Hello, I was wondering if anybody shares a similar experience. My 2.5 month old baby seems to cry nonstop and I am begining to lose my mind. I don't have a domestic helper and my husband works quite a bit so basically I am with a crying baby 24 hours 7 days a week. I am not sure why she cries so much and the only time she seems content is when she is eating or sleeping. It is very hard to get her to sleep as she often waves her arms and legs uncontrollably and screams before finally she gives up and falls asleep. Also, we need to be next to her or rock her to sleep to get her to sleep (she cosleeps with us). She was a premature baby, 5 weeks, and she often has gas. I breastfeed her a little b/c I don't produce that much and also give her formula. Has anyone had a similar experience? Is there support groups for people like me? I feel like a failure as a parent....please help.
Coping with a Fussy Baby
- Thread starter megan2008
- Start date
You are NOT a failure. Looking after a newborn is one of the hardest things you can do, nothing can prepare you for how relentless and exhausting it can be. Having said that it WILL get better. I didn't have any help with my first, and a husband who worked long hours, so I know how you feel.
You say your baby waves her arms and legs before going to sleep - have you tried to swaddle her? Some babies love this and others don't, but it's worth a try. For gas, Infacol might work (it did with my first, but not my second).
Did you do antenatal classes? If so, get in touch with some of the other new mothers as they are probably all feeling the same as you. Or join one of the LLL meetings for support with breastfeeding. Or take baby for a walk near where you leave (eg, to a playground or playroom) and introduce yourself to other mothers. If you delivered at Matilda, they have a mother and baby group each week.
Ask for advice from your paediatrician if you are worried about your baby, or attend one of the government clinics. Some OBs and paediatricans offer "Well Baby" clinics. Otherwise organize a home visit from a midwife/health visitor, eg, from Annerly Midwives or Yvonne Heavyside of The Family Zone.
You are not alone, believe me. Best of luck.
You say your baby waves her arms and legs before going to sleep - have you tried to swaddle her? Some babies love this and others don't, but it's worth a try. For gas, Infacol might work (it did with my first, but not my second).
Did you do antenatal classes? If so, get in touch with some of the other new mothers as they are probably all feeling the same as you. Or join one of the LLL meetings for support with breastfeeding. Or take baby for a walk near where you leave (eg, to a playground or playroom) and introduce yourself to other mothers. If you delivered at Matilda, they have a mother and baby group each week.
Ask for advice from your paediatrician if you are worried about your baby, or attend one of the government clinics. Some OBs and paediatricans offer "Well Baby" clinics. Otherwise organize a home visit from a midwife/health visitor, eg, from Annerly Midwives or Yvonne Heavyside of The Family Zone.
You are not alone, believe me. Best of luck.
I have a wonderful paed here in HK who has convinced me that there is no such thing as a "fussy baby" that cries just for fussing sake. He believes that no baby cries 24/7 without a reason.
It might be worthwhile going to see someone just to be on the safe side.
My first child was an easy baby for the first days, weeks and months of his life. he just slept basically.
My youngest (currently 4 months) was ok-ish for the first 4 weeks and from then on basically didn't stop screaming. He was feeding well and sleeping well at night so I thought he must just be fussy. I honestly thought - easy baby first time, i was bound to get a fussy one next time around!
It continued to get worse and worse until one day i took him to see Dr Thondup (our paed). I said to the doctor that I didn't even know why i was there really but that i thought my baby cried too much and that maybe there was a reason.. he asked a few questions and thought that it was possibly silent reflux. I agreed to try the medication for 2 weeks and see if it helped. If it didn't help the dr was going to ask more questions and keep trying to find the problem. After 3 days on the medication i had a happy baby back! Now that he is 4 months old we are slowly weaning him off the drugs.
now of course I am not diagnosing your baby with silent reflux but i do think it is worth going to see a doctor to see if perhaps there is a reason why your baby is fussy. as there was with mine. I only wish now that I didn't wait so long before seeking medical help!!
Also, i would definitely try swaddling her if she is flailing her arms and legs as you describe. the moro reflex can be really strong in young babies and without swaddling they continuously jerk themselves awake as they are trying to get to sleep.
It might be worthwhile going to see someone just to be on the safe side.
My first child was an easy baby for the first days, weeks and months of his life. he just slept basically.
My youngest (currently 4 months) was ok-ish for the first 4 weeks and from then on basically didn't stop screaming. He was feeding well and sleeping well at night so I thought he must just be fussy. I honestly thought - easy baby first time, i was bound to get a fussy one next time around!
