Getting used to being carried before sleeping?

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yuukalim0404

Registered User
Everytime my bb wants to sleep she needs to be carried, rocked and pat before falling asleep and if we put her down too quickly she wakes up immediately and starts howling.
I wonder when is a safe age to continue carrying her for sleep before she starts to get used to all this?
She is 3.5mths now.
 
Oooh. Yeah. I would start as soon as possible on getting her out of this habit--my son was similar but now he weighs close to 11.5 kilos (he is 13-months-old) and there is no way my back could handle packing him around like that now. Maybe your daughter will not get as tall and big as my son by the time she is 1-year-old but still, the principle is to give your babies the opportunity to learn how to put themselves to sleep--it takes a long time with some babies and children--which depends a lot on personality--but the sooner you get a system and skills for helping her learn how to sleep on her own better--the better for her and you. But, the good news is that 3.5 months isn't "too late"--it's better to start a good habit early, rather than have to destroy a bad habit later.
 
you will probably read lots of different opinions here.. i think "training" a 3.5-month-old baby is not appropriate. if she needs this contact with you before falling asleep, i would give it to her..
my daughter needed to be held before sleep as well up until she got about 1 year old (!). after that, i started to believe that it was time to train her.. now, she happily takes her lunch time nap all by herself (i put her into her cot, she cuddles with her bunny, and will fall asleep as she plays - within 10-15 mins). for her nighttime sleep, i hold her at my chest for 2 minutes, then put her into her cot and pat her to sleep (10 mins max).
i know that with MY daughter, i couldn't have started a "training programme" any time earlier. she only "gets" it now; before, she needed to be carried, i'm afraid (and she was a chubby one, too). every child is different. you may try some methods - as long as she accepts them w/out suffering, why not? but i wouldn't force her into something she's not ready for. good luck!
 
Every baby is different and every parent is different. It sounds cruel, but we did a little bit of sleep training when my baby was 4.5 months. He had gotten used to being rocked to sleep on a trip to the US but I just couldn't physically do it anymore. He weighed 17 pounds and both my back and arms were giving out. It got so bad that on some nights, it would take him 1 hour to fall asleep. Before starting anything, I literally bought 5-7 different books on all the different theories out there and then kind of put together a plan of our own. I'm glad to say that within 2 weeks, he learned to fall asleep on his own for both his naps and night sleeping. The first 2 nights were definitely the hardest but things improved really quickly after that. truly think that it was the best thing that we did. Because he learned how to soothe himself to sleep, he was more rested and generally a happier baby. I was also in much better shape physically. But like I said, everyone is different. You just need to figure out a method that works for you and your baby.
 
I'm trying to train my 8 month old daughter but really struggling. She howls whenever I put her down and then howls when I pick her back up again!!! Not sure what to do!mosmom and wenyihsu, would appreciate hearing your experiences and how you achieved success.
 
Same here! Generally we have a very happy baby (now just-turned 9 mths) but we just can't seem to be able to get him to settle down by himself. (He actually did for about 3 days last month but then he got roseola and became really cranky and after he recovered, we weren't able to get him back to it.) Unless he is very sleepy, he'll scream and howl if we put him down in the crib for either a nap or bedtime. :-(
 
We did controlled crying with my son. But keep in mind this method takes a lot of determination as the first couple of nights will be tough ... Basically, following my son's bedtime routine, we would put him in his crib, kiss him, say good night, and then leave the room. Of course, he would start crying immediately, so for the first night, we waited 2 minutes before going into the room. Then I would go into the room, and pat him on his back to comfort him - but I also tried not to talk too much to him. I would only really say "shhh, shhh, shh" just to try to calm him down while patting his back. Once he settled down, I would leave the room again. The next time, I waited 3 minutes, go in and do the same thing. Everytime before going in, I would add another minute but I never waited any longer than 15 minutes. I think he cried on and off for about 45 minutes before he fell asleep. The next night, the same thing. By the third night, I waited a little longer before going in for the first time - 5 minutes. And then the following night, we would wait longer again - each night waiting a little longer before going in.
For his naps, I did the same. From my experience, it was easy to get him to sleep on his own for his naps. I think it only took 2 days to correct the problem. It was the night sleeping that took longer. But by the 5th night, he was only really crying for less than 10 minutes before falling asleep. And for there to be no crying at all, it took a little less than 2 weeks.
Just from talking to friends, I have heard that the older the babies are, the longer it takes for controlled crying to work. They are just a lot more aware. In addition, this method will not work for all babies. I have heard of babies who get so worked up that they throw up from crying. Anyways, good luck!
 
