DH's last day today, sad

M

mintycat

Registered User
DH's last day is today, her contract expires tomorrow. We were in the process of renewing it but then a few weeks ago she hurt her back (she told me recently that she already has chronic back pain) carrying my 2 year old and it has gotten worse. She said she wants to go back to the Phil to rest and doesn't know when she will get better. At first I did question it but now I know this is true. She has seen the doctor and was told to rest but then my water broke 3 weeks earlier than expected and she was left home alone with my LO while I was at the hospital for 6 days for my c-section last week. I hired a local Chinese part time to help out but I think she really needed the rest.

She is 50 years old and I understand that at her age, it will take a long time to recuperate. Yes, this is the DH that I wrote about in an earlier post about only wanting to take Sundays off and that if I ever hire a second DH, the new one has to take another day off. Of course there are other aspects of her performance that we are not satisfied with but we overlook them because she is excellent with my LO and I trust her with her. DH has been here since LO was 3 weeks old and she knows all the ins and outs of this household. She told me she will miss my LO very much and that she likes working for us but her back is really hurting her. I told her to call me once she is ok and she can come back whenever she wants. We can always work around it and let her do the less labor intensive work. I plan to have 2 maids at home anyway.

This is the first time a maid is leaving and I am surprised I am so sad about it. I haven't been able to sleep in the past few nights, thinking of all the things she has done here, the fun songs she has taught LO to sing, the things she has taught LO, the time we spent in Toronto last year etc. I am sad for LO too. She is 2 and doesn't understand DH is leaving and I am sure she will get over it soon but still...

Lucikly I have just found another maid as I am still recovering from my c-section at home with a 2 year old and a 10 day old, but who knows if she will be as good with the kids?

Sorry for the novel but I just want to know how you guys deal with DH leaving. I know I will get over it but the hormones are making me extra sentimental.
 
i know exactly how that feels. and some of my friends share the same feeling when their helpers leave. i actually let my DH go cos i wasn't trusting her & my other friend fired her DH cos she was caught red-handed stealing. but both of us felt so sad when the DH left cos we think of all the good things the DH has help do & taught our beloved child. we both decribed that feeling the same as we got dumped by our boyfriends!! we are all human and some more sentimental as others. we've been with the said DH for 2 years or more, everyday (or 6 days a week) and sometimes they became the closest person we are with, cos we live together & we both take care of the our child.

it is normal to feel whet you are feeling. my DH left for 6 mths already & i still miss her sometimes.
 
Me too! When my previous DH said good bye on her last day, I cried. I still miss her, and think of her from time to time. She has faults, but she also has wonderful attributes. No one is perfect....which I keep telling myself whenever I feel disspointed with my current helper when she does something wrong (repeatedly). I learn to be more understanding....
 
hi minty ~
this is a great post. we have helped our dh find a position in canada as a nanny and she is moving there in september. i'm not recovering from a caesarean and i feel many of the same emotions you write of, and she hasn't even left yet!

i am glad you have found another helper, and i hope that she does show your children the love your previous helper did.

you might want to give your helper several pictures of her with your child if you have any hanging around. i think she would appreciate them, as it sounds like she loves your child a great deal.

seb's mum (written from dad's account!)
 
Funny how people like HappyV ignore threads like this and fail to encourage employers who genuinely care about their helpers. :)
 
I agree with you. Though I didn't post any reply, but I've been following threads about DH and find HappyV's comments very annoying and off the subjects.
 
Unfair

C'mon guys, let's not pick on one poster. And, coming from the Administrator...! Shri, go ahead and ban HappyV if s/he is actually breaking the rules.

Otherwise, live and let live. It is a discussion forum, after all!
 
I think this is a great post... I can see how after having someone work for you for years and then they leave how it can be hard. My husband and I will be looking to hire our "first" DH in a couple of months and I have to admit some of the past posts have made me scared about the process, but I know there are great DH's out there. I hope I am as lucky as many of you have been a get a great DH who stays with my family for years to come.

Canucker
 
Shri, I haven't ignored it, I simply hadn't seen it yet. I log on ano off during work breaks, so I don;t always see every thread. If you track my previous posts you will see that I do post 'positive' thoughts on many other threads.

I do think it's great that they will mis their helper - I'm more sorry for her chronic back pain.

It does go to show that in this particular family's case (as the OP said) whatever problems they had with rostering etc were put into a different perspective once they knew she was really going.

Given that my posts on another thread are being removed (2 today) - will this be removed as well?

LynnyP - you may find my opinions annoying. Sorry about that.
 
Sorry, too HappyV.

I don't have anything against you and I understand you meaning well. But if other members already tell you that you misunderstood their post/meaning, please just accept it graciously.
And I know that you mean well. My mom also has some good helpers and I like them.
It's annoying when you obviously miss the mark and insist it again and again.
I know you post something positive, too and I really like to read them.
Keep up the good work but please try not to miss the mark.

Kashismum, I'm not complaint about the discussion. But maybe you didn't follow the other threads.
I like discussion that has some pros and contras but if the other members already tell someone that she/he misunderstood their meaning, please don't dwell and make it even longer. Just accept it graciously and move on, and post something that is on the mark.

Sorry, didn't mean to offend anyone.
 
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>> Given that my posts on another thread are being removed (2 today) -
>> will this be removed as well?

Members have been complaining about your patronizing tone which tends to take threads way off track.

As someone who needs to manage the community I have to pay more attention to members who are contributors to the overall community in general .. and not just this forum.

Hence .. we have had to delete some of your posts which were pointless.

Drop me a note on [email protected] if you want to chat further.
 
Just want to share my experience. My helper resigned on us (long story) recently and we have a new one now looking after our two-year old.

Although we went through the anger, sadness, guilt feelings when she said she was going to leave, I now look back on the two years that she spent here, and really appreciate what she did with our little one. She was not a good cook, a bit shoddy when it came to cleaning, not great at following instructions when it came to housework, and a bit stubborn at times, I can now say that those things didn't really matter compared to what she did for us with our daughter.

As far as I know, and it shows with my daughter's personality, she dedicated time to reading, playing, having fun and just giggling with her.

The stained laundry, bad cooking, stubbornness seem a little irrelevant now when I think of the time she spent caring for our baby.

Having said this, I don't believe in spoiling our helper, and definitely do not agree that they should use our children as their excuse for not doing anything else. Just want to say that it's important to get perspective and balance in all this. It's hard to when you've just discovered another pair of burnt trousers or when she gives you the "I don't know what you're talking about" look when you're telling her something for the 100th time.

How much can we do on our own on a Sunday, while looking after our little ones?

Tomorrow, I'll most probably regret writing this message and start to hate her again, but for today, I want to say I do appreciate what she did for us.
 
I just wonder how many of us (educated women) would do as good a job as we demand from our DH if we had their jobs?

I know that my flat would not be as clean!
And I would certainly be more grumpy!
 
I'm back in the UK now and I think my husband would testify that it was worth the money getting a cleaner to stop me moaning about it!
I don't know how our helper managed to keep on top of everything and still have a smile on her face at the end of the day.

Hardest thing about leaving HK was telling her that we were leaving and I am happy to say that we are still in touch now, she's with a really nice family and she's coming to visit for 2 weeks in July which my eldest can't wait for.

Those of us who have great helpers who are a bonus to our family life don't post I guess because we have nothing to moan about. So I see nothing strange about being sad on your helper's last day - I bawled my eyes out and am happy we are still in touch.
 
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