Beware of Confinement Lady

H

hkmami

Registered User
Hello all,

I just wanted to share my confinement experience with everyone. I am still in my one month confinement and surviving after a horrible experience with a lady that I had hired in hopes to help me out throughout this period. The first day I came back from the hospital, my "confinement" lady came over and the first thing she did was complain about how she was in the middle of her move and that how lucky I was she could still help me!! (especially since I had given her a huge deposit, my fault!!!) In my home, she spent most of the time being rude , on the phone (she even placed a few horse gambling) and sitting on the couch complaining how hot it was even when i had the air con on. But the last straw, was when she took one of the baby's old bottles and just rinsed them with hot water before reusing it. She had asked me if she should use the watson's dispenser to make the baby's milk!!! My baby's umbilical cord fell off the 2nd day she was home, partly because this lady had been too rough with it. And now it is not a pretty site. There were many other instances that would be too long to tell. Needless to say, I fired her on the 3rd day which now I think was too long to have kept her. I am partly to blame cause i am the one who hired her. But having said all this if anyone should encounter a lady named Anita (quite big in size) from Shun Tak town , please beware!!! She also claims that she has worked for Real Estate tycoon, Lee Ka Shing's son., yeah right!!
 
I also fired my confinement lady after 4 days which I think is far too long as well! My baby was premature, so the original confinement lady couldn't make it straight away, so they sent a replacement. This lady would sleep through the night (and day) and forget to feed the baby. I didn't say anything since she was only with me for 2 days before the original one came.

Then the one I hired arrived. From the moment she stepped in, she would ask me for things like soap, shampoo etc. for her personal use every 30 mins, my husband asked her to write a list of all the things she needed so that we could get it for her once and for all instead of me getting up every 30 mins to serve her and she said it was too difficult to do that since she did not know what else she would need!

I asked her to give me a menu for the whole week so that I could translate all the ingredients and give the list to my maid to get all the food in the market for her, again she said that it was too troublesome to do that, which I had no idea why that was! I told her to try since I didn't want to have to translate every meal for the next.

The last straw came when she asked me what she was eating that night (she asks me every meal and I tell her the same thing everytime ' you can eat whatever you like from the kitchen'). That night, I told her the same thing and she said there was nothing to eat, so I asked my maid why she didn't get anything for the lady (I specifically asked my maid to have some meat and veg for her since she was bothering me all the time), and my maid said that she gave her some chicken, veg and rice and she didn't want it.

I asked her if it was true, then she complained that my maid bought frozen chicken for her, to which I asked what was wrong with that? Then she said she didn't like choi sum or bak choi and she will be fine just eating plain rice (in the most sarcastic voice you can imagine). She went on and on and on and I tried to calm her, but she just wouldn't stop, so I told her that I didn't want to argue with her anymore and asked her to leave my room. She then banged EVERY door and stamped her feet all the way back. I was totally shocked.

After 5 minutes, she came back to my room and said that she need to change the diapers for my baby, and was really rough handling her, so I said, forget it, I will do it myself. AGain, she stomped out and banged the doors. I was really worried that with her temper, she might just throw my baby on the floor or something in order to vent, so I asked her to leave immediately.

I too gave her a huge deposit and the really amazing thing was, her agent called repeatedly afterwards and asked me to settle the balance. I was so mad, so I told her that not only will I NOT settle the balance (since she only worked for 4 days and I have paid them 50% which was 13 days), I will sue them if they pester me anymore (since I became sick as soon as she left!!). Luckily they didn't call me again.

Rani, can I post the name of the agency here? Anyway, the confinement lady was called Chu Wai Lan, short (around 4 ft) and in her late 40s or early 50s.
 
OMG! I feel sorry for you girls! I remember how emotional I was the first few weeks after my boy was born. Can't imagine having to deal with bitches like that!
 
