A Breakthrough-Why Didn't I Do This Sooner?!

[MLBW]

So, on our trip to the States, I picked up a copy of The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (By Teaching You How To Ask The Right Questions)" By Tracy Hogg. It's part of the "Baby Whisperer" series. I read the first book when my son was 4 months old--at that time he never took naps for more than 20 minutes and got up every 2-3 hours at night and wouldn't go to sleep until 11 or 12 pm! It was crazy and I was getting pretty delusional. By applying what I took from that book within a month my son was sleeping through the night (8 pm to 8 am)! So, I believe in it, let's say.

I found this other book at the second-hand store--it's usually $25 USD--I bought it for $3 USD--not a bad savings as it is brand new!

I have skimmed and scanned through it and was looking again at the sleep section. My son was still not a good napper. His naps were really random and usually a struggle as he wants to be awake to experience the world even when he's dead-tired--so tired he can't function really.

These are the tips I saw and applied them:

-Make sure the baby's room is dark or very dim while they sleep--realized the room was probably not as dim as it should be--went and found a dark table cloth and hung it over the window during nap time--at other times, I take it off.

-If the baby has an aversion to his crib, fill the crib up with fun/new toys and set your baby in there to play--peek at him through the bars and spend some time seeing the crib as a fun place to be. I did this in the morning yesterday. Usually my son's crib is for sleep only-we had mobiles and things hanging in there before and he hated them so we figured it wasn't a good play place. We played for probably 30-45 minutes. When I took him out--he went up and pulled on the bars like saying, "Let me back in there!" When I sensed he was getting tired, I took him in, laid him down and he just laid there and let me cover him up--usually he sits up right away and starts crawling around and fussing because he doesn't want to be in there. The room was very dim and I said, "Have a nice nap, baby." Walked out and closed the door and for the first time in his life practically, he just went to sleep. I did it twice yesterday afternoon and now he has gone down for his nap today--of course, after some playtime in the crib this morning. He slept for over an hour the first nap yesterday and about 30 minutes for the second one! Today he has already been down for over 30 minutes and is still sleeping!

So, I type this because these simple things produced an amazing change for us--we'll see if it sticks but it seems like it might. Something to try if you're having trouble with bedtimes and naps.

 

[carey]

Thank you for sharing MLBW. I am only 15 weeks now. But I am learning about parenting as this is my first. I've heard many mothers complaint that their little one is a bad sleepler that mothers couldn't get good sleep either.
Would love to share other tips that work for your one.

 

[joannek]

lucky you. not to be the spoiler here, but i tried everything Tracy Hogg (& Dr. Spock & Gina Ford & Supernanny & Ferber) recommended, but nothing worked. my daughter still wanted to be carried & would cried for hours on end if we let her "fall asleep" on her own. finally, she was getting too heavy to be carried around for 30mins (she was 2 & weighing like 30lbs), so we told her she was too heavy. we put her in her bed, but we had to put our hand on her to pat her bump; she still woke up every 3hrs for milk.

she was eventually 3.5 yrs & we gave her little gift every morning if she didn't wake up for milk at night, and guessed what? it worked! i swore i would never bribe my children, but that was the only thing that worked. she's now 3yr9mths. she sleeps on her own, but we had to sit by the bed until she falls asleep. she sleeps from 7.30pm-7.30am. so we (my hubby & me) considered ourselves finally pulling through.

so to those who are like me & tried everything, eventually age will make a difference. (the thing is, i'm now pregnant, baby due in feb & i'm not sure i want to go thru all that again for another 4yrs) i'll probably get help from the sleep clinic next time.

 

[MommyTo3]

I've used the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. M. Weissbluth for all my 3 kids, as far as necessary. He was our pediatrician in the States and I have 3 pretty perfect sleepers, always have been really good. I think I have been lucky in general but his book made me understand the needs of sleep (for small babies / children) so much better, that I am sure it still makes a difference. Highly recommended as well.

