Anyone else going crazy from baby sleep issues...

C

cq000

Registered User
Gaaaaaaaah. My son is three months old and he fights sleep with piercing shrieks. I feel so awful and helpless but I couldn't bear to just leave him alone either, so I stay in the room and wait for him to cry it out, comforting him occasionally. He's a lot better now since I started following Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer advice but I'm still going nuts from the crying. He cries every time I put him down to sleep, and he sleeps well at night but during the day his naps are short and fitful. It feels like every time just as after I've put him to sleep, and about to sit down and start some work or put the first spoonful of food in my mouth, he wails, and I have to go in again. Been trying to put him on a routine this week but because his daytime naps are so short and erratic, the routine all goes into a mess.

The crying just really bothers me. He *has* to cry 10-30 minutes before he falls asleep, and if I pick him up and comfort him it makes it worst because he just starts all over when I put him down to cry longer. For daytime naps its even worst....

Based on Tracy's book I kind of know what I have to do, which is be more forceful on implementing the routine even if it means making him overtired or waking him early for the first few days. Just wondering if any other moms out there are feeling tired and bad too ....

I know the crying doesn't mean I'm a bad mom but I can't help keep wondering what I've done wrong and what I could do better ..... read online some babies just cry before bed no matter what all the way up to toddlers, do I just have to accept this?!

Ok just had to vent ... gaah.
 
I how what exactly you are going through. Both of my sons were like that at that age. It does get better when they are older, like 4-6 month.

I am a BIG believer of Healthy sleep habit and happy child. This support group on Baby Center is where I learn to how to implement methods from the book.

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a199215/teaching_your_baby_toddler_to_sleep

There are no cry solutions there suggested too if you are not a fan of crying.

Good luck.
 
Is he crying cause he's overly tired or just not tired at all? My son cries at the sight of his bed when he's not tired but if I out him into bed and he's physically exhausted he won't complain and just sleep within 15mins even if I put him down when he's still awake.

To be honest, I didn't follow any books and my son is not really on any set routine...he sleeps when he wants and basically for as long as he wants. That does often mean one short (45mins)nap in the morning and one long (60-75mins) nap in the afternoon. He sleeps at 8 till 6:30 the next morning. For me that's the easiest and no crying involved.
 
Three months!? He's just a tiny baby, and could be crying for any number of reasons (hunger, pain) but probably just because he is fretting and wants his mama, which is totally understandable from his point of view.. The whole sleeping-through-the-night obsession here, and the myriad of baby advice books was what drove me mad as a new mum! I love the following article "Why African Babies Don't Cry": http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/claire_niala.html - the focus is on closeness and breastfeeding, but for those mamas who don't or can't, the same idea can be achieved by bottle-nursing on demand, in a snuggly position, or via a pacifier placed next to the nipple.. Just some thoughts. Hope you can get through these tiring but precious early days and enjoy your little one before he is tearing around the world as a busy toddler...
 
Agree that three months is really early and that it does get better with time. Both my babies were like yours, had to be carried all the time and could not be put down to sleep. My daughter who is now 3 and a half months is just doing some stretches of long sleep on her own in the day. My son was hard to put down even at night and I ended up co-sleeping a lot so you're lucky nights are good. Of course, it is tiring but I found it more tiring to put the baby down and go through the whole thing over and over. Besides, as you said, it results in fitful sleep for the baby and I would rather my baby had a good rest. My mum and me took shifts holding by babies and when my mum left, my helper and me. Now that I'm back at work my helper managers the baby alone but luckily she sleeps at least one long stretch on her own and if she gets too tiring I have another helper who can pitch in. I think the important thing with these babies is to get as much help as possible.

Any baby would love to sleep cuddled up on a warm, breathing body. Some lucky mums have babies who can detach without too much stress and sleep training works. Sometimes there may be reasons why the baby won't cooperate and sleep alone - my son had acid reflux where his milk would come back up, burning his throat. A pacifier helped and you could try that... it gives them some comfort to suck. But then you have to wean them off it and that's hard. My daughter was a gassy baby. It helps ease their pain to be cuddled up. But even a baby with no apparent problems could be hard to sleep train.

So I'd say, try the sleeptraining if you wish but if it doesn't work, your baby is perfectly normal. When I used to tell the docs and nurses about my babies, they'd say: "Yes, some babies are like that. You have to hold them."

I wouldn't have the fortitude to go the Kenyan way described in the article Lali07 and I suspect many of us wouldn't. We are just not strong enough. So don't feel guilty if you can't. The only thing that helped me was repeating like a mantra "this too shall pass" when my baby woke up yet again and had to be rocked. And don't think you have to "enjoy" this phase either. Frankly the first three months of both my babies were the worst periods of my life. My son is now a toddler and I love it. Again, it only gets better. Keep telling yourself that.
 