Really sorry Moms you had such a bad experience. How does it work, you hire them for a month, so that does that mean you have to pay half of that as a deposit? Yes, please do tell us the name of the agency.
 
The agency I used was e-Mother (IN chinese, it is called 'Mommy Bo bo')

For confinement lady service, you can choose how long you want them each day, ranges from 4 hours to 24 hours. They are supposed to be experts in taking care of babies, and also taking care of the new mothers. Their main duties are to take care of babies (and also show the new mothers and/ maids how to do it) and cook all the things which will help the mothers to recover. Some will even do the housework whilst the mothers can rest. Their charges are quite high ranging from $8000 for 4 hours - 26 days to $24000 for 24 hours - 26 days) For me, my main hope was to have someone there to take care of my baby during the night so I can rest peacefully.

However, not all confinement ladies are nasty, my good friend (who was the one who convinced me to hire one in the first place) liked hers so much that she extended her service for 3 months!
 
i'm sorry that you had such a terrible experience, but at the same time, i'm always so surprised when i hear people saying they wanted someone to take care of the baby for them so that they can rest.

when i had each of my babies (after terrible gruelling pregnancies) i didn't want ANYONE to touch them. it was a huge thing for me even to allow my MIL to hold them. as for making food to helpt he mother recover? i know it's a chinese thing, but really...ANY food will do that!

again, i'm so sorry about your experiences. i hope that if you have another child you will save your money and put it towards your child's education or something like that instead.

good luck!
 
Yes, this is a very chinese thing. A woman is supposed to go through re-birth the 3 months after she gives birth. That is why many women are particularly careful and 'confine' to their homes during that first month. As for the food, it's all about 'hot' and 'cold' to suit your body, so if you have natural birth or C-section, you will have different foods.

I agree Carang that I also didn't want anyone to take care of my baby after she was born, but I was hoping the confinement lady could advise on things like how to bath the baby and whether the baby is too hot etc. All seems very simple but was overwhelming to me especially when my baby was only just 5lbs when she came home from NICU, so I was worried about every little thing I might be doing wrong.

I must say that after the confinement lady went, I was a much happier woman!
 
i understand completely. both of my kids were only 5.5 pounds at birth and of course less than that when they came home.

i do, however, think that MOST women have an instinct when it comes to their children. now it doesn't always work that way, but honestly, bathing a baby is fairly simple. make sure water is not too hot. hold baby so won't go under the water, wash.

i don't get all the "hot" and "cold" stuff. my in-laws tried to explain it to me, but to be honest, ithink it's a load of malarkie.

as for whether the baby is too hot or too cold. i have a VERY strong opinion on that. i, personally, think that many locals WAYYYYYYY overdress their babies. i always read that you dress the baby in the same amount of clothes you would wear, + one layer. so that's what i always did.


anyway, i'm getting really side-tracked and off topic. back to yourtopic.

i do hope that if you have a second baby, that you will feel more confident this time round and save the money you seem to have wasted on this useless woman to either treat yourself to something, or treat your baby.

good luck!
 
Thank you for all your response. At least I don't feel all alone. Bubbly, I am sorry you had to deal with such an awful person too especially since it was your first baby and a preemie too!!! But you were right to have fired her early on...i felt relieved also. As for me, it was my second child and I had a really good experienced with my first confinement lady (she wasn't available for my second) that I had decided to hire someone 24hrs. The whole pregnancy i hardly slept and ended up with HBP in the end. I just wanted to rest at ease so that I would be ok during the day to be with my older child. Anyhow I've hired someone just to come and cook for me only (no one touching the baby anymore). I am happy that at least we have a place to vent and warn others of our bad encounters and hope that no one has to go through the same thing. I'm so happy we can post the details here so that everyone can be careful before they decide to hire a confinement lady.
 
carang said:
i do, however, think that MOST women have an instinct when it comes to their children. now it doesn't always work that way, but honestly, bathing a baby is fairly simple. make sure water is not too hot. hold baby so won't go under the water, wash.