There are lots of books out there, not every book works for every person. It depends on your personality but also of the baby, etc. Just do your research and see what works for you. But what's great about HSHHC in my opinion is the general understanding of sleep, not so much how to deal with sleep issues, etc. although that's obviously being covered as well.

 

[MLBW]

I've used the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. M. Weissbluth for all my 3 kids, as far as necessary. He was our pediatrician in the States and I have 3 pretty perfect sleepers, always have been really good. I think I have been lucky in general but his book made me understand the needs of sleep (for small babies / children) so much better, that I am sure it still makes a difference. Highly recommended as well.

There are lots of books out there, not every book works for every person. It depends on your personality but also of the baby, etc. Just do your research and see what works for you. But what's great about HSHHC in my opinion is the general understanding of sleep, not so much how to deal with sleep issues, etc. although that's obviously being covered as well.

I think the Baby Whisperer book gives a good general overall understanding of sleep too (the science behind it, that is)--but doesn't get super detailed. Anyway, I had read the part I tried before, I think but for some reason didn't try it and it just worked for us--of course it won't work with every other baby (I had lots of people trying to tell me what to do to make my baby a better sleeper when he was younger like "Play music for him--soft soothing music"--those things might work for every other baby--but not for my son--so I sure know that not every method works for everybody). I'm not selling the book here or trying to compare her methods with anyone else's either--basically I am sharing my joy that my son finally took a decent nap without a struggle today and offered a very simple thing that those who have also tried all the others could try too--it just floors me that it worked.

 

[MLBW]

lucky you. not to be the spoiler here, but i tried everything Tracy Hogg (& Dr. Spock & Gina Ford & Supernanny & Ferber) recommended, but nothing worked. my daughter still wanted to be carried & would cried for hours on end if we let her "fall asleep" on her own. finally, she was getting too heavy to be carried around for 30mins (she was 2 & weighing like 30lbs), so we told her she was too heavy. we put her in her bed, but we had to put our hand on her to pat her bump; she still woke up every 3hrs for milk.

she was eventually 3.5 yrs & we gave her little gift every morning if she didn't wake up for milk at night, and guessed what? it worked! i swore i would never bribe my children, but that was the only thing that worked. she's now 3yr9mths. she sleeps on her own, but we had to sit by the bed until she falls asleep. she sleeps from 7.30pm-7.30am. so we (my hubby & me) considered ourselves finally pulling through.

so to those who are like me & tried everything, eventually age will make a difference. (the thing is, i'm now pregnant, baby due in feb & i'm not sure i want to go thru all that again for another 4yrs) i'll probably get help from the sleep clinic next time.

Did you do the play in the crib thing specifically with your daughter? You said you tried everything in her books. That sounds like a really long rough ride that she was still not sleeping well after 3-years-old! Wow! But the paediatrician my mom took us to as babies said that his kids were still poor sleepers at 3-4-years-old so I'm sure there are others out there that have that problem still. Sometimes you just have to "outlast" that phase with them, huh? Here's hoping that the next 4 years aren't a repeat for you!

 

[wanfamily]

I'm quite a Tracey Hogg fan myself too. Even though my 8 month doesn't sleep through the night yet, and I think no one plan works for all babies, she has some very down to earth sound advice for making life easier. She has a great book for toddlers too which I sometimes refer to when I need some advice for my 2 year old.

 

[MLBW]

I'm quite a Tracey Hogg fan myself too. Even though my 8 month doesn't sleep through the night yet, and I think no one plan works for all babies, she has some very down to earth sound advice for making life easier. She has a great book for toddlers too which I sometimes refer to when I need some advice for my 2 year old.

The book of hers I'm reading right now has advice through the toddler years--it is sort of like a textbook-sized book. I am so glad a counselor-friend recommended the first book to me--I hadn't read anything on sleep or eating or anything for babies--because there is so much out there and a lot of it conflicts--and I know myself, I would have gone overboard and read all of it and then got overwhelmed. Thankfully, the book I read really helped--and saved my sanity in large part!

