my 8 month old is still not sleeping through the night and on many occasions, wakes up several times at night crying to be rocked back to sleep. we are going to try control crying next weekend on him. would really appreciate it if other mothers who have tried control crying can tell us what to expect and how long does it usually take for them. i stressed that we are going to do it, i appreciate those who are against it or have alternatives suggestion for us. but we are pretty sure that we want to try it, so dont try to talk us out of it. we have tried other soft methods and it doesn't work.thanks!
control crying
- Thread starter shalom
- Start date
Hi,
I am a mom of a 10 month baby and it?s very strange to read your note. I went through exactly what you are going through, I hadn?t slept for more than 3 hours at a stretch. Finally after trying all the possible soft methods as mentioned by you, decided to give controlled crying a go. I did modify it a little as I am not comfortable with leaving my baby to cry. I turned off the lights, left him wide awake in his cot and started singing to him, kept doing it for half an hour and yo! he slept off without me rocking him to sleep. He did wake up that night at 2.30, I did the same thing, kept singing to him for 15 minutes and he did go to sleep and woke up at 7.30 the next morning. It?s been 3 weeks I put him in his cot wide awake and he sleeps off and wakes up only at 7.00 in the morning. I still can?t believe it; I had absolutely no hopes of my baby ever going to sleep himself. Good Luck to you.
I am a mom of a 10 month baby and it?s very strange to read your note. I went through exactly what you are going through, I hadn?t slept for more than 3 hours at a stretch. Finally after trying all the possible soft methods as mentioned by you, decided to give controlled crying a go. I did modify it a little as I am not comfortable with leaving my baby to cry. I turned off the lights, left him wide awake in his cot and started singing to him, kept doing it for half an hour and yo! he slept off without me rocking him to sleep. He did wake up that night at 2.30, I did the same thing, kept singing to him for 15 minutes and he did go to sleep and woke up at 7.30 the next morning. It?s been 3 weeks I put him in his cot wide awake and he sleeps off and wakes up only at 7.00 in the morning. I still can?t believe it; I had absolutely no hopes of my baby ever going to sleep himself. Good Luck to you.
carang
Registered User
my boy has always been a good sleeper, he slept for 8 hours at 10 weeks and around 10 hours at 13 weeks. however, he was always rocked to sleep.
i decided to try to put him to bed when he was awake. the first day, was really hard. it took about 1 hour and 15 minutes for him to sleep. i went in after 5 minutes of crying. comforted him for a few minutes. then left. i waited for 10 minutes and then went in and comforted him again. i found after a while that my going in only started him up again. so now, i wait 15 minutes. then i go in once, cover him up again, then give him another kiss and leave(he's 7.5 months). after another 15 minutes or so, he's asleep.
some nights he cries a lot, others not at all.(tonight was one of the latter
!!!
my biggest problem was listening to him cry. i had to distract myself in order to be strong. so after i put him down, i went to the computer and turned the telly on. i found that because i was distracted, the time went faster for me. if i had to wait outside his room, i'd be a wreck!
i decided to try to put him to bed when he was awake. the first day, was really hard. it took about 1 hour and 15 minutes for him to sleep. i went in after 5 minutes of crying. comforted him for a few minutes. then left. i waited for 10 minutes and then went in and comforted him again. i found after a while that my going in only started him up again. so now, i wait 15 minutes. then i go in once, cover him up again, then give him another kiss and leave(he's 7.5 months). after another 15 minutes or so, he's asleep.
some nights he cries a lot, others not at all.(tonight was one of the latter
!!!my biggest problem was listening to him cry. i had to distract myself in order to be strong. so after i put him down, i went to the computer and turned the telly on. i found that because i was distracted, the time went faster for me. if i had to wait outside his room, i'd be a wreck!
