3-month old baby won't nap unless being carried

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Kimmy2009

Registered User
My 3-month old son rarely nap in the daytime and most of the time he will fall asleep during breastfeeding. When I tried to put him down he will wake up and cried.My mom said I am spoiling him cos I always pick him up whenever he start to cry. I don't like to see my baby cry cos I think when a baby cries he is trying to communicate with us either he is hungry, wet, uncomfortable or simply wants to be cuddled. Am I really doing the wrong thing by carrying him whenever he cries?

Even at nite me or my husband have to carry him till he falls asleep. If he woke up when we put him down we have to carry him till he falls asleep again. We have to go through the same process each nite which is very exhausting. I haven't gone out for the past 3 months besides going to the market or supermarket. I quit my job to take care of my baby and now I hope I won' t go crazy. Please advise me if you have been through the same situation.
 
Interested to see advice on this as well. My 3 week-old baby also doesn't nap much except when I hold her. Once I put her down in her cot she tends to just sleep for 5 - 10 minutes and then she is up crying. If I pick her up and hold her, she'll be contented and start dozing. So far no such problem at night though (THANK GOODNESS). She has been sleeping well in her cot at night for stretches of 3 or 4 hours.

I have also been worried about spoiling her. Some books say that you can't spoil a baby, while others advocate not carrying the baby too much ...
 
Some expert said u won't spoil a baby under 6-month old but I think baby nowadays are getting smarter. My baby always give me a "carry me look mom". I can't bear to see him cries with that look. But on the other hand I can't be carrying himm all day. I need my own space too.
 
I don`t think you can spoil a baby too much, however, they are very much creatures of habit, and whatever you do with them they will come to expect it. Like BFing them to bed, which is what I started to do with my son from newborn until now(8 months).
There`s nothing wrong with picking your 3months old up when he cries - who can let him cry? Not me. But it sounds tiring about your nighttime habit of carrying him to sleep is tiring for you. Do you have a bedtime routine other than that?
There is a lot of books that tackle this kind of issue - Baby Whisperer is one and what I`m currently reading, The No Cry Sleep Solution. Both are good books that have a gentler approach than letting the baby cry too much.
Your baby is still very young and that will work in your favour to start new habits with her. If you don`t have a bedtime routine, I would start one asap, also one for napping.
By the way, my son didn`t take proper naps until recently. I attribute this to his being more active now. But when he was 3 months old, it was 45 minutes a pop.
It`s hard being a new parent sometimes. It`s a lot of trial an error. But it sounds like you are dedicated to being good mother, and already sounds as if you are giving your baby lots of love.
Your local library should have those books - if not put them on reserve. they are pretty informative, especially for new moms.
Maybe this weekend you can give your baby to your husband for an hour or two and go out and refresh yourself by doing something you like? You can make a weekly habit of it. A few months ago I started going to yoga on Saturday mornings, really the only time I am away from my baby and husband. I really look forward to Saturday mornings now:)
 
My baby is 3.5 month old now. He is bottle-fed express milk.

He did not used to nap well. Between around 3 weeks to 2.5 months, he was fussing a lot when we tried to put him to sleep for nap and nighttime sleep. It took us very often around one hour to just to hold and get him to sleep and he would then cat-nap for 10-30 minutes. During the night, he woke around every 2 hours for feed. It was very frustrating and exhausting.

He was only getting 12-14 hour sleep everyday. I knew he had a sleep problem but did not know what to do.

I read many post on Geobaby on sleeping and also found online some useful ones.

I started to nap train him based on the book "Healthy sleep habit, happy child". Start to put him to sleep no more than 2 hours of wakefulness in the day. It was not easy at the beginning. It took me around 3 weeks to get him to nap better during the way. He is now taking around 4-5 naps during the day and stay asleep 40 minutes to 1.5 hours each time. He naps longer in the afternoon and when someone is napping with him.

I haven't yet sleep train him for the night because he is too young for it.

Please take a look at the link below. It's really help ful.
How to SUCCESSFULLY teach a baby to sleep - 3rd ed. - Teaching Your Baby To Sleep - BabyCenter
 
My baby use to not nap and then fall asleep whilst feeding - i eventually realised that she wasnt getting enough milk and topped up with formula. She then slept more. Worth a try??
 
At the moment I have some sort of sleep routine but I wasn't consistance with it. I bathe my son around 4.30pm(sometimes earlier). Then massage him but I doubt he likes it cos he seems ticklish. And play some classical music. Changed him into his pyjamas. I finished within an hour and then play with him. By 7pm he gets cranky and rub his eyes. I fed him bottle and bring him into the room and dimmed the light. He will starts to cry and I tried to stop him by offering my breast but most of the time he will reject it. Then I will tub his back and make the shhhhh sound. Eventually he falls asleep in my arm after a good cry. I am not sure why does he always cry before bedtime. Asked the doc and he said some babies are like that. It is normal?

