desperately need advice

L

Leeah's mom

Registered User
My 19months toddler girl is suddenly having a separation anxiety.

Her actings are very strange .
First, nowadays she wants me to hold her up tight in certain position when she tries to sleep. If I change the position, she cries out and tell me to get back to the position she likes, And when I put her down to her bed. she cries out.
and I can't even go to the toilet she cried out when she doesn;t see my face. And she doesn't go to her dad as well.
She's only looking for me.

She wasn't like this, but 2 weeks ago, I went to see my parents with her. So we flied outside of Hongkong, I am thinking because of the environment change. she's acting weird and feeling anxious, but
how this can be fixed?? we are at home now and it's safe. And I always stay with her.

today I had to hold her for an hour to make her sleep, I thought she was asleep so I put her down to her bed and she feels and cries out lout with tears saying hug me hug me.
I can't go throught this everyday.. I am exhausted. now I yelled at her ( I know I shouldn't but can't help)
Please anyone give me some advice.
 
My 2 yo daughter is so used to us holding her to sleep that we still have to stay with her til she falls asleep. It's our fault really because we never gave her the opportunity to learn to fall asleep on her own and she relied on us rocking her and holding her as a baby but now she is 2 and she is getting heavy so its hard. We are trying to train her but training a 2 yo is difficult and she cries and screams, but lately she is doing better. At least we do not have to hold her but she can sleep on the bed while we sit next to her and wait til she falls asleep on her own. We are taking a step at a time, next challenge is to let her fall asleep on her own so we can leave the room once we have done the bedtime routine etc.

The first few nights she just cried when we refused to hold and carry her and after a few nights she got used to it. I just reinforce and repeat to her throughout the day that she is a big girl and mommy cannot carry her because she is heavy and mommy's back hurts. And when she lies on the bed I praise her and tell her how proud I am of her.
 
Try giving her comforters like a toy she loves. My daughter sleeps with a cotton stole that i have she loves it and whenever she is sleepy she hunts for it. That will take away the need to hold her. Try a bed time story or music to put her to sleep, if need be leave the lights on.You will have to repeat this like mintycat says and she will get used to it.
 
I did a 5 minute rule that worked pretty well. We didn't have separation anxiety, just difficulty going to bed alone. I would put my son down and of course he would start to cry. I would rub his belly and face while he laid down in his bed. Once he calmed I would step out even if he was still awake. He would then soon start to cry. I would let him cry for 5 minutes and then go in. I would not pick him up, just calm him by rubbing his belly again. I would repeat, but add five more minutes to the waiting time before going in. So I would wait 10 minutes before going in and then 15 the next time. I was never able to get to 20. That is too long to let him cry for me.

Now when it is bed time, he gets in his bed and lays down. I rub his face and belly give him a kiss and out I go. I don't hear a peep out of him. Bedtime takes five minutes and no tears. He falls asleep on his own. It is great.

I read this in a parenting book. It helped us. It does take a few nights to get it, but after a short while we had no problems.
 
separation anxiety

my son is almost 19 months old and although we don't have any problems putting him to bed we are experiencing severe separation anxiety at the moment for no apparent reason. like you, i can't even go to the bathroom without tears and drama...even when I leave the door open ;-)
leaving him with my helper or husband when i go out is always a huge drama as i try and unravel him from my neck and legs to get out the door but he is playing happily when i return and my helper and husband both assure me that he is fine while I am away.
when I am home (which is most of the time) he spends most of his time literally ON me in my lap or in my arms - but happy. just weird as he wasn't like this before.
I am just trying to ride it out and hope it passes soon!!! oh, and making the most of all these cuddles as I'm sure it won't be long before i'm begging him for some!
 
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Sometimes kids ?see? or happen to ?see? something which is not appealing to them or something which scare them, especially during travels. Most of the times, they went back to ?normal? after some prayers.
 
I would suggest to try to give as much structure as possible so that she can predict what will happen next. Try to follow the same routine every night so that she feels safe. Also try to give a lot of comfort and love during the day. If you give a lot of attention maybe she will get her fill and feel comfortable. On the other hand after giving so much attention during the day I would expect her to fall asleep on her own. When we visit my in-laws my son gets anything he wants and learns that he can get his way, and his exectations change. He manipulates us and maybe your daughter is doing the same. I say to follow a routine and then put her in bed and let her scream if she wants to. Then maybe you can leave the house while she screams and you can do something to make yourself feel better. It will be hard for a little while but you will be glad in the end. We follow this philosophy and now all I have to do is say "nap time" and lay him down and leave the room. He will talk to himself for a little while and then fall asleep, never fuss or cry.

I do also have problems with attachment issues when we visit my in-laws. One time they wanted to take him to the park without me and he went gladly and then realized that I really wasn't comming and came running back as fast as he could. Ever since then he doesn't want them to come near him if he can't see me because he's afraid they will take him away. This fear goes away a couple of days after we get back home. Hopefully your daughter is just having a phase. Good luck!
 
I think it makes a lot of sense what mommy sara wrote.

Also, whenever I make exceptions to the rule / routine, I notice that my kids act up much more and it's hard to get back to 'normal routines again. Happens often when we travel, of course. And in between, too - I'm not a routine person myself - and then I 'pay' for it afterwards...;-)

Another reason for your kid's behaviour can maybe be that at this age many children start becoming more independent, and venture away from us to explore their surroundings, start noticing their peers etc., but at the same time need (even more) the reassurance that we are still there for them.

I would also try to give her plenty of attention (not just play, maybe let her 'help' you accomplish tasks, too, take her shopping etc.), but I would definetely go 'cold turkey' on the sleep issue. After all, how can you focus on her if you are exhausted yourself?

Remember, it's all just a phase. I hope for you that this is a short one! Good luck.
 
thank you all~

THank you all for kind replies.
all of them really help and give strength to me. :flower:

I am still trying and I think she's getting better day by day.

today, Finally I didnt have to hold her up in my arms.( I wish it wasn't just for today! )
I just lied down and waited till until she falls asleep.
Her separation anxiety is getting better, but I think it will take a bit longer.
I think maybe somehow she got scared during the travel because of the environment change.
Now I think she knows we're back home,feels comfortable and hopefully she gets back to normal like she was before.

I really appreciated all of your replies. thanks again.
 
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