Feeling fat and ugly after baby

N

NewMommie

New member
This is a half vent, half question...

I had a baby more than a few months ago, and I still have a bit of a cross between a lower pouch and a pot belly. I didn't wear the support girdle, as I was tired enough trying to BF round the clock and never sleeping, and although I've been trying to eat healthier and get as much exercise as possible (not a lot), I have pretty much stayed at a weight 15% higher than my original weight. I'm back at work now.

Vent part: Why is it that the media portrays getting back to pre-baby weight as somehow the height of maternal competence? As if we didn't have enough to worry about, fitting back into some unrealistic standard of beauty just months after having a baby is unnatural. I myself just assumed that I would only have to BF and somehow I would just tighten back up, because that is what everyone says. I feel fat and unattractive, and it doesn't feel like there is any understanding from any of my peers as to why I didn't just 'bounce-back' - this is particularly true in this city where you have so many perpetual singles and skinny women (personally I think many are anorexic). I wouldn't feel so bad if society just portrayed a more realistic standard of post-baby body image. Back at work no less than 4 of my female colleagues have mentioned to me that I just need to "start dieting and exercising" as if it is just that easy and I'm a lazy incompetent person.

Advice part: How long after you gave birth did you go back to 'normal', if at all? Does the lower belly pouch get better, or is it the mark of giving birth? Do I really just need to start doing enormous amount of cardio? I just want to set my own expectations. Also, I personally don't think my usual 'diet and exercise' is working at all...is there a reason why my body doesn't react to these as it used to?

Thanks...
 
i gave birth 5.5 & 3.5 years ago and am still not back to previous weight.

tomorrow, i have an appointment at CURVES, a gym ONLY for women. their tailored workout is only 30 minutes and it REALLY works!

how do i know? my mother joined in February. by ONLY going to the gym 6X/week for 30 minutes, in the first month, she lost 9.5lbs. the second month, 7.5lbs.... total overall since the end of Feb? over 25lbs!
 
I was back to my previous weight, and even a little bit under, 2 years after my son's birth, without doing nothing.... I guess that if I had some time to go to the gym, it would have been quicker, but we were planning for a second child, and didn't mind too much about my belly.
I'd be happy after my second child birth (i'm 9 months pregnant now) if I go back to my previous weight, and will wait for the breastfeeding part to be finished to take care of myself (gym and dieting if necessary).
But somewhere I don't really mind what people think of my body, it's me being a mum, and I'm not ashamed of being a little bit fatter, it just remembers me every days how happy I am to have my son and soon a baby girl.
 
exactly... anyone makes a comment, i'd slap them silly! it's none of their damned business if you are a little bit bigger... you just produced another human being for goodness' sake!
 
I went back to my pre-pregnancy WEIGHT very quickly (I think about 2 months after my baby was born) but I never did have the same figure... The belly was always pouchy after childbirth, things were stretched that used to be nice and toned looking. I fit into most of the same clothes but they didn't look the same as they used to. I think it's unrealistic to think that anything will get you looking the same as you did originally - sad but true... just wanted to add another perspective ;)
 
With my first, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight 2 years after giving birth. But then again, I didn't really try hard to lose all the weight. I had lost majority of the weight through breastfeeding but the tummy pouch was definitely there. It wasn't until I started exercising did I start dropping the extra couple of pounds. And once the extra weight went, my tummy went back to what it was before. This time around (I gave birth about 5 months ago), I'm more determined to get back to my original form since I'm done having kids and I'd just like to be healthier. I started exercising when my 2nd was 3 months old - just twice a week. I'm not eating all too differently as I'm still breastfeeding. I think I still have about 6-8 pounds more to go but I can't be certain as I really haven't stepped on the scale. That's really my way of making sure I don't put too much pressure on myself. I know I'm losing weight gradually just based on how clothes fit on me and that makes me happy enough. I don't plan on doing anything drastic until I've weaned from breastfeeding.
 