Mine threw up on the 1st night of CIO, but it does not mean that she is not "suitable" for CIO. We just quietly changed her sheets and clothing and put her back to sleep again, without making a fuss. This was also envisaged in the Dr. Ferber book, so we were prepared. It took her 4 nights and she went back to sleeping thru the night.
 
yes, it's not a good habit for your baby's sleep habit. the best way is CIO and to put her into her cot completely awake so she can learn how to put HERSELF to sleep without any aids. It seems like tough love the first few nights, but stick with it. Your baby will thank you!
 
to my knowledge, even ferber recommended the CIO method no earlier than 1 year.. but that's slightly OT.

putput
i started to keep my baby less and less time in my arms. that means, if e.g. at the beginning, i had to hold her for 30mins, i cut down to 25mins first, then gradually less and less, until she got used to it veeeery slowly.
you may read elisabeth pantley's "the no-cry sleep solution" for further guidelines :) i didn't follow pantley's guidelines step by step, but her ideas confirmed to me that i was on the right path (again, for MY baby; every child is different!).
now, apart from when she's teething, she sleeps well. that means she goes to bed at 9pm and wakes up at 8am. inbetween, she usually wakes 1-2x coz she'll have lost her pacifier. i'm content with this and since i've seen progress, i'm sure it'll be even better in a few months' time.
good luck to you, too!!
 
mosmom,

So what do you do when your baby is teething? Do you end up going back to square one? I ask as my girl is teething so I'm not sure whether to continue with the program or wait till she's done. But then she won't be done till about the age of 2!!!! I'm so worn out!!!
 
putput
hmmm, she had a phase of teething recently that lasted about 2-3 weeks, including occasional fever.. she woke up in the middle of the night and i (or hubby) had to hold her for 2-3 hours :( however, 6 (!) teeth were on the way.
i just KNOW that, for my baby, when the temperature in the room is okay, when she's comfortable in her bed (enough space!), when she's not teething or sick, etc., she really is able to sleep through the night (and "sleeping through the night" means around 6 hours for a little one, not actually 12 hours or so).
i understand that you're worn out, but you have no choice but to try new methods and figure out what works best for you guys. i'm a no CIO mom, so i wouldn't go that way, even though it's tough, but that's a decision you better make for yourself.
sorry that i can't offer you a miracle solution. take care!!
 
Just a quick update,
I did some reserach and decided to try CIO. So, I tried CIO on my baby ONCE in the afternoon, she cried for 30-40mins on and off really loudly and there was no way she looked like she was going to sleep. After, I came in and finally carried her and almost cried myself, the poor girl was so tired from all the crying and she fell asleep in less than 5mins....my gut /maternal instinct tells me this method does not work for my girl and I stopped.
The next 2 days she suffered a hoarse voice from all that crying. I did more research and found out that ignoring baby cries has the reverse effect of them crying even more for some. And one should carry the baby as soon as they cry ( within 5 mins) to make them feel secure and confident.
True enough, I tried that out these days that once she crys, I pick her up and soothe her and she tends to cry less and also seems to sleep better and longer stretch. And when she wakes up now, she usually don't cry and will talk to herself or just quietly look at things or even smiles! ( if she is not hungry) :) previously she will cry once awake!

I just want to share that if anyone should want to try CIO, please do it after 5months as well...

Below is some extract from what docs says:
"Some newborn babies don't like to be put down ever and cry the moment they leave their mother's arms, others are fine from day one," says Lyuba Konopasek, assistant professor of pediatrics a the New York-Presbyterian Weill Cornell Medical Center in New York City. In general, Konopasek says, a baby who is younger than 5 months old should not be left alone to cry for more than five minutes, at which point you need to pick him up and try to comfort him.
 
more...

Hug, touch, smile, encourage, listen to, and play with your little one whenever you can. It's also important to answer his cries immediately, especially in the first six months or so, when experts say it's impossible to spoil a child. In fact, responding to your baby when he's upset (as well as when he's happy) helps you build trust and a strong emotional bond, according to Zero to Three, a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of infants, toddlers, and families.
 
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