20mth old won't say gd mrn'g to dad

[joannek]

My 20mth old girl won't say gd morning to her dad once in a while (maybe once or twice a wk). esp if dad didn't play w/ her the day before.

our routine is we go pick up dad fm the office nearly everyday. sometimes when he's very tired from work, he doesn't play with her before bathtime. but he always take part in the bedtime routine & say gd nite to her.

this morning, she refused to say gd morning to him for the whole morning from 7am to 8.30am when dad left for work. i tried telling her that good children say gd morning, daddy's not happy when you don't say gd morning. "if daddy not happy then mommy's not happy." nothing helped. so i asked nanny to leave the rm, and there were just the 2 of us. she kept saying "no no no" & "bye bye" to me when i repeatedly explain to her why she needs to be polite & greet everyone in the morning. then grandpa came in (we live w/ my in-laws) and she also refused to greet grandpa. i said she doesn't get to play with her toys until she says gd morning to dad & grandpa. grandpa coerced her a while but failed & left the rm. it went like this for a while in her rm. then grandpa came in again while i was drawing & singing the gd morning song to her which was taught by her playgroup teacher explaining why all children say gd morning to their parents. she was interested in that. when grandpa came in, she was softening up. then grandpa said if you say gd morning to me you get to watch your morning tv, and you get to play with all your toys & everyone will love you; that if you're a bad girl nobody loves you. then she gradually went over and hug grandpa.

:Butbut i do not believe teaching my child that i won't love her if she isn't good. i want her to know that no matter what happens, i'd still love her. but if she's bad, i'll be hurt & i'll be sad. i know bribing is the most effective way short term. but i don't want to bribe. i believe that if one does, everything comes with a price, which is not a healthy concept for a young child (although it might be true in real life!)

i know this story is a bit long, but i need to explain what i've done & fail. what would you do if you were me?

 

[capital]

She is only 20 months old, I'd relax about this for now. I think that you are lucky she can say good morning at all, nevermind to who, lots of children that age don't have that vocabulary yet. Miy 2.5 year old didn't realy start to talk a lot until age 2. A general rule is 1 year one word sentances, 2 years, 2 words. Children this age can be very attached to mommy, and that is probably why she doesn't say good morning to the family members. I don't think it is because daddy didn't play with her the night before, I think she is a lot to young to be that manipulative. Just relax about it, I didn't really get more serious with mine on manners until 2 and half. If I were you I would model the behavior you want her to do (say good morning to your family members) and praise her when she does it, but if she doesn't do it, don't say anything. Praise the postive, ignore the negative, at that age.

 

[joannek]

thanks, capital. what u said makes me feel better. oh, actually, she doesn't say gd morning, she signs by nodding her head. plus, not only does she not nod her head in dad's direction, she totally ignores him the whole morning. when dad goes near her, she said "no no no".