Does your baby cling to you a lot?

S

sorchului

Registered User
I am a working mum but I only work in the mornings. When I go home in the afternoons, my little one will start clinging to me. Well, I am very happy to be with her, we play, talk, dance and eat. However, if I put her on her play mat or the chair, she will get bored after 10 mintues and wants me to carry her. I only get to rest and do my own things when she takes a nap.

As she is getting heavier (6 months, about 15 lbs) and sleeping less, I find it tiring to entertain her non stop and I am running out of ideas what to play with her. I try to bring her out as much as I could but the weather is so hot and it's very polluted ouside.

Any solutions?
 
actually, i agree that it is hot, but for pollution, it has been clearer lately than it has for the past year or so.

as for running out of ideas...babies don't get bored doing the same thing over and over again. repetition is good for a baby, it helps them learn. it does get boring for the parents, though.

i can read my children the same book every hour for days on end and they will still want it again.

do you take your little on on everyday errands? to the supermarket, bank, post office? if not, why not? you shouldn't have to entertain her constantly. just be there. lie down on the floor beside her.

remember, she does fine when you are not home in the morning. she is clinging to you because she missed you.

my kids still come running and jump on me, then cling to me when i get home from work and they are 4 & 2 years old. it's normal. they want to spend time with me. i dread the day that my return home goes unnoticed by them.
 
Sorluchai - I think we have the same baby -same age too! Except I don`t work and he`s pretty much like that all the time. When I lay him down on the mat (the times he doesn`t start crying and raise his arms), he pretty much just looks at me expectantly, like `what are we going to do now?` I know I have created this behaviour by constantly being by his side, entertaining and playing with him. I try to stand back a bit and watch him play, but he just looks at me. I am the play thing.
As Carang said, babies love repetition. We have certain things we do at certain(ish) times and he loves them. We do jolly jumper for 10-15 min before a lunch. After that it`s 10 minutes of Peekaboo with a big blanket, which he just looooves. In the morning I always do little exercise sessions - either practice standing/walking, or `1-2-3 sit up(pull him up to sitting), 1-2-3 Stand up, 1-2-3 sit down, 1-2-3, lie down. I do this a few times - it tires him out working all those muscles. When he gets really fussy or tired and it`s not naptime yet, I will carry him(seated position) around the apartment for a tour, looking in the various rooms, checking himself out in the mirrors. Then of course there`s always books. Always from mid afternoon onwards we go out - to the mall, errands, doc appt, meet a friend, etc.
But I know what you mean - I also wonder what other people are doing with their babies, especially the ones with dependent ones. Like you, I have to wait til he naps to make my lunch or go on the internet or clean or something. And his naps are very short. I agree, it`s tiring.
 
i think every baby has different temperments. my first was very independent and would play on his own and was never clingy... but my second is the complete opposite and wants to be carried ALL THE TIME...

why don't u try taking your baby out for a walk in the stroller? if it is hot, just go into a mall. she might just enjoy the motion and being on the move. or try and arrange many playdates so that you are still indoors and your baby might enjoy the presence of other babies... though they won't be able to play together just yet!

let us know how it goes.
 
Thanks for all your great ideas. I think the best thing for us to do is to go out because mummy loves shopping and there is a lot to see for my baby. The only diffuculty is that the building I live in is not on a street level, I have to either go down the driveway which is quite steep or by the staircase. Also I have a heavy stoller which needs 2 persons to handle. I have been using a baby carrier but she is getting heavy...

I like the exercise sessions, I will try to do it more often. Playdates is also a good idea. I know a few friends with babies who live quite close to me but seems that the mummies are always busy with something else.....

Is there anyone who lives in Wan Chai /Happy Valley district?
 
I'm a stay-at-home mom with a 19 months old boy and he is a very clingy child eventhough I bring him to 3 playgroups a week and regular outings to the playground, mall etc. He will cling to me at home, at the playgroups and even when we go out. At home my helper and I would play with him but he will always end up looking for me and not just that, he wants me to carry him which I find more and more difficult as he is getting heavier now and I'm beginning to have knee pain most probably due to too carrying him for long periods of time. I also have Mother's wrists (pain in the wrists). Even during the night, he would wake up crying and wants to be carried and end up sleeping in the bed with me. Btw I breastfed him until he was 16 months.

Even when we are out and about, he would sometimes walk for a while and he would want me to carry him. He doesn't like the stroller and we would always end up using it for our bags. He wouldn't want anyone else (not the helper or even daddy). It's really tough for me as I can't even use the toilet without him wailing outside. I'm always in a rush. A quiet and peaceful meal is a luxury to me coz' he will wanna sit on my lap. Also when I'm at the computer.

