About to give up on breastfeeding

Gataloca

Gataloca

Registered User
My baby is 2 weeks old now. When we came from the hospital (Union Hospital l) we were combined feeding him. Later, when I had a better supply of milk, I tried breastfeeding exclusively ...

First, I followed some people advice about not waking up a sleeping baby.. Therefore I just let him sleep.. he would go to sleep for 6 hours or more, which I usually end up waking him anyway.... then I would give him breast for like 2 hours.. he would still feel hungry, and I would top him with formula. Then I realized that probably should not let the baby sleep that long, so I followed the hospital schedule, and was waking him every 4 hours for his feed. Then I could breastfeed most of the time without topping up... However, it would take something from 25 minutes to 2 hours for him to feel full.

In occasion (like today), he would fall asleep on my breast. I usually change his diaper after this, so to wake him up and make sure he does not show more sign of being hungry before putting him to sleep. If he is still hungry, I would put him on my breast for sometime more before putting him to sleep. Well.. today he just couldn't set up to sleep. I put him on his bed, and after a while he was crying... I gave him the pacifier to make sure it was not just sucking needs, but after a while, he was still crying and couldn't sleep. After a hour trying to call him, I gave up and gave him my breast. He sucked for like 40 minutes both sides before calming down. I then tried putting him to sleep again, when he started crying again for milk! I couldn't believe it! after a while it was almost time for his next feed, so I just made him a bottle with formula (since I should be out of milk from my breast anyway) and he feed on a full 90 ml (3 ounces) milk!

Breastfeeding is so tiring! I am so stressed out!... the worse part is that i don't know how much milk my baby has taken, and if he is hungry or not...nor I know how much milk I have...... Formula feeding is so much easier!

...Am I doing anything wrong? any advice is appreciated.
 
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I'm not an expert but it sounds like you're really overthinking it all. If the baby's hungry, he'll wake up and eat. Babies don't starve themselves. And just because he will have some formula after breastfeeding doesn't mean that he's not getting enough from the breast.

I think that if you do want to breastfeed, just relax. When baby is hungry then baby will eat. Just make sure that he's still peeing regularly and pooping (although sometimes breastfed babies can go for a couple of days without pooping, that's normal).

Breastfeeding is hard work the first month - I think probably in ANY situation, it can be demanding and tiring and all that - but really, once both you and the baby get used to it, it is MUCH MUCH easier and more convenient than formula - particularly for the night feeds! No need to sterilise bottles, no need to make up the formula... it's always ready, always the right temperature... but realistically it does take a bit of time to get used to it. Formula probably SEEMS easier right now, but in the long run, it's actually not easier (and also it's not as healthy for the baby either).

I'm not a breastfeeding zealot who believes that everyone should breastfeed and you're a horrible mother if you don't - but I do think that people need to be aware that it does take time and perseverance to start breastfeeding, but the long term results are worth the initial effort. You sound like you're a great mum who just wants to do the right thing by your baby - but you seem to be listening to every piece of advice which is coming from all different people, and even conflicting... Just ignore it and listen to your own mothering instincts and you'll be a great mum regardless of what you decide here :) Just relax and enjoy your new bub!!
 
^^ what she said.

I don't think breastfeeding is any better or worse than formula but if you want to do it, it does take time and effort for you both to get the hang of it.

I don't really want to give you any advice because it does sound like you are thinking about it too much, let him sleep, offer him food whether you think he should be hungry or not and a pattern will soon emerge and it will all start to make sense for both of you in time.

FYI my son slept for 7 to 9 hours every night from about 3 days old and I never woke him to feed - some babies just sleep more than others.
 
Hang In There

Hang in there! I know it's tough- I DREADED doing it the first month because I was tired, overwhelmed, etc. I truly understand your frustration.

What many people don't tell you is that even if you feel your breast is empty, you MUST let the baby continue to suck on it for your breasts to respond to the needed increase as the weeks progress. If you feel you must give a bottle, I encourage you to do it ONCE you've let your baby suck on your "empty" breast for awhile, otherwise you will not produce more milk, just retaining the same supply.