My baby cries because he uses crying as a way to self-settle before sleeping. He often drops off peacefully after crying for a bit (usually its cry > suck thumb > stare at wall > blink > snooze). The only way to stop him from crying before bed is to what I did for the first 3 months, swing him or nurse him to sleep then put him down asleep, to which he would wake up within a short amount of time, screaming because he's in a different place and need the breast or swing to sleep again. For weeks and weeks my husband, in-law, and I would take turns putting him in the swing or rocking him to sleep at 12 am, 2 am, 4 am, 6 am, and so on ... so I have to say sleep-training has worked for me and I believe its for the best (for both overtired mommy and baby), because after one week he slept from 8 am to 8 pm and has been ever since with barely a peep at night. Sometimes he wakes up and cries for 5 mins and drop back off to sleep. I went through a phase where I was so sleep-deprived that I read every sleep training book out there, and I tried all the no-cry methods first (didn't work, I did all swaddling and white noise and shushing and music and bedtime routine and all). I also tried the attachment parenting model at first (carrying him, sleeping together, etc). I can't do it. Exhaustion makes me a resentful and unhappy mommy. And I don't feel guilty about that either because I believe child-centered parenting is a terrible model and babies aren't as helpless as the Sears would have us believe, but I'm happy if it has worked for others. Now the approach I'm using (baby whisperer) is in the middle, doesn't completely advocate cry it out but doesn't advocate carrying your baby all day either. And no more trying a hotchpotch of methods for me! I'm just sticking to one and see it to the end (babywhispererforums.com)

Its just I'm wondering if he will ever stop crying before bedtime .... and though he does great at nights, he screams at naps even though he's sleepy and I feel so stressed out during the day. I put him down at the first cues of tiredness (staring, yawning) but he still fights it like a tiger like I'm about to lower him in a dungeon ..... gaaah .... and when he does get to sleep he wakes up after 10 mins, or 30 mins!

Carey -- I also read Dr. Weissbluth's book ... some of the tips are helpful!

Thanks for the supportive words!
 
My son was the same at 3 months, only slept when rocked, carried or nursed and it drove me a bit crazy as well. I tried CIO, and some other methods (eg PUPD), but it didn't work at that age. But now, 4 months later he naps entirely by himself for longer. Guess some babies will sleep by themselves when they are ready. The easiest thing to do is just accept and wait until he's ready.
 
meimeid said:
My son was the same at 3 months, only slept when rocked, carried or nursed and it drove me a bit crazy as well. I tried CIO, and some other methods (eg PUPD), but it didn't work at that age. But now, 4 months later he naps entirely by himself for longer. Guess some babies will sleep by themselves when they are ready. The easiest thing to do is just accept and wait until he's ready.
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After he was born and he was full on the "hundred-day cry," everyone say he would get better by a month ... then when a month came others said he would cry less at three months (the official end of the "fourth trimester") ... now the forum moms say definitely four months is a lot better ... haha. I guess there will always be something to look forward to. Later there will be crawling and all that etc. But I do believe 4-month-old baby sleeps a lot better by themselves. I think my son slept through the night not only because I didn't give him a rewarding nighttime response (i.e. nursing), but also he was developmentally ready to sleep through the night ... so yea. But I've gone too far now to go back to swinging and nursing him to sleep, everyday I see a bit of improvement (but its so incremental that it hardly feels like progress)

Indeed as charade says "this too shall pass"

I'm really scared to have another kid now ... I love my son and I accept him for whatever kind of baby he is (grumpy), but its still tough.
 
cq000 said:
... now the forum moms say definitely four months is a lot better ... haha. I guess there will always be something to look forward to. Later there will be crawling and all that etc. But I do believe 4-month-old baby sleeps a lot better by themselves.
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Actually, with my son I meant four months LATER, so at seven months. At four months he still couldn't nap by himself. Just managing expectations... ;) But it does get better!
 
I went thru the same thing. From what I see on this thread, it's very normal! I did try some form of sleep training at 3.5 months old because my baby would refuse naps when put down or only nap for 15 minutes unless I was holding and rocking her in a sling. I can tell you though that the sling and baby wearing really saved my sanity for the first 3 months. I did the pick up put down technique by Tracy Hogg at 3.5 months and although there is some crying involved, you never let baby to CIO alone. It does get better. I did try some CIO at around 6 months because the night wakings were too much to handle. A month later, my baby is sleeping much better now although still night feeding once or twice a night, she able to fall asleep much better now and stay asleep. Sleep training is definitely a work in progress...
 
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We hired a great night nanny, and she said that 5-6 months was ideal for sleep training, not younger.
Similarly, a professional nurse at Annerley said she wouldn't let a baby cry it out before 5-6 months.
Are you sure he's not too little?
Very few children sleep through at 3 months. And all babies those first 3 months just need reassurance.
Dr. Spock, the famous pediatrician, said that letting babies too young cry it out can have the opposite effect. If they feel secure, they will sleep more easily. If they cry out and nobody gets them, they learn to be nervous and distrustful -- and they associated the bed with the bad memory of being alone and scared.
We did sleep train our baby, but at 5-6 months.
 
