food for helper plus other things

S

smiling face1

Registered User
hi guys, sorry to bother you but I really need an advice.

even though has our helper 100% access to all our food and I mean also organic and expensive stuff, snacks icecream...she is always finding something that is missing in our menu ..today she has complained that I never buy crab...sometimes she complains that I buy brand of food that is not "yummie" for her...she is already cooking separately for herself because she does not like what we eat. she does not want to eat leftovers and prefers everything fresh. actually me and my husband are far less picky than she is...

I was wondering that I would give her just food allowance but I already do alot of her work including deep cleaning or ironing or I bring stuff to the dry cleaners...so I can not imagine how we would organize our time if she had to do all her food shopping and cooking on the top of her duties...I do not want to eat stuff from the wet market where she obviously would go to get her own food...I do parknshop deliveries and buy fresh veggies etc on my way home from the gym

there are other issues making me tired but we want to keep her because she is always in a good mood and great with kids. I am not working at the moment.

TIA for your remarks
 
Not to sound heartless, but she's taking advantage of your good nature.

Have you considered telling her that crab is expensive and you do not eat it, so there is no way you're going to buy it?

If you give her a food allowance, she can do her shopping on her time - give her an hour on Saturday or some other time if you feel generous.
 
Thank you very much for your replies. We had a quick chat and she said she would consider food allowance. Than she would share the cost of crab with some other friends on her days of and buy more seafood etc. :tongue: She has just boiled some of our prosciuto crudo with her noodles for her dinner saying it was too salty....

She used to cook her favourite foods for the whole family and we found out that we have different preferences so she ended up cooking her own meals, which was ok for me as long as it did not take too much time. Our previous helper had food allowance at the beginning but she was on the instant noodles all the time to save the money so I just forced her to eat from our stock and I think she was quite happy with that. I think our new one would soon end up on instant noodles as well if she had food allowance. I want her to be well fed and rested as she helps me with my active kids.

I do some of housework myself because she is not so good at cleaning and she is rather slow with her ironing. But she is really patient with kids and nobody is perfect...
 
Omg, I am scared to even listen to such stories. I am currently due with my 2nd child and have just signed a helper.
Guys, I would really appreciate some advice to set things straight with the helper right from the beginning. Tips on managing the helper are welcome as it would save me from unnecessary hassle and tension during pregnancy!
 
Usually, I hear of opposite stories - of employers who are awful to helpers - who give them only white bread or make them eat leftovers. Maybe this is because I'm in a more local neighborhood. But this is a bit ridiculous - asking for crab!

Why don't you just pay the food allowance. Legal minimum is $900. I pay a bit more, to be decent, since an extra $300 is not much for us per month. $1,200 / month (or $300 / week) is fine for local groceries. If she wants to treat herself to a restaurant or something special with her friends, she can pay out of her salary, like anyone else.

It doesn't take much time out of their day. Basically, my helper either buys food on the weekend / in the mornings when I am home and she has off. (I work afternoons and evenings, which is when she works.) Or, sometimes, she'll pick up something while she's shopping for me, and just pay separately for her bag.

She usually has bread and coffee for breakfast. And for lunch and dinner, she has basic Asian food that's quick to make. We're not super-strict about real basics like rice or water. So, when she makes a big pot of rice for the family / kid, she can take a bowl, and then add her own toppings. (We're not so stingy that we're going to deny her a bowl of rice). There's a little flexibility. If I've made too much food, or we've ordered too much at a restaurant -- and I know my husband and I won't have time to eat it -- she can have it. And if we're having a big family celebration, like a birthday cake, she joins in. But mostly she eats her own stuff, and it's fine with us.

And, of course, we don't work her 24/7. She has enough time to make a simple meal - for ex, when baby is sleeping. In fact, I barely notice it.

Maybe it's just a matter of preferences. Our helper has very different tastes than we do. She did not enjoy our more expensive foods -- organic produce, health foods or imported goods had little appeal. She also didn't like the fish, tofu, etc, we prefer. She prefers more junk food (unfortunately) like breads, sweets, etc., and local foods, like noodles or pork.

She keeps her dry goods in her room. And she has a corner of the kitchen cabinet / fridge that's for her stuff. Once I accidentally ate the cake she bought for herself! But we just laughed over it.

That's what I would recommend, since it sounds like you're spending more than $1,000 a month to feed her anyway. Let her get her own food, and be a bit flexible about it. We're all happier this way.

I like your comment about not expecting every helper to excel at everything. Mine is honest, dependable, kind, great with kids, does all the basic housework. But she's a terrible cook, so I do the work in the kitchen! But for HK $4,000 a month, I'm grateful for what I have.
 
Don't be scared. The Internet always attracts the (minority) of cases that are horror stories. And Hong Kongers tend to be ridiculously critical of these women, who work very hard, very long hours, for not very much money. I think it's a bias, intentional or not, against poor dark-skinned workers, and also an unforunate habit of complaining dramatically about everything. (I say this as a HK Chinese myself - it's not one of the nicer parts of our culture).

But the grand majority of helpers are here to work to send money home. I've been back in HK for more than a decade, and the grand majority of helpers I've met are honest, kind, diligent. They care for our children, our elderly, do our housework for us, etc. I have 3 very old relatives cared for by helpers who don't just do their jobs, but who really put care and love into it. Compared to how expensive and limited such care is in the West, we should count ourselves lucky.

There is no secret trick except for basic decency. If you have any rules, set them out in the beginning clearly. For ex, state her days off, her duties, etc. Write it down if you must. Then treat her like a decent human being and, most of the time, she will be decent back to you.

