Breasatfeeding: sensitive subject

J

JL168

Registered User
I gave birth 7 weeks ago, and i have always planned on breastfeeding for as long as possible.
Now, i don't know why but i always get a bit upset (maybe even insulted) when someone doubts it whether i produce enough milk or not. I don't know why, but y do people presume i don't have enough milk for the little one? Every time she starts crying, they immediately suggest to prepare formula even though i can feel i have milk to spare! Why don't (a lot of) people understand that i WANT to breastfeed? Is it because hong kong people more often give formula instead of nursing? People doubting me gives me a feeling of being an incapable mother!
Just wanted to share my thoughts... :)
 
I think it will depend who these "people" are. Is it family members or friends who are insisting that you prepare formula? If so, I would just explain to them that you are breastfeeding so no need to for any formula.
I am not sure I understand your point about people not understanding that you want to breastfeed... again, is this family and friends, or strangers on the street? It is a very general statement to make about hong kong people not understanding "because they more often give formula" but you should never let anybody else's opinion make you doubt your ability as a mother, whether you chose to breast or bottle feed.
 
I hear you...i know it's hard but do try to just ignore these types of comments. I seriously believe that I didn't breastfeed my last kid for linger because everyone was telling me I didn't produce enough milk...and I ended up believing them. The more your feed, the more milk will be produced...don't worry about what they say...whomever they are....it's probably out of genuine concern, but at this point juts believe in yourself and what youre doing for the baby is best, whether it's breast or if you choose not to.
 
everyone wants what they think is best for the baby. if you want to breastfeed and baby is growing and producing enough nappies, then great! well done! forget what everyone else is saying.

ignore the ignorant!

you continue doing what you want and tell them that they can support you in your decision or get out. (that's what i'd do, anyway)... and if it's hubby, maybe he just doesn't know how the female body works. sit him down and explain it to him. explain to him, while you are at it, that he job now is to support you (just as your is to support him) in the raising of your child. that you two make the decisions, not his family, not his mother, not anyone else. you two, full stop. explain the benefits of breastfeeding and that you are trying to give your child the best possible start in life. he needs to get on board with this, until you both decide otherwise. perhaps he is only trying to help. he, obviously, cannot help breastfeed, but he can help prepare a bottle, so perhaps that is what he is trying to do? if this is the case, maybe pump extra milk and bottle feed one feed/day, so that daddy can help, too!

also know this: if you decide that breastfeeding is not working out for you, either as a mother or as a family, you are NOT a bad mother if you decide to formula feed.

whatever works for the family, is my motto.
 
My mum always used to ask me that, and I always used to ignore her (she'd ask me right after I'd finish nursing the baby, so I didn't understand why she'd ask). Until the baby was about 10 months old she finally asked me how come I never answered her question! I had a massive go at her then, and then she never asked me again!
 
Are these 'people' Chinese? Cause I also believe that Chinese people are a bit too hung up over food; the kind, the quantity, anything. E.g. when you have a wound don't eat beef or chicken. When you are pregnant don't have cold drinks or food. One of the first questions they ask when they meet someone is: have you eaten already?
And when a baby cries the first question they ask is whether he's hungry. Just ignore, you know best as mum.
 
My mom was like that. She used to say that I don't have enough milk, or that my milk was not good enough for the baby.

I think it is probably because we are mostly formula fed when babies. For example, from what I heard, my mom only tried to breastfeed my oldest brother for few months, then she formula fed him. After that, she just formula fed my other brother, sister, and myself. So probably, on her mind, formula is the best. Also, our parents now always get boomed with all those commercials about formula on the TV and everywhere... you really hardly see any advertisement about the benefits of breastmilk anywhere than on MCHCs.

So try to explain to your friends/parents/relatives... and if they don't get it, just ignore the ignorant!, as Cara said!
 
Thx for the support! Yes, they're all Chinese ppl who doubt me. I do understand that's their way of thinking, but since im grown up in Europe, I have a total other mentality and view of things. I will keep on doing what I think is best for my girl! And I will do my best not to let them convince me otherwise. :)
 
It's not YOU, it's THEM

JL168 said:
I gave birth 7 weeks ago, and i have always planned on breastfeeding for as long as possible.
Now, i don't know why but i always get a bit upset (maybe even insulted) when someone doubts it whether i produce enough milk or not. I don't know why, but y do people presume i don't have enough milk for the little one? Every time she starts crying, they immediately suggest to prepare formula even though i can feel i have milk to spare! Why don't (a lot of) people understand that i WANT to breastfeed? Is it because hong kong people more often give formula instead of nursing? People doubting me gives me a feeling of being an incapable mother!
Just wanted to share my thoughts... :)
Click to expand...