 

[sherwes]

Hi MLBW, great result! I am definately a big fan of having a dark room. I have black out lining on the curtains in my baby's room and also have velcro down the sides so no light creeps in and it has worked well for me. I also have a "special" blanket with a teddy attached and a "special" sheep skin "Flat Bear" toy in the cot. These items are never given to my little one unless he is in the cot. Now, when he goes into his cot he immediately cuddles up to his special things. Generally, when I check on his in the night, he has the blanket grasped in one hand and the Flat Bear on his head!!

What does Tracey Hogg say about day time sleep schedule? My 13 month old has started waking up an hour earlier in the mornings (yawn). I suspect this is because that he is snoozing too much during the day. Does Tracey Hogg recommend a max number of hours of day time sleep for this age group? I know Gina Ford says a max of 2.5 hours of day time sleep should be allowed but I am not a Gina Ford fan so don't follow her unless another commentator agrees!

 

[MLBW]

Hi MLBW, great result! I am definately a big fan of having a dark room. I have black out lining on the curtains in my baby's room and also have velcro down the sides so no light creeps in and it has worked well for me. I also have a "special" blanket with a teddy attached and a "special" sheep skin "Flat Bear" toy in the cot. These items are never given to my little one unless he is in the cot. Now, when he goes into his cot he immediately cuddles up to his special things. Generally, when I check on his in the night, he has the blanket grasped in one hand and the Flat Bear on his head!!

What does Tracey Hogg say about day time sleep schedule? My 13 month old has started waking up an hour earlier in the mornings (yawn). I suspect this is because that he is snoozing too much during the day. Does Tracey Hogg recommend a max number of hours of day time sleep for this age group? I know Gina Ford says a max of 2.5 hours of day time sleep should be allowed but I am not a Gina Ford fan so don't follow her unless another commentator agrees!

What I remember without going through the book right now is that she said the earlier you put the child down at night the longer they sleep-which seems like an oxymoron but I think this is true--since my son started going to sleep no later than 7 pm (at one point he was going to sleep at 5:30 or 6 pm!) he sleeps 12 hours at a shot without waking up but if for some reason he doesn't get to bed until 9 or 10 pm (like we had a family dinner we had to attend etc.) then he is more prone to waking up earlier than usual in the morning.

She also said that the child sleeping too much during the day contributes to poor night-time sleep. I think she said that children at about 1-year-old need about 3 hours of napping time in the day--usually in 2 nap periods but sometimes will sleep the whole 3 hours at once. My son is doing quite well if he sleeps that long--but usually he might get up to 1 1/2 hours a day--either at one time or in two spurts--with the newfound success with the darkened windows and playtime in the crib we'll see if this lengthens. It also is in direct proportion to how much activity he has in a day and growth spurts and teething.

That is what I can remember off the top of my head.

 

[MilkMonster]

"What I remember without going through the book right now is that she said the earlier you put the child down at night the longer they sleep-which seems like an oxymoron but I think this is true--since my son started going to sleep no later than 7 pm (at one point he was going to sleep at 5:30 or 6 pm!) he sleeps 12 hours at a shot without waking up but if for some reason he doesn't get to bed until 9 or 10 pm (like we had a family dinner we had to attend etc.) then he is more prone to waking up earlier than usual in the morning."

completely agree with this. Both my kids (23mth and 7mths) go to bed at 630pm and sleep through to 8am/7am respectively. If we put them down later, they will wake up earlier or at the same time, getting much less sleep than if they went to bed earlier.

"I also have a "special" blanket with a teddy attached and a "special" sheep skin "Flat Bear" toy in the cot. These items are never given to my little one unless he is in the cot."

Haha I do this too!! sleep toys are sleep toys and he always has to put them back into the bed when he gets up in the morning!it has worked for us, especially when we travel!! He sees his sleep toys and is so happy to see them. We haven't had any problems with travel and i think it's because of the sleep toys/bed sheets we always bring along.

