am I being mean?

I know this is an old thread but it seems fitting to carry it on as we are having some similar issues.

Our helper has been with us for 7 months and we have a 20 month old and a 1 month old. She lives out which we pay for, we give her a food and travel allowance, pay her minimum wage and give her holidays (4 days for easter for instance) even when it is not law that she gets them off. When we employed her we told her we weren't rich but would make up for it with a nice environment, good conditions, time off when we could give it to her etc.
The problem is that we are getting a lot of attitude from her and she is at the stage where she will ignore my wife in the morning when she greets her with a good morning, sulks when we point out that shirts haven't been ironed well etc. We have played good cop/bad cop with me playing the villain as I don't have to have a close relationship with her as I'm out working everyday but to no avail. When she is nice she is nice- big smile, laughing etc but they are becoming few and far between.
As we have a 1 month old my wife is trying to keep a balance of sleep and time with both kids which often necessitates leaving a list of chores which need to be done. The helper has expressed extreme displeasure at having lists written and claims that she knows how to run a household, yet we pointed out that dust had gathered in a lot of places, under the cot was dirty etc, etc, all things which my wife noticed an put on a list. She will also not apologise for anything nor admit fault on her part for anything- ever! We have openly commented that the house looks good and tidy, our son had fun with her at the playground etc, etc yet she keeps saying that we are not happy with her and don't think she is oing a good job.
The list goes on- we are at our wits end and don't want to let her go as she is a good person. Any suggestions with warnings or any other way of doing things?
 
Hey Dad2b,

I'm searching for a DH myself and been doing a lot of research on the web. I know a lot Chinese employers will write warning letters and have the DH sign as acknowledgement, these letters will help you in the future when you decide to fire her.

Another way may be is to sit-down with her and have a proper chat, ask her what her problems are and why she is finding it so difficult to follow instructions from you.

I think sometimes its all down to personalities, someone may be a very good person but just not good at following orders/instructions, meaning she will never improve and become a suitable DH for your family. You shouldn't have to pay and suffer at the same time. I would fire her and find another maid!!!!
 
Give her the "warnings" she's due if you wish.
But as someone once said on this forum, "If your helper isn't helping/helpful, then it's time for the helper to go."
 
i started this thread & luckily the said helper was replaced since last July.

Dad2b, sounds like you hired the helper i was talking about!!

I agree, i know your wife just gave birth, but i think you should start looking for a replacement.

from what you said, it seems like: 1. she's comparing working at your place with her previous jobs (meaning probably her previous employer didn't ask for "so much" & let her get by all the time. so when you state your requirements sge gets "upset") 2. she's probably "unhappy" that there's a new member to the family. a new member means more work.

in any case, you should replace her. there are tons of filipino girls from the filipines who so wanna work here.
 
I had to change my helper when my baby was two months old (I survived with the help of local cleaning companies and local part-time helpers). Basically, she was with us while we were DINKs and had an easy life - loads of time off, etc. My husband and I traveled a lot for work and I guess she had a lot of freedom. We were also hardly ever at home, dining outside most of the time. With arrival of a baby, suddenly, things changed and I have become a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).
Nothing we do will make her "accept" the bub. She didn't lift a finger to help me with the bub (which I didn't mind) but the last straw came when she started slacking from her previous "job-scope" which involves keeping the house clean, doing the laundry and watering the plants.
Maybe she thought that since I'm at home, I could do those things too! In the end, I had to let her go. I paid her the long-term payment, etc. I was really upset because if I had known that she was going to be this bad, I would not have renewed her contract (a week before the baby was due) in the first place.
Anyway, my new helper is working out very well. She started from the fact that we are a family of three and so, there wasn't any expectation, (afternoon naps!), etc. I guess all I'm saying is that, don't make the same mistake I did by dragging it out. As many mothers here say, it's not worth it and there ARE many other helpers out there who are more willing to do a better job.

Good luck.
 
Dad2b,

Maybe look at it another way. If you are not pleased with your helper, v likely she is not happy in your present household. It may be best for both parties to start afresh - you with another helper and she with another household.

Rgds

e
 
Thanks all, (I am on my wife's computer!), basically my wife told her to go home and think about her future and to come in this morning and tell us what she has decided. This puts the ball in her court but my wife and I discussed it last night and decided that she has to go anyway.
We will give her a warning if she comes and tells us she wants to stay which will give us time to look for a replacement and a final chance for her to prove herself. I suspect that if she comes in and tells us she wants to stay it will be for her to buy time to find a new position anyway.
This thread has been great, especially for my wife, to see that there are options and that many of us feel the same way when this situation arises.
Never pleasant but needs be.
 
Happy you have found a solution.

I'm still looking for a DH!!! The first question some DHs ask us is our nationalities! We're British born Chinese expats here in HK, so our appearance is 100% Chinese. Many of them became disinterested when we tell them we're originally Chinese or when they meet us face-to-face and realise we're not Westerners.

Sigh......
 
If a DH chooses her employer based on race with a preference for Westerners, then they are not the right one for you if you are Chinese brought up in the West. Need to find one who will be comfortable with the basics.

Some traits cannot be changed no matter what. Lack of skills can be improved if you are willing to spend the time and have the patience and the DH is willing to learn. It's really the luck of the draw.
 
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