Just remember, it's NOT YOU, it's THEM. It's their problem because people in Hong Kong are sadly undereducated or even uneducated about what breastfeeding is all about. Even doctors in this city aren't really up-to-date and believe all kinds of myths about breastfeeding.

Last night I went to get a massage at a place I've been going to for the past 3-4 years. I told the therapist that I'm still breastfeeding my daughter who is nearly one year old. The therapist was shocked and told me, "Really?! I didn't think it was actually possible to keep breastfeeding longer than 4-5 months!"

My father-in-law who is Chinese told me once, "When your baby gets her first teeth you will have to stop breastfeeding because babies can't breastfeed anymore after they have their first teeth."

Marketing of formula is really strong here in Hong Kong--much stronger than any other place I've seen. In the United States, formula advertisements are not allowed to be aired on television! So, people just believe that formula is superior when actually the opposite is true. Most people really don't understand breastfeeding at all here.

So, the best thing you can do is educate them (which means being educated yourself). Get some resources (this website is a good place to start and I'm sure there are many others like this website). Print it out and educate the people in your life about what research shows about breastmilk and how breastfeeding works. This graphic is also very helpful:

422221_248033895270952_245038508903824_539813_1611517367_n.jpg


If they still choose to believe that formula is the way to go, let them and just politely ignore them because they simply don't understand/know. :tmi: If the people are just strangers, I would just ignore them.

When my father-in-law told me that my daughter wouldn't be able to breastfeed after getting her first teeth I smiled politely at him and said, "Sure she still can" and left it at that and then just proved to him with my actions that he is wrong.
 
When I told my sister in law (who happens to be a confinement lady) that I was still breastfeeding my toddler, she looked at me like if I was stupid or something, and then politely told me "you know you can introduce formula now". My hubby then just told her that our baby has allergy to cow milk so we didn't have to explaining anything further to her.
 
I've been reading forum in Chinese and so many mothers share your struggle! So many of their family members are not supportive of breastfeeding, mainly because they are ignorant and think that formula is better, and are always worried that the baby doesn't get enough food because breast milk looks more watery etc. They don't understand the importance of giving the mothers support. So you're definitely not alone. I'm sure it's super frustrating. But definitely be strong and don't let them get inside your head. Have the facts on your side and explain to them. There are breastfeeding support groups as well if you want more moral support from other mothers!
 
carang said:
also know this: if you decide that breastfeeding is not working out for you, either as a mother or as a family, you are NOT a bad mother if you decide to formula feed.

whatever works for the family, is my motto.
Click to expand...

Agree on this one too. I never breastfed any of my children, didn't even try. Read about it, discussed it with my doctor (who was supportive either way) but decided against it for personal reasons. I have no regrets or bad feelings about it. My children have grown up well so far and are very healthy. Whatever works for you ...
 
I have to say, Mothers milk is best! My brother and sister weren't breastfed and now both have several allergies, lactose intolerance etc. I was, and not only am I much taller than them, I also dont have a single allergy :)
 
My family is the same. Even with my second breastfed baby, they still question me. It gets worse because my cousin swapped to formula with her baby at 4 months because she thinks it's too much work and baby is too attached to her, and another cousin only tried a few days and decided she had "no milk at all."

What I've found about my family (or friends / stranger) when they doubt my milk supply:
(1) Because they can't see the actual milk, they don't know how much the baby has consumed, and they don't like the "unknown."
(2) Also, since breast milk is so much easier to digest, breastfed babies "eat" more frequently, therefore people believe that the mother is not producing enough to keep the baby full for a long time.
(3) Unlike formula, breast milk change in content/composition to meet the baby's need instead of increase in volume, my family doesn't understand why my kids eat so little (they see it in bottles when I expressed)
(4) Chinese like chubby babies! My family adore my cousin's chubby formula fed baby because he grows so fast and so big. When the baby's 9 months old, he weighed the same as my then 2 years old. (he's so chubby that he can't push himself up to crawl)

My advice: Believe in yourself and feel good about what you do. I'm sure all you want to do is give the best to your little one. If you want to keep breastfeeding, go for it. Breastfeeding is hard work, but also enjoyable and satisfying. Don't stress out about it because stress decrease milk supply!

P.S. I breastfed my daughter till 2 years old and now breastfeeding my 4 months old. It can be done (even with unsupportive family).
 
bonita said:
My family is the same. Even with my second breastfed baby, they still question me. It gets worse because my cousin swapped to formula with her baby at 4 months because she thinks it's too much work and baby is too attached to her, and another cousin only tried a few days and decided she had "no milk at all."