I think that maybe I'm his only play mate which is why he behaves the way he does and I notice the more I play with him, the more he wants me. That also being the reason why he doesn't stick to dad much coz' my hubby is not a very hands on dad and he is not very good with kids. He's too quiet. I'm always the one clowning with him. Bringing him out more or even playing more with him will only make him more clingy in my opinion.

My solution? Leave him with the helper and let him cry (sometimes until he vomits) while I do my things (usually just to take a shower or a toilet break) or let him cling on to me until he's had enough and heads towards his toys. Until then, there's really nothing I can do. My friend who has similar experience with her daughter told me to wait until he's about 4 or 5 before I can have my "freedom". Well, I certainly believe not all kids are like that maybe my son is just born with this character. I always tell myself to enjoy this moment instead of whining coz' once he grows out of this phase who knows I might miss these special bondings we share with each other. Meantime, it's really tiring but seeing his smile, I think it's worth it.
 
What about watching TV? I let my little one watch a bit of 'Baby TV' on ATV World while I am getting ready for work. The program is about 2 hours long (8-10am Mon - Fri) but I only let her watch 20 minutes. She will sit on my bed with some cushions around her and I can see her from the mirror on my dressing table. I would also add my comments such as 'Look, it's Harry the bunny! See what he is doing today...'
 
Hello my situation is a bit different but im curious if bubs will become too clingy bc my bubs is only 9 weeks...but bubs will fall asleep on me and when i try to put in the crib will wake in less than 5mins and cry. Wants to be held by me, and will fall asleep in my arms in less than 2mins. Am i creating a bad habit i will not be able to correct? Are they too young to be already spoiled?

thanks,
Piper
 
Hi piper, I think most paeds would agree that babies can not learn "bad habits" before 6 month (some say before 1 year). There's no such thing as spoiling a 9 week old. Are you swaddling your baby? That can often help them sleep away from mummy. A good book to read if you are interested in this topic is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr Marc Weissbluth. He makes some really good points about temperament. Some babies have easy, relaxed temperaments and some are more needy and parents need to adapt their soothing strategies to accomodate. For instance my first baby was really chilled and laid back and I could just out him in the crib awake (swaddled and in a dark room) and he would put himself off to sleep. My new baby is much more fussy and really wants to be held or rocked until she is asleep - otherwise she gets really upset.
 
My baby is 5.5 month and I know what you mean by having trouble entertaining a baby. I rotate through like 10 of his toys and that kills like 30 minutes! When I'm tired of playing with him, I'll pass him on to my mom or my helper or daddy if he's around. Everyone has a different way of playing with him.
I am happy to meet up some time mid week either in Causeway Bay, or if you are up for a late afternoon beach outing in Stanley that'll be nice too.
 
Replying to Sorchului

He doesn't like to watch tv but I will still keep the tv on. I keep trying to get him interested in other channels eg. Animal Planet and Nat Geo Wild but not for long (less than 5 mins). I've tried BB TV, Barney, Disney but to no avail. He still runs to mommy and kept saying "pou pou" (carry me!). Some suggests that I shd leave him with my helper and I tried one Sunday just to go out for dinner with my hubby but before we could even start eating, my panicked helper called for help. Could hear him crying his heart out at the background and helper was worried he might throw up on her again. Ended up I rushed home and brought them out. Had the feeling so we chose a restaurant nearby.

My mom had her share of experience months ago when she was here for my confinement. Left her with bb and helper ... when we came home, poor mom had a hard time consoling the crying baby and my mom used to be a baby sitter to at least 10 kids. Even mom told me that she's never seen such a hard to handle kid. From then on, I'm always at his side coz' no one dares to take up the challenge LOL!

But recently, for the past 2 weeks, I managed to have 2 hrs of free time each week when I left him with the helper at this playgroup which he likes. Still I had to leave the flat with them and do a disappearing act at the lobby. So far he's ok and I hope it stays that way. He's better in the day time now with some distractions but not at night. I thought breastfeeding was the reason but turns out he's still as clingy.

His nickname (given by most people) is "Little Koala Bear" (LKB) and right now LKB is stuck on my lap and refused to even touch the ground LOL! If I put him down, he will start crying and said "pou pou pou pou"!

Any other suggestions?
 
To W2BMOM

Wow. Your baby is very clingy....