After 2 children (now 2.5 yrs and 9 mths), I'm pretty much resigned never to get back to my pre-pregnancy shape. I say shape because though I'm guessing that my weight may be approximately the same, your body shape changes and I still haven't lost the tummy pouch. I only really started to lose weight after stopping BF though. One thing that I have done is to join a gym and go once a week with a trainer. I don't really think it's helped me to lose weight but it's certainly helped me feel stronger and feel happy that I can do more with my body.

Those HK comments can be really annoying but speaking personally, I guess it helps that I've never been super skinny and I get pleasure from how strong/fit I am than how skinny I am.

And BTW, I have a HUGE baby, and the trainer said my upper body strength is really good. So there are *some* fitness benefits to being a mother ;-)
 
i'm definitely pouchy and my son's now 15 mths old. i haven't thought about dieting or gym yet as i BF and i didn't want anything to affect that yet...

plus i enjoy being a mom too much to care about what people think about my weight, usually i tell people to have their old child first and then talk to me about 'weight'.
 
With my first pregnancy, I put on 17kgs. I lost 13kgs pretty much straight away. I lost the other 4 kgs once my daughter started walking and I was always running after her. I never got rid of my little baby belly. I guess that can only be done with many many sit-ups and toning rather than cardio. Im now on my second pregnancy and I have put on 14kgs so far. Will I ever see my belly again????????
 
i actually didn't put much weight on during pregnancy. i had such awful morning sickness with my first i was only 2 KG heavier the day i gave birth than the day i got pregnant.
HOWEVER, i found breastfeeding to be TERRIBLE! not the feeding itself, that i loved... it was that i ALWAYS felt RAVENOUS! i could have eaten a set meal for 2 by myself! i put ALL the pregnancy weight on AFTER i delivered....
 
I dropped back to my pre-pregnancy weight about 6 months after having my baby. However it took much much longer for my tummy to reduce in size - over one year. Even today (bub is 16 months old) I still have a tummy that is 'pouchy' and I sometimes wear skirts/trousers that are one size up from before. I can fit back into some of my pre-preg skirts and pants, though not all. I really did not make any effort to diet as I was breastfeeding exclusively til 10 mths, and went back to work at 2 months post partum. There was just too much going on (lack of sleep, coping with motherhood, breastfeeding, going back to work) to even think about starting any diet or exercise regimen. In the last couple of months I have tried to exercise a bit. It is certainly true that there is a lot of pressure in HK to bounce back to your skinny self, however I just ignore it. I am a UK size 12 so I am larger than most HK women anyway, and generally do not bother about others' opinions. Considering I have a happy healthy toddler and am the breadwinner in the family (and have good domestic help), I think I have been very fortunate and lucky so having a different body shape is really the least of my concerns. I am not saying that having a nice body and good body image is unimportant, you can certainly do all the right things (diet, exercise, do crunches, etc) and maybe even consider a tummy tuck if you really want to.
 
Stop listening to people who tell you need to work out, its like they are saying you are fat. Thats just rude in my opinion. So next time tell them they need a nose job or a hair transplant. Profession demands the likes of Heidi Klum and Gwyneth Paltrow to be skinny as they earn their bread and butter by being a perfect 10. We can't compare them to us and feel like a loser. Honestly Chinese office going women starve themselves literally to be so thin because I've seen plenty of Chinese mums who still are carrying baby fat. When I used to work I saw my colleagues eating a tiny bun for breakfast and sometimes a small bowl of noodles for lunch. Thats so unhealthy and they look pale and unattractive to me. Well I can give some credit to genes as well ;)
I never got back to my pre- pregnancy weight with my first, but managed to fit into most of my old clothes including jeans. With my second I am losing weight steadily, my baby is 4+ months now. The belly never goes unless you exercise or starve yourself day and night.
I've learnt to love my body the way it is, one way was to buy clothes that fit my current size. Its all worth it when you see the smiles on your babies faces :)
 
