound pregnancy, having another is a VERY hard sell for hubby. he's happy with what we've got. don't get me wrong, my children are amazing, but like i said, i kind of feel like someone is missing.
one other problem that we have when talking about #3, besides $$$, is that twins run in my family... STRONGLY! my mum was a twin (her brother died at birth), and i have 3 sets of twin cousins on my mum's side. one uncle actually has two sets of twins...naturally! so, over 1/2 of my cousins are twins!
i'm a little worried that if we decided to do it one last time, i'd end up with 4, not 3... that's enough to give me pause.
my mum keeps telling me to be happy with the wonderful children that we have. they are happy and healthy etc etc etc...but i still get that gnawing feeling...
i would LOVE to have 3. have always thought i'd have 3...but after two terrible pregnancies, don't know if i could do it again.
however, i feel like part of our family is missing. i think i'm the only one that feels that way. our two kids get along wonderfully well. hardly ever fight and when they do it's because the youngest doesn't want to hold hands with the oldest (i kid you not!). after my last wheelchair-bound pregnancy, having another is a VERY hard sell for hubby. he's happy with what we've got. don't get me wrong, my children are amazing, but like i said, i kind of feel like someone is missing.
one other problem that we have when talking about #3, besides $$$, is that twins run in my family... STRONGLY! my mum was a twin (her brother died at birth), and i have 3 sets of twin cousins on my mum's side. one uncle actually has two sets of twins...naturally! so, over 1/2 of my cousins are twins!
i'm a little worried that if we decided to do it one last time, i'd end up with 4, not 3... that's enough to give me pause.
my mum keeps telling me to be happy with the wonderful children that we have. they are happy and healthy etc etc etc...but i still get that gnawing feeling...
I really want to go for the 3rd. I was undecided for awhile, but now I think tht I will regret it if I don't. My husabnd doesn't agree. He grew up in a family of 2 and is not on speaking terms with his brother. I grew up in a family of 4. Ithink the more children there are it is far more unlikely to end up in a situation like where my husband is now. My mom grew up with 7 children and sure there are fights, but nothing that could completely break up the whole family just because 2 don't get along. I worry about the poor example my husband and his brother are setting for my children and I don't want them growing up thinking that this is normal in anyway. It also doesn't help that many of his old friends that live in Hk have only one child and like it that way.
yes Matty - things much better with C. some reflux meds and a bit of persistence with the daytime sleeping and i now have the BEST baby in the world ;-)
my husband wants 4 and I have always wanted more than 2 - so as long as we can concieve then it is fairly inevitable that a 3rd will be on its way at some point. not right now through!!!
I guess I'm just after a bit of insight into how the transition went for some people. I was a bit shocked at how hard i found the change from 1 to 2 - especially as i have live in help!!
I'm very aware that I'm not getting any younger and that we had a bit of difficulty conceiving the last one..... tick tick tick
my husband wants 4 and I have always wanted more than 2 - so as long as we can concieve then it is fairly inevitable that a 3rd will be on its way at some point. not right now through!!!
I guess I'm just after a bit of insight into how the transition went for some people. I was a bit shocked at how hard i found the change from 1 to 2 - especially as i have live in help!!
I'm very aware that I'm not getting any younger and that we had a bit of difficulty conceiving the last one..... tick tick tick
tikkunolam
Registered User
Very interesting thread. I'm still adjusting to my first one but think about having my second one and I'm just curious how other mothers feel about age difference. In HK, it seems like a lot of families have children very close in age probably because of having helpers. I want another child but really don't think I have the patience for 2 children in nappies at the same time. I do want my children to reap the benefits of having a sibling but I don't want to rob my second child of the bonding experience because I'm spread thinly. Any thoughts or advice? I'm not getting any younger either so I think about this a lot now. I love my little bub and I'm having so much fun right now. I just don't want my second one to miss out on the individual attention.
hi ladybug - the age gap between my 1st and 2nd is 27months. so just over 2 years. this has worked out great for us as he is in pre-school 3 mornings a week for 2.5hrs a time. and also has 2 playdates every week that my helper takes him to. so obviously i don't have as much time for my 2nd as i had for my 1st we have quite a few opportunites every week to chill out together for some really nice quality time. Now that the baby is 3months old I leave him with my helper 2 afternoons a week and spend one-on-one time with the toddler. its working out wonderfully. If i wasn't in HK hopefully i would be near family and my mum or dad would be the one to take the baby for a few hours a week... Baby #2 is getting much more individual attention than i thought he would ;-)
not so sure about the how much of a gap I'd like for the next one though....but of course if its anything like last time it will be out of my hands and I'll get what I get!
not so sure about the how much of a gap I'd like for the next one though....but of course if its anything like last time it will be out of my hands and I'll get what I get!
carang
Registered User
my two are almost exactly 2 years apart. (only 6 days between the birthdays.)