It continued to get worse and worse until one day i took him to see Dr Thondup (our paed). I said to the doctor that I didn't even know why i was there really but that i thought my baby cried too much and that maybe there was a reason.. he asked a few questions and thought that it was possibly silent reflux. I agreed to try the medication for 2 weeks and see if it helped. If it didn't help the dr was going to ask more questions and keep trying to find the problem. After 3 days on the medication i had a happy baby back! Now that he is 4 months old we are slowly weaning him off the drugs.
now of course I am not diagnosing your baby with silent reflux but i do think it is worth going to see a doctor to see if perhaps there is a reason why your baby is fussy. as there was with mine. I only wish now that I didn't wait so long before seeking medical help!!
Also, i would definitely try swaddling her if she is flailing her arms and legs as you describe. the moro reflex can be really strong in young babies and without swaddling they continuously jerk themselves awake as they are trying to get to sleep.
Thanks for the advice 
Can I get the number of your paed dr? I have tried swaddling her and she screams louder and grunts to get her arms free. I still try to swaddler her though but not sure if it is the best thing. The alternative is to let her move her arms and legs which keeps her awake even longer. I have also tried Infacol and gripe water and haven't noticed much of a difference.
Can I get the number of your paed dr? I have tried swaddling her and she screams louder and grunts to get her arms free. I still try to swaddler her though but not sure if it is the best thing. The alternative is to let her move her arms and legs which keeps her awake even longer. I have also tried Infacol and gripe water and haven't noticed much of a difference.Do try Dr Thondup if you can - I think he is wonderful - but very busy so try and get his first appointment of the morning or afternoon so he is less likely to be rushed.
Dr Thondup
Veritas Medical Practice
Suite 2902, Bank Of America Tower
12 Harcourt Road
Central
ph: 2877 3118
Dr Thondup
Veritas Medical Practice
Suite 2902, Bank Of America Tower
12 Harcourt Road
Central
ph: 2877 3118
You could also try a cranial osteopath. We went for a variety of reasons and thought the treatment made a big difference to our baby's general well being (calmer, fed better etc.). We saw Caroline Rhodes at the Body Group and Ines de Beer at OT&P both of whom were wonderful.
I found going to support groups in the early days really helps... it's amazing when you go just how much of the same things other mothers with babies of the same age are going through! It always made me feel so much better after going (I went to the Matilda mums & bubs).
You don't have to have delivered at the Matilda to go to their mums and bubs group - it's on Thursday mornings - here's the link (http://www.matilda.org/eng/healthedu/babygroup.php)
You can also go to similar at Annerley (http://www.annerley.com.hk/Index.htm)
The Matilda also have a Baby Well Clinic with a lovely lady there Christal. It costs HK$150 for a consultation and you can get your baby weighed/measured and discuss issues/problems to get advice.
As others have mentioned checking with a paed is also a good idea to rule out any reflux or other issues.
And there is always the lovely people on here for support!
Belinda
You don't have to have delivered at the Matilda to go to their mums and bubs group - it's on Thursday mornings - here's the link (http://www.matilda.org/eng/healthedu/babygroup.php)
You can also go to similar at Annerley (http://www.annerley.com.hk/Index.htm)
The Matilda also have a Baby Well Clinic with a lovely lady there Christal. It costs HK$150 for a consultation and you can get your baby weighed/measured and discuss issues/problems to get advice.
As others have mentioned checking with a paed is also a good idea to rule out any reflux or other issues.
And there is always the lovely people on here for support!
Belinda
I really feel for you as I was there. I didn't feel like a failure but I did wonder how I would make it through the day with a baby that cried so much and a little 16 month old to look after. I had a helper but she was completely useless so I didn't let her touch the baby at all so not much help to me.
My second child had reflux and colic. The colic made him want to feed all day long to soothe himself and the reflux meant that the excessive feeding actually made him feel worse. Add to that all sorts of breastfeeding issues, I had very fast let down that he couldn't cope with and a whole myriad of other problems (mastitis, sore nipples, could only breastfeed lying down and even then he'd pull on an off the breast throughout each feed) and I'm surprised I now have a happy child! He used to cry and cry, literally inconsolably and it would drive me nuts. His cry was awful too, like an angry cry, it didn't make me want to comfort him just run away! I'm trying to be honest so you can see you are not alone in whatever you are feeling.
All of this made it very hard to bond with him as I was always so tense. I used to take him out every evening very late just to get out of the house and let him cry and hopefully, eventually fall asleep in his pram.
Like Aussiemum we got him onto reflux medication but only needed to use it for a month. It seemed to help a lot. They say they grow out of reflux at about 4 months and that's what happened with us though I have to admit he didn't sleep through the night for a long long time after that.