We did it at 8 months after an overseas trip threw things into turmoil! We dug out some very dusty spirit bottles out of the back of the cuboard (hadn't moved since we'd found out I was expecting) and went and sat in the garden - in other words, as far away as possible. We too found that going back in at the alloted intervals just made her get even more annoyed when we left again, so just stayed away and within three nights she was cured!
If you have a baby over 6 months you have to be careful if keeping him unattended, even in his crib. When my daughter was crying once at 8 months old at 12:00 am, I decided to ignore her. My husband went in to have a check and found her dangling from the mosquito net above her crib and she had half her body and one leg out of the crib (the other leg on the rail), and she was crying for help. I threw the mosquito net away immediately.
jah, maybe you find it strange because i am so insistent on control crying. i have tried many other methods and it just made things worse. i post a thread of asia expat asking for advice and feedback on control crying, instead i receive many replies on why i SHOULD NOT try control crying. it doesn't help me at all because what i need is to speak to people who have tried it, not people who are against it. maybe that is why you find my thread very strange. i have come to a point where i am so lack of sleep that sometimes i do not know what i am doing, like i am floating on air. i believe if control crying really work, a few days of crying in exchange for better sleep for baby, me and my husband, it is worth the try. thanks everyone for your feedback. wish me luck.
wandasmart
New member
is there any guideline as when is too early to try controlled crying? from what i have heard, it was implied to me, that for any baby under 5-6 months it is too early to try this? my baby is 5 weeks old. but she will not stop crying. i can't bear to hear her crying, yet i am sure that it must be hard for her to cry as well. we have tried everything yet she cannot settle herself and as a result she is not sleeping during the day, she does have nights where she does sleep with the occasional feeds but surely a 5 week old baby must need more sleep during the day as they are so young?
pls help any advice would be great.
i am not sure how i feel about controlled crying... part of me feels a week or so of pain for my baby, my husband and myself is better then her crying for months to come which sounds like she is going through so much.. it breaks my heart!
pls help any advice would be great.
i am not sure how i feel about controlled crying... part of me feels a week or so of pain for my baby, my husband and myself is better then her crying for months to come which sounds like she is going through so much.. it breaks my heart!
Mamalicious, you definitely don't want to be using controlled crying, it is for a totally different age group and problem. It sounds like your daughter has colic or is getting too tired by the end of the day and thus wound up and unable to sleep. For starters, try settling her earlier in the evenings before she gets overtired (bath, massage, dark room etc) but I really recommend you call a midwife for some support and guidance and to find out what is causing the crying. Hulda at Annerley is fantastic from personal experience (www.amidwife.com) and I've also heard lots of good things about Yvvonne Heavyside.
Once you've got your nerves back (if you are feeling anything like I did at that stage), there are some good books about that might help. Have you read the Baby Whisperer or The Contented Little Baby? Both are good for learning about waking and sleeping, especially how to settle a baby. I'd start with the Baby Whisperer as she really gives a lot of insight into what babys feel, what their crys mean (different sounds = different needs) and lots on how to sooth. She is also less hardcore then The Contented Little Nazi author Gina Ford, but during a time of despiration her routines worked for our daughter!
Once you've got your nerves back (if you are feeling anything like I did at that stage), there are some good books about that might help. Have you read the Baby Whisperer or The Contented Little Baby? Both are good for learning about waking and sleeping, especially how to settle a baby. I'd start with the Baby Whisperer as she really gives a lot of insight into what babys feel, what their crys mean (different sounds = different needs) and lots on how to sooth. She is also less hardcore then The Contented Little Nazi author Gina Ford, but during a time of despiration her routines worked for our daughter!
barbwong_130
Registered User
Mamalicious,
I have a copy of the Australian Association of Infant Mental Health?s Policy Statement on Controlled Crying. They no longer seem to have it available on a web site.
One of their points is:
If "controlled crying" is to be used it would be most appropriate after the child has an understanding of the meaning of the parent's words, to know that the parent will be coming back and to be able to feel safe without the parent's presence.
If you send me your e-mail address in a private message I can send you a copy.