Well, one solution I can think of is leave your baby with your helper more, let them spend more time together. Perhaps he will not get used to it in the beginning, but hopefully he will be OK later. It's just like sleep training.
 
as a teacher, i can tell you that some children (a little older, say 1.5-3 yrs) use throwing up as a manipulative gesture. they KNOW mummy will stay, come home or whatever BECAUSE they threw up.

if your helper cannot manage your child for a few hours by herself, you need a new helper. running home because your child cried so much he threw up is not going to help matters, it will just make it worse. he's not sick. he's angry. he needs to learn how to deal with that.


i had a child come to my playgroup for over a year. his helper used to carry him in a chinese sling, even when he was over 2 years old. this boy whined and cried and whinged constantly. finally, when i suggested that the helper stop carrying him in the sling and she followed through this boy changed completely. he became a happy, well-rounded boy almost overnight.

i am by no means suggesting that you should let your child cry if he is in pain or sad. but you are only reinforcing the behaviour if you cater to his every whim. you need to remember that you are the parent adn that he is just angry. my daughter has a TERRIBLE temper and there are times that i just have to let her have her tantrum. when she's finished, she either goes to sleep or says "sorry" and gives me a hug.

i wish you luck. sounds like you all have your hands full.
 
my son will be 2.5 next month. He was all ok with Daddy or even grandparents if they are here but when he turned like slightly over one, he started to cling to me like a litch and like some of your kids, i can't even go to toilet or eat a peaceful meal if i leave him with his dad (no helper). However, i still let him cry with his dad and i told him mommy is going out to shopping or supermarket or..., i will be back in few hours time so you and daddy stay home. He will cry and i don't know what hubby dealt with him because i just don't want to call and told hubby not to call me unless he cannot handle at all. We use 3G so if we call he can see us so i try not to use that function. When i came home even he is crying when he sees me at the door but i will act like nothing happen and smile and tell him with excitement that mom has good time shopping or seeing friends and thank you for behaving and staying good with daddy and etc. Soon he learned that mom will come home and he felt secure. I can now leave the house with no problem at all. He will even say that mommy is going to see friends, shopping, facial or exercise and baby stays home with papa.

It was a whole lot of determination and work for few months but it surely worth it. He is happy either with papa or mommy or both his parents around. Most importantly, he is secure.
 
I don't quite agree with Carang re. the termination of my helper as I believe she tried her best. She's only been with us for 2 months so I don't think it's fair for her either. Also I know my son's character better than anyone else as I'm with him 24/7. I don't give in to his every whims and fancy. In fact I can be quite harsh towards him at times esp. when my patience runs out (who wouldn't with this kind of demand?). This I try really hard to improve on and create a balance so that things don't go out of hand.

Among other things, I make him sit in his naughty corner whenever he cries but feel guilty for doing so coz' he didn't do anything wrong except wanting to cling on to me. I can't possibly punish him for wanting to be close to me which is really a hard thing to do. But when I have to, I do it with no reservations even if he has to stand there with vomit all over him but he would end up being even more clingy. Could be he thought I'm trying to push him away and deny him the physical closeness. He loves to be kissed and cuddled and I do it to him all the time. Am I over-doing it? I've tried to be less physically close with him hoping that he will be a wee bit independent and play with his toys or explore other things but he would come and give me hugs and kisses to seek my attention. That would melt my heart instantly and the rest is history.

As exhausted as I am, I'm still finding better ways to work things out but at the same time, enjoying the special bonding we have now. I'm sure in no time, I will be missing this just as much as I'm missing the breastfeeding moments we had. Reminiscing the very first time he latched on and the quiet moments we spent together during his feedings ... Wow! how time flies!
 
My daughter (5 months old) loves it too when I play with her but cries when I lay her down. I get tired playing with her too ( I am a professional photographer). What I do is put her in my baby carrier and do my editing (I'm such a multitasker) and even walk around the house without necessarily having to play with her. She just loves looking around!
Even it gets exhausting I find this as a bonding time for us. I'm sure I'm going to miss that stage when she starts growing more and more!


Michelle
Baby, Children, Maternity, Family Photographer
Welcome to Garthe Photo Arts, Hong Kong
on summer sale!
 
if your helper has only been with you for 2 months, then, yes she deserves a little more time. however, i think, you really need to leave the baby with her more often. maybe for 15 minutes at a time to start with. and gradually make it longer so that your baby has a chance to get used to her taking care of him.

i also agree that a time will come that he doesn't want you anymore... and that time comes all too soon!
 
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