I topped up with formula 4 to 5 times a day cos I don't have enough milk. But doc adiviced to feed more BM cos my baby is overweight. He weights 8 kg at 3 months. I am on some pills to increase my milk production.

I briefly read some reviews on the baby whisperer and the no cry sleep solution. Will ask my husband to get the books this weekend cos I am so desperate now.

Shenzhennifer, tks for your suggestion for a yoga class. I should follow your advise.
 
Kimmy2009

The key is consistency. Maybe your starting the bedtime routine too early. I've always started about an hour no more than two hours before actually putting my son to bed. His routine has not changed since he was 6 weeks old and he is now 9 months, so he knows what to expect. I've made little changes along the way introducing story time, brushing teeth, etc.

I followed the Baby Whisperer technique of pick up and put down, yes its hard work for the first couple of nights but it does get easier! Again the key is consistency. This is what I was doing at 3 months...5pm bathtime, followed by massage, lights were dimmed in his room with soft music playing. Then breastfeed followed by a top up bottle ( I also had same problem as you with low milk supply), change nappy if needed and then between 6-6.30pm would lay him in his hammock and tell him its sleepy time. I would then walk out the room. I left the music playing in his room till I went to bed, babies don't like complete silence. If he started crying I would pick him up, comfort him and as soon as he stoped put him back down then walk out of the room. This pick up and put down routine lasted about 76 times the first time I started but over a couple of nights it got less and less. Eventually I was able just to pat him or rub his back saying shshhh, rather than pick him up.

You need to persevere for at least a week. You will get tired and think its not working but you need to be consistent because it does work in the end and baby is learning to put himself to sleep. Its the best gift you can give him. Jut think in the long run you don't want to be still rocking a heavy toddler to sleep in your arms every night!

And I also do yoga every Sunday morning....its the only me time I get during the week and I love it!
 
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Kimmy2009 - it`s good that you already have a routine, but as karmah1 says, consistency is the key. Also, 4.30 is fine for a bath, but if it`s part of your nighttime routine, I think it`s a bit early. Maybe you can change the order a bit, where you do some quiet play first and then give him a bath. My son also didn`t like massage so I stopped doing that a long time ago.
The reason that your baby is crying might be because he is already overtired. That`s probably why he`s also rejecting your breast, and he might be too full from the bottle anyway. It really depends on your timing. My son also does that too sometimes, if I am a bit late or rushed for his naptime, then it`s harder to calm him down and he takes a shorter nap.
To be honest, and this will interfere with my own plans for sleep adjustment, I quite enjoy breastfeeding my son to sleep at night - something we have done since his birth. But unless you are committed to either do that forever(as long as you keep breastfeeding) or sleep train him later, I would either replace the bottle with your breast earlier, or don`t offer him the breast at that time at all. Just from my own experience.
I can`t believe how big your baby is!!! That means he`s bigger than my 8 month old! Maybe you should listen to your doctor, hehe.
You can get all the books from your library - saves the money which adds up with books, especially since you don`t know which you will like. You can also order it your your local library online from HK library website- it`s very convenient.
Good luck and hope you get some alone time this weekend.
 
Hi karmah1, how many hours did it takes for your baby to fall asleep when you first used the pick up and put down routine?I was tempted to try but on the other hand willit be too exhausting for the baby too? This afternoon I was trying it for my baby nap. The moment I put my baby down he cried , I picked him up immediately and he stopped. Then put him down again, he cried, then picked. I repeated a few times and my baby looked confuse. I will tried it again tomorrow.

Shenzhennifer, I realized that after I breastfeed lying down my baby will sleep longer if I sleep with him. Today he nap for an hour with me. If I am using the cradle position I need to put him down later and he will sleep less than 20 minutes. I enjoyed breastfeeding him to sleep but what would I do after I stop breastfeeding? How would he fall asleep without the breast?
 
there are conflicting views on carrying and not carrying babies when they cry. since a babies cry is their way of communicating that something is wrong...so what I did was check everything that could possibly be wrong...wet nappy / too hot / hunger / too dark / too bright and when everything is fine then I just put her down and then let her cry....for say 5 mins and then pick her up to soothe her and then once she is quite put her down again. each time I would let her cry for longer and pick her up for a shorter period of time....if you do this consistently you can eventually train them to sleep once they get into bed. believe it or not, but you will eventually learn the different cries of your baby so that you know when it is hunger / pain / over exhaustion / or just plan being naughty and wanting you to hold.

it's not a good idea for them to fall asleep after a bottle or on the breast because when they get teeth you will have to "brush" their teeth before bed time....routine is good...consistency is essential...my baby has her last bottle of milk and then I read a book before I put her into bed awake...then she puts herself into bed in about 10-15mins...

it can happen! just have to consistent! :)
 
Kimmy2009

I think it took a couple of hours, for the first hour I stayed in the room, as I he always started to cry not long after I put him down. As the time between putting him down and him starting to cry got longer I left the room, but hovered near the door so I could hear him.