It takes a day or two for your body to catch up, but it's completely normal. That's how your body knows to produce more. I promise it doesn't last forever and you really can produce enough milk if you allow nursing on the empty breast.

That's why bottles for many women prevent them from continuing breastfeeding because it really affects your supply.

Do what makes you feel comfortable, but given your post, I think you really wanna stick with it-so hang in there a little longer. My best friend always told me to just focus on making it another week and then another, etc. That really helped me from being too overwhelmed by it all.

Good Luck- you are doing really well- it's really not easy for anyone.
 
yes, great advice here... just wanted to concur and say that books say it will take about 6 weeks for you to get the hang of breastfeeding, and I found that to be very true from experience. I expressed milk for months (probably made it more time consuming), but I always say it was hands down the most difficult and stressful thing i've done my whole life, but i'm still glad i did it :) we all know how stressful it can be, just know that it's all normal what you're going through and try to relax (we all know it's easier said than done)!
 
What Nicole Joy said is spot on, the only thing I would add not covered by PP is in regards to 'whether you have enough milk'. Apart from as everyone has said it takes a good 6 weeks to establish breastfeeding and get your supply right for your baby, a great thing that a breastfeeding counsellor said to me was '"if you don't worry about your supply and think you have enough milk, you will" This was once breastfeeding was established and refers to the fact that babies go through growth spurts and will suddenly start feeding more at certain times to increase your supply. I know lots of people including myself that have been through this and it does sort itself out. Your breasts can still be giving milk even when they feel totally empty, as the babies sucking stimulates them to produce more milk.
It is better in the first 6 weeks as others have said not to top up with formula if you can help it so that your supply does get established. Just look after yourself, make sure you are focussing on getting to know your new baby and your relationship with him.

As NicoleJoy said, don't overthink, just assume your boy will take what he needs and feed him when he wants and it will sort itself out. If your baby is growing and has plenty of wet nappies then he is getting the right amount.

Even though it is hard work while it is getting established and when they need more and they are suddenly feeding heaps more (like your little one is now to get your supply right for him) it does get much easier and faster to feed after the first few months and it is SO much easier than having to prepare bottles, sterilise etc esp at night and when travelling.
 
gataloca: i have not read what everyone else has written, so please excuse me if i'm just repeating what has already been said.


ok. the first thing you MUST do is RELAX!

your baby can pick up your "vibe" and if you are this stressed it is not going to help breastfeeding.

the second thing you must do is decide for X days i am only going to breastfeed. if you continue to top up with formula, you will not increase your supply and you will keep having problems. it shouldn't take 2 hours to feed your baby. i could feed mine in less than 30 minutes, some babies do take a little longer though, but NOT 2 hours.

i NEVER woke my kids to fee dthem. if they are hungry, they'll wake up.

third, PLEASE call either LLL or a lactation consultant to come and assist you. i think your biggest problem right now is CONFIDENCE. you need to find some of it and you need to find it fast!
 
Absolutely, call up the La Leche league consultants. I called them up a few times in the months I was breastfeeding and they had encyclopaedic knowledge. I would have given up breastfeeding a lot earlier if not for their support.

I agree with everyone that it takes quite a few weeks to get the hang of breastfeeding.

I think that you really should not be spending 2 hours breastfeeding. 20 mins on each side was fine for me. Started off with 6 sessions per day (ie every 4 hours). I did not have a lot of milk, and my baby was very 'sucky' so I was worried she wasn't getting enough. But she had enough wet nappies and her poo was the right colour and consistency, and she was gaining weight, so I stuck to it. I had a lot of pressure from my mum and mum in law to supplement with formula coz they kept saying I didn't have enough milk. Another thing was i worried because baby was not poo-ing often, only once every few days. Once she did not poo for 6 days and I was so worried - but it was fine because breastfed babies absorb all the breast milk they take in. She was healthy and thriving so I stopped worrying after a while.

Your milk supply will keep increasing even over the months. I went back to work after 2 months and was pumping milk. Was relieved and pleased that my milk supply continued to increase for a few months.