What I've found about my family (or friends / stranger) when they doubt my milk supply:
(1) Because they can't see the actual milk, they don't know how much the baby has consumed, and they don't like the "unknown."
(2) Also, since breast milk is so much easier to digest, breastfed babies "eat" more frequently, therefore people believe that the mother is not producing enough to keep the baby full for a long time.
(3) Unlike formula, breast milk change in content/composition to meet the baby's need instead of increase in volume, my family doesn't understand why my kids eat so little (they see it in bottles when I expressed)
(4) Chinese like chubby babies! My family adore my cousin's chubby formula fed baby because he grows so fast and so big. When the baby's 9 months old, he weighed the same as my then 2 years old. (he's so chubby that he can't push himself up to crawl)

My advice: Believe in yourself and feel good about what you do. I'm sure all you want to do is give the best to your little one. If you want to keep breastfeeding, go for it. Breastfeeding is hard work, but also enjoyable and satisfying. Don't stress out about it because stress decrease milk supply!

P.S. I breastfed my daughter till 2 years old and now breastfeeding my 4 months old. It can be done (even with unsupportive family).
Click to expand...


Yes. My father-in-law would always exclaim when my daughter was about 4-5 months-old, "She's eating again?!" But, I must say that even though my daughter was 100% breastfed until she started on solids and still takes breastmilk, she is still a chubby baby! My son was also very chubby when he was being breastfed--so just because you breastfeed doesn't mean your baby won't have that baby chub. My son gained nearly a pound (1/2 kilo) in about 10 days after leaving the hospital only from drinking breastmilk. The lactation consultant asked me if my breastmilk was pure cream or something. Ha ha ha!

Ultimately, you have to ignore people sometimes and just do what you feel is right and know that you definitely are producing enough for your baby no matter what others think.
 
I would encourage you to join some of the LLL meetings in Hong Kong. At a LLL meeting breastfeeding is the norm. It can be very difficult to find a place where this is so in Hong Kong where the majority of mothers wean so early.

Here is an article at http://www.lllhk.org/WhyLLL.html which explains why a LLL might be useful to attend.

Details of the current schedule is available at http://www.lllhk.org/Meetings.html for English speaking meetings and http://www.lllhk.org/ChineseMeetings.html for Chinese speaking meetings.

Best wishes,
SARAH
 
LLL_Sarah said:
I would encourage you to join some of the LLL meetings in Hong Kong. At a LLL meeting breastfeeding is the norm. It can be very difficult to find a place where this is so in Hong Kong where the majority of mothers wean so early.

Here is an article at http://www.lllhk.org/WhyLLL.html which explains why a LLL might be useful to attend.

Details of the current schedule is available at http://www.lllhk.org/Meetings.html for English speaking meetings and http://www.lllhk.org/ChineseMeetings.html for Chinese speaking meetings.

Best wishes,
SARAH
Click to expand...

Are there any meetings arranged for breastfeeding mothers who work full-time and can't get away in the early morning or mid-afternoon? I didn't see any on the site.
 
Oh, just ignore them. I've been successfully BFing for more than 6 months, and for almost 6 months all my relatives -- plus random Chinese people on the playground, at the baby clinic -- keep lecturing me that I don't have enough milk.
It's just a cultural thing.
First, Chinese people are just a bit more paranoid. Ever notice that you baby is always "not wearing enough clothing" or "shouldn't be eating this or that"? So they always find problems to harp on about even if they don't exist.
Also, the "pui yuet" are generally not very pro-breastfeeding.
I was waiting for the doctor the other day and just chatting to a Chinese mom. Her pui yuet decided, out of the blue, to declare that my perfectly healthy baby was not getting enough nutrition.
And I say this as a Chinese person -- ignore them!
 
i has the opposite problem! my first baby had really bad reflux - i would breast feed her for like an hour and then give her one little pat on the back to burp her and she would vomit the whole lot up and then cry because she was hungry, but i had nothing left to give her. she would cry and cry and cry until i thought i would go mad. i went to the health centre and asked if i could give her formula, but they kept saying no, breast is best. i seriously nearly had a breakdown. in the end i went out and bought some formula, so then when she vomited i could just go and make another bottle. we were both much happier after that!
 
why would you ask the health centre if you could give formula? you are the mother, it's your decision! you don't need to feel guilty that it didn't work for you.....

again...

whatever is best for the family...

ps> my girl was lactose intolerant... she spent the first 3-4 months of her life sleeping or screaming. i did breastfeed exclusively, but that was because i wanted to...a dr in db prescribed a VERY expensive bottle of enzymes to help her cope and they worked a miracle!
 
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