I recommend finding a support group or at least hooking up with other people (online or in person) going through what you are going through. Also, don't be afraid to leave your baby to cry in his room and walk away if you need to. Your baby will be fine and even a 5 minute break will probably help you.
I heard on BBC world service just the other day that a lengthy study was done about how to make your baby happy, sleep well etc. Basically you need to imitate the womb environment as much as possible. That means swaddling (are you doing it right or maybe he's one of the few babies who doesn't like it) and having loud noises around the baby. Remember that when she was in your tummy she heard all sorts of noises at all hours of the day and managed to sleep fine. Even putting on a vacuum cleaner is supposed to help! I remember with our first that we played music for him from day one every time he slept and he was a very easy baby, great sleeper. Might be worth a try. I think there are white noise cds you can get if you don't want to leave regular music on.
The study also recommends movement at sleep time. Whether you rock the baby or put her in a crib that rocks. It mimics the movement your body made that would put her to sleep in the womb. I wouldn't worry about setting up a bad habit. We rocked our little one to sleep for months and it had no negative bearing on his sleeping habits. These days you can literally dump him in his bed and tell him it's time to sleep and he rolls over and goes to sleep!
It might also be an idea to carry your baby in a sling throughout the day so you can get things done and she can be close to you. I think babies like this need a lot of love and physical contact with mum helps. You want a good material sling, not a baby bjorn which is just plain uncomfortable.
Good luck and try to take things a day at a time. That's how I got through.
My second child had reflux and colic. The colic made him want to feed all day long to soothe himself and the reflux meant that the excessive feeding actually made him feel worse. Add to that all sorts of breastfeeding issues, I had very fast let down that he couldn't cope with and a whole myriad of other problems (mastitis, sore nipples, could only breastfeed lying down and even then he'd pull on an off the breast throughout each feed) and I'm surprised I now have a happy child! He used to cry and cry, literally inconsolably and it would drive me nuts. His cry was awful too, like an angry cry, it didn't make me want to comfort him just run away! I'm trying to be honest so you can see you are not alone in whatever you are feeling.
All of this made it very hard to bond with him as I was always so tense. I used to take him out every evening very late just to get out of the house and let him cry and hopefully, eventually fall asleep in his pram.
Like Aussiemum we got him onto reflux medication but only needed to use it for a month. It seemed to help a lot. They say they grow out of reflux at about 4 months and that's what happened with us though I have to admit he didn't sleep through the night for a long long time after that.
I recommend finding a support group or at least hooking up with other people (online or in person) going through what you are going through. Also, don't be afraid to leave your baby to cry in his room and walk away if you need to. Your baby will be fine and even a 5 minute break will probably help you.
I heard on BBC world service just the other day that a lengthy study was done about how to make your baby happy, sleep well etc. Basically you need to imitate the womb environment as much as possible. That means swaddling (are you doing it right or maybe he's one of the few babies who doesn't like it) and having loud noises around the baby. Remember that when she was in your tummy she heard all sorts of noises at all hours of the day and managed to sleep fine. Even putting on a vacuum cleaner is supposed to help! I remember with our first that we played music for him from day one every time he slept and he was a very easy baby, great sleeper. Might be worth a try. I think there are white noise cds you can get if you don't want to leave regular music on.
The study also recommends movement at sleep time. Whether you rock the baby or put her in a crib that rocks. It mimics the movement your body made that would put her to sleep in the womb. I wouldn't worry about setting up a bad habit. We rocked our little one to sleep for months and it had no negative bearing on his sleeping habits. These days you can literally dump him in his bed and tell him it's time to sleep and he rolls over and goes to sleep!
It might also be an idea to carry your baby in a sling throughout the day so you can get things done and she can be close to you. I think babies like this need a lot of love and physical contact with mum helps. You want a good material sling, not a baby bjorn which is just plain uncomfortable.
Good luck and try to take things a day at a time. That's how I got through.
I feel for you so much! My daughter had terrible colic followed by sleep disorder for 6 months. I ended up having hallucinations and loosing sense of myself.
To cut the story short - please get help as much as you can. I had real issues with that, but after not knowing where I left the baby anymore and starting to fall on the ground in the middle of the night I ended up getting more help. I found lots of information on Babyswhisperer.com forums, but in reality, you actually need someone to take baby off your hands from time to time...
Hugs, pm me is you would like to chat privately.
To cut the story short - please get help as much as you can. I had real issues with that, but after not knowing where I left the baby anymore and starting to fall on the ground in the middle of the night I ended up getting more help. I found lots of information on Babyswhisperer.com forums, but in reality, you actually need someone to take baby off your hands from time to time...
Hugs, pm me is you would like to chat privately.