Ethical Dilema Need Advice

M

megan2008

Registered User
Every night literally, I hear my upstairs neighbor yelling at the top of her lungs at her child. Every night I hear her child cry to sleep. I not sure what to do, if I should do anything? The child doesn't seem very old...maybe 2 years old? I don't hear the father too much but I have heard them fight loudly with each other twice (within 8 days). I have been very tempted to go upstairs and say something. I don't speak cantonese and they are speaking in cantonese. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice? It really stresses me out hearing this child cry every night.
 
although i sympathise, i have an almost 3 year old that cries and screams for 5-10 minutes virtually every night. however, i've found that the best way to deal with her is to let her cry for about 2-3 minutes, then go in and ask if she's finished and would like a cuddle before she lies down.

usually by the 2nd or 3rd time, she says "yes, please, mummy". at which point, i sit on the side of her bed, give her a cuddle and she goes to sleep without further ado.

i don't know how long the crying goes on or what the situation is in the flat above you. do you think the child is being physically abused? do you think that she's crying because she doesn't want to go to sleep or because her mum is yelling at her? (i know i often raise my voice when i'm at my wits-end. every time i do, i regret it and try to calm down asap...) if you think the child is in jeopardy, maybe you could call the equivalent of child services? (i think they are found under the auspices of the hospital/health authority)
 
It doesn't soud like she is hitting but I don't know for sure. The crying lasts for a while; the mom continues to yell at the child while it is crying. She'll take a break (couple minutes)and then yell some more the cycle continues for a while. It's a hysterical cry, very hard to hear :( I just want to hug the kid. I don't know what is being said because I don't speak the language. I think they did have a complaint about the noise last night though because she stopped yelling after the house phone rang.
 
i'm not sure how old your child is, megan, but i know with mine, that they sometimes get so hysterical that the only way for them to hear me is if i "yell"...however, this is NOT an every night or every day occurance.

like i said, if you are concerned, file an anonymous "complaint" or "report" with the child services. they can check it out properly.

good luck!
 
My child is 16 months. I completely understand being frustrating and am trying not to jump to conclusions or put my nose where it doesn't belong. I guess I just need to know that I am not ignoring something that shouldn't be ignored. I only usually hear it at night, so maybe it is just an issue with sleep.
 
my daughter will be 3 in feb and my son 5...i can tell you that bedtime arguments (although fairly rare in my house) have on occasion lasted over an hour at a time.
 
If your intuition tells you there is something wrong and you feel bad for the child, just contact the child services, but don't go to meet your neighbours yourselves, they would probably just slam the door at your face. I understand your frustration (we've had the same problem with a former neighbour and did the mistake to ring at their door), and it's reassuring to see some people care for others.
 
We had neighbours who were fighting and screaming at each other. My husband understood what they were on about and called the management office to see to the problem because it sounded like they were going to lash out at each other. If your management office is helpful enough, call them and make sure they pay a personal visit to the neighbours. If the neighbours get visited every time they make a racket, they might mellow down a little. But whatever you do, keep out of it yourself.
 
We heard our next door neighbors hitting their maid (at least that was what it sounded like), and went downstairs and told the building security/management/doorman to check it out. They should speak Cantonese and that way, you won't get directly involved and they can decipher what is going on. Like fingerscrossed's advice, I think it is best to keep out of it personally, and also better to let someone better equipped deal with it. I would think you can try this first before going to child services, just in case it is not exactly what you suspect and something more innocuous. Also, not to make light of your concerns, but Cantonese spoken vigorously actually sounds like yelling to me even when I've been told it's not...
 
I agree with fingerscrossed to talk to the management office, since you wouldn`t be able to communicate with them anyway. Alternatively, do your neighbours speak English? Can you ask them what`s going on and if they think there`s room for concern? I would hesitate about calling child services since you don`t know what exactly is going on and if the gov`t agency is anything like the Children`s Aid Society in Canada, they would act first and ask questions later. You would feel even worse if they ended up taking the child away from the mother - how would she feel if there was no real abuse going on?
In my opinion it definitely needs addressing, not only for the child`s sake, but for the sake of peace in the apartment, but I think the management office should be contacted first, and then left to them, for now.
 
I am definately going to call the office the next time I hear hysterical cries. I have heard the baby crying and mom screaming but it doesn't seem like it has been as bad since I posted. Thanks for all your suggestions :)
 
megan2008 said:
I am definately going to call the office the next time I hear hysterical cries. I have heard the baby crying and mom screaming but it doesn't seem like it has been as bad since I posted. Thanks for all your suggestions :)
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Maybe your neighbor is on this forum.
 
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