In the very rare case that she does something awful, like steal, then you fire her.

But don't jump to conclusions. I've seen people here scream at their helpers for leaving a bit of skin or seed on an apple, or fire someone for a comment that was made or one mistake. In those cases, I blame the employers when the helper acts out.
 
Treasure - By the way, my helper was invaluable to me during pregnancy. She started when I was 7 months along with my first child, when I was struggling to do housework while suffering from edema, while working full-time.
That first week, just having someone take care of the flat, pack me healthy lunches, run to the supermarket for me -- it was great. So look on the positive side of things.
Now as a pregnant mom again -- with a toddler at home and a full-time job -- I don't know what I'd do without her.
Sure, she's made some minor mistakes, but I wouldn't call it a "hassle."
 
or me I would make sure you have realistic expectations for your helper....

1) nobody is perfect - if they can cook, they probably aren't the best with kids and vice versa...if you have found one that is, you're lucky but it's not the norm - make sure you realize that and life will be much easier for you.
2) if their english standard is not as good as you would like - understand that they are here as helpers and if they had a better option in terms of employment, they probably wouldn't be here....not to put them down, but just to be realistic about the whole situation. patience is the key
3) have priorities - nobody is superwomen...they have long hours already, and even if they have "shorter hours" if they are working with kids, the day can seem much longer...be realistic and realize your helper needs rest to do their work well
4) don't fuss over the small issues - if no harm / potential harm to family members occurs, let things slide - of course not like stealing and stuff, maybe stuff like forgetting to buy some things a grocery list or something....yes its a pain, but they will learn.

my helpers, since we downsized, live in a tiny room (compared to before)...but they still have their own TV (albeit small), fridge (albeit small) and air con-....life is comfortable when they turn down, and thus my expectations when they are awake are high - have told them from the beginning. One thing that helps my helpers is that they see me do things, e.g. wipe the floor, clean the kitchen, dust, on weekends when they are on holiday - they know what my standards are cause I uphold them personally and not just talk about them and tell them to do it - I literally show them what I want....must add that I'm a SAHM so that might be easier....
 
we give $300/week. so, if the month has 5 sundays, that month they get $1500 each. we decided to give it that way so that they would be forced to buy fresh rather than sending money home and living on noodles.

your helper is totally taking advantage. i'd be putting her straight very, very quickly.

also: the litmus test is this..... does your helper make your life easier or more difficult? if the latter, then you need a different helper. it doesn't matter how good she is with the kids.
 
Carang makes a good point.
If you're going to give a food allowance, make sure she actually spends it on food. These women are brought up so poor - and bad habits die hard - that they scrimp like crazy. Many feel it is their job to sacrifice for their relatives back home.
You don't want them stashing their "food money" away and sending it home, as much as it may be needed there.
One friend was paying the standard $300 a week, like Carang, but realized her helper was living off of biscuits and water, to save money. So she put her foot down. The money was for food, to keep her strong and healthy. She was expected to spend that $300 at a grocery store or wet market for herself. (And $300 is really not that much - enough for rice, noodles, meat, veg, fruit, etc.)
Her being strict on this issue benefitted both the employer and the employee.
 
we're lucky, none of our helpers have every saved every penny of food allowance... they've always spent it on food.
 
we've been lucky with helpers, too. the one i have has good common sense. she spends her food allowance on food, keeps herself pretty strong and healthy, and uses her salary to send money home, as she should.
 
I didn't want my helper living on noodles, so we've always told her to buy whatever she wants to eat, but write it down in the book along with the other shopping receipts. With each helper I've only checked it about once, but I don't think I've ever had anyone take advantage. All our helpers have put on weight since living in HK, but so have I. They know that we live fairly frugally, so treat our shopping money with respect. I hope...
 
we don't give her additional money, except for the $900+ (?) stipulated by the government. she buys fresh food with it and is happy that she has her own fridge so she can store things. whenever she goes to the market for our food, i ask her to buy something for herself from my budget - she's always very good - actually I stipulate a budget ($20-30) for a meal, which she says is way too much...anyhow, she says that $10 can buy a REALLY good fresh meal of fish and veggies...anyhow, she is given the budget to buy as she pleases...luckily for us she does not take advantage of our kindness...there are days when she would rather have an instant noodle...that's fine with me - it is her choice -
 
Thank you for all your comments ladies. I still have not decided if I want to give food allowance, I am pretty sure she would be sending all the money home and would end up hungry instead of eating crab:p in any case, I will take the final decision when we come back from long summer holiday.

lesliefu $10 can buy a REALLY good fresh meal of fish and veggies..? waw. It must be something very local that I keep avoiding:)
 
smiling face1 said:
Thank you for all your comments ladies. I still have not decided if I want to give food allowance, I am pretty sure she would be sending all the money home and would end up hungry instead of eating crab:p in any case, I will take the final decision when we come back from long summer holiday.

lesliefu $10 can buy a REALLY good fresh meal of fish and veggies..? waw. It must be something very local that I keep avoiding:)
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yes -local market of course and nothing organic! :) veggies she buys enough for a few meals and fish she can buy up to 4 pieces at $10...don't know what fish it is though...she says all filipinos like them though!
 
lesliefu said:
yes -local market of course and nothing organic! :) veggies she buys enough for a few meals and fish she can buy up to 4 pieces at $10...don't know what fish it is though...she says all filipinos like them though!
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It should also be added in here that while imported crab can be very expensive, local wetmarket crab, especially when purchased as parts (eg: small bowl of claws) is not expensive at all. If you can time your visit toward the end of the day when traders all want to go home, you can get even better bargains.
 
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