I really like the age difference. #1 was toilet trained before #2 came along, although, we did put him back in nappies for about 6 weeks after the birth of #2. #1 always liked to help with the baby.
and since the baby started walking at 10.5 months(same walking age as my #1), they have played together tremendously well. they LOVE playing together. when we take #2 out and leave #1 (doesn't happen very often), when we get home, #1 spend the first 10 minutes hugging and kissing his sister and visa versa!
for us it was great! now #2 is 20 months, i'm starting to wonder if we should go for # 3 or just be happy with 2? part of me thinks.... sleepless nights??? more nappies???? don't know if i want to go there...i may have to wait to be a grandmother so that i can reap all the benefits with none of the hard work!
I really like the age difference. #1 was toilet trained before #2 came along, although, we did put him back in nappies for about 6 weeks after the birth of #2. #1 always liked to help with the baby.
and since the baby started walking at 10.5 months(same walking age as my #1), they have played together tremendously well. they LOVE playing together. when we take #2 out and leave #1 (doesn't happen very often), when we get home, #1 spend the first 10 minutes hugging and kissing his sister and visa versa!
for us it was great! now #2 is 20 months, i'm starting to wonder if we should go for # 3 or just be happy with 2? part of me thinks.... sleepless nights??? more nappies???? don't know if i want to go there...i may have to wait to be a grandmother so that i can reap all the benefits with none of the hard work!
2 1/2 years between my oldest and the twins. I always planned on at least 2 years. We didn't start trying for #2 until our oldest was 15 months (we conceived her right away). We conceived 2nd try, 25 months apart, but I miscarried that baby. A few months later we conceived twins. Besides only wanting 2, no way I would try for another, I could easily end up with another set! The older you get, the more likely you'll release 2 eggs, so over 35 years old, your chances go up. Also the more pregnancies you go through, the higher chance for twins ... Never think it won't happen to you ... it happened to me too!
I have 25 month between my 2 and I don't like that age gap. The hardest year I've had so far was the year with a a baby and a 2 year old. If I convince my husband to go for a 3rd I'd want between 3.5 to 4.5 year apart. I never really got to enjoy my second baby like I did my first because I was dealing with a 2 year old, and now that the youngest is 2 and I am really enjoying him, I see I never aprreciated age 2 with my oldest. I have no family to help to have breaks at all, and no one, me included, uses helpers where I live. Also it was partly my frame of mind. I wanted to recreate the great expereince with my first, but life was just different, and it took me about 1 year to get over the guilt of not having one on one time with each child and feeling like I was short changing them. Now I see having a 3rd as bringing another child to an exsisting family, it is a different mindset altogther, I don't look to have what I had being a first time mom. ALso now that they are gettin older I see how fast it is all going by and I am not ready to have these years with littles ones over yet.
MilkMonster
Registered User
great thread! Hubby and I always discussed having 3 but I too have had difficult pregnancies with both boys coming early (33 and 30 weeks) and I'm really not up for another premature baby so I think it's only 2 for us. We have discussed adopting a girl maybe 5-6 years down the line but that's not for sure. I would love to have 3!! My sons are exactly 16mths apart and although it's insanely tough some days, I am really surprised and happy about the way they are together. I am now understanding that having more than 1 child is about the whole experience as a family rather than what #2 and I have together. It's impossible for me to recreate what I had with #1 in terms of time alone snuggling and attention, almost every time we 'snuggle' now, I am fast asleep within 10mins! I was able to exclusively pump and feed #1 EBM for 6mths, for #2 I introduced formula and combo fed since 3mths. There has been a lot of guilt but realizing that each person lives a different life and not trying to make everything fair/the same has made things a little easier.
Since my elder son was only 16mths when his brother came, I really get the feeling that he doesn't remember what it's like to be alone and having mom and dad all to himself. For him, his brother has always been around and mommy has 'always' been struggling to meet the demands of 2. There is definitely more crying than I expected. If I were to have another baby now (like within the next year or 2) I think that change would be harder on my elder son than the experience so far as he would then be able to notice the difference that my attention is on someone else.
