When we were preparing to welcome our second child into our family, I thought a lot about sibling dynamics. I had been around children who didn't transition too well when they went from being only child to older brother/sister. I really hoped it wouldn't be the case with my son and as he was already 3-years-old when his sister was born we spent a lot of time talking with him about the new baby and what being an older brother might be like.
Well, it did turn out that my son did really well with the transition to older brother. He has actually been nothing but sweet, careful and generous with his younger sister as well as gentle. I kind of marvel at how well it has gone.
But...now little sister is 14-months-old and she has an attitude! She is so, so, so different than her older brother. Her older brother is a sensitive young fellow. He's pretty laid-back, friendly and social. He's the type of kid that while all the other kids are scrambling and fighting over toys will give his toy to someone and say, "Here, you play with it first. I can wait." He's just kind of always been that way. Or when someone comes over to take his toy he'll say, "Let's play together! It will be fun!" He usually can win the other child over. He's really good at conflict resolution in that way. He is sensitive though and has been known to cry at the drop of a hat...however, he settles quickly and doesn't throw fits.
But, little sister? She is picky about who she will interact with. She's shy and very, very cautious with people she doesn't know. It took her almost a year to warm up to her grandparents whom she sees every week. The only people she will let hold her are my husband and I, our helper and her grandparents. If others so much as try to touch her (even really kind people she sees every single day--such as my co-workers) she'll kind of grunt at them and turn away as in "How dare you even attempt to hold me!" She doesn't smile easily with strangers--even with me she'll "stare me down" despite my efforts to get her to smile. She can be super silly and cute and laugh her head off (mostly at her older brother's antics...which he thoroughly enjoys as he gets to be the center of her attention) but she can also have a total stone-cold stare like she's sizing a person up. Just a totally different personality than older brother.
The problem I have is that she can be aggressive. For awhile she was looking for every opportunity to bite us. She doesn't bite in anger or anything but she doesn't do it in a funny way either. Is it like a dominance thing? Proving she's "the boss"? She also has started literally head-butting us! Huh? It's like she's been watching too many fight scenes on TV (...she doesn't watch TV) or something. I would think it's funny except it's dangerous and scary and she doesn't do it a lot but when she does it it's like totally out-of-the-blue. It's not because she's angry or anything...it's just kind of like, "This seems like a good time to head butt someone in the face." Again, she doesn't do this to other children or strangers--just to the ones she loves. LOL. She also slaps her brother. If she thinks he's too close to her or in her bubble or she has to share attention with mama she will full-on slap him. Tonight we were sitting in the big armchair together--brother on one knee, sister on other. Everything was going well until sister looks over out of the corner of her eye and sees brother and then takes the hard toy she had in her hand and hits him right in the middle of the forehead with it! Of course, I took the toy away and told her sternly, "No! We do not hit brother." She just gave me that cold-hard stare. Then about 10 minutes later as he's just sitting here peacefully she reaches over and tries to slap him right across the face.
Anyway, we always communicate things like "Gentle" and then demonstrate by taking her hand and rubbing it gently across our face or arm etc. She gets reprimanded for aggressive behavior and praised for gentle behavior.
But, I'm just wondering if anyone else has a child who is the younger sibling who act similarly. What has been your experience?
Well, it did turn out that my son did really well with the transition to older brother. He has actually been nothing but sweet, careful and generous with his younger sister as well as gentle. I kind of marvel at how well it has gone.
But...now little sister is 14-months-old and she has an attitude! She is so, so, so different than her older brother. Her older brother is a sensitive young fellow. He's pretty laid-back, friendly and social. He's the type of kid that while all the other kids are scrambling and fighting over toys will give his toy to someone and say, "Here, you play with it first. I can wait." He's just kind of always been that way. Or when someone comes over to take his toy he'll say, "Let's play together! It will be fun!" He usually can win the other child over. He's really good at conflict resolution in that way. He is sensitive though and has been known to cry at the drop of a hat...however, he settles quickly and doesn't throw fits.
But, little sister? She is picky about who she will interact with. She's shy and very, very cautious with people she doesn't know. It took her almost a year to warm up to her grandparents whom she sees every week. The only people she will let hold her are my husband and I, our helper and her grandparents. If others so much as try to touch her (even really kind people she sees every single day--such as my co-workers) she'll kind of grunt at them and turn away as in "How dare you even attempt to hold me!" She doesn't smile easily with strangers--even with me she'll "stare me down" despite my efforts to get her to smile. She can be super silly and cute and laugh her head off (mostly at her older brother's antics...which he thoroughly enjoys as he gets to be the center of her attention) but she can also have a total stone-cold stare like she's sizing a person up. Just a totally different personality than older brother.
The problem I have is that she can be aggressive. For awhile she was looking for every opportunity to bite us. She doesn't bite in anger or anything but she doesn't do it in a funny way either. Is it like a dominance thing? Proving she's "the boss"? She also has started literally head-butting us! Huh? It's like she's been watching too many fight scenes on TV (...she doesn't watch TV) or something. I would think it's funny except it's dangerous and scary and she doesn't do it a lot but when she does it it's like totally out-of-the-blue. It's not because she's angry or anything...it's just kind of like, "This seems like a good time to head butt someone in the face." Again, she doesn't do this to other children or strangers--just to the ones she loves. LOL. She also slaps her brother. If she thinks he's too close to her or in her bubble or she has to share attention with mama she will full-on slap him. Tonight we were sitting in the big armchair together--brother on one knee, sister on other. Everything was going well until sister looks over out of the corner of her eye and sees brother and then takes the hard toy she had in her hand and hits him right in the middle of the forehead with it! Of course, I took the toy away and told her sternly, "No! We do not hit brother." She just gave me that cold-hard stare. Then about 10 minutes later as he's just sitting here peacefully she reaches over and tries to slap him right across the face.
Anyway, we always communicate things like "Gentle" and then demonstrate by taking her hand and rubbing it gently across our face or arm etc. She gets reprimanded for aggressive behavior and praised for gentle behavior.
But, I'm just wondering if anyone else has a child who is the younger sibling who act similarly. What has been your experience?
