Frustrated with the helper

S

sandy0741

Registered User
HI everyone,

Just want to type here to ease my frustration of my helper. She has been with us for 6 months, but for these six months period, we all get just so fed up with her, everytime, I have to explain things over and over again to her, but it just seems that she listens and then do what she thinks is the best, when she is told that this is not how the work should be done, she just seems not to care.
What makes me more angry yesterday was when she was ironing clothes at night, my 2 year old son was playing around in the living room and I have asked her to stop ironing and look at him for a while when I am in the bathroom, she just say "yes' and then accident happened, my son went into her room and touched the iron, when at the same time , she was there. He has got three of his finger tips burnt and he didn't stop crying for a long time. I know how painful it should be. When asked her what she was doing , she said she left the iron on the iron board and went to hang the clothes, that made me extremely angry with her, she just doesn't care about anything, and I talked very seriously with her, what she said then 'was she didn't do this on purpose" I know she didn't do on purpose, but she can prevented it from happening if she had listened to
me.

anyway, I am already looking for another one and wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible. :mad:
 
Hi Sandy,
I think you should look for another helper immediately. Looks like your helper lacks of common sense to an extreme, especially lacking the sense of safety measures. This could be potentially fatal. Just venting your frustration here is not enough. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT IMMEDIATELY.

My God, I don't ever resort to describing someone as st*pid. But sorry to say, I think I've just found one in your helper.
 
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Yes, and I have sent my son to my mother and already called several agents to see if they can send me one temporary. And you are perfectly right, She is really stupid, a person who really has no sense at all. But what makes me more angry is when she has hurt my son, she doesn't feel an ounce of worried or upset of what she has done. I have never seen any person who has no sense of guilty about their wrongdoings. What these helpers are really thinking?
 
I cannot say that your helper is cold-hearted etc because I don't know her that much. But judged by what happened and what she said to you afterwards without showing any sign of remorse, I dare say at least she doesn't care much for your son. To me I view a helper's being caring to the kids as far more important than being an expert in doing household chores or a great cook(of course it'd be a huge bonus if she happens to possess both as well)...
 
get rid of her! You have given her good enough time for the training. She is supposed to make your life easier, not harder. but I am not surprised to hear things like this with DHs, I had terrible experience with my inlaw's Indonesian DHs too. They are just working without bringing back their brains. erhhhh!!
 
Sounds eerily familiar with the Indonesian helper we got rid of about 6 months ago. Once I left my son in her care, heard him crying, and when I went to check on him, the curtain line was around his neck. Be careful if u decide to terminate her employment though. Ours made such a big fuss, by going to some kind of union and even took us to court although we settled all termination requirements (1 mths pay, air ticket and other misc payments) with agent's witnessing. She even signed the proof of receipt but labour dept couldn't do anything about this. We were also unfortunate to end up with such an irresponsible agent. Took us few months to finally settle the matter and we ended up paying her AGAIN due to the expiry of the air ticket we bought her earlier.

That really taught us a big lesson not to mention giving me the phobia of hiring another helper again for a few months after! We now have a Filipina helper whom I think is much better (she's only been here for less than a month), and hopefully will remain that way.

Good luck to you!
 
Yeah, you're absolutely right, terminating her is another thing I have to worry about, last month she has made me so angry that I told her to pack up her things and go, and she immediately started crying loudly begging for chances and saying she doesn't want to leave. Later, I asked her to calm down and take a rest in her room, when she came out I found her having noticeable marks on her face. I immediately told the agent and she told me not to tell her you are firing her but to bring her to the agent once you got a new helper. But now for what this Indonesian helper has done to my son, I am not going to wait anymore.
After having employed 2 indonesian helpers, I am now thinking of changing to a Filipina.
 
I knew I shdn't be telling her of my intention to fire her but she had been doing things that really triggered me off. I think someone might have taught her to behaved the way she did. I have spoken to her firmly and calmly regarding her behaviour and told her I expected some improvements which of course fell on deaf ears. One time, it got so bad, I just said in anguish she really had to pack her bags and was shocked to hear her mumbling the word "yes". That was when I decided to send her off the next day. Well, she packed up without being told that early morning as though she had expected that to happen according to her well laid plan.

It's so sad coz' I've been treating her so well all along. She showers twice a day, whereas I only managed once (who's the boss I wonder?), always have her tea time (even when we're out, she without hesistance will pick her choice of drink or food), bringing her to Indon grocery to pick whatever food she likes thinking she might be homesick, once she was sick, I made her porridge, which resulted in my son falling off his toy car, hitting his head on the cupboard and ended with a large bump on his head and she complained that the porridge is tasteless (she slept 2 days without having to work of course), I do the marketing (worrying she wouldn't be able to cope with language in the market, leaving her playing with my son (with air cond in full blast) while I toiled and sweat with the marketing trolley and the list goes on. And I thought they say if you treat them like family they will be grateful. It was hell for me ... I felt I was more of the maid myself!

But I'm glad that's all over now but that has not deter me fr treating my current helper well but with the hope that she will be grateful for it. Pls be careful and don't end up like me!
 