So far, I have only encountered jealousy during my younger son's physiotherapy sessions, where a lot of attention is paid to the younger one but #1 is easily distracted - hopefully it stays that way! I don't have a helper so both have to come with me everywhere I go and that has been a real challenge. I spend most of my quality time with my younger one after the older one goes to bed at 7pm. But I also find that once hubby is home, I am much more willing to pass off baby duties to him, whereas with my 1st, I wanted to do everything. As a result, hubby and #2 have a much stronger bond. It's nice to see him running around like a mommy-hen and after a day of 2, I really enjoy the break.
I saw a family of 4 kids at 360 yesterday. How you grocery shop with 4 is what hubby and I discussed for the rest of the afternoon!! I think having a bigger family is great and if I didn't have health issues I really do think we'd be trying for #3 in the future. In terms of cost of living, I think if we did have 3, we'd highly consider moving back to Canada and living in a house!
Since my elder son was only 16mths when his brother came, I really get the feeling that he doesn't remember what it's like to be alone and having mom and dad all to himself. For him, his brother has always been around and mommy has 'always' been struggling to meet the demands of 2. There is definitely more crying than I expected. If I were to have another baby now (like within the next year or 2) I think that change would be harder on my elder son than the experience so far as he would then be able to notice the difference that my attention is on someone else.
So far, I have only encountered jealousy during my younger son's physiotherapy sessions, where a lot of attention is paid to the younger one but #1 is easily distracted - hopefully it stays that way! I don't have a helper so both have to come with me everywhere I go and that has been a real challenge. I spend most of my quality time with my younger one after the older one goes to bed at 7pm. But I also find that once hubby is home, I am much more willing to pass off baby duties to him, whereas with my 1st, I wanted to do everything. As a result, hubby and #2 have a much stronger bond. It's nice to see him running around like a mommy-hen
and after a day of 2, I really enjoy the break. I saw a family of 4 kids at 360 yesterday. How you grocery shop with 4 is what hubby and I discussed for the rest of the afternoon!! I think having a bigger family is great and if I didn't have health issues I really do think we'd be trying for #3 in the future. In terms of cost of living, I think if we did have 3, we'd highly consider moving back to Canada and living in a house!
Our plan has always been to have 3... still want to, but we're wondering if we can handle having another one. Right now, it's one-on-one with 2 kids, but with another one along, we will be outnumbered. For us, there are many, many factors to consider if we have #3 --where to live, education, energy level, age, etc.
I'm not so worried about being able to give enough attention to the new baby. I've come to accept that I will not be able to replicate with subsequent children the level of one-on-one time that I was able to have with #1 --it's just not realistically possible, what with having to ensure that #1 is not neglected in the course of tending to #2. A friend once wisely told me that what second- or third-borns lose out in terms of one-on-one time with parents, they make up for in attention from older siblings, something which the firstborn never gets to experience. That is a comforting thought for me... and I find that it is true in our case.
Right now, we are loving it with 2. They're 27 months apart and it's been great. Our older one really looks out for his sister and our girl adores her big brother. I love the age gap, too. If we are to replicate the same age gap, that means we will have to start trying this month (!)... just not sure if we're ready, though.
I'm not so worried about being able to give enough attention to the new baby. I've come to accept that I will not be able to replicate with subsequent children the level of one-on-one time that I was able to have with #1 --it's just not realistically possible, what with having to ensure that #1 is not neglected in the course of tending to #2. A friend once wisely told me that what second- or third-borns lose out in terms of one-on-one time with parents, they make up for in attention from older siblings, something which the firstborn never gets to experience. That is a comforting thought for me... and I find that it is true in our case.
Right now, we are loving it with 2. They're 27 months apart and it's been great. Our older one really looks out for his sister and our girl adores her big brother. I love the age gap, too. If we are to replicate the same age gap, that means we will have to start trying this month (!)... just not sure if we're ready, though.
Great thread!!! I have 3 but with fairly big age gaps, 9,5 and 2 . Think I was lucky because when had #2 , #1 was old enough to truly understand what was going on and in fact was a great help (she has since been called The Baby Whisperer as she has a knack with babies!) So the transition from 1 to 2 was easy for me completely because of the eldests attitude! We lived in UK then so no help! I had #3 in HK when #2 was 32 months old and she really did not care a jot about the baby and only now has any interest in playing with her! I have always worried about the middle child syndrome and have to confess to seeing signs of it in her but is also tough being the eldest too! Of course having help in HK made it easier too, but agree with the out numbered comments sometimes I am in complete despair trying to juggle the needs of the 3 of them. Still I would love a 4th.......