Barb
I have a copy of the Australian Association of Infant Mental Health?s Policy Statement on Controlled Crying. They no longer seem to have it available on a web site.
One of their points is:
If "controlled crying" is to be used it would be most appropriate after the child has an understanding of the meaning of the parent's words, to know that the parent will be coming back and to be able to feel safe without the parent's presence.
If you send me your e-mail address in a private message I can send you a copy.
Barb
rani
Administrator
My baby cried to be carried 3 times a night EVERY night since he was 6 months old. Sometimes, it takes us 2 hours to lull him back to sleep. Once, I let him cry for an hour non stop, and by the time I carried him, he was sobbing uncontrollably for another half hour. Then I fed him some water, as I figured he'd be thirsty from all that screaming, and he drank almost 100ml at a go. It was painful for me to see him in this situation so i carried him whenever he cried for the next few months.
And when he was about 15 months old, he slept through the night at the time he started to walk. He was walking so much in the day that he was physically exhausted at night. I had carried him 3-5 times every night for 9 months and was surprised he suddenly could sleep through the night.
I hope controlled crying works with your baby. I, too, had so much frustration forcing my tired and limp body in the middle of the night, almost every other hour, to carry my baby. I try to hold my baby and turn my frustration and lack of sleep to love as I touch my baby's soft skin and feel his little heartbeat next to mine.
And when he was about 15 months old, he slept through the night at the time he started to walk. He was walking so much in the day that he was physically exhausted at night. I had carried him 3-5 times every night for 9 months and was surprised he suddenly could sleep through the night.
I hope controlled crying works with your baby. I, too, had so much frustration forcing my tired and limp body in the middle of the night, almost every other hour, to carry my baby. I try to hold my baby and turn my frustration and lack of sleep to love as I touch my baby's soft skin and feel his little heartbeat next to mine.
barbwong_130
Registered User
The Australian Association of Infant Mental Health?s Policy Statement on Controlled Crying ia at http://www.earlychildhoodaustralia.org.au/Controled Crying.pdf
I always seem to have an opinion on sleep issues !
1. I think an 8 month old is more than ready for controlled crying. I have read the Australian article as well as a similar one by the American Infant Mental Health...not sure I have the name right there. I think both articles fail to recognise that by doing controlled crying for a few nights, the baby actually cries LESS than a baby who wakes constantly in the night for many months or years. So, add up all the unattended crying minutes of a baby doing controlled crying vs a baby who wakes up constantly for another year or so. Controlled crying just seems the more humane option for both parents and bub. I also think at 8 months a baby needs a good nights sleep. If they wake up many times in the night they can't possibly be as well rested.
I recognise that not everyone will agree with my opinion and different people feel very strongly about this issue.
2. I think 5 weeks is too young to try controlled crying, as they baby is too young to learn what it is supposed to do. However, some babies just like a grizzle before they go to sleep, that is their settling method. I would make sure bubs is fed, dry, warm, etc, then kisses, cuddles and goodnight in a darkened room. If he starts crying, leave it for a few minutes, before going in and patting/stroking/etc. If bubs is still upset, pick him up and reassure him. When he is calm, try again. At 5 weeks, if they haven't settled in, say 40 mins or so, I'd get him up and go for a walk or something to change scenery.
The Baby Whisperer book describes this technique (pick up and put down method) better than I can. The author tells the story of the first few times taking a hundred pick ups and put downs before bub goes to sleep, but eventually they recognise the sleep cues and don't fight it so much.
Also remember that babies will cry the most in the first 6 weeks of their life, getting worse at around 6 weeks. By 3 months they will be getting better and by 6 months you'll (hopefully) have forgotten all the pain.
Just do whatever you need to do to get through those first 6 weeks. If that means leaving bubs to cry in the cot for 10 mins whilst you have a sanity break and a cup of tea, so be it.