I think it will work best if you did it at night when baby is due for his longest sleep rather than nap time. Once you have done the bath/massage/milk bedtime routine he should be getting sleepy. Where as if you did it at naptime first he wouldn't be sleepy enough. And he probably will be confused at first as this is something new to him and he is so used to you holding him, but you have to be consistent so he can learn what is going on. It takes a while for a baby to learn a new skill. As everyone says its all about repitition and consistency.

If you read the Baby Whisperer book she will also describe her experience of doing this with a new baby.
 
Lesliefu, karmah1- the pick up and put down method seems to be working well for both of you. I will give it a try too then. Last nite I started the bedtime routine around 5pm and by 6.30pm my baby was sleepy. I breastfeed him and he fell asleep in my arm. I think tonite I have to remove the breastfeeding and put him to bed rightaway so that he won't associate sleeping with breastfeeding.
 
You could still breastfeed but when you see him start to go to sleep why don't you change his nappy before you put him down. He might wake but still be sleepy enough. Or breastfeed a little earlier before he gets too sleepy.
 
Kimmy2009 - the key seems to be in having him go to sleep drowsy, but still awake and aware, so it`s him who is falling asleep by himself, instead of using a prop.
In the book The No Cry Sleep Solution, one of the methods is pretty basic: when your baby`s sucking slows down, take him off the breast and push up his chin to close his mouth. If he protests too much then give the breast back and try it again. There are a few steps to it but this is the main idea.
Of course, I have yet to try it because I also enjoy breastfeeding my boy to sleep, especially now since most other feeds he now rejects:( But I was going to try this method. What I currently do is switchsides when he gets sleepy to wake him up a bit and to make sure he`s taking in more milk once the one side is mostly drank up, and also breastfeeding him under a light (not too bright) so it`s not THAT comfortable for him.
 
I sympathize with all of you who are having a hard time getting baby to sleep. I read all the books you mentioned and it's great if you find something that works for you. At the end of the day you need to do what you are comfortable with. I used to feel so guilty for holding my little one to get her to sleep. But I could not let her cry. I spent hours rocking, patting, sshhhing her etc. Yes, it was exhausting but it worked best for us. From rocking it progressed to patting her whilst in her cot, then to holding her hand, then to being in her room. Now she puts herself to sleep. Good news is, it won't last forever. Bad news is she is about to turn 3...which could seem like forever to you now!!!

Only advice I would give is to check out that there is nothing medically wrong. I found an osteopath who helped as my little one did have some tension in her head at a young age. She always slept well after a session!!

Good luck to you all.
 
karmah1 said:
Kimmy2009

The key is consistency. Maybe your starting the bedtime routine too early. I've always started about an hour no more than two hours before actually putting my son to bed. His routine has not changed since he was 6 weeks old and he is now 9 months, so he knows what to expect. I've made little changes along the way introducing story time, brushing teeth, etc.

I followed the Baby Whisperer technique of pick up and put down, yes its hard work for the first couple of nights but it does get easier! Again the key is consistency. This is what I was doing at 3 months...5pm bathtime, followed by massage, lights were dimmed in his room with soft music playing. Then breastfeed followed by a top up bottle ( I also had same problem as you with low milk supply), change nappy if needed and then between 6-6.30pm would lay him in his hammock and tell him its sleepy time. I would then walk out the room. I left the music playing in his room till I went to bed, babies don't like complete silence. If he started crying I would pick him up, comfort him and as soon as he stoped put him back down then walk out of the room. This pick up and put down routine lasted about 76 times the first time I started but over a couple of nights it got less and less. Eventually I was able just to pat him or rub his back saying shshhh, rather than pick him up.

You need to persevere for at least a week. You will get tired and think its not working but you need to be consistent because it does work in the end and baby is learning to put himself to sleep. Its the best gift you can give him. Jut think in the long run you don't want to be still rocking a heavy toddler to sleep in your arms every night!

And I also do yoga every Sunday morning....its the only me time I get during the week and I love it!
Click to expand...

I coudnt have said it better myself. This routine sounds very similar to mine except we bath later - around 6 and instead of top up with formula I am exclusively BF. I have not had to use the pick up put down as my baby is either very calm or he responded well to my putting him in his cot to sleep alone with music very young (birth onwards!).
I agree babies should not be left to cry. Did it with my dughter but will never do it with my son who is 4 weeks old. I do however let him grizzle a bit. He has been known to grizzle and grunt when I just put him down in his cot. I know the difference between a cry that means he really needs me and a cry that is tired and wants to sleep.

Keep using these boards and websites and take what works for you.
Good luck!:gl:
 
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