Are there any moms out there without a helper?

C

chelle_law

Registered User
We recently moved to HK from the states just a few weeks ago. The thought of hiring a domestic helper had never even crossed my mind. I never knew that helpers were such a big part of expat life here in HK. Since we are living in a serviced apartment we don't really plan on getting a helper. I thought a good way to meet other moms with kids would be at the playground, but all I have found so far is children and their helpers. Are there any other moms out there without helpers?
 
There are some mums without helpers, but not many I guess because it's so cheap to have help and expats often consider their time here as the only time they'll likely be able to afford full time help so why not do it!

It's finding them that is the hard part. As you've seen, most playgrounds are full of kids with helpers which often makes mums feel unwelcome! This site might be your best bet so keep popping on to see who is around and who replies to your question. Have you got a club membership? Some clubs don't allow helpers in so it's the perfect time to meet other mothers. Enrolling your child in activities might be another way to meet mums but again you'll have to be careful that it's one that only mums can attend otherwise you'll find the usual helper to mum ratio problem!

How old is your child/ren? Do you have a car or are you planning on getting one?
 
There are plenty of mums (who have helpers) who take their kids to activities themselves (including public playgrounds) that you could meet. aussiegal is right that you can probably meet these better at the arranged kids activities (e.g. gymboree, kindermusik etc depending on the age of your kids).

the playground is an easy option for helpers minding children as it is free... and hong kong mums don't mind paying for regular activities or classes.
 
I've been in HK for over 5 years, have 2 kids and don't have a helper. I have lots of "mom" friends from church, but there is rarely a parent at the playground. Maybe if we add child #3 down the road, we will get a helper, but a lot of things have to fall into line first. (Like moving into a place big enough to have a helper!) lol.

Welcome to HK! How old are your kids?
 
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I`m just about the move to HK from Mainland, where many of the expats also have helpers, and I won`t be getting one for sure. One reason is that my husband`s salary isn`t high enough, another is because I just have an 8 week old baby and will have a tiny little apartment, and the third reason is because I just wouldn`t feel comfortable having someone around all the time, taking care of my kid, and especially living in. The most I would get is a semi-regular part time cleaner, which I will be looking for soon enough:)
 
In my mothers group I think it was about half and half who had/didn't have helpers (although some of those that didn't did have a cleaner). One had two kids - I don't know how she did it although I can understand it better now 'cause she is back in Australia and it is hard to give up that extra help!

Those that did have helpers took their kids to playgrounds and activities - not all the time as they were more than likely working but I would often run into other mums.
 
Thanks for all the fast responses! I am glad I am not alone. When I found out we were going to live in a serviced apartment, and that meant cleaners I was so excited- back in the states I never had a cleaner so this was cause for big celebration for me! I thought 'wow, that will give me more time to spend with my son and plan activities with other mom/babies'. I told my husband I felt spoiled with a cleaner and that it will be hard to give up when we have to move back to the states :) I have only been here a few weeks, but not really being able to meet any moms yet I can't help but feel a little isolated. I did sign my son up for a Kindermusik class offered at Parkview where we live, she said there are only 3 other kids enrolled but hopefully that means it will be easier to make friends with them. I did notice most activities here are rather pricey, so we can't really afford to sign our son up for much more. I used to take my son to all kinds of free story-times and such back in the states. I haven't found that here yet, am I just not looking in the right place? I got a library card and asked if they had a schedule of story-times at all the branches but I think there was a language barrier because she gave me some answer that didn't make sense. On a more positive note, I am loving HK so far! I take my son out often and we explore the city together. There is a lot to see and I find it so exciting.
 
i just moved to HK from the States in June and never had a helper before. We moved with our then 5 month year old son. We were in a serviced apt and then moved to the southside. Help is really inexpensive compared to the States. We got a helper at the end of September and she's been wonderful as she mostly takes care of our apartment which means I can spend more quality time with my son. We do lots of playgroups with just my son and I and she also goes to a helper/child playgroup.

yes, the playgrounds here seem to be mostly helpers b/c it's safe and the helpers don't need to take a taxi/bus there. It's a controlled environment and it's great when I need a quick nap, need to go the gym or run into Central.

We are still getting used to our helper and living with someone else 24/7 and it's been 7 months, but you can certainly find a routine and a balance that suits you and your helper if you do decide to get one down the road. She/he is there to make YOUR life easier and will follow your structure and needs.

Like others have said, I have met most other mothers in our playgroups and activities that I've signed my now 14 month year old up for.

Since you live at Parkview, there should be many playgroups available to you either helper/child or mum/child. If not, you can always post up a sign on the resident's board and start one yourself!
 
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I remember being in your exact same situation when I lived at Parkview for 3 months when we first arrived (about 18months ago).

I had a lot of success posting on geobaby and arranging to meet up with people. Definitely give it a go!

We have a helper and I wouldn't have it any other way. We love her and and as aussiegal said I'm one of the ones making the most of having help live-in help while we can afford it!!

I really really hate going to the playground where we live. its just not my thing so I do it as rarely as i can get away with!!
I much prefer taking the kids to play at the beach or activities or playdates with friends. As my kids both love the playground its the perfect thing for my helper to do with them as its close, safe, free etc. They can pop down for anything from 10mins to an hour while i get other things done or have appointments etc.
 
Hi,

My son is 15 months old and we dont have a helper. We have a cleaning lady that babysits for us sometimes, but she comes in once a week. As I'm pregnant with number 2 (9 weeks and counting, fingers crossed) we'll probably end up hiring one eventually.