There are some sleep and settling strategies available at the Karitane website:
http://www.swsahs.nsw.gov.au/karitane/docs/survival.asp
for relevant age groups. Karitane is a sleep school in Australia.
Good luck.
1. I think an 8 month old is more than ready for controlled crying. I have read the Australian article as well as a similar one by the American Infant Mental Health...not sure I have the name right there. I think both articles fail to recognise that by doing controlled crying for a few nights, the baby actually cries LESS than a baby who wakes constantly in the night for many months or years. So, add up all the unattended crying minutes of a baby doing controlled crying vs a baby who wakes up constantly for another year or so. Controlled crying just seems the more humane option for both parents and bub. I also think at 8 months a baby needs a good nights sleep. If they wake up many times in the night they can't possibly be as well rested.
I recognise that not everyone will agree with my opinion and different people feel very strongly about this issue.
2. I think 5 weeks is too young to try controlled crying, as they baby is too young to learn what it is supposed to do. However, some babies just like a grizzle before they go to sleep, that is their settling method. I would make sure bubs is fed, dry, warm, etc, then kisses, cuddles and goodnight in a darkened room. If he starts crying, leave it for a few minutes, before going in and patting/stroking/etc. If bubs is still upset, pick him up and reassure him. When he is calm, try again. At 5 weeks, if they haven't settled in, say 40 mins or so, I'd get him up and go for a walk or something to change scenery.
The Baby Whisperer book describes this technique (pick up and put down method) better than I can. The author tells the story of the first few times taking a hundred pick ups and put downs before bub goes to sleep, but eventually they recognise the sleep cues and don't fight it so much.
Also remember that babies will cry the most in the first 6 weeks of their life, getting worse at around 6 weeks. By 3 months they will be getting better and by 6 months you'll (hopefully) have forgotten all the pain.
Just do whatever you need to do to get through those first 6 weeks. If that means leaving bubs to cry in the cot for 10 mins whilst you have a sanity break and a cup of tea, so be it.
There are some sleep and settling strategies available at the Karitane website:
http://www.swsahs.nsw.gov.au/karitane/docs/survival.asp
for relevant age groups. Karitane is a sleep school in Australia.
Good luck.
thanks jane01. i had many people discouraging me from doing control crying that sometimes it made me feel like i am a bad mother. but if i dont do something about ds crying, i will go insane plus i am so out of sleep that i cannot function in the day time. i will try control crying tomorrow and i have expected the worst!!! how long do you think an 8 month old will cry for??
My baby girl throws up after crying for only a few minutes, every single time. Control crying will definately not work on her, seeing as we'll have to clean her cot out after each initial attempt. This is why control crying never really got off the ground for us! Anyone else have this messy problem?
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hi gals, just want to give you an update of what's going on so far.
we started control crying at 8 pm last night. he was really really tired and cranky. we started with one minute interval ( my husband and i are both softies in this). after about 5- 10 mins of crying, he vomitted. we cleaned him up and continue the control crying. i was expecting the worst. it was so heartbreaking to see him cry. each time i went in, he just grabbed my shirt and begging me to pick him up. it was so difficult and i nearly cried myself. finally, he slept after 35 mins of crying. kevin and i were amazed as we expected longer. he woke up again at 2 which i fed him and he went straight back to sleep. poor guy must be really exhausted.
today, he woke up at 6.30 and kevin and i hugged him and kissed him so much to compensate for last night. for morning nap, he cried for 24 mins before falling asleep on him own. for afternoon nap, he cried for 10 mins. we were really amazed that it took such a short time. i was expecting something like an hour or so of crying. for tonight, he cried for..............believe it or not, 7 mins. if i know it's going to be so easy i would have started weeks ago when my sleep was so deprived. however, it's too early to make any judgement now as today is only day 2. but we are encouraged by what we have seen and we are hoping that it will take shorter than a week for him to totally settle down. thanks for sharing your experience with me.
