Hey Cupcakes,
Having or not having kids is a dealbreaker, I think. At least that's my observation. It's not a light choice like, "Should we move to House A or House B?" Actually, having children is a major life decision that could be compared to the choice to convert to a certain religion or something. It leaves you forever changed and unlike converting to a religion, you can't change your mind later and "convert" back.
One example:
A close family friend, I'll call Kelly got married to a really great lady--she was a rehabilitation nurse specializing in physical therapy--seemingly one of the most nurturing and maternal women you could ever meet. Basically, by looking at and talking to her you would just assume she would want children. She wasn't particularly "career-driven" but she also told him that she wasn't keen on having kids. He married her figuring that with age she would change her mind as he had always had a desire to have at least 2-3 kids. Turns out, she didn't change her mind at all with age and it eventually drove them apart. Kelly's desire to have kids was not a whimsical issue--it was part of his life's calling and one of his deepest needs actually--to be a father. Adopting pets and spending time with friends and family couldn't fill up the void. They divorced, sadly and it broke his heart. On the flip side, his wife was not ready and didn't have the same desire to have kids. To this day, she doesn't have any and doesn't want any. This issue made them actually incompatible.
My questions are:
1. How long have you and your husband been together/married?
2. Before you got married did you talk over the issue of kids? What was his response back then? (A lot of people really advocate pre-marriage counseling to go over these types of issues and get everything on the table--did you guys go through anything like this?)
So, not to be a doomsdayer or anything but having kids is a "for real" issue--this isn't light stuff you're upset about here.
Honestly, if I were in your husband's shoes, I think I would need a reality check. One of my secondary students brought up a good point this week in a debate we were having that money can't buy happiness. She pointed to the recent example of Casino Tycoon, Stanley Ho. He is one of Asia's wealthiest men and in his field he is at the top but he had a stroke and now he is disabled. In the end, your relationships with people and your family are the only things that matter because everything else can be stripped away pretty easily. I think it would be so sad, as a man, to get to an old age when you look around to pass along your knowledge and experience and you have basically no one to give it to.
And you're also not in your 20s where the inevitable "future" seems so far off--no, actually, the future has already arrived.
But, having said that, if he really doesn't want children, then you shouldn't go against his will. Also, if you want children and he doesn't, he shouldn't force you to give up your dream so he can fulfill his. It's gotta be a compromise, actually if it's going to work. And 34 isn't 24. Modern medicine has come a long, long way but that's still no reason to risk not being able to have children, I think. IVF treatment doesn't always work (you can find lots of examples on the web of women who are distraught with trying to conceive with IVF and it not working). Adoption may be an option later on but it has to be what you want too.
