am I being mean?

geiboyi, i think you missed the point here. as i've explained, she needs to watch the kids, so i "have to give her time to eat". there's no mention here about paying our helper. i thought it's illegal to underpay one's helper. and i sure don't want to spend time in jail. in fact, i tend to overpay them. when they do a good job, they have bonus at the end of a month/year. and not to count those endless redpackets of 100s of dollars they get when we have visitors over for dinner, someone's birthday, her birthday, her children's birthday, chinese new year.......baby's 1st month birthday, & the list goes on.....

well, u know what, one day, the helper let my daughter drank 3 litres of water, so i don't know whether to trust her to be hungry....
 
I do pay my maid the minimum wage plus gratuities etc. But I believe that overseas maids do not have a high salary because if they did, low-income people in Hong Kong could start applying for their jobs and overseas maids would not be necessary. You hear about local people in Hong Kong paid HK$4000-HK$6000 and they have to pay for their own accommodation/food etc.
 
somebodyfamous, i know it's scary. i asked her, "why did you give her so much water?" (one time we gave her water in the bottle, and she loved it & think it was fun, so i told the helper, it's ok to give her water in the bottle....and then one day this episode of 3 litres) helper answered, "because she was crying!" in her reguar high pitched arguing voice.
 
Geiboyi, just because some people complain about their maids doesn't mean they treat the maids badly or underpay them. Please don't make assumptions like that (of course I am aware there are underpaid DHs out there). We can complain about our bosses, our partners, friends, in laws, parents, employees but cannot vent about our maids? And if we do, does that automatically make us bad employers who don't treat the maids fairly?
 
Oh my god! I think you should consider changing your helper! I would scold mine if she did that, nicely scold but scold nevertheless.
 
sky123 - you point out that there are people in Hong Kong who earn $4000-6000 who have to pay for their own accomodation/food.
I hardly think you can compare the skills of a street cleaner with the often well educated, clean, responsible, English speaking helpers most people seem to have.
 
I think you will find that not all helpers are well-educated, clean or speak English and I think you are being very discriminatory in saying that street cleaners are not clean or responsible. I do believe that street cleaners do speak fluent Cantonese which would obviously be most useful in Hong Kong!
 
LOL, my helper is neither well educated nor speak english well no rresponsible..... does it mean i can underpay her???? LOL
 
I think joannek that the alarm bells (for me) would ring not at her lack of hygiene or disregard for common sense need for nutrition in order to do a good job. But, there is such a thing as "water poisoning"... 3L of water on a child is not something I would overlook. My bub's safety and well-being is of utmost importance... i would have given her the one month's notice. Of course, to each his own and I'm not one to wait for something worse to happen.
 
thank you for your concern spockey.

she sure have no sense, i am already seeking to hire a new helper. i don't want to give her the one month notice in case she'll do anything to harm my child. i'd prefer to give her one month when the new helper is here so that there are more eyes watching her. re: water, i have already told her how much water max my daughter can have in one day. luckily that time, my daughter just wee-weeed a lot.

one more example on her irresponsibility: my daughter has a pair of child scissors that i let her cut with which i only allow her to use when i'm with her, so the helper has never seen her used it. yesterday i was in the shower, and my daughter took those scissors, my husband freaked & asked the helper if LO is allowed to hold it. helper said no & took the scissors from LO. then helper wanted to change LO's nappy, LO cried & didn't want to, helper gave LO the scissors to stop LO from crying. well, my fault in leaving those scissors around for LO to get......
 
btw, for all of you concerned about my LO's safety, thank you & fyi, i'm a stay home mom & i stay with my daughter if not 24 hrs it's be 22 hours/day.
 
Get another helper, pay the other one off: but consider what you demands are - if you were looking after your daughter all day, what would you consider a reasonable workload, and a reasnable standard? Would you really expect everything to be cleaned to perfection every single day? I know that my mother brought up three children from home, with no help, and our bathroom and kitchen were certainly hygenic, but not cleaned every day.

