Anyone came across this (please read)

babi77

babi77

Registered User
Breastfeeding moms out there:

have you always being critized that your babies are not as large and fat as those formula babies? I always receive critisim from my mom-in-law... why they always think that fat babies are healthy babies?

my boy is not 7 months old and is exclusively breastfeed and he has been eating solids already, he has good appetite, and is on a slow weight grow but he has never been sick, and loves to play. But don't know why people always critizie that he's too thin. though doctor say he's fine..

is really hurt and down to listen to those comments.. anyone want to share?

regards
Babi
 
Babi,

Sorry to hear about the hurtful comments that your MIL's making. Just let me ask you one question, who would you trust to have the right opinion when your baby is sick. .. your MIL/the people who criticize you or your baby's doctor? If it's the doctor, then also take his word that your baby is fine, and tell her that "Doctor say baby is doing just fine and is very healthy, thank you very much"

I've had my MIL tell me that my milk is no good, bad for baby, caused my baby health problems, etc. (this is JUST her breast feeding criticisms). Though I tried not to take things seriuosly but can't deny that the comments hurt. So chin up and believe in yourself, and don't let detractors get you down. Just remember YOU are the mom and you are doing what is best for YOUR baby.
 
Don't worry Babi. Although mine is formula baby, he is not very fat coz he is now 8 mths old and he is very energetic, crawl, stand and walk with support. Please don't mind other's comment. As long as he is healthy and happy, that's enough for every Mom.
 
babi77 - I've also heard the same comments from many, including my daughter's doctor. It's important to remember that, mostly, these comments emanate from ignorance. So if you've done your research and you're certain your baby is healthy and gaining weight steadily, try to ignore them. If in doubt, you can always contact LLL.
Unfortunately, we bf mothers need a thick skin - critics of method, milk quantity/quality or of feeding in public are numerous. However, in my experience, once you have solidified your bf relationship with your baby, it will take an awful lot more than a bit of criticism to dampen that very special bond. In 11 months, I've encountered threats in many forms including impending surgery, low weight baby, apparent poor milk quality (!) and pregnancy but still going strong so far!
Hope this helps.

Keep going
 
Yeah Babi, tell your MIL to GET LOST and mind her own goddamn business. She's probably just envious coz she couldn't bf her own baby. Sorry for being so harsh but I've just had it with all these ignorant women who believe that a mother's milk is not good for the baby.

It is entirely upto the mother to dtermine what she plans to feed her baby. If a mother decides to formula feed for whatever reason then it is her choice and it must be respected. Similarly, if a mother decides to breast feed then NO ONE except perhaps a doctor in case of a medical reason may advise otherwise.

I am breast feeding my baby too and I had to listen to a lot of crap too including stuff like, my milk supply would go down once I started working and babies who are fed cow's milk are healthy and active and other such total Bull Shit. But I didn't let any of those comments faze me. Yes, I too would feel hurt cannot deny that, but I just continued doing what I thought was best for my baby. He too is a small baby but my health advisors have never asked me to stop breastfeeding or supplement. He is a a bright active boy and even though I am working and it's bloody tough I plan to breast feed until he self weans.

So don't you bat an eyelid and just persevere and seriously, tell your MIL to take a hike.
 
Dear All,
thanks so much. You know what hurts me more is she also breastfeeded my hubby and his sibilings. That's why I wonder why she do so. But she said my hubby is very very chubby at that time even totally bf, so there must be some problem with my milk.

Of course I wil lignore her because I know my boy is very good.

thanks again for everythings. Is so good to know there are people out there....thanks.

Regards
Babi
 
My MIL breast fed all her kids too and for more than a year. But yet she was totally unsupportive towards me. When I mentioned that I was planning to breast feed for as long as I could she said oh but I was a housewife so it was easy for me to do so and I had so much milk. Every time my baby cried she would say he's probably not getting enough and then when he would sometimes vomit she would say you overfeed him he's drinking too much - I was like hello, make up your mind. She wasn't even happy about the fact that I was expressing. She said things like I don't believe in giving stale refridgerated milk to the baby. It did hurt and sometimes my eyes would get all teary (course I didn't let her see that) But she was living in MY house and she had no choice but to follow my rules. In retrospect, I think perhaps she was resenting the fact that the baby was so attached to me coz she would always compare my baby to my brother in laws baby and say how the lil girl would never sleep until "grandma" put her to sleep and how she was so healthy and that her mum could not give her milk but how the baby began gaining weight under her supervison (on cow's milk) I am certain that my poor sis in law had no choice and was unable to continue to bf her baby bcz she is very timid and she must have been told that it is good to supplement with cow milk - naturally her milk supply would go down. Anyway, what I am saying is maybe your mil wants to feel like she is the one taking care of your baby and the baby is thriving because of her and she wants the baby to need her. It is natural and quite common. Why do women forget how they themselves felt when they were mothers? I just cannot comprehend it.

