DH - taking advantage

V

vrombola

Registered User
Hi there,

We employed a DH in May as expecting first child in October. She has already pushed it with us a number of times and I feel awful that I have to keep putting my foot down. Started off that when I sent her on errands she would disappear for about 7-8 hours! I had to confront her about it after the 4th time and she told me she had been meeting friends for lunch then shopping in Wanchai. I told her that I was paying her to work from Mon-Sat so after errands she must return immediately or call.

Also we are going on holiday in August so I told her she could take the two weeks to return to Philippines. She didnt want to take the leave at time we are gone, but rather take it after we return. She is not even entitled to holidays yet as she has to work for year first? I know she wants to take leave another time so she can rest while we're gone then have extra two weeks off. Again I said no - if she doesn't take these two weeks she has to wait until next year as Sept - Dec is blackout period for baby plus we are taking her home with us for xmas.

This morning she requested that she take the whole month of August off, with two weeks unpaid leave! Again I said no. She is 50 years old so not young but obviously thinks we are gullible.

Anyone else experienced these problems? I worry that when the baby comes she will keep trying it on. I don't want to fire her as when she works she is very good.
 
I don't think I can live without a DH but I sure wouldn't want to have to deal with one who keeps creating problems for me.

Your DH maybe very good when she works, but when does she work?

Are you confident that she would not pull the same tricks on you at a time you need her the most, say during Sept - Dec?
 
Thanks for response, my concern is exactly that! After her "missing" periods I sat with her & worked through a daily, twice weekly and weekly work schedule that is now displayed in a central area...she is now too busy to go wandering. I am also going to have a meeting between her and my partner & I and go through everything going forward including work expectations, annual leave, duties when the baby comes etc. If she is unhappy she can leave & I can find someone else - also if her parameters are clearly set hopefully this will stop her trying it on in the future.
 
Are you going to be gone for all of August? If so why not 'give' in to this one and let her have the month. She will at least have had all her holidays then?

I'm not sure, my first helper only started in May so I don't know how it works. I know we still have to send our helper home in the next 12 months. And have had a few surprises to deal with such as travel tickets and the like. But she has never pushed it as far as your helper appears to be doing.
 
Our lovely helper has always been very accomodating in taking holidays when we have holidays, rather than when she wants to. We are very lucky. We don't really have much choice, as I work and I need someone to look after our 2 children.

We usually take 2 lots of 3 week holidays per year and give her air tickets for both lots. She therefore has 6 weeks off per year. No sense her staying here whilst we're away. A couple of times I have given her the air ticket money instead of her going home and she has paid for her husband and daughter to come here.

We always let her know at the start of the year when she is going to take holidays and she organises her holidays around that. The only exception was a family wedding, when she just went home for a long weekend (5 days) and I took a few days off work to accomodate her. I work part time so it wasn't a big deal to rearrange my days.

I think your helper is being unreasonable. Do you need to take her with you at Christmas? Perhaps give her that time off?
 
It's clear that your DH is taking advantage of you. I'm not sure if you want the hassle of managing her - because it looks like she needs constant supervision - when you have a new baby at home.

Best to get a replacement before your baby arrives
 
I'm afraid that I must agree with the others. She is definitely trying to see how far she can push you. You need to decide sooner rather than later whether this working relationship can work, because you do not want to be training in a new helper ad the baby arrives. Good luck!
 
Nobody should take 7 to 8 hours off without warning to do personal stuff and think they still have a job to come back to! She's just going to get worse. At 50 she knows all the tricks and she's trying them all on you.
 
Vrombola,

Hope things improve now that's she's got a schedule. We also hired our first helper a couple months before D was born, As there was very little for her to do with just the 2 of us, she would always be on the phone, out till midnight on Sundays, and wake up late during the week. I expected things to change once D was born, what a fool I was. I sat down with her quite a few times and we'd see an improvement for 2 weeks and then she'd go back to her old ways.

Hope things work out better for you.
 
i wonder is HappyV was reading this thread. *wink*

vrombola, i think you have to sit this helper down & lay down your rules with her. so that she knows you're not a push over.
 
I too wondered where HappyV is...seems very unusual for them to let this thread slide without a couple of comments...LOL.

Where are you HappyV? We're all waiting for your "tough love"...!
 
Apparently any comments I have to make are always 'off topic' - or so I have been told.

Suffice to say that no one thinks that a helper disappearing for 7-8 hours is reasonable. However, if my DH had done this, I would ask her why she felt the need to (a) be gone that long or (b) lie. I wouldn;t just assume she was gossiping etc. Maybe she has a medical issue that she doesn;t feel comfortable bringing up - or maybe she has a friend in need?
 
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