However, if you're at home 24/7 you may consider leaving more of the household duties to the hlerp and spending more time with your daughter yourself. From your own comments you have at least some time in your flat where are are three adults present, so you should be able to spend as much time with her as possible.
She is still quite young, and these days fly by very fast.
 
thanks, happyv. i do spend a lot of time with my daughter. and with that little time spent with my daughter she still makes the mistakes, and with those little things she does for her - like boiling pasta only (and i make the sauce), she does it wrong.

well, i have already decided to let her go. i started this thread just wanting to know whether i am being mean. it seems like we have a conclusion here with a lot of you being very supportive. =)
 
geiboyi,

fyi, i paid my lazy indonesian maid hk$4,000 per month and she travelled with us whenever we go for holiday (to tokyo, australia, indonesia & singapore) with all her expenses and accomodation paid by us. And the worst part, she still does not know how to appreciate or grateful at all. She acts as she deserves all of it.
 
I would agree with her. If my employer was so rude about me I would certainly expect to be paid well for my time. And when you took her on 'holiday' and paid all 'her' expenses, was she free to spend the time as she wished? Or was she cleaning up after you/your children? I also don't understand why she should be grateful to you - I am not grateful to my employer, I am paid to do my job. If anything, they should be grateful that I choose to work for them.
 
A few years ago my employer sent me to give a lecture at a conference in London. It so happened that it was a week when my brother and his wife were to be on holiday in London and also the week before my father was due for surgry. This meant that I could take my daughter with me, as my brother and his wife were happy to baby sit for the two days of the conference and I could take an extra one week's leave to visit my parents during this anxious time for them.

I was obviously very happy that all the arrangements worked out so well. But I wasn't grateful to my empolyer for sending me to London. After all I was going to do a job for him. And a job that he thought I did well enough to be happy to pay me for doing it.

There should be no place in the employee/employer relationship for gratitude. The employer should feel that he/she is getting value for money. And the employee should feel satified with the money she is getting for the work involved. If this isn't the case the relationship is unlikely to last long.
 
what barbwong said sounds quite reasonable.

but i suddenly have a thought. the case for filipino helpers might be different cos if it weren't for their employers in hk, whoever it may be that chose to hire him/her, he/she would be earning HK$500/mth as a DH in th filipines. i would not be grateful in hk for a job i well worth paid for, but i'd be grateful if someone overseas is willing to pay me 8 times what i'm worth in hk. of course, us bringing our DH with us on round the world trips meaning DH still needs to work. but if not for that chance, they might never be able to travel to so many places and learn so many things & see the world.

my previous DH was grateful for everything i taught her, & the chance to see the world, the chance to enjoy all the luxurious things that come with working for me (at least luxurious in their standard). (well, at least that what she told me) and i am grateful to her for treating my daughter like her own.
 
Joanne, I find your last post a very strange argument.

How grateful do you feel towards your filipino helper that she is willing to work for you and so you don?t have to employ a local Chinese helper who would only work from 8:00 am to 6:00 pm and cost you double what you are currently paying?

And how grateful do you feel towards your filipino helper that she is willing to give up the chance of having a family life to come and work for you in Hong Kong?

It is always possible to look at something from the other side. And I?m not saying that occasionally feeling grateful about something the employer or employee does is wrong. What worries me is the expectation that an employee or employer "should" be grateful.

It was implied that the employee should constantly feel grateful for having a job and grateful for having the opportunity to travel the world. This is assuming that the helper has the same expectations as the employer. It may be that the helper loves to travel and really enjoys this aspect of her work. On the other hand, she may be more like me, and hate travelling and just wish to stay at home most of the time. It is not reasonable to expect everyone, especially someone from a different culture and with different life experiences, to want the same things you want in life.

Now I?m only human and I?ve been upset about lack of gratitude in relationships in the past. But generally it is with my children not my employees. And what I?ve found is when I?m feeling this way it is time to look at the motivation behind my actions. If I have no other reason than to help I can easily stop doing it. However, my motives are generally more complex and so I carry on helping. But because I understand why I?m doing it my resentment has gone.
 
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