Also, I was a Hong Kong kid, I grew up here and had helpers around a lot when I was a kid. My own mum was ALWAYS there for her kids, and although I have fond memories of the various 'aunties' that came and went, it in no way reflected my relationship with my mother. Her reason for hiring a helper was so she could be a more hands on parent. And she was, and I just about have to barricade the entrance to our building to stop her from being such a hands on granny! ;)

As a previous poster said one of the best ways to find friends is via this site..I cannot tell you how many treasured friendships I've made with other mums as a result of Geobaby. There are concerns of helper attachment, having someone invade your private space etc. But these just have to be dealt with as time goes by. Some parents find it harder than others.

I must say, I'm personally seduced by the idea of having a helper, especially when its nearing 1 in the morning and I've still got a pan and 2 baby bottles to wash. It's also the extra time it allows. I love my son to death and Im excited about having another one but I realize a helper would enable this not to be as much of a waiting game in things I want to do (I dont like using the word sacrifice / the kids never asked me to make any)..I could do that distance degree NOW with an extra hour to my day here and there...or start that company quicker, god forbid watch a movie with my husband without having to drag a suitcase, baby, buggy, and food to my mum's for a sleepover.

I think, bottom line, its a personal choice. But I have to say its nice to privileged enough to be able to make that choice. For us, the viablility of a helper really depends on the next school my husband will be teaching at. I wish you the best of luck. If you're happy with the cleaning aspect of houseowrk taken care of for you..and it allows you to have that special time with your son, then maybe for you thats all you need.

Also, re library storytelling? According to the website its only in cantonese. I find that a crying shame.

I've ranted. Forgive me. Welcome to Hong Kong.
 
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I have 2 children (4 and almost 2) and I don't have a helper. We have been here 8 months, and it is hard. I don't understand WHY is it so much harder here than back home, but it is. I have a cleaner who comes once a week - a godsend, but the difficulty I find is that it is hard to schedule things, and my 4 year old daughters school take it that people with more than one child have a helper for granted. She has had to miss out on school excursions because of it, and I feel bad about that.
Even with my daughter in school, trying to venture around Hong Kong, and even something simple like supermarket shopping, is such a challenge... taking an almost 2 year old and a stroller on a minibus is enough to put me off going out some days. He hates shopping and makes sure I know it. My days seem to be sucked away from me so quickly...
We don't have a babysitter, so going out for a quiet dinner once in a blue moon has now become never... but we're surviving... just.
The reason we don't have a helper is 1) because I thought I could manage without one (I'll admit I was wrong) and 2) because of the uncertain job future.
Yes - there are lots of helpers who take the kids to the playgrounds, but there are also lots of stay at homes mums who do that too. I've met some fantastic mums through these boards who meet up in Happy Valley and the children have a wonderful time while I get some much needed adult conversation.
 
Hello,

We are moving from Sydney and going to be staying at Parkview for at least a month while we house hunt (from April 4th) and it would be great to have another mum to meet up with (I have a nearly-3 year old son).

I will PM you when we get there.
Justine.
 
My boys are 5 and 3 and I've never had a fulltime helper, just someone to clean 2-3 times a week. I admit it is hard sometimes but I'm a really hands on Mum and I feel like my boys never miss out! We have lots of friends so have lots of playdates lined up during the week. We have less spontaniety than most friends with help and I have less time to shop and go to the gym etc but other than that I don't feel that I miss out. It helps that my husband is very hands on though too!!
 
chelle_law said:
I did notice most activities here are rather pricey, so we can't really afford to sign our son up for much more. I used to take my son to all kinds of free story-times and such back in the states. I haven't found that here yet, am I just not looking in the right place?
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Ha, welcome to Hong Kong and particularly,to the Southside where activities are horrendously expensive. I can't believe the prices of some of the activities and i refuse to put my children into any that ask you to pay for 3 or 4 months at a time. I only go for activities that you pay for each time you go. There are lots of people/companies trying to rip expats off and frankly I find it annoying. I took my 2 year old to Soccertots and decided against it after one 'lesson'. They did nothing I couldn't/don't already do with him. I mean, they were blowing bubbles for christ sake! They even want you to buy a uniform for $300. Too funny.

I'm sorry I can't point you to many reasonably priced groups. I used to go to Boogy Babies (music group) in Stanley which was only $100 a time. The woman running it had a baby so not sure if it is still going. It was lots of fun and a great way to meet mums. The mums would normally have a coffee together afterwards and the kids would play. I can dig up an email address if you'd like.

The Stanley playroom is ok. It's indoors and you generally have a mix of mums and helpers. It's also free which is great.

Will try to think up other things to do on Southside but as others have said I really recommend you search this board for mothers groups that meet in your area.
 
children's activities are quite hard on the southside for some strange reason as the southside is mostly made up of families with young children.

like aussiegal said, the stanley playroom is great and the library has storytime, but i think only in catonese. another place is the stanley playground right next tothe bus depot. we often go to the open air markets in Cyberport and now on the Peak which is the first and 3rd of each month.

Honestly, I think the best way for you to mom's is to start your own playgroup at Parkview - it's a huge complex and there are of course lots of families.

When I first moved here, I had to push myself to take the initiative. We did Panda Junction in Central as well when we first moved to the southside. It's pricey, but sooo worth it. Michelle runs a fabulous program there and it's a nice mix of mostly moms and some helpers. The commute was annoying, but actually met a lot of mom's from the southside there from Stanley, Tai Tam and from Parkview. We only signed up for 2 terms and had made 2-3 friends as a result of it.
 
the stanley playroom is great and the library has storytime, but i think only in catonese...
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Whatever happened to Chatter Books? There used to be this lady who would hold storytelling sessions for kids 3+yo at the Stanley Sports Center. She was even advertising here at Geobaby.
 
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