Every time you feel you want to give up, just pick up the phone and call the LLL consultant. That's what I did, and I breastfed exclusively for 10 months. (Went back to work after 2 mths and pumped at work too).

Good luck.
 
Yes, breastfeeding was unexpected difficult for sure!! I remember around the 2-3 week mark it was pure agony for me, with the nipple pain, wondering if baby was getting enough, if I had enough, and the exhaustion of it all. After each feed I would pump whatever I could, in effort to build my milk supply up enough. It actually ended up creating an oversupply, which made new problems later, but...

The only other thing besides my personal determination that kept me going was learning that it took 6 weeks or so to get off the ground.

From your post, it sounds like you are super exhausted and frustrated and unsure of yourself. I would suggest not making any rash decisions at this time, especially if you are really dedicated to the idea of breastfeeding your baby. Since BF is supply and demand, the more your baby feeds directly from your breast, the more milk you will make, though sometimes(like during growth spurts) it takes a day or 2 for your body to catch up and feels like you are totally dried up. So if you continue to supplement with formula, that one less milk feed your body is preparing for later. It can become a downward spiral and spell the end of breastfeeding within months. I have heard this story from many women.

The first month after birth is pretty full on. It feels like there is nothing else - just the endless cycle of feeding, burping, changing, sleeping, etc etc etc. Can make you feel a bit crazy. But if you are really interested to continue breastfeeding, I would suggest that you keep at it, and just lose yourself in the cycles and respond to your baby`s hunger needs as he has them. I don`t think you should worry about waking him up. And if he`s hungry 1 hr later, he goes back on the breast. This is you and your baby`s time to get in sync and get to know each other.

It`s tiring, yes, but it does change, it does get better.
It sounds like you are doing a great job. Maybe you can think about taking away his supplements for a week(it will take your body a day or 2 to adjust and produce more milk) and see how it goes.
You can do it!
 
don't give up! nobody ever tells you how hard it is - but it is definitely worth it, especially in the middle of the night...so much easier than making formula! my husband hasn't done any of the midnight feedings cause it's so easy to breast feed (once you get the hang of it - I promise you it will come!) i breast feed and watch TV at the same time to relax - you've got to relax and keep your mind off it since the pressure will affect your milk supply. good luck and keep with it!:)
 
just wanted to add one thing:

if you REALLY want to quit, then quit. you will NOT be/ARE NOT a bad mother if you choose to formula feed. please, only follow all of our advice if you TRULY want to breastfeed.

it is equally important that everyone is on the same page, that you are getting enough rest and that you are comfortable with your decision.

also, remember that if you are feeling a little down or even depressed, you should seek help IMMEDIATELY. PPD is not a laughing matter.
 
Thanks a lot for your advices. The reason I've been waking up the baby is because he would sleep for more than 4 or 5 hours in a row, even at day time. He would then wake up over hungry and feed for long time, even like 2 hours, after which he would be overtired and cry until we top up with formula. At least this has happened when we first came home. According to pediatrician, a bf baby should eat every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, so we didn't think eating every 5 or 6 hours was appropriate, and ended up waking him every 4 hours if he doesn't wake up on his own. Also thought that getting sucked only every 5 or 6 hours may not be good for building my milk supply.

My concern is not really the weight gain or the wet/soiled diapers (he pops and pees on every feed). The problem is that he never settle down, unless he is full.... and that has been hard since yesterday. Don't know if it is just a growth spurt, since my baby is just 2 week old, but he has been crying a lot, asking for milk.... he has refused the pacifier, so I guess it is not just sucking needs. It has been harder to put him to sleep also. He would wake up and cry and cry.. then his little head would turn to one side, showing sign of hunger :-(

I have been putting him on my breast a lot since yesterday, and putting him on his bed when he falls asleep.... but I am also afraid that he may get accustomed to this treatment, and eventually become over attached to me and would seek conform on my breast for everything.