we started control crying at 8 pm last night. he was really really tired and cranky. we started with one minute interval ( my husband and i are both softies in this). after about 5- 10 mins of crying, he vomitted. we cleaned him up and continue the control crying. i was expecting the worst. it was so heartbreaking to see him cry. each time i went in, he just grabbed my shirt and begging me to pick him up. it was so difficult and i nearly cried myself. finally, he slept after 35 mins of crying. kevin and i were amazed as we expected longer. he woke up again at 2 which i fed him and he went straight back to sleep. poor guy must be really exhausted.
today, he woke up at 6.30 and kevin and i hugged him and kissed him so much to compensate for last night. for morning nap, he cried for 24 mins before falling asleep on him own. for afternoon nap, he cried for 10 mins. we were really amazed that it took such a short time. i was expecting something like an hour or so of crying. for tonight, he cried for..............believe it or not, 7 mins. if i know it's going to be so easy i would have started weeks ago when my sleep was so deprived. however, it's too early to make any judgement now as today is only day 2. but we are encouraged by what we have seen and we are hoping that it will take shorter than a week for him to totally settle down. thanks for sharing your experience with me.
Shalom - CONGRATULATIONS
I'm glad to hear that it worked so well for you. As you say, early days yet, but looks like your little one is learning quickly.
Regarding the 2am feeding - are you happy to continue doing this? If not, you may want to consider the possibility of a "dream feed" immediately before you go to bed, then no more milk until a certain time in the morning.
A dream feed, or rollover feed, is a feed given whilst they are still asleep or barely awake in a darkened room (maybe with just a nightlight or torch).
Some background from us - my daughter liked to snack and play all day (no sleeps, or only short catnaps) and feed all night. At 3-6 months I was up every hour or two from midnight onwards and was exhausted as I wasn't getting any rest during the day.
At 6 months she was a big healthy baby and after being told by the midwife she was physically capable of sleeping through, I decided she needed some encouragement.
I put her to bed at 7pm, then dream fed at 10pm'ish. I then refused to feed her until 5am. The first night she was probably quite hungry ! I just gave her whatever comfort I could but did not feed her. She didn't cry much as long as she had her dummy, but woke frequently expecting to be fed. She fed really well the next day, which was unusual. Within 2 weeks she was sleeping reliably through the night and eventually, wasn't waking until 6.30/7am which is reasonable. I dropped the dream feed at about 9 months, as she didn't seem to need it anymore.
I found that she was a much happier baby during the day after she was getting decent blocks of sleep at night. The change was quite incredible.
I hope that experience helps a little.
I'm glad to hear that it worked so well for you. As you say, early days yet, but looks like your little one is learning quickly.
Regarding the 2am feeding - are you happy to continue doing this? If not, you may want to consider the possibility of a "dream feed" immediately before you go to bed, then no more milk until a certain time in the morning.
A dream feed, or rollover feed, is a feed given whilst they are still asleep or barely awake in a darkened room (maybe with just a nightlight or torch).
Some background from us - my daughter liked to snack and play all day (no sleeps, or only short catnaps) and feed all night. At 3-6 months I was up every hour or two from midnight onwards and was exhausted as I wasn't getting any rest during the day.
At 6 months she was a big healthy baby and after being told by the midwife she was physically capable of sleeping through, I decided she needed some encouragement.
I put her to bed at 7pm, then dream fed at 10pm'ish. I then refused to feed her until 5am. The first night she was probably quite hungry ! I just gave her whatever comfort I could but did not feed her. She didn't cry much as long as she had her dummy, but woke frequently expecting to be fed. She fed really well the next day, which was unusual. Within 2 weeks she was sleeping reliably through the night and eventually, wasn't waking until 6.30/7am which is reasonable. I dropped the dream feed at about 9 months, as she didn't seem to need it anymore.
I found that she was a much happier baby during the day after she was getting decent blocks of sleep at night. The change was quite incredible.
I hope that experience helps a little.