It can be seen that you were nice to your previous helper but it's unbelievable to see her treating you like this. Sometimes, I am also feeling the same, starting to ask when I have got a helper, why is it that I still need to cook myself, and most of the time when I got day off, I will be looking after my son 24 hours a day, while she will just be prolonging the time for every work so she doesn't need to do much while I am doing the others for her. Even if she is asked to do the cleaning job, she will just wipe things a little bit, but you can still see dirt, dust around in the kitchen , washroom and so on... I just get so irritated whenever I see her. I'm glad that you're over with your previous one, and found a better one.
Just want to ask you what issues had she raised after termination to take you to court? Even if you have signed everything, what can she still do? Do you also think Filipina are better than Indonesian?
 
We took her to the agency and thought everything was settled and although she signed the proof of receipt, we were to issue her the ticket within that week (it was so sudden and our first time, we were not prepared, just did wat the agent told us) which we did.

Trouble started when agent told us, she was not at boarding house that night and a few days later agent told us, she disappeared and left her luggage behind. Sounds like non of our business anymore rite? Then I searched for her at the church (she mentioned so many times about the good times she had with the people there etc etc), but found out there's no such person, and no such pastor as mentioned.

Then agent told us she turned up with some union people to claim her luggage and said she wanna sue coz' she didn't receive the payments. What nonsense rite? And becoz of this, me and my hubby had argued so much due to his busy work and me struggling with a 10mth old clingy breastfed baby. I couldn't tend to the matter myself and hubby was very busy. But he did wat he could, went to labour dept right away with all supporting documents, receipts and even consulted a lawyer friend but still nothing could be done.

Can u imagine such injustice can happen here in Hkg? If you say I'm the one in the wrong, it's fine and I deserve this "punishment" but we've paid more than we bargained for. I can't possible bear with her attitude and laziness for the sake of being a compassionate employer?

Hubby and the helper met at the labour dept, she refused to settle the matter amicably and she insisted on "suing" for reason being she didn't receive the payment. All this just so that she could remain here in Hkg to look for another job. And all these so that she could prolong her stay! At the labour dept she even accused the agent for not paying her the money. That also made us suspicious of the agent. Could be problem between her and the maid but they just push the problem back to us coz' we are the employer?

Anyway, hubby and them went to court and we settled the expired air ticket payment and that was it. She even has the guts to demand for HKD1000 instead of airticket! We just paid and forget about pursuing the matter further which we could have done if not for all the hassle involved. Not worth it!

To answer your question, even if we've signed everything, she can still make accusations/claims that she did not receive the payment. And don't think they're stupxd.. they are definitely smarter than u think! They just play stupid. As for the next question, I personally think it's nothing to do with racial/nationality as there are definitely some good ones out there. It's more of a personality problem. The reason we hire a Filipina this time is becoz she's recommended by my FIL's ex maid (her cousin) and we have reference fr previous employer this time. The previous helper was recruited overseas (1st time in Hkg) and we just chose an agent at random. It's just her first few months (4 mths) in Hkg and she's already such a pro ... I wish her next employer good luck!.. lol!
 
Hi all
It feels so good to ease some anger! We got rid of our helper 6 weeks ago, I thought I was going to 'kill' her. I was so irritated after a few weeks, I was dying to go back to work after my mat leave in order not to see her hiding in the kitchen do nothing, or walk so slowly in the house, etc.
Although I think she was a great help at the beginning when the baby was little (you know how new parents don't really dare or don't 'know' how to do some stuff), but she was absolutely useless at cleaning, and we also realised she didn't talk to the baby, she was just carrying her looking at the window. And she would always find excuses!
We just had enough when during the big easter weekend (followed by 10 days off a week later) she didn't even offer her help for an hour or 2.
We just sent her home with the month's pay, and hired a new one. We had to borrow helpers to cover, but we don't regret our decision, every one of them was so much better!

Whether we like it or not, they are such a big part of our lives and family that we need to be happy and not force ourselves to cope with a miserable situation. A bit like any other relationship I think....
 
"Do you also think Filipina are better than Indonesian?"

come on... that is racist. that's like asking if you think chinese or western employers are better or worse...

nationalities don't matter! what matters is PERSONALITIES!
 
Generally, Filippina DHs are more educated and more experienced, and they do have more common sense because of their background. I am not sure if you have experienced Indonesian DHs, but believe me, they can really really drive you nuts, at least my inlaw's are driving me nuts. They do their work without thinking, such as doing laundry when it is pouring out there, washing the dishes without making the dining table clear and clean first, etc etc....
This is really not about racism, but simply about their background. In general, Indonesian DHs are mostly coming from small villages, and yet Filippina DHs are usually from the cities. So, don't take me wrong.
 
Pls don't take me wrong as being racist when I asked this question, from what I hear about people commenting about their helpers, most of them think Filippina's are more experienced in all household work. I also think it's because they are more educated and as they come from the cities, they have more knowledge on how to use the household items and handle all the household matters. I have employed two indonesian maids so far, this is the second one, and she has really driven me nuts, she isn't good at cleaning, not ,listening to any instructions, even if you repeat several times, the only word she says is yes, but she will do a different thing for you. She will wear the same clothes for 2 days in this hot weather, you should imagine it's hot, and she has been doing the household work all day, she also needs to carry the baby sometime, but if she doesn't change clothes after she has been smelling, i think this is a big problem.
 
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