Just stay firm and don't let her get away with her emotional black mailing. I told my husband quite clearly that if he didn't put his mother in her place then I would and it would be very unpleasant. So he stepped in for me (course in a kinder more tactful way) but it was good enough to make her realize that she had no say in our home.

Just stay calm and enjoy your time with your LO. It's the most beautiful, wonderful bond in the world don't let anyone take it away from you.
 
Bibi, I tell you what, not like Hong Kong all American paediatrician recommend breastfeed rather than formula. My son was born in Seattle. A nurse approached me telling how good the breastfeed was for both baby and mom. If a mom insists on giving formula, they will send a social worker bringing some books / leaflets, video tape to visit the family to convince breastfeeding.

From this practice, Bibi you choose a right choice.

No worries.
Isaac Mom
 
Agree that your MIL may resent you doing this as it's something she cannot do, so feels less needed. Tough.

Also, people here like fat babies - this all stems (probably) from the fact that in the past (not so long ago) a lot of babies didn't survive childhood - a fat baby was therefore rightly considered good - generally fat babies aren't suffering from any nasty illness (although of course long term it's not at all good). Note that HKers have some odd ideas about weight - look at all the 'lose weght' posters in the MTR/local mags.

Finally, also linked to the above, I suspect, is the fact that people here consider something that costs more is better. Breastfeeding is something that poor people (in China) do, because they can't afford formula. Formula is better than breastmilk because of all those claims printed on the cans (makes your baby cleverer, taller, etc). People here do tend to believe things that they are told - will never question doctors, etc.

Just ignore your MIL. You know that breastfeeding is good for you and your baby, and that it all that matters. I breastfed my son for more than a year and he is big and strong and very rarely sick. (Luckily my MIL is 6000 miles away so I never had the problem that you do...).
 
You're not alone, I had my security guard press money into my hand (YES, he actually did that) to go and buy formula because my baby was 'too skinny'.

My baby has been on the top percentile for weight ever since he was born at 4.1kg!!!

How ridiculous.

I do feel for you, these things always hurt us mothers, and my security guard's comments made me feel worried, but you know there's always going to be something to worry about, it's tough being a Mummy. At least our babies love us more than anyone else :-)
 
wow, look at all these posts of people who support your decision to bf your baby. I also had a lot of harsh comments about bfeeding my baby. I didn't care about any of them, but my mom's really bug me. so one day i just said, "Baby cows drink cow's milk, baby goat drinks goat's milk, baby humans drink human milk. and if baby human drinks cow's milk, you figure what's gonna happen" (apologies to those who formula fed their babies, but this was the only way to shut her up) in fact, after hearing this statement, my dad & my sister became very supportive of my bfeeding.

you know, human sizes are half genetic half diet. skinny moms have skinny children, even if their children eat a lot. i bet you're not very big yourself.
 
Good on you for b/f, especially with so little family support. Your bub is just a different body shape, one I'm sure you'll appreciate when your boy is older. I'm sure you will also appreciate that he will generally be sick less than his formula fed peers.

I don't understand the HK wish for enormously fat babies but stick thin adults. I'm no expert, but surely laying down all those extra fat cells from formula and feeding them when they are already full is going to make them fatter/unhealthier/etc in the long run?
 
Don't forget that China has known famine in living memory... maybe colours the elder generation's desire for baby to be as fat as possible. Although many HK adults are stick thin, being called fat does not have such a negative connotation as it does in western countries. Of course the irony is that the breastfed baby would be much better off in a famine situation - but I'm just talking about the bias towards overweight babies being thought desirable! May help to understand where MIL is coming from...