Sorry for all the doubts, but I am a first time mum.... and yes, I am a little bit depressed.... My parents are here for 3 months to "help me" with the baby, but they have turned into a nightmare, and are driving us crazy. I have pressure coming from my parents, my husband, and the baby....

Also, I don't want to give up on giving my baby breast milk.... but I was considering some other methods, like expressing..... but heard that pumping up may eventually dry up my milk supply...
 
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Hi Gataloca,

gosh you remind me of mt first days as a mom... the only difference is my husband and family were just lovely and a big help.

everything you are feeling or thinking is completely normal. i agree with everyone here - LLL would be a great help. also, try reading something like dr. spock - it was alomost a bible for us. very non-judgemental and informative.

all the best !
 
PLEASE, call LLL.... they will help you.

if your parents are not helping, maybe send them to china for a "break" or even macau for a weekend without them?

forget what EVERYONE else is telling you that you should be doing. YOU are the baby's mother, if you can take the time to listen to your baby without everyone else's interference, your mothering instincts will kick in. baby's WILL NOT let themselves starve. your baby WILL TELL YOU when he's hungry. YOU need to have faith in yourself and your abilities to care for him.

we are here if you need a shoulder to cry on.
 
Hang in there! Breastfeeding is VERY tough. And no one can warn you enough about what you will be going through but like everyone else has said, it does get better and easier. But if you decide to supplement with formula or quit all together, that's fine too. It is important to provide for your baby as best as you can, but you also need to make sure that you are happy, not stressing too much and able to enjoy motherhood. For my 1st, I exclusively breastfed for 6 months. For my 2nd, I only breastfed her for 2 weeks and then ended up pumping everything out and just feed her from a bottle. She is the most horrible eater - every feed would take at least 1 hour. And then on top of which I was hardly spending with my 1st since I was constantly feeding. Anyways, so I made the decision that I would just pump everything out and since we have help at home, they can help me feed my 2nd if I was in the middle of something with my 1st. Anyways, to make a long story short, it is completely doable if you decide you want to exclusively express. In the beginning I was pumping 8 times a day to build up my milk supply and once my supply was very consistent, I very gradually dropped down to pumping 4 times a day - and I was producing more than she was eating so I was able to build up a freezer stash. I just recently weaned (2nd is turning 6 months in 2 weeks) and it was a very conscience decision to stop so I had to gradually drop pumps. I have enough breastmilk in the freezer to last her another 3-4 weeks. Anyways, if you are interested in exclusively expressing, send me a PM. I can share my experience with you in more detail. But I do want to warn you - expressing is not easy also!
 
If your baby is sleeping a 6 hour stretch, then you should be pumping every 2 hours during his resting period so that you can keep building your milk supply. To me it was way too tiring to pump every 2 hours and I gave up. For a the first 2 months, I only had enough milk to satisfy my baby in the morning when the breasts are at its fullest. After his morning feed, I gave him formula the rest of the day. At least he would still have some benefits of breast milk and at least I know he'll be full from formula the rest of the day. Now my baby is exclusively formula fed.

I would love to have exclusively breastfed my baby, unfortunately I just didn't have enough milk to satisfy my baby even when I drank fish soup, lots of water and ate oatmeal.
 
you didn't have enough milk to feed your baby BECAUSE you gave your baby formula. i am in no way knocking women who decide to give formula for whatever reason... that is up to them and none of my business. but if you say you didn't have enough milk, it's because you gave formula. once your milk is established, then your breasts shouldn't feel full...

i was very lucky. i produced so much milk it was sometimes like scenes from a comedy... milk squirting, literally, across the room if baby became unlatched as i was experiencing "let-down"! the number of times i had to give the baby a bath after a feed because they'd been covered in milk... in the hair, up the nose, in the eyes, even in the ears! LOL!

i even experienced let-downs when MY DOG cried or whined! LOL! an ddon't get me started on the difficulty of staying clean while getting out of the shower!

what i'm trying to say, is that each of us have/had our own issues. you shouldn't feel pressure one way or the other. often, i think the biggest pressure comes from ourselves! we do all this reading that says, "breast is best" and while it is most likely better for baby, it's not always better for the family or for mum's sanity.

you've got a myriad of shoulders to cry on here if you need it!
 