I know how you feel. I've felt fat and frumpy since giving birth 18 months ago (though now I'm 9 wks prego and am feeling even fatter and frumpier than usual). I gained 18 kgs on a then slim body and it never recovered. My lowest afterwards was stil 4-6kgs over my original weight.
Losing weight from breastfeeding seems to be a commonly accepted fallacy, unless the women is not taking in enough calories and BFing a lot. I lost the real weight after I stopped BFing. It's like your body is just holding onto that fat for survival, for your baby.
My body shape has totally changed. I don't like it at all now. Also, I'm older now, so I think that has a lot to do with it. I've had a love-hate relationship with the gym, but ultimately haven't been able to get there very often as I don't have a helper and I'm just exhausted all the time. In my free time, I like to rest:)
I had a c-section so my tummy is gross. Droopy and pouchy (and now just bloated, yuck). I saw a skinny HK lady in the changing room the other day and she had a great body but I could see she also had a c-section and there probably wasn't much she could do about it. But otherwise she looked great.

Those ladies at your office need to be slapped. They can't possibly have children to say something like that. If you can't tell them off, please try to turn your ears off when they talk. It's utter nonsense.

We are now moms and unless we have spectacular genes or the time and money to look like Angelina, we have our mom bodies. Accept it? Well, I'm not there yet, but I hope to be there one day. And also, like another poster said, after this next one, I'm done with having children so maybe I can be a bit more serious about tending to my body.
But the most important thing right now is that you are taking care of yourself, especially if you're still breastfeeding. Our baby's health is what's #1 over our yucky tummies:)
 
I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight within a few weeks, mainly due to being so tired from breastfeeding that I didn't eat - not healthy and not recommended. I wasn't super-skinny to begin with, just within the healthy weight range so I had plenty of reserves to fall back on when I did lose weight so quickly.

I have never regained my pre-pregnancy figure. I have celulite on my butt (lots, yuck), very saggy boobs, slightly saggy skin on my tummy and any weight I do gain goes straight to my tummy. I won't even go into the veins on my legs.
 
Shenzhennifer said:
Losing weight from breastfeeding seems to be a commonly accepted fallacy, unless the women is not taking in enough calories and BFing a lot.
Click to expand...

I actually was the skinniest I've ever been when breastfeeding. I BF until 11-mths, and only started piling on the pounds when I stopped. I didn't diet when BF and just ate as normal. Everyone is different.
 
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with my first born, i lost the weight slightly under 2 years. for the first year, i was this chubby big belly short person :) and i was breastfeeding and gymming 2x a week. it was only when we moved to aberdeen, where there is a reservoir and uphills and many crazy steps to walk that i started to lose weight. when my son was 18mths, we chose a playgroup 2 bus stops away and we would walk there and back. that's when i started to seriously tone up and lose weight. the belly, never became flat though. at most, it felt like i had a layer of very thick skin hanging around haha. all this time, i ate like no tomorrow.

btw those girdle things, never worked for me. they made me so itchy and in summer, it's sooooo hot, i feel like im being baked!
 
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4 days after my son was born, my neighbour asked me: "Are you pregnant again already?. And then said (while my jaw hung open in shock), "Oh, you just haven't gotten slim again."

Ya. Obviously she had no concept about how biology works.

I'm 6 weeks postpartum and I have lost most of the weight but I have a little pooch and I'm not quite back into most of my clothes although I can slip into some pants. For myself: I say 9 months on, 9 months off.
 
To begin with, I've always been a size small. And I didn't put on that much weight for both pregnancies - just the low end within the normal range. So, getting back to pre-pregnancy weight wasn't difficult for me, it just took several months.

With my first, I started swimming 3x/week when my baby was 7 months' old. That was really effective. I had an "almost" flat tummy, but my overall shape was bigger. I didn't have the luxury of exercising that much after my second pregnancy. The weight was back to pre-pregnancy gradually, but the pouch was still there after 2 years.
 
PS - the skinny HK women are definitely NOT healthy. Do not be deceived by their looks. I took yoga classes before, during and after pregnancy. Have been shocked at how some of the skinny ones are unable to do the simplest yoga positions. Some cannot even raise 2 arms to touch their ears, do 10 squats, or squat on their haunches! So there!
 
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