However, don't agree that a black out curtain or very dark room is a good idea if you plan to travel with your kids IMHO while they are young. for my elder son, we sleep trained him with the curtains open so he would learn to fall asleep with some light coming in and also learn to stay sleeping when the sun came up in the morning. Now he sleeps with the curtains shut but we really needed him to be flexible so we purposefully didn't black out the room. with our 2nd baby we are doing the same, he sleeps in a room without curtains closed so he will learn the same skill.

 

[MLBW]

However, don't agree that a black out curtain or very dark room is a good idea if you plan to travel with your kids IMHO while they are young. for my elder son, we sleep trained him with the curtains open so he would learn to fall asleep with some light coming in and also learn to stay sleeping when the sun came up in the morning. Now he sleeps with the curtains shut but we really needed him to be flexible so we purposefully didn't black out the room. with our 2nd baby we are doing the same, he sleeps in a room without curtains closed so he will learn the same skill.

Why would traveling with your kids matter? Because you can easily get a towel or something and stick it over the window to make it more dim. I just flew by myself to the USA (a 26+ hour journey) and back again--so if you're talking about the sleeping on a plane thing--I just gave up on that notion because the plane is an odd place for a baby to sleep. I tried a full year of "sleep training my child to sleep with the curtains wide open" and as I detailed before, he didn't sleep--didn't take naps easily until I dimmed the room just this week. It's still not pitch black in there--the table cloth I'm using lets in a little bit of light--but it is dimmer than before.

About the "sleep toys"--he doesn't have "sleep toys" actually--that's not what I was talking about. I actually stuck him in his crib with a bunch of regular toys to play when it wasn't sleep time--for about 45 minutes and sat in there and played with him while he was in the crib--peeking through the bars. At nap time, I took the toys out, put the tablecloth over the window, covered him with a blanket and gave him a stuffed animal to hold--that's it. No fights at all. Usually he gets up to crawl away or stands up and demands to be let out of the crib--instead he just laid there and let me cover him up and I walked out with him fully awake and he went to sleep for over an hour! Awesome!

 

[MilkMonster]

MLBW of course for you, you have tried everything and as a last resort made the room darker and it worked!!! Yay!! I was just posting for anyone else who might be in the same situation trying to figure out what works and what doesn't, that i personally would not black out the room unless my baby really didn't sleep no matter what i tried and had no choice. I would not recommend blacking out a room as the first method to try simply for the reason that a baby that can fall asleep while there is light in the room is much easier to accommodate than a baby that requires darkness.

For us, when we travel, it's not an option to put up bedding over the windows as my kids go to bed at 630 or 7pm and if we are in the same room, it's just not going to work for hubby and i to sit in the dark for 30mins while we wait for the kids to fall asleep. Maybe we are just not that accommodating Plus, the grandparent's house in Canada has venetian blinds so the room does get bright when the sun comes up.

Anyway, it wasn't meant to be critical of what you do. everyone does what works for their family and it's just great when something finally does work and you get that sense of relief.

From your post, i totally understood what you were saying, that you played with him and made it fun in the crib before putting him down for his nap. The sleep toys are just another suggestion to add to your suggestions for other parents who read this thread

cheers

 

[Polly]

My 20 month old sleeps on and off through the night but it's not that I'm so bothered about but she literally doesn't take a nap. She woke at 05:30 this morning, I thought she went down beautifully at 09:00 only to wake 8 mins later - I was mortified; I'd taken myself off to bed as I was so tired. She eventually fell asleep at 16:30 in the carrier whilst we were out and I let her sleep for half an hour. So, my question is... I'm interested in reading a Baby Whisperer book but I've never read her books before and wonder if I should get the first one or is there one more suitable for my daughter's age (20 months). Saying that, I'll definitely be reading one of her books before the next one comes along.

 

[MLBW]

So, my question is... I'm interested in reading a Baby Whisperer book but I've never read her books before and wonder if I should get the first one or is there one more suitable for my daughter's age (20 months). Saying that, I'll definitely be reading one of her books before the next one comes along.

