Feeling Guilty

A

arkcocoon

Registered User
Dear all

My son is turning three months old next week and I've decided to stop breastfeeding him then. Its a difficult decision but one that must be made since I will be returning to work very soon.

I know its best if I could continue to bf my baby but expressing whilst at work just simply isn't an option... plus I do need to travel as well...

I'm trying so hard to tell myself not to feel guilty about this but I just can't. I know of so many mums who've bf their babies till they're one or even two years old!! If you've been through this and know how best to cope with such guilty conscience please share with me.

Thank you all.

arkcocoon
 
Congratulations for breastfeeding your baby. You've already given your baby the best start in life. Working and breast feeding is possible but it is really, really hard work and you have to be really committed. I have heard of mothers (never actually met any) pumping while on business trips and bringing the milk home but again, it's a personal choice. At the end of the day, you know yourself and what you're able to do. I breastfed my two children before switching to forumal when they were older, and although I honestly believe that breast is best, a whole generation of people (including myself and my siblings) were brought up on formula and we've turned out ok :) Once you see that you baby is fine and thriving on formula, you'll feel less guilty and you might actually welcome that fact the the father is able to feed baby too.

Giving up breastfeeding can be quite an emotional process and the fact they you have breastfed is fantastic! Hope this helps.
 
me too

hello arkcocoon,

I know exactly what ur feeling...I had to do with my first one & now I have to do it again.....BUT i try to tell myself it's better than not having fed my babies ever...I travel a lot as well so It won't be possible for me to express...I start work in 10days and I'm hating it...but on the plus side ...it's also a wonderful time for my hubby to bond with our baby as he can feed her too & loves to do so everytime he's home....
 
Hi!

You shouldn't feel guilty ! You've already breastfed him for 3 months, so you have been giving him the best start in life.

Better that than nothing ;-)
 
Hi,

I have been through many such moments of feeling guilt as a Mom. Especially when you feel that you have not done enough for your child. These days, I learnt to go easy on myself and tell myself that I did the best I could given that situation in time.

It is not easy being a Mom let alone you are working as well. You have already given your baby the best start in life by b/feeding him.

Keep well.
 
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. Although I still feel guilty about it...
I guess though motherhood is not just about how long you bf your baby ... hopefully I can make it up in other ways....
 
I am starting work soon as well, and thinking of stopping to b/f. But I have tuned myself to only express two times a day. So I will try expressing 2 times a day before and after work. But I am still struggling about whether I should be spending more time with her rather than expressing after work. Maybe you could try that too?
 
Dear,

guilt is the last thing your baby needs. if you're not confortable stopping, do it little by little and express when you can.

I worked for UNICEF and the consensus there is babies take the most of bf during the first 6 months. After that, it is really not that vital. You will have bf during three months, and you can continue bf before and after you go to work and gradually stop.
 
Wow MayC, I have to say that I quite admire you. I dont think I would have been able to do it if I'd have to express my milk. Way to go.
Congratulation! Your baby is really lucky to have such a dedicated mother.

arkcocoon, I think that it is the burden of every mother to feel guilty all the time. We love our children so much that we would like to give them the best all the time!

My mother felt guilty because she also had to work and it is mostly my grandmother that raises us...
My sister feels guilty because she has to work and most of the time, she cannot be at home when her children comes back from school...
I feel guilty because even though I have "sacrifice" my career to I work at home, and I cannot always take Maylie out to the playground or playgroup even if I know that she just love to be around other babies... but well, I only have a limited time to see if I can do it or else I'll just have to go back to work for somebody else again, so I do have to work hard!...

Whatever the situation, I think that by being mother, we will always feel guilty for something !
Just tell yourself that you are doing it because you also want your baby to be able to benefict from everything that your income allowed you to give her :) Baby are more resilient than we can thnk, an the only thing that they REALLY REALLY need is our love ;)
 
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dear all, thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement.

dear icecube, you mentioned you were thinking of expressing twice a day before and after work - have you tried it or know of anyone else who've tried doing that? i'm just wondering if expressing twice a day will produce sufficient amount of bm for baby's daily needs... grateful if anyone else who have tried doing so could share their experience with us.
 
arkcocoon,

Good job first of all for bf for 3 months! As far as expressing at work.. here is what I do. I don't travel, but i'd think it would take a lot of committment if you travel.

I have an Advent portable cooler that i take with me, I bring 1 empty bottle and 2 plastic ziploc style disposible bottles. I use an Advent hand held pump. I try to express every 2-3 hours. I get an average of 3 ounces each time.

I have to express in the toilet stall of the bathrooms where i work. I work freelance, so sometimes its different toilets. ONce i had to emergency express in the Langham hotel toilet!

Luckily there are refrigerators at the places I work and no one ever minds that it sits in the fridge. Actually people are alwasy kind and there to help.

SOmetimes my husband visits me at lunchtime on his day off so that I can bf her during my lunchbreak. One less express! It's a long trek for him, but i tell him its bonding for him and our daughter, plus he gets to see me I remind him!

I also try to express at home after she feeds even if its a teeny bit, i save it and add to it. But i dont do it EVERY time. :)
 
dear arkcocoon,
I know someone who expressed 2 times a day. But the amount would only be enough for 2 - 3 feeds. The rest of the feeds would be in formula.
 
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