!
Click to expand...

I have to confess, I couldn't bathe D for the first few weeks either. Getting the water at the right temp was easy. It's holding baby, making sure the head is supported and then sponging etc. Fortunately, my sister stayed with me for the first couple of weeks and bathed D.
 
What a horrible experience!! I am lucky that my confinement lady is a cousin of one of my Aunties-in-law. Anyone need a reliable one, pm me!
 
HKmami,

I am so sorry to hear about your unhappy experience and hope that no others will have to deal w/ such an unpleasant confinement lady. A confinement lady should RELIEVE stress, not cause it.

re: letting other people take care of the baby...

Everyone is different. My m-i-l came over every day and helped me and I had a domestic helper as well. M-i-l cooked my special foods and enjoyed bathing the bb. I breastfed the BB, ate my food and rested
as much as I could, because my eldest liked to breastfeed every to to three hours (all day and all night) and my 2nd bb liked to nurse every two hours or less, for up to an hour at a time. After feeding them, I was grateful to have someone else to help cuddle them and bathe them so I could try and snatch a bit of sleep or do other things... like read the newspaper or go out for a walk.


I was never worried about other people touching the bbs. For my second bb my mom & step-dad came to visit from No. America and they helped out a bit too - sometimes cuddling the bb so I could give my 22 mo. old toddler some "mama time".

Aiya, my second BB had a habit of not falling asleep after his 1am or 2am feed and there I would be, walking him & cuddling him for hours between 3am & 5am. I considered myself lucky to have plenty of loving and competent hands to care for them.
 
Just wanted to let you all know that the agency I used has another company name: Mum&Baby and E-Amah.

The confinement lady called me today and told me that I still owe her her salary plus the laisee for the end of confinement (it is a tradition to give them one laisee when they arrive at your home and one when they leave - that is if they have completed the whole confinement period).

I told her that I have already paid her agency so she should sort it out with them and she started shouting at me down the phone. I also told her that I was NOT going to give her anymore money for her awful services and again she went on and on, so in the end, I had to put down the phone on her. She called back and again started her screaming nonsense.....

I just can't believe that it has been over a month since she left and she is back to haunt me! I will be calling the agency and telling them that if they disturb me once more, I am going to sue them or something.... Any ideas on how I can get rid of them??
 
Just spoke to the agency and the stupid woman said that the deposit I paid was admin fee and was not the actual fee for confinement !!!!! I told her that no where in the contract does it say that and that if there are anymore dispute, she should go to the lawyers and sue me, so we can go to court to sort it out.

She told me that I have to deal with the confinement lady myself, but I said since they are the agent, I should not have to deal with her directly..... and guess what, she said 'too bad'.... I really cannot believe what I have got myself into.... :blahblah :blahblah
 
Oh my god!!! I can't believe the nerve of your agency and your confinement lady!! I'd surely be fuming!! If you don't mind me asking, how much percentage of a down pmt did you give them. I was just thinking if that amount surpasses the no of days the confinement lady actually served you then you can tell them that they are the ones to owe you money and that if they don't pay you back, you are going to take them to the small claims court...which you should if you've overpaid and didn't get your services. All you need is their name and address. Best of luck. If anyone thinks there is a better way of dealing with people like this then please share with us!!
 
I wish I could get others to deal with her, but the stupid woman has my mobile and home number so she keeps calling me while my husband is at work!

Will call consumer council if they pester me again.

As for the deposit I paid, yes it more than covers the few days she was here. That is why I refuse to pay anymore. I can't believe that the agent actually said that the deposit was only admin fee!!! How ridiculous is that?! I am not even looking to ask for the balance back since I really do not want to have to deal with them anymore, but if they really do carry on like this, maybe I will.
 
If the confinement lady calls again, tell her you plan to report her to the police for call harassment. If she doesn't stop, just report her to the police.
 
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