There are several different books out there. I think you probably should pick up a copy similar to the one I use now called "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (By Teaching You To Ask The Right Questions)" It contains all of the former things in her first book (some more abridged--but at this stage, you already know how to give your daughter a bath etc....some basic things included in the first book) but it also focuses more on eating, potty training etc. If you'd like to borrow my book (and promise to return it ) just PM me--it's sitting on my shelf right here. You could look through it and decide if it might be good for you.

 

[rach]

polly i think a 20month sleeping at 9 in the morning is too early for a good nap (ie they might be tired but will not sleep for long) most that age are just having on longer nap after lunch or 11.30ish at the earliest. (just going on what i ahve read and what friends do). my 25 month old went through a phase of waking at 5.30 and it makes a long morning so sleeps in the afternoon (usually).

 

[Kiwi Family]

Personally:
1. Dark or darkened room - Yes, at very least a change in the level of light to signal sleep environment (we travel alot as well).
2. Swaddle tight - For us, this is our signal for sleep time (swaddled our son until he was 18 months, the gave him a "blankie".)
3.Routine - Eat, Activity, Sleep, You. Just like Tracey says, the bonus of this is everyone incl Baby knows what happens next...
4.Toys in bed - mmmm, personally we decided bed contains nothing but blankets and baby. Bed is for sleeping or resting, not playing. We avoid all crib/bassinet bumpers etc.
5.Noise - mmm this is a hard one, we didnt want to live on eggshells but had to respect no one can fall asleep easily with noise so we compromised. We go about our daily tasks without too much change just awareness but avoid loud music and unnecessary noise whilst the little one is trying to sleep. Once they are asleep, anything goes!
6.Treat your baby like a person, tell them what you are doing even when they can't talk or understand, this is great help for later when they do understand. I find the talking also helps calm my nerves and keeps me neutral otherwise I felt like I was losing my mind.

Tracey's book was invaluable especially the advice on interpreting Baby' signals, it gave us somewhere to start!
Helped us to recognise and avoid our biggest problem; over-stimulation.

In saying this I remember it to be somewhat easier...

We are trying for EASY with our 2 week old (8lbs/bottlefed) and very lucky she sleeps already 5-6 hours through the night and has her night routine sorted but seems to have real difficulty with the days.

Awake for 3 hours (by then well overtired) and then completely out to the world for 6 hours..... I have to remind myself she only know what we teach her!

So yesterday we began trying to help her find her routine....

 

[MLBW]

Personally:
....
2. Swaddle tight - For us, this is our signal for sleep time (swaddled our son until he was 18 months, the gave him a "blankie".)
3.Routine - Eat, Activity, Sleep, You. Just like Tracey says, the bonus of this is everyone incl Baby knows what happens next...
4.Toys in bed - mmmm, personally we decided bed contains nothing but blankets and baby. Bed is for sleeping or resting, not playing. We avoid all crib/bassinet bumpers etc.

We also tried the swaddling thing and our son would not tolerate it--even as a newborn--he would freak out if we swaddled him--tight or lose--didn't matter. He wanted to have his hands free and then he was content.

My son still doesn't have a "transitional object" even at 14 months--no special attachment to a blanket or doll or toy--he is quite fond of his pacifier--which maybe is a "transitional object"--but he only gets that when it is sleep time--so that is also a thing that signals sleep.

The routine was really the part we found very helpful to us. My husband and I, by nature are both fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants people. Pre-baby if we felt like going out to eat at 2 am, we would--or sometimes 9 at night or earlier-depending on our mood. We soon learned that with baby, this didn't work and so now we are quite tethered to our home in the evening--which has actually been very cozy for us.

Toys in bed--I know that for probably 12 months we did the same thing--no toys in the bed--nothing but the mattress and a blanket to cover with. And even now, when my son actually sleeps, no toys in the bed--we actually do the play time at an odd time that doesn't coincide with sleep--just simply and exercise for him to develop affinity with his bed and to see it as a pleasant place. So, play with the toys and make the bed a fun place, then take the toys out and later on bring him back for a nap there. Worked so well for us!