Had to stop BFing- very sad :(

[JANE892]

I'm feeling very sad as I've had to stop breastfeeding my 4month old boy.

Breast feeding for me was always always very tough. I battled with supply issues but harder to deal with were "let down" issues. I just couldn't always get the "let down" and if I was stressed it would go on for days. To make matters worse my boy would only breast feed if he was placed on a BFing pillow and always had to be lying on his right hand side. So you can imagine I've been fairly house bound for over 4 months now.

But..I was prepared to go for as long as I could. I really wanted to make 6 months and longer if possible. However...I've just left HK and now I'm away from my husband for a month while he moves us to another city in Asia...so much upheaval in my life.....so the "let down" problem came back. This time its gone on for over a week so of course I couldn't let my boy starve for a week so we've had to move to formulae.

Everyone has been telling me "you did a good job", "4 months is longer than x, y, z person did it etc etc" but I still feel like a failure. To make matters worse my boy is really struggling to take the bottle. He hates it. Each day I'm finding it so hard to get him to take the bottle..he cries and arches his back and pushes the teat out with his tounge. He's slowly getting better at the bottle....but now I worry all the time about how many mls he's taking in. Sigh sigh.

Anyway..what I'd like to know is this...does anyone out there know what the main differences between breast milk and formulae milk are? I know "breast is best" (beleive me I KNOW..its ramed down our throats EVERY DAY) but is it really THAT much better? I obviously want to give my son the absolute best and now that I can't do that I feel like such a terrible mother.
Is he going to not be as smart now? Not as healthy? Not as good at sport? What are the consequences really?

I just feel so bad about this...I guess I just wish I had some clear facts to kind of reassure me that formuale is not a terrible thing...that he'll still turn out just fine?

 

[louisouis]

Hi Jane

Don't feel bad... you did alot better then I did. My supply 'dried' up after 5 weeks... I felt really guilty and inadequate as I was planning to breastfeed for at least 3 months. I can only comfort myself by thinking that my mum breastfed me for only a month and I've turned out to be healthy too and I don't think she loved me any less just because she did not breastfeed me for X number of months.
Before the birth of my baby, I had read many books about breastfeeding, and understood that it was about supply and demand etc etc etc. But when it comes to the real test, it was very different, there was a demand but where was my supply???? I was so close to burning those books!!!
I don't have any strong scientific evidence, but I am sure with the advancement of science and technology, formulae is as similar to breastmilk as it could be. (I am currently giving my son Morinaga, apparently it is the formulae that is closest to breastmilk) In the meantime, I may not have any breastmilk but I do have lots of love for my baby which I think ultimately is the most important factor in nurturing a child.

 

[mosmom]

Hi Jane, it's hard for me to say "don't feel bad" because I would (and do) feel bad myself! I've been bfeeding for 9 months now and am about to wean my baby and switch to formula. I began bfeeding with enormous difficulties, but she's going to be 1 very soon and she won't be a 'baby' anymore. Anyway, that's a different topic.
We have one problem since she's 6 months: she has atopical eczema (skin disease), and that even though I've been bfeeding her! I'm a bit disappointed, as there are 'formula babies' who have nothing, they're perfectly fine! If that's an encouragement for you?
Try to put it behind you and begin enjoying giving the milk to your bub. Maybe he knows mommy is unhappy, that's why he might be rejecting the bottle. Try to make it fun, cheer up yourself.. There are really worse things in the world.. Such as a baby who was born in the same month as mine who has blood cancer, or another one who has growth issues (not enough growth hormones).. you know.. THAT is sad.
I also wonder what this inexplicable tie is between mom and baby when they're bfeeding.. It's really hard to cut loose from it (I think), but I'm certain that, after the weaning period, I can enjoy other things, such as going out by myself for a longer period of time, etc.
Take care.

 

[Lucylou]

I only breastfed for 4 weeks, but by expressing as baby wouldn't take. I was given formula milk in the hospital!! She has been formula fed since then and she is 8 months old now. I read everywhere that breast is best and it hurts to have it rammed down your throat everywhere when I did try and just couldn't do it - I felt a failure but I soon quickly realised that as long as the baby is feeding then that is fine. Bottle feeding has so many plusses - you can see exactly how much milk your baby takes in any one feed and also hubby can get involved with the feeding, something my hubby loves to do when he can. There is nothing wrong with formula - people have been feeding their bubs for years on formula milk so why should now be any different?
Give it time and you will soon adapt )

 

[JANE892]

A big thankyou for your replies ladies. I was really down and sad when I wrote this post but now that a few days have passed I've put this behind me. Your right...its about how much love I have for my child. Not how many months I breast fed for. I have a gorgeous, healthy, strong little boy and I'm extremely grateful for him.
I really have put this behind me now...now I just need my little man to drink a bit more from his bottles and everything will be great!