I would agree with other posters, if parents aren't helpful then thank them for all their help and try to send them away for a break.

We couldn't get bf established and I expressed for nearly seven months, it was tough in the beginning, pumping every two hours to get the milk supply but after a while that dropped to about 4 times a day - just wanted to say it is possible to pump and have the milk supply BUT it's the worst of all worlds as you don't get the experience of bf or the comparative convenience of formula - hey ho, it was my decision.

Just to reiterate, we've all been there in those early days, unsure and not really knowing what's going on but you know your baby best, not your paediatrician. My baby slept for 10 hours through the first day home from the hospital and I wondered whether to wake him, I didn't and he established a pattern of sleeping around 7 or 8 hours every night, it really didn't do him any harm, if you are sure that You want to wake him then that's fine but don't do it because someone else told you to.

Really don't worry about bad habits now like feeding to sleep - it's still such early days, get to know each other and find out what works for both of you then you can worry about stuff like that, it's just adding extra pressure you don't need. My experience is that you won't need to worry about things like that becoming really hard to break until they are six months plus... so not something to even think about now.

And again, like the other posters, bf takes time and effort and will not work so well and may not work at all if you supplement with formula, my friends who did get bf established said that it took up to a couple of months to get the hang of it and a couple more months to really start enjoying it and finding it 'easy'. Everybody is different but don't expect too much of yourself. And, yes, plenty of babies do just fine on formula if that is what you need to do - it doesn't make you a bad mum.

Best of luck - trust yourself and your instinct, you will know what is best for you and your baby.
 
Don't give up. You're still in the early days and your body is still establishing the milk for your baby. If your baby is sleeping in long stretches, make sure you're either pumping or feeding every 3 hours so your body knows that it needs to make milk. Once your milk is established though, it will get easier! Call LLL or even Hulda from Annerley or Yvonne Heavyside of FamilyZone. They will come to your house and help you out and answer any questions. This is the time where your body is trying to figure out how much baby needs. Your baby suckling signals your body to make more milk. My baby is not 7 months old and mostly breastfed. We just started to introduce some formula in the evening top-up feed at 6 months, but I'm still pumping at night and if I'm at work.
 
Another great thread. I will print it out for my reference later.

It looks like your experience is similar to many mothers who posted here. It sounded just like mine. I gave birth to my first at the Union and they encourage mix-feeding there. Not that there was anything wrong with it. I wish there was someone there to tell me how hard it was to get breastfeeding established. Well, I probably would not have taken it to my heart until I was in it and knowing how hard it was.

All my helpers (confinement lady, aunt and parents) pressure me to supplement formula. Like several mothers here, I resolved it to exclusive pumping in the end. It does work. I pump till my bud was 7 month old. My OB told me that pumping would not produce enough but she was wrong in this case. I pumped every two hours during the day and two times in the night. I lost lots of weigh and hair (don’t think it's to do with pumping, but it grew back later) during that first 7 month. Once I stopped, I was my normal self again.

I think my experience of trying to Bf and pumping comes down to:

* it does take 4 to 6 weeks to establish supply. sucking or pumping increase supply.
* I would not worry about getting used to fall asleep om the breast like one mother mentioned. I slept trained my son when he was 7 month. He doesn't need aid (dummy) to fall asleep now
* I could be wrong, but if you worry that baby sleeping 6 hours and not sucking would reduce your supple, I would pump one to two times for 10 minutes each side to build it up.
* the Sarah from LLL gave me lots of support through email and on the phone. Like many suggests here, they are very helpful.
* I would only get helpers who would listen to my instruction when I become to a second time mother. My first helper (a confinement lady was very domineering and never had experience with mother who wants to bf)

I wish I could give you more suggestions. But I know that when fatigue, frustration and agony set it I might not be able to bf exclusively either for my second one. If not, I would just go with pumping too so that I can have time with my first when some mothers suggested here.

Good luck and please keep us posted.
 
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