The new WHO growth charts are based on breastfed babies being the norm: http://www.who.int/childgrowth/standards/en/
Apparently a lot more overfed formula babies are now in the "obese" category when compared with traditional charts.
If you click on the "software" link on the left-hand side of the WHO page, you can download their software to input your child's data which will tell you exactly what centile your child is or has been on.

You could also try to let your MIL know all the benefits of breastfeeding. Quote her facts and figures about higher IQ, lower cancer rates, etc. I'm sure you could find links to those on the LLL site: www.LLLhk.org
 
May I ask if your breastfed babies are just as tall as the formula babies despite not being as chubby or the bf babies are also shorter?

tks

rgds

e
 
cemily, are you asking us all? or just babi77? my baby was born 50%tile in all aspect. she's been breastfed until she was 15 mths. when she was 1 yr old, she's tripled her birthweight (hence becoming 75%tile in weight), & 60% in height.
 
Cemily,

I am pretty certain height is determined by genes. But to answer your question, my boy is 100% breast fed and at only 6 months people even strangers always comment on how "long" he is. My husband and I both are quite petite and of average height. But I am guessing he has got my maternal family's genes coz both my brother and my sister (who have been exclusivly breastfed too) are really tall - my brother is over 6 ft in height and my sister is nearly 5.10"
 
yes E. My baby is as tall as the other babies and even a bit taller, frankly speaking, and his head circumfrrence is doing okay too, only weight gain is steadily growing..

thanks for everything. I willnever stop my breastfeeding, and will continue until my boy does not want to.

thanks again, I'm so touched and I feel much better now.

:thanks

Babi
 
Back when I was an excited new mother and still paid attention to things like this, my (breastfed) son was always in the 95th% for height and 50th for weight. Wish I could same the same for myself....
 
When talking about these percentiles, especially reminiscing, remember that the standards have recently changed. For example a 12 month old baby who was on the 50th percentile in the old charts will now be on the 75th percentile with the new standards.

Increase in height and head circumference are as important as increase in weight, although a little harder to measure accurately, which is why weight is the measure that is most often recorded.

Growth in length averages one inch per month and growth in head circumference is about half an inch per month during the first six months and about half that during the second six months.
 
I breastfeed my daughter till now and she is going to be 2 years old next Friday! I really enjoyed this special bonding with my daughter. During this 2 years I had received lots and lots of critisms/comments from friends, families and even strangers! (worse after she turned one) I was so hurt and cried for many times and even thought about giving up. However, I am glad that I have supports from my husband, LLL leaders and mothers who are breastfeeding.

My MIL was very supportive as she breastfed her children too, but my father once asked my not to breastfeed in the public because "police will arrest you as it is not decent to do so in the public!!" I said "first of all, there is no such thing, second, if the police really want to arrest me, go ahead, nothing can stop me from nursing my hungry and crying child, I am her mother!"

Some said "your daughter is slim/petite" I said "yes she is not fat, has good size (her weight and height are always within chart) and doctor said that's because I am not fat and she got that from me" or "good for her, easier to find husband" :)

Some said "it is bad to breastfeed toddler, etc" I said "WHO recommended to breastfeed till 2 years old" or "look at my daughter, she has good skin, fit, not fat, active, happy, confident, has good appetite, healthy, why is it bad for my child?

Some said "formula is better than breastmilk" I said "you got the info from advertisement who wanted your money and I got my info from thorough research/books/websites" Free things do not mean less good (air is free, sunshine is free, moonlight is free, wind is free, mountains are free, tree and flowers are free, birds flying in the sky is free, happiness is free...)

I have never made any comments about people giving formula to their children (formula is not cow milk, infant cannot drink cow milk until 1 years old). It is the parents' choice. All parents want the best for their children. If a parent think formula is good for their children, they do what they like. If a parent think breastfmilk is good for their children, leave them alone!

I truly understand your problem because I have gone through it myself. It was hard but once you are used to those comments, you will become thick face like me :) You have to be prepared to face those situation (being critised in the public) and have a few answers ready (LLL website has article about how to face critism) Be confident, and smile to people who are so "kind" to offer you "advise". When you say "I have done my thorough research/WHO said/my doctor said..." people tend to shut up immediately as they don't know anything and have no proof of what they said.

Do what is best for you and your child. Most of all, enjoy it!
 
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