Hi, glad to hear we're not alone. My son turned 3 months a few weeks ago and we've definitely entered a new phase where he can no longer just fall asleep at the drop of a hat and cries when tired. When he gets over tired we get some intense purple faced crying, but now I am learning to read the signs, these episodes are getting easier to avoid. Apparently 3 yawns max and head to bed!

During the day we are on a 3-hr feeding cycle so my son has 3/4 naps in between, some only 45 mins others 1.5hrs.

As with everything, each baby is different. Since entering this new phase I was finding that the only way I could get my son off to sleep without tears was on the boob, not necessarily feeding but comforting until he fell asleep on me, then i would transfer him to his basket. This was very time consuming and frankly getting a bit sore. Equally restrictive as I would be the only one able to get him to bed. I reluctantly tried a dummy and he didn't take it, but he's happy to try and self sooth with his hands.

A few days ago i started letting him CIO gently to see what would happen. I found that as long as I'm sure he is tired i can put him down and he may cry for a few minutes but after that it tends to slow down and he starts to relax and fall asleep. He doesn't seem particularly distressed, all babies cry, even if i were to put him down asleep he would sometimes wake himself and cry, all babies experience that at every stage. The key is to not leave them crying in distress. This seems to be working for us now so we will continue and while for some babies 5-6 months may be appropriate for starting to CIO others can cope sooner and I would guess if you miss the window to introduce it when appropriate they may get used to other bad habits and struggle to adapt to CIO later on. Surely you know your baby best and will intuitively know how he/she is coping. Btw, my son also sleep through the night. 7-7 with a dream feed at 10pm.
 
I am!!

This is the first time I ever responded to a post because I usually end up digging up those from like 2 years ago and there's no point in responding because those babies Should have grown out of those nasty sleep problems by now!! So yes, me too am going crazy with my LO's sleep problem, ESP those naps. I seriously worry that this issue will drive me off the edge and into depression. He's almost 4 mths now and He sleeps
"ok" at night -- in bed at 8:30, cry for about 30 min (we started training last week with the check & console method), then wake up around 2 or 3 to feed (actually I dont know if he really really needs to eat or just wanna get up and Bf) then wake up at 6 or 7. But during the day it's a battle. Morning nap is ok If I sleep with him otherwise it would only last 30 min. All other naps involve crying and hour-long rocking. One time I was so fed up I just let him to cry and he actually managed to not nap for like 8 hours!!! So then I tried to carry him in carrier in afternoon just to get him ti sleep. But I'm exhausted from walking around with him because I wanna nap too!! I have no life :(

I too thought things will get better. All those hopes ppl gave me about 1 mth, 100 days, 4 mths, 6 mths... They all keep saying -- when hes older it will get better... Grr... I dont know If I can believe it.

Sorry I'm not really saying anything helpful here. Just wanted to vent coz on a night like tonight when LO is sound asleep im hit by insomnia, and then battling a cold that I must have caught from those middle -of - the-night feeding while the A/C was on and the fan blasting because Bf makes me sweat!! Anyway... I just wanna say -- ur not alone.
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I have a slightly different opinion, suggestions and experience. I followed Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child as he was our pediatrician. He's a very nice, down to earth guy, and very much in line with my own thoughts about sleeping. I did have them cry it out, fairly early on, not hours of course, but especially with my twins (and another 2 yo in the house) I couldn't physically attend all children at the same time.

My general belief (and experience), like Weissbluth, is that overtired children have less problems falling and staying asleep. Many children are going to bed overtired, whether it's at nap time or night time. It's hard to settle when you're really tired, or fall back to sleep once you wake up. My oldest was going to bed at 7 pm around 8 weeks old and would sleep 10 hours straight, then her napping regressed and I put her down at 6 pm at 3 months (his advice) and she slept 13 hours straight, and napping improved slightly as well. My twins went to bed at 6 pm at 8 weeks because I had to take care of my then 2 yo afterwards (who was going to bed at 7 pm at that point). I wasn't in Hong Kong, had no helper and was on my own. So the twins would wake up around midnight at first and then again at around 5 am, go back to sleep til 7 am. At around 2 (3-4 for my son) months, they dropped the midnight one, and the basically slept 11 hours straight. They were fairly good nappers too. Once getting older, I slightly pushed their bed time back, but 5 years later, we're still only a little past 7 pm.

Early bedtimes are not always great as my husband didn't get to see them much but they were very well rested, good sleepers and we all benefit from that. Now years later, I can basically say I never had any major sleep issues, except the rare night mare. They go to bed early (currently between 7-8 pm, they are in Primary), they are well rested. And that's all that matters in the end.

By putting them to bed drowsy but not too tired, they fall asleep more easily. At first there may have been little crying but nothing excessive and within weeks they were soothing themselves to sleep (at 3-4 months). It's like Weissbluth says, you have to choose the right moment. Go too early ... they won't sleep, wait too long, and it will be more of a struggle too. It's not easy, but with practice you will find out what works for your child.

Not saying it's for everybody, but my children were / are perfect examples and it's something else to consider. I do believe you can sleep train early on, and most children could be very good sleepers